Fatherhood?

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    Apr 12, 2012 11:48 AM GMT
    In my ideal world, 8 years from now i'd like to see myself doing great in my career. Be with the love of my life whether man/woman in between and be raising my kid(s)


    I'm 21 now and realistically do not have the financial means to cater to my own child. (so no I haven't gotten anyone pregnant lol)

    Ideally I want to be the biological father, but i'm not opposed to adoption either


    I have been criticized for stating that if I had to choose between a LTR with a man vs raising my child, I chose raising my child without hesitation.

    Some people feel it's an attempt to "avoid being gay" lol but I feel orientation have no bearing on fatherhood. In the long run gay men who successfully raise their kids will help increase the acceptance for the GSA for future generations and there's no reason you can't have a love life at the same time right?

    Of course there is ALOT of stress, time , nurturing, patience, and many more that comes with being a parent and once he/she begins walking and talking...................forget about it lol

    but overall even with the fear, angers, stress, that come with parenthood, I feel that when I look back 8-20 years later I know that my life in a way was a bit more fulfilling to me,

    My career status and sadly sometime relationship status may be temporary, but i'll always be a father =) how do you feel about fatherhood? anyone interested or currently taking care of their children whether biological or adopted?
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    Apr 12, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    Yes...my significant other and I of 6 years are adopting. We are in the process now as I write this, kinda waiting...we finished all the paperwork and back ground checks.

    We love kids and want to be fathers.
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    Apr 12, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Fatherhoods a great thing and it does change your life. But it is alot of work, more so them any relationship you've ever been in. You can't walk away from fatherhood cause you're having a bad day or a bad week. Parenting is a 7x24 job, and it doesn't end when they are 18. Perhaps the most unique experience of parenting is the sence of vulnerability you feel. From the moment you first hold that infant to the day you're skiing off cliffs with your son, you are just aware that at any moment, you could lose them. It's a pretty intense feeling.

    So yeah fatherhood is great and it changes your life. But I won't recommend it unless you're with a partner that you know is going to be there. And I wouldn't recommend marrying a women just to have kids, cause that marriage won't last. There are pleny of options for gay couples today, and in 8 to 10 yrs when you are ready, I can only imagine even greater acceptance. Do yourself and your kids a favor - be with a partner thats going to be there with you for the long run.
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    Apr 12, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Kalifornication saidYes...my significant other and I of 6 years are adopting. We are in the process now as I write this, kinda waiting...we finished all the paperwork and back ground checks.

    We love kids and want to be fathers.


    Good luck.
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    Apr 12, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA said
    Kalifornication saidYes...my significant other and I of 6 years are adopting. We are in the process now as I write this, kinda waiting...we finished all the paperwork and back ground checks.

    We love kids and want to be fathers.


    Good luck.


    Thank you!!
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    Apr 12, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Kids are awesome, and so is being a Dad. I know gay male couples who are raising kids, quite successfully. One couple I know in Ohio has 3 biological kids (using surrogates and lots lots of lawyers). Anyhow, you can do it. Parenthood is a right that is entitled to anyone. If you encounter gays who think there's something wrong with you for having these desires, punch them in the nose. They are the ones with f#@ked up desires. Focus instead on the people who care about the things that actually matter. Good luck. I wish I had had that kind of clarity at age 21.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:06 PM GMT
    I want my genetics to continue, I don't think I want to be a father though.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif oh lorrrrd..

    nature made u gay for a reason....to not have kids.
    if u were to have kids u'd a already fucked some puss, knocked a bitch up, been havin like 3 kids already.

    kids are overrated too. Who wants some bald, drooling, wrinkly thing around crying everytime it shits itself? Yuck!

    besides, when will u ever have time to go clubbing? ugh, babysitters are expensive!
  • conquer

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    Apr 12, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    i have no desire to be a parent. i love my friends kids, and would do anything for them. i don't see the point in increasing the population of the planet thats bursting at the seams and place an extra burden on an already straining civilization. i would prefer to have a dog, i like them more.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidI would never tell anyone what they should or should not want.
    But my kids have been a constant joy in my life, from their toddling days right up to now, when both are successfully launched into the world with great careers. Men have come and gone (sadly) but my kids are my constant. They have grown up to be the sort of adults I'd choose for friends even if we were not related, and that's not something every parent can say.

