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so, i was chatting last night, and my ex got through my blocks somehow... new username or something? i dunno... anyway, i decided to speak with him to get a reminder as to why we're ex's... i got them. all of them. my mood is still maligned 18 hours later. how could i have ever loved this man? what is wrong with me???? was i stupid or crazy?

what do our choices in men say about us?

my ex is a liar, horribly manipulative and toxic. i could hardly stand seeing his words on the screen for a few minutes, they were so full of outright evil (he's an elected gay republican: yes evil is the apporpriate term here for his breed of politician)... how did i stay with him in person for a year if i can't stomach him for 10 minutes on chat???

i think i was so genuinely dedicated to being in love (and completely unwilling to contemplate "divorce," since my mother's been married 8 times and i didn't want to emulate her example) that i wasn't prepared to deal with the possibility that i'd been dooped. i was willing to tolerate the intolerable in the interest of making it last... well. i tolerated too much, because 2 years later i'm still not ready to trust again. anyway...

what do your ex's say about you?

I only have two ex's that are alive. I broke up with both of them. The first one later told people he broke up with me because I was "odd". This is from a guy that used to iron his underwear, and keep all his ATM receipts dating back umpteen years. And I had felt bad breaking up with him, the bastard.

The second bf had fallen in love with me after we broke up so I guess he had good things to say later. Last I heard he had moved to Ireland.

Interesting... I guess if you asked the ex's I'm still friends with versus the ones I have completely exorcised from my life you'd get different things.

Mostly what your Ex's say about you
are generally the same things about what you say about them

let me clarify:

i do not mean, "what do your ex's say about you when they talk about you to others?"

i mean, "what inner qualities do you have that pull you towards the people you're attracted to?"

you like men who are good/bad/nice/stupid/conservative/married/etc? then you eventually break up with them... what does your attraction to certain types of men say about you?

It says I've got good taste. They are ex's but they are still fucken hot. Except for one he's gone to shit but the rest that I've seen after the break still look good and I'd sleep with all of them again. 3 of them were alcoholics. I guess I like drunks.

With exceptions to my first boyfriend, whom was turned off, when I got a wee bit of chest hair; still don't have much. Likes young boys.

One gets on well, with all my ex boyfriends. I can still count them all on one hand too.

But the last time One split with anyone, One was 25. many years ago.

It says I used to go for the wrong men.

Now I'm staying out of the dating pool, on account of I'm not sure how to make better choices.

Pattison said
One gets on well, with all my ex boyfriends. I can still count them all on one hand too.

A low number of boyfriends, yes, but somehow this doesn't seem to comport with your statement on another thread about having over 4,000 "encounters" in five years you worked at a bathhouse.

I think the title of this is misleading considering your clarification. It does seem to be asking what your exes talk about when they talk about you, rather than what your choice of boyfriends in the past indicates about you.

For me, I think I've tended to like guys who are nice looking and that would make me tend to ignore their overbearing traits. I think I should have given more merit to character and less to looks. But that's something we probably all have to learn at one point.

I think an additional interesting question is, "What part of you does your ex reflect back to you?" Or, "How does your ex live inside you?" It's a great way to get out of the victimizing blame game and step into more accountability as to why you were in that relationship in the first place.

Global_Citizen said

Pattison said
One gets on well, with all my ex boyfriends. I can still count them all on one hand too.

A low number of boyfriends, yes, but somehow this doesn't seem to comport with your statement on another thread about having over 4,000 "encounters" in five years you worked at a bathhouse.

Oh, Pat blows a lot of bullshit.

I don't know what my ex's would say about me since they won't let me see them at the local Psychiatric ward

that for the most part, i made really good choices in who i gave a title to.

There have been 4 men in my past that I've had relationships longer than 1 year. 3 of them I'd say were actually boyfriends. One was a long-term dating situation.

What the first choice would say about me:
I'd never been in a relationship with a man before and had no idea how to think or act. I was head over heels in love what turned out to be a very disfunctional relationship for the little over a year that it lasted. (We don't see each other much at all, but get along like old friends when we do.)

What the second choice would say about me:
I finally started to fix my life but got into this relationship before I was really ready to. We were on parallel paths at the time. This was on and off for three years. (We are still friendly.)

