ARE YOU OUT OR ARE YOU IN?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Are you out? If so, when did you come out and how did you come out?

    If you're in the closet, why? And when do you think you'll come out (if you ever do)?

    I was reading something online about a blogger trying to get a celebrity to come out. I believe it's a personal choice and should be done when that person feels like it's the right time. Everyone's situation is different. Your thoughts?
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    Apr 14, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    Some good points about coming out:

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    Apr 14, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    I am not out, not really. Only two people know and I only told one of them. The other found out because he went through my phone and found naughty texts and pics I sent to the one I told. I am not out because I'm still uncomfotable accepting that I'm gay. My life was extremely messed up as a teen. I was a completely different person, in pretty much every imaginable capacity. From the age of 19 things got better and since then I have trying to find my identity and I still don't really have one. I'm pretty crazy, I have bipolar disorder, which is great... half the time. hahaha. So I do go through extreme mood swings, and sometimes I really wish I was straight, and try to watch straight porn and think about girls, buuuut it never really sticks. The annoying thing is when I go to parties girls are all over me, and my friends are definitely getting suspicious because I don't do stuff with them. I was at a birthday party in February and everyone was pretty drunk and the friend that found out through my phone wanted me to fuck his girlfriend's friend, who was a girl, so he could get with his girl friend that night. I assume because the girlfriend didn't want to abandon her friend unless she was "occupied" as well. Anyway, that was a bad night. haha
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 14, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    I'm out - have been since I was 22 and never regretted coming out for a minute. Life is much better and less stressful when you don't hide such a basic fact about yourself.
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    Apr 14, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    Honestly everybody should be out and people who are anti-gay should just shut the fuck up and deal with it.
    Unfortunately the world sucks though.
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    Apr 14, 2012 9:34 AM GMT
    If only it was that easy icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    Out to family and friends.

    In at work.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    Out to friends, out to family, out to co-workers, out to anyone who asks if I'm in a relationship.
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    in, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Out to most of my family except my father, nephews, nieces, cousins etc. My Mother doesn't really believe it and thinks i am tripping about the situation saying "There is still a nice girl out there for you" My bro be like "You know how Daddy didn't raise no punks that get took in the booty" icon_rolleyes.gif


    It doesn't sink in to me at all though. One out one ear out the other.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Apr 14, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    Work was the only place where I hadn't said anything, and I just took care of that recently. So, 100% out.

    I do love FitBudz101 attitude, though.
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    Sora saidin, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif


    When you put it like that, it sounds as fun as a funeral.
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    I'd consider myself "open." Most people don't know. But only because they don't ask. My girlfriend and 1 of my best friends knows, but my other best friend doesn't. Some people that I have known for a while from work know. I'm sure my mom knows, she has just never said anything or asked. But I don't hide it either. If the topic comes up, then yeah, I'll maybe say something. If I don't know the person, I usually keep it a secret until we get to know eachother. People are too judgy sometimes and I want them to get to know all of me over time.
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    Apr 14, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    wonofakind saidAre you out? If so, when did you come out and how did you come out?

    Told this story here many times, so some guys can skip this. For the others:

    Right after retiring from the Army I was spending a lot of time online with a local dial-up BBS in 1994, one of the social venues we had before the Internet took over. I began to chat and e-mail with a self-declared gay guy, a novelty for me.

    In answering my curious questions, he told me that being gay wasn't about behavior, like being campy & effeminate and all the stereotypes that didn't fit me, but simply about what gender attracts you sexually. After some months of him saying that, it finally hit me that he was inadvertently describing ME. When that realization occurred I came out in 24 hours, a story in itself for another post. But suffice to say, I've never been happier, never regretted for a moment my coming out, except that it was way overdue.
  • camofchris

    Posts: 73

    Apr 14, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    FitBudz101 saidNot everyone's into the whole coming out epiphany thing. Personally, i find it a bit self-indulgent and tiresome. It doesn't mean we're "in the closet" either.


    Grew up on the fem side. New things were different at a young age. The first time I actually mentioned it was in my last year of high school to a close friend. Later, I came out to my family during a medical scare (thought I was going to kick the bucket, so figured, what the heck). Family was surprisingly supportive, and explained I had a gay uncle (boy, that would've been nice to know years earlier).

    In the end, I am who I am. Don't feel the need to talk about being gay to others. I do, however, have the same water cooler chat that most others do around the office. For example, when I was with the other half, I commonly brought him up in conversation (partner, partner in crime, better half -- all the references I hear the hetero's use). I'd get a look or two when they realized I was using 'he' instead of 'she'. We were together at company events, and proudly introduced one another.

    Coming out is relevant to most of us, because we can all relate to that one moment where we were brave enough to tell someone we were different.

    I think all the rhetoric that we hear about how being gay is unacceptable, a mistake, or somehow immoral will fall away the very moment that gays (and the lot of them) feel comfortable enough in their own skin to carry a casual, non-defensive conversation with someone who isn't, and make them feal at ease.