    <3 Love this
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Apr 12, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidI would never tell anyone what they should or should not want.
    But my kids have been a constant joy in my life, from their toddling days right up to now, when both are successfully launched into the world with great careers. Men have come and gone (sadly) but my kids are my constant. They have grown up to be the sort of adults I'd choose for friends even if we were not related, and that's not something every parent can say.


    Wow would have never guessed you were a parent! And great post btw.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidI would never tell anyone what they should or should not want.
    But my kids have been a constant joy in my life, from their toddling days right up to now, when both are successfully launched into the world with great careers. Men have come and gone (sadly) but my kids are my constant. They have grown up to be the sort of adults I'd choose for friends even if we were not related, and that's not something every parent can say.



    Exactly. Men come and go and your kids will be there till the end. I will adopt at least 1 kid with our without a partner. Preferably with a partner who will love and care for him/her as much as I will.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    Kalifornication saidYes...my significant other and I of 6 years are adopting. We are in the process now as I write this, kinda waiting...we finished all the paperwork and back ground checks.

    We love kids and want to be fathers.


    Good luck, and I really respect you and your partner for that.

    BTW thank you everyone for the positive feedback.

    HUGE shout outs for the fathers or soon to be fathers that are stepping up to the plate =D

    Hugs and kisses from me
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    May 01, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    I've not been bi. long (I've not always been bi., before I get the static from assumptions, here ; not everyone is alike ), but I thought I've seen, heard or known most of the things which I find astounding, which are typical traits to men in the gay community. BUT...here I find another facet of self-centeredness...that some in this community would criticize you, for wanting to be a father. Doe sit make you less "gay," to be a parent? Maybe more would "have" more, which is pristine and good, were they to not be so stereotypical. There are unspoken "requisites" (only sports allowed are volley-ball..."must" shop, club & text voraciously, maybe body-build, listen to techno...) "It's refusal, of many in LGBT cmmnty., to evolve...MUCH needed change.
    Being a father is the highest form of expression of everything possibly good about being human, and "THE" spiritual experience. Don't ever allow the numerous, in this community (who are too self-oriented to see that very trait prevents them from gaining much more than "self" can ever give.) to sway you. It's YOUR life, & not theirs. Why should other gays be threatened by your desire to live on & be part of another spirit's growth..? It is "right," in every sense, for one to be a parent, if they wish and are willing to do what is required.
    I've raised many, mine &others, and THERE IS NOT A SINGLE EXPERIENCE, IN LIFE, WHICH CAN COMPARE TO THE OVERALL EXPERIENCE OF RAISING A CHILD...PUTTING YOURSELF INTO A BEING, THEREFORE LIVING ON, YOURSELF, YET SEEING THEM BECOME THEIR OWN BEING. IT IS THE HIGHEST ART-FORM, SCIENCE AND WAY OF LIFE.
    Albeit cliche', where would any gay men be, had they not possessed parents? Seems there is a LOT of clean-up P.R. work required before this community is going to be accepted. So much lamenting over people not respecting, but respect isn't given; it's "taken" by acting as if we have it, already. I know this is going to be yet another thing about which many will moan, but they can select whining and continuing to endure their peeves, or seeing uncomfortable pain from change is the only thing effecting change. When our community elects to act more akin to the rest of society, in their good traits, such as selflessness, & not being overindulgent in vices/pleasures/materialism/etc., we will have been far too busy to note what we perceive as indifference from society, and there will be FAR fewer attacking us.
    You go ahead, MORTAL12, my friend, and prepare yourself for a relationship which is far more fulfilling than any anyone has experienced, outside parenting. The character, which you exhibit, in thoughtfulness regarding wanting to father, is one which real, developed men will admire, and it is attractive, while not being another typical, shallow trait, which floods our community. With all those who do have spouses, a great number have "open" relationships, so they're either not fulfilled, not having type of real man they covet (often hetero.s, which are odd, that many lust for someone incompatible), & settling for a less preferred type, as most do; or they're alone, or likely will be some day. I's admirable, that you possess qualities truly rare to our community, and shows hope for its evolution and acceptance.
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    May 01, 2012 12:34 AM GMT
    I dunno how to put it myself but if I were to have a child I really wish that it could biologically be both my partner and my own but since that's impossible I'd want the child to be my own. Just when you think about surrogates, I'd just feel like the child should know the mother some way or another... it's really hard for me to explain what I mean but I do want kids just wish that I could have them with my partner.
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    May 01, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]. I's admirable, that you possess qualities truly rare to our community, and shows hope for its evolution and acceptance.[/quote]