What the third choice would say about me:
I wanted to be with someone compassionate, empathetic, handsome, grounded, creative. This lasted 14 years, about 7 or eight which were pretty good. After little by little losing everything about myself that was good and being emotionally neglected (and a number of other things not appropriate to mention in a public forum) I realized that all that compassion, forgiveness, empathy either was highly conditional or came with an overbearing price tag. Ended badly and I instantly started dating someone, which leads to...

What the fourth choice would say about me:
Everything that attracted me were all of the aspects that my longtime ex lacked. He was handsome, attracted to me, physically great to be with. Although I immediately realized that virtually none of the positive attributes that my longtime ex had were present here (i.e. sought personal intellectual pursuits, financially self sufficient, empathetic, trusting, mature, not actively addicted, not in another relationship, etc) but in my emotional condition at the time, I blinded myself to all that. It only took 18 months to finally realize that none of this was getting better. As much as I love a roller coaster, I'd like to get off it every now and then.

So... the last 10 months without a date or even a hookup, have been generally peaceful, productive and pleasant. I am a lucky man now.

DancerJack, you are not alone!

All my ex's loved and/or adored me even after we broke up. They all had or ended up with substance abuse problems (alcohol etc). I love them too but I just could not live with all that drama. I usually get to a point that I see no progress or future in the relationship.

The guys I end up with I guess show me that I can put up with a lot and I am faithful (I will stick by you when things are down) and take care of my guys. I just need to find someone who is the same way.

If my exes say one thing about me it's that I pick men that don't feel like growing up and are looking for someone that'll replace their parents.

They are saying "Damn, what was I thinking when I broke up with him? I should have my head examined!"

dancerjack saidlet me clarify:

i do not mean, "what do your ex's say about you when they talk about you to others?"

i mean, "what inner qualities do you have that pull you towards the people you're attracted to?"

you like men who are good/bad/nice/stupid/conservative/married/etc? then you eventually break up with them... what does your attraction to certain types of men say about you?

My boyfriends didn't really say. Besides the sexual I would only be guessing, but I would say my individuality, my intelligence and my even/good temper.

My partner has always been attracted to quiet, intelligent and unique individuals. People that don't necessarily follow the crowd.

the overwhelming theme with my exes seem to be that i have what my friends and i have termed, "Florence Nightingale Syndrome", referring to the fact that they all had some sort of medical condition. i'm a caretaker by nature (thus studying to be a nurse, lol), and it seems that i've gravitated toward guys who have some sort of medical need; and in turn, offer me a chance to "help" them in some fashion, or "take care". it's weird, i know.

On several occasions I've noticed that I made fairly bad choices with just plain old "friends."

After giving them many, many chances over a long period of time, I'd eventually -- and deliberately -- drift away. And I'd wonder why I'd ever made friends with them in the first place.

Mine say I have very good taste and a weakness for a hot booty. I keep them all around and the last two have confessed to being intimidated by their predecessors looks. It's pretty funny because they are all in a league of their own and more attractive than me by several orders of magnitude, but still can be intimidated by the boyfriends before them.

So I guess it means that I like really hot guys with a touch of insecurity?

RBY71 saidSo I guess it means that I like really hot guys with a touch of insecurity?

The end is near! RBY gave a serious answer!

ActiveAndFit said

RBY71 saidSo I guess it means that I like really hot guys with a touch of insecurity?

The end is near! RBY gave a serious answer!

I think it is one of the signs of impending apocalypse.

I've had three main long term relationships in my whole life and I've got mostly very good memories of them. Each guy was bright, full of integrity, athletic, clean living, loyal, sexy, fun to be around....and I didn't appreciate them enough. I've also had a smattering of short relationships and in my college days, I'll admit to a bunch of one-nighters, frat. craziness and parties.....the usual cocky jock shit.

The long term situations usually went along just fine, but ended with school, career-geographical moves, unfortunately. I'm sorry now about letting a school choice, or job change take precedence over some terrific guys - I'm truly sorry I sometimes gave boyfriends the back of the hand (so to speak) in order to move away to a better job or company. I've lost three main guys who would have been great guys to spend a lifetime with. I accept most of the responsibility that we're no longer together.

What that says about me is not too flattering. It suggests I used to be money and power oriented. I also let my perfectionism and desire to control everything and every aspect of my life get in the way - sometimes hurting people. I have worked through this - and a few years ago I finally realized that people (guys) are the most important part of life. I would not make some of the mistakes I've made if I had my life to live over. What did it matter if everything was always perfect or if I got that new promotion or more $$, looking back?