Not Dating Someone Because of Spiritual Differences

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    Apr 15, 2012 11:19 AM GMT
    Hi-

    Just wanted to get everyones thoughts on this.

    I find myself very difficult to date or develop a romantic relationship if the other person is not on the same page as I am spiritually. They don't have to believe everything I do but they at least have to have a faith base in God and a willingness to attend church with me from time to time.

    Not really asking if this is acceptable because for me personally, it is a requirement.

    Kinda thins out the dating pool but has nurtured some healthy relationships as well.

    Thoughts?
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    Apr 15, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    I'm christian and Bill is atheist. Together 22 years and approaching 23.

    It's never been an issue or a problem, not once.

    -Doug


    For us it's about who we are and how we are to each other in respecting each other's beliefs and non-beliefs.
  • nvaguy69

    Posts: 54

    Apr 15, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    mxdmrtalarts saidHi-

    Just wanted to get everyones thoughts on this.

    I find myself very difficult to date or develop a romantic relationship if the other person is not on the same page as I am spiritually. They don't have to believe everything I do but they at least have to have a faith base in God and a willingness to attend church with me from time to time.

    Not really asking if this is acceptable because for me personally, it is a requirement.

    Kinda thins out the dating pool but has nurtured some healthy relationships as well.

    Thoughts?


    Depends on the individual(s). I was in a 3 year relationship with someone who described himself as atheist. I'm a former catholic, now consider myself spiritual. And, it was a sticking point that was always lurking in the background, especially when topics of faith came up for discussion. Athiests tend to be more often than not dismissive, often arrogant and insensitive to those of faith, at least from my experience. And, all too often, gay men give up on faith since organized religion is so flawed and dismisses/minimizes gay people in general.

    It depends on how important that particular value is to you and regards to who you're also forming a deep relationship/partnership with. For me it was one reason, of several, to not remain with him for the long term. But, for some, it's solely a personal issue and doesn't impact the relationship. I personally don't know how that can't impact the relationship but to each his own. In my opinion, a healthy robust relationship is built upon a strong foundation of mutually held values.
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    Apr 15, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    nvaguy69 said, "In my opinion, a healthy robust relationship is built upon a strong foundation of mutually held values."

    I think that's very true. Bill's values and mine are very much in sync.

    -Doug
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    meninlove said I'm christian and Bill is atheist. Together 22 years and approaching 23.

    It's never been an issue or a problem, not once.

    -Doug


    For us it's about who we are and how we are to each other in respecting each other's beliefs and non-beliefs.


    You two are truly an inspiration.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    I feel like it's completely fair.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Apr 15, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    I'm a Christian. However, I am much more concerned with how people treat each other than with what they believe.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    I would. But then my interpretation of Christianity is fairly open and allows for other approaches to things.

    It is about what brings an individual closer to inner peace; my journal is not guaranteed to be the same path as yours, but that needn't prevent me from walking along side someone else when possible.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:18 PM GMT

    Fre0 said, "I'm a Christian. However, I am much more concerned with how people treat each other than with what they believe."

    Alphatrigger said, "It is about what brings an individual closer to inner peace; my journey is not guaranteed to be the same path as yours, but that needn't prevent me from walking along side someone else when possible."

    Both us agree with you guys.

    I think it's what kind of Christian (or any other faith) and what kind of Atheist you are.

    -Doug
  • FRE0

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    Apr 15, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Fre0 said, "I'm a Christian. However, I am much more concerned with how people treat each other than with what they believe."

    Alphatrigger said, "It is about what brings an individual closer to inner peace; my journey is not guaranteed to be the same path as yours, but that needn't prevent me from walking along side someone else when possible."

    Both us agree with you guys.

    I think it's what kind of Christian (or any other faith) and what kind of Atheist you are.

    -Doug


    I agree. Unfortunately, some Christians are very heavy handed to the degree that they irritate others. Once, when I was running for exercise, someone shouted after me, "Jesus loves you!" Although I'm a Christian, I shouted back at him, "Allah loves you!"

    Recently, at the gym, I was practically accosted by someone who was attempting to evangelize me. If it happens again, I'll be better prepared to respond more effectively. In my opinion, people like that actually drive others away from religion.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    I would date someone religious, but that would have to be a part of our lives that will never cross.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    I've never been religious (in fact I'd say I'm apathetic toward religion), but I've never had a problem dating guys who were religious. Well, I never had a problem with them, however, a couple had a problem with me not being a believer of something. Oops! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:31 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidYou said it's a requirement. So what do you care what anyone else's thoughts are on the subject?


    Perhaps it's a requirement for him right now and he's attempting to challenge himself with input from others?

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    Apr 15, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    pocketnico saidI've never been religious (in fact I'd say I'm apathetic toward religion), but I've never had a problem dating guys who were religious. Well, I never had a problem with them, however, a couple had a problem with me not being a believer of something. Oops! icon_rolleyes.gif

    Yes, one of my exes told me (after we broke up, which I initiated btw) that he found my lack of faith disturbing.



