What do you think is the leading cause of jealousy & insecurity in the gay world & relationships?

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    Apr 14, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    I know being in a relationship I can have a horrible jealous streak. I really have to control it & be mindful of it. Sometimes i piss my own self off because of it.

    Do any of u battle this? If so why do u think we have it?
  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Apr 14, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Being human icon_razz.gif
  • Parker817

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    Apr 14, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    Are you a Leo?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    Jealousy is always about insecurity.

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    Apr 14, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    2xciteu saidI know being in a relationship I can have a horrible jealous streak. I really have to control it & be mindful of it. Sometimes i piss my own self off because of it.

    Do any of u battle this? If so why do u think we have it?

    I don't have it myself, but my late partner did. He had no reason to, because I never strayed, I was too much in love with him to be tempted. I had everything I wanted, why would I ruin it?

    Oddly, he strayed himself. Soon after we became engaged during an LDR, but before we moved in together. When I learned of it I was kinda hurt, but satisfied myself that it wouldn't happen again, and I don't think it did.

    So that I wonder if the guys who are most obsessed with their partner straying, are the most vulnerable to doing it themselves. It's why they project it as a possibility in another, because their own resolve is so weak & tenuous.

    I dunno, I like to keep things simple. I love a guy, which means I don't love others. It's just how I was built, I can't explain it. And I assume the same of him, so that jealousy & insecurity aren't part of our relationship. It sure makes for an easy & uncomplicated partnership, where love is our strongest bond. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 14, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    Parker817 saidAre you a Leo?



    No, he's an Aries icon_razz.gif joke


    Let's say it took a very dear friend of mine to make me learn my lesson...
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Apr 14, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    I'd used to be the same way until I realized that jealously shows that you lack confidence in all the good and positive attributes that make you.."YOU"..
    When those thoughts hit in the future take a few minutes and think about the good qualities you bring to the table...over time this shall pass...Later bud...
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    Apr 14, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    ac416 saidBeing human icon_razz.gif


    +1
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    Apr 14, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    2xciteu saidI know being in a relationship I can have a horrible jealous streak. I really have to control it & be mindful of it. Sometimes i piss my own self off because of it.

    Do any of u battle this? If so why do u think we have it?

    Jealousy is a very bad trait to have no matter how you slice it or try to justify it. I’ve dated many different ethnic groups and it seems to be somewhat of a cultural thing. In my personal experiences many different things have caused me to feel jealous of a partner and it turned out not to be in my favor at all. Some guys think its “cute” others think it is a sure sign of insecurity. Yet, I think guys overlook the reasons that one may have to be jealous in the first place. I am very old school, so take for instance; I think that a partner flirting at all with someone else is unacceptable period. Sometimes guys share too much of “what’s” “who’s” and “spare time activities” which can make a guy wonder.
    As the internet revolution hit the gay world, I think jealously probably just got worse. I mean, if one meets a date online, it is sure to cause doubts that the same guy is probably trolling online for other dates. Additionally, is this because we are always looking for the next “level” of guy and we can’t be satisfied with one person because of little perks that are deal breakers? When does compromise come into play? So that is one of the major things that cause me jealously. Lastly, having been in a couple of horrific relationships, cheating can also cause jealously to linger in you for years. Just the thought of someone sleeping with your guy could cause you to go off the deep in. I know for me, I would just get sick at my stomach of even though of it. And I wondered, was it because I was jealous of the other person, or was it because I knew someone else was lying down with my man getting what was supposed to be mine.
    I could talk about insecurities all day! I have a lot! And I know that until I FULLY work through them I will never love myself and therefore, could never expect anyone else to love me either. My MAIN insecurities steams from an illness I had (I would rather not elaborate on that but nothing STD related). But as soon as I tell a potential date about it, they do a 180 and head for the heels. So now I’m debating wither I should share so much of myself right off.
  • yogadudeSEATT...

    Posts: 373

    Apr 14, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Lack of good communication and empathy for one another.
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    Apr 14, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    Parker817 saidAre you a Leo?