    Awwwwww Thank you so much I really appreciate that and yes it's something that I feel I will be doing down the road in my life icon_biggrin.gif

    MarkRoger-Yeah I understand what you're trying to say. If you really want kids will you let that obstacle deter you? That's the question. If I was to have a surrogate(unlikely) but IF, I feel she has as much a right to be in the childs life as I.

    Hugs
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    May 01, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    mortal12 said[quote][cite]. I's admirable, that you possess qualities truly rare to our community, and shows hope for its evolution and acceptance.



    Awwwwww Thank you so much I really appreciate that and yes it's something that I feel I will be doing down the road in my life icon_biggrin.gif

    MarkRoger-Yeah I understand what you're trying to say. If you really want kids will you let that obstacle deter you? That's the question. If I was to have a surrogate(unlikely) but IF, I feel she has as much a right to be in the childs life as I.

    Hugs[/quote]

    Yeah well I guess we'd have to talk it all out, maybe there'll be a time when I have a very close female friend who would be willing to do it for me. I'd have no problem with her being in the child's life.
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    May 01, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    Yeah anything is possible bro. Clay Aiken did it lol. You seem really serious about this so I would push you to do so. Only one life to live(that I know of) i'd hate for you to give up without trying
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    May 01, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    I have two daughters, 18 and 22. My wife and I have "invested" a lot of time and effort in raising them, and we have been "repaid" in amazing ways. I don't get guys/women who have kids because it is somehow the next step or an accessory, but then don't put the time into raising them. My kids are terrific, total jocks, but also thoughtful, sensitive, and totally BLGT sensitive. Makes dad very proud.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    May 01, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    When I play with my friend's absolutely adorable one year old, the wish to be a dad gets almost too intense to bear. I find it kind of odd that I will need to save up a lot of money to become a father (either through surrogacy or adoption) especially when there are so many kids needing homes and loving parents.

    Luckily, I think I am going to end up being a DINK or TINK initially, so it will present with less of a problem. I would also like to have a partner who is committed to raising the kids with me.

    It's mostly the idea of mentoring, nurturing, and discovering the world together that draws me to being a parent. I do it many functions in my life already, so becoming a parent would be a very natural progression for me.
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    May 02, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidWhen I play with my friend's absolutely adorable one year old, the wish to be a dad gets almost too intense to bear. I find it kind of odd that I will need to save up a lot of money to become a father (either through surrogacy or adoption) especially when there are so many kids needing homes and loving parents.

    Luckily, I think I am going to end up being a DINK or TINK initially, so it will present with less of a problem. I would also like to have a partner who is committed to raising the kids with me.

    It's mostly the idea of mentoring, nurturing, and discovering the world together that draws me to being a parent. I do it many functions in my life already, so becoming a parent would be a very natural progression for me.


    It sounds like you want to but not sure of how you'll do it. Do you see yourself raising a kid within the next 5 years?