    The exact same happened to me in my first serious relationship! He poked fun at me occasionally for being 'godless' throughout our time together, but I never took those words seriously. Then one day he sent me a message on Facebook saying he was breaking up with me because he couldn't trust a guy without a sense of morals icon_rolleyes.gif

    Well fuck.
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    Trollileo said
    JPtheBITCH said
    pocketnico saidI've never been religious (in fact I'd say I'm apathetic toward religion), but I've never had a problem dating guys who were religious. Well, I never had a problem with them, however, a couple had a problem with me not being a believer of something. Oops! icon_rolleyes.gif

    Yes, one of my exes told me (after we broke up, which I initiated btw) that he found my lack of faith disturbing.
    I'm giggling so hard at this right now.

    You saw what I did there.


    I totally just got this. I'm on prescription drugs. Forgive me for being slow!
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    pocketnico said
    JPtheBITCH said
    Trollileo said
    JPtheBITCH said
    pocketnico saidI've never been religious (in fact I'd say I'm apathetic toward religion), but I've never had a problem dating guys who were religious. Well, I never had a problem with them, however, a couple had a problem with me not being a believer of something. Oops! icon_rolleyes.gif

    Yes, one of my exes told me (after we broke up, which I initiated btw) that he found my lack of faith disturbing.
    I'm giggling so hard at this right now.

    You saw what I did there.
    I totally just got this. I'm on prescription drugs. Forgive me for being slow!
    NO! ONLY ATHEISTS DON'T LIKE STAR WARS! YOU DON'T LIKE STAR WARS!!! icon_mad.gificon_sad.gificon_cry.gif


    Caps aren't good to read when you're on drugs icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 15, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    meninlove said I'm christian and Bill is atheist. Together 22 years and approaching 23.

    It's never been an issue or a problem, not once.

    -Doug


    For us it's about who we are and how we are to each other in respecting each other's beliefs and non-beliefs.


    +1 simply put.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Apr 15, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    mxdmrtalarts saidHi-

    Just wanted to get everyones thoughts on this.

    I find myself very difficult to date or develop a romantic relationship if the other person is not on the same page as I am spiritually. They don't have to believe everything I do but they at least have to have a faith base in God and a willingness to attend church with me from time to time.

    Not really asking if this is acceptable because for me personally, it is a requirement.

    Kinda thins out the dating pool but has nurtured some healthy relationships as well.

    Thoughts?


    My ex had not attended church. We were together eight years or so. Over time, we found a church he would attend. It worked rather well. So much so that since he has moved he attends an Episcopalian church every week.
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    I am a Christian in some aspects I feel the same way because I feel that is part of a 'relationship', if I had a partner and we are intertwined in our lives with everything else, sharing our christianity would come second nature...the difficulty part would be, if you wanted to pray together, discuss a passage in the bible, etc.

    I would find it very difficult that an atheist would come to terms to this or even support this and I wanted this in the relationship.

    In terms of attending church, I think this is would be a major problem as well -it will definitely be a point of contention.
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    I think relationships are built on common interests. To me, this is just one of those cases where you either build your relationship on respecting each others differences, or sharing your common interests.

    I don't think it has anything to do with allowing someone to shake your belief system. I mean, let's say you have one guy who loves broadway and a guy who loves sports. For some this would be a deal breaker because there are no common interests, for some, this would be a blessing because they can respect each others' differences.

    No foundations shaken, just human nature.
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    onaquest said, "To me, this is just one of those cases where you either build your relationship on respecting each others differences, or sharing your common interests. "

    That's a good point. You can also do both; building your relationship on respecting each other's differences and sharing common interests. icon_wink.gif


    warmly,

    -Doug
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    meninlove said onaquest said, "To me, this is just one of those cases where you either build your relationship on respecting each others differences, or sharing your common interests. "

    That's a good point. You can also do both; building your relationship on respecting each other's differences and sharing common interests. icon_wink.gif


    warmly,

    -Doug


    Oh, I completely agree... I think that where there are disagreements in one area, there are common interests in others that balance it out.

    Relationships come down to being able to share things with your partner. For some Faith is something that they need to share with their partner, for others, faith or lack of faith is something that is personal, but there are other things that are shared. That's the purpose of dating and finding out if you're compatible with someone.

    Clearly Bill and Doug don't share common faith, but they do share other common values that make them compatible.

    That's my opinion.
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    onaquest said, "Clearly Bill and Doug don't share common faith, but they do share other common values that make them compatible."


    You're bang on!

    Bill conducts himself ethically far better than many Christians I've met.

    My opinion, which is of course completely biased, lol.
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    Apr 15, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    meninlove said onaquest said, "Clearly Bill and Doug don't share common faith, but they do share other common values that make them compatible."


    You're bang on!

    Bill conducts himself ethically far better than many Christians I've met.

    My opinion, which is of course completely biased, lol.


    And you two aren't carbon copies of each other - you compliment each other. That's doesn't mean that you're insecure. It just means you've found your way of balancing each other out. It doesn't mean that you never disagree or challenge each other.

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    Apr 15, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    i'm doing a minor in comparative religion. i've noticed that many ppl tend 2 look 4 differences, while i seek commonalities. i've also noticed that the guys i date all tend 2 be RC's like me. not purposefully; it just wks out that way. and no, i don't meet them at Mass.