    Also, I agree with the above, quoted, statement. Just because someone doesn't talk about their sexual desires or attractions . . . doesn't mean they're in the closet. They're just living life. Society (gay culture) created the term 'in/out of the closet' as a way to categorize groups of individuals. And just because the category exists . . . does not at all mean that everyone must fit neatly within them (-:

    All the best,
    Cam
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Apr 14, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    I'm out to anyone who needs to know or wants to know. If someone asks or if it comes up in conversation I tell them. I never rented a billboard and put up a picture of me in a pink speedo with the caption "I'm gay!!" though.
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    Apr 14, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Sora saidin, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif




    That seems like such a sad life. A life of constantly worrying about where you are seen, who you are seen with, calling a boyfriend your 'friend' and if you decide to spend your life with him calling him your 'roommate', asking that boyfriend to live in the closet with you, a life of always making sure your computer's browsing history is cleared and there are no apps, phone numbers, texts, pics on your devices that could give your secret away to nosy, prying eyes, a life of limiting looking for a man online or at a bar where you can slip in and then out by the dark of night because most of the other ways of meeting someone are too public, a life of constantly answering the question, "when are you going to meet a nice girl?", a life of lying if you are ever asked about your orientation because to say "it is none of your business' is essentially saying "yes." How fun is that "secret none of your friends know" going to be when they are talking about their lives with their girlfriends or wives and families, a normal, everyday topic of conversation, and you can't share anything about your personal life at home? It all seems like a lot of work and a lot more stressful than just coming out.
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    Apr 14, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    Sora saidin, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif



    They know.
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    Apr 14, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    Sora saidin, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif




    That seems like such a sad life. A life of constantly worrying about where you are seen, who you are seen with, calling a boyfriend your 'friend' and if you decide to spend your life with him calling him your 'roommate', asking that boyfriend to live in the closet with you, a life of always making sure your computer's browsing history is cleared and there are no apps, phone numbers, texts, pics on your devices that could give your secret away to nosy, prying eyes, a life of limiting looking for a man online or at a bar where you can slip in and then out by the dark of night because most of the other ways of meeting someone are too public, a life of constantly answering the question, "when are you going to meet a nice girl?", a life of lying if you are ever asked about your orientation because to say "it is none of your business' is essentially saying "yes." How fun is that "secret none of your friends know" going to be when they are talking about their lives with their girlfriends or wives and families, a normal, everyday topic of conversation, and you can't share anything about your personal life at home? It all seems like a lot of work and a lot more stressful than just coming out.



    ^^^ THIS! ^^^
    Sounds like such a sad existence. Although I guess if that's all you know, you'd have no idea of knowing what you're missing out on. I don't mean this to come across as an insult or condemnation, but I truly do feel sorry for people who are this weak.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Apr 14, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    I think there are different degrees of "out". There are many gays who are not necessarily "out", but not hiding in the closet either. It sort of runs the gamut from deeply locked in the closet to wearing your gayness on your sleeve and shouting it from the rooftops to anyone who will listen. Everyone has their own particular "comfort zone" when it comes to revealing something so personal as their sexuality to others. I'm okay with that. Personally, I never make my sexuality an issue. It's not something I freely volunteer, nor do I make any attempt to hide it. If it comes up, I'm open about it, but it's not something I feel the need to bring up just for the sake of bringing it up.
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    Apr 14, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Sora saidin, and i dont think ill ever come out. dad's a navy seal. plus im a firefighter cadet. i dont think they'd like that. besides, its fun to have a secret none of my friends know. icon_biggrin.gif



    They know.
    +1
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    Apr 14, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    In only at work ...
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Apr 14, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I don't ask people what goes on in their bedrooms. I would'nt think anyone would be interested on what goes on in mine. Some things are still private. IN, BTW.
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    Apr 14, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    Been out and in and out and in and out and in and out and in since 12 (and my parents worried when I was 4 and dressed up as a King from Battle Chess--my dad thought I was cross dressing). That's what happens when you come out with people who don't accept it. I think I've come out like 5 times to my family since like 14, I think. It's still awkward.

    Was out as an undergrad (LGBT officer!). I don't hide it in grad school, sometimes. I have been told I'm ambiguous and code switch back and forth. I do hide it in certain intimidating, overly masculine sorts of situations...but I usually just become an emotionless, impassive, unsympathetic, cold bitch in such cases, which I'm sure makes it obvious. Othertimes, I lack the energy and just feel sad and depressed. If a camera was on me, one of those "Do you have low T?" commercials would come on. No doubt, not feeling comfortable and endogenous production of testosterone are probably related. Not going to bandaid fix that problem though so--

    I'm in therapy, don't judge. CBT is better than drugs because it should fix the issue.
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    Apr 14, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    i'm out. started probably 6 years ago. first telling my friends them my family, and now in some places that i work they now....