    Lol no a capricorn
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 14, 2012 10:38 PM GMT
    2xciteu said
    Parker817 saidAre you a Leo?


    Lol no a capricorn


    Yeah, a cap would have been my guess, but caps don't like to admit any kind of jealous streak. For a cap I would say they believe a relationship to be ownership of one another, on a very crude underlying level.

    Many caps that I've known never learned how to share at a young age. It's just a new thing for them. But caps learn very quickly.
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    Apr 15, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    mybud saidI'd used to be the same way until I realized that jealously shows that you lack confidence in all the good and positive attributes that make you.."YOU"..
    When those thoughts hit in the future take a few minutes and think about the good qualities you bring to the table...over time this shall pass...Later bud...

    THIS. Excellent analysis. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 16, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    Gay guys have a tendency to cheat a lot because it's easier for them to hook up. As a result, gay guys grow up knowing that their partner/boyfriend/partner is just one step away from cheating. Hence, the perpetual insecurity.
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    Apr 16, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    nicenmanly said
    ac416 saidBeing human icon_razz.gif


    +1


    +1
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    Apr 16, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Yes, well being human might also entail raping and pillaging from others icon_razz.gif

    Jealousy is a complicated issue and saying it's just insecurity isn't enough. It definitely comes from somewhere, but its usually something the person has had for a long time and its really hard to change. I'm glad you're trying to work on it.

    Trust is definitely a big issue to not being jealous and I think we all have our limits. If you are jealous that your boyfriend has ANY male friends, that might be a problem.

    If you are jealous that your boyfriend spends a lot of time with his incredibly hot ex-boyfriend.. well theres a limit lol.


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    Apr 16, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    2xciteu saidI know being in a relationship I can have a horrible jealous streak. I really have to control it & be mindful of it. Sometimes i piss my own self off because of it.

    Do any of u battle this? If so why do u think we have it?

    My late partner himself confessed to being prone to bouts of the "Green-Eyed Monster" of jealousy. He had no need for it, I am monogamous to a fault, still am, and so it never came to anything, as again he admitted to me.

    Poor guy, I think he could have been happier if he wasn't plagued by suspicion at times. I often took it as a compliment, that he was so possessive of me, so long as it didn't limit my innocent friendships with other men. But he'd had a partner before me who strayed, and gave them both HIV, which also eventually killed them both, so I understood where he was coming from.

    But my present partner, also Italian like my first who likewise lost a partner to cheating that resulted in fatal AIDS, is not jealous. He tells me he can't imagine me ever cheating, nor can I him. Between those 2 experiences, I much prefer the relaxation that total trust brings.

    He's not gonna cheat, I'm not gonna cheat, so we don't have to waste any emotional energy on that issue. I suppose it's a basic personal insecurity issue, but I also know my man, and until some topic like this one here is raised, I never even give it a thought.
  • thatguyny

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    Apr 16, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    I think it might be because of all those penises out there.
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    Apr 16, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    Dating losers?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    experience
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    WhoreMasterBlaster saidNot sure if there is a leading cause but men tend to be possessive in nature. That's a typical male trait. I see this a lot in hetero-relationships and it's more often than not the man in the relationship.

    I think a lot of the problems (as far as relationships for homosexuals) stems from not having many role models to imprint from. Due to the lack of positive influence I think gay men have a harder time maturing and having long term healthier fulfilling relationships.

    Honestly there are so many factors, there could be many reasons.


    I personally am not a jealous type. I'm too independent to be jealous.


    The fact that guys don't have enough healthy models for gay relationships, or really just life as an upstanding man in general, is really sad.
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    I'm not sure jealousy and insecurity are always the right terms for it but I think a lot of guys have trust issues because so many guys cheat and/or tolerate those that do. That makes it hard to have a healthy relationship.
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    Capi's are too serious and too confident of a zodiac to even bother entertaining something as trivial as jealousy. icon_biggrin.gif
  • gstudslo

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    Apr 17, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    The ease in which one can cheat. Thanks Grindr.
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    You mean apart from the reality that every gay guy wants to fuck every gay guy?

    Hmm... idk.

    Haha.