Low self-esteem since high school bullying. I'm sick and tired of it.

  • Flamesoul

    Posts: 120

    Apr 15, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    This is gonna be a pretty huge wall of text for sure, so If you don't feel like it, don't read it.

    I'm not writing this because I want people to feel pity for me or because I want to attract attention or whine about ''how bad I have it''. This is something I need to talk about. It's been a very big part of my life so far, and I'd do anything to get over it.

    Well, here's the story;

    I've been bullied a lot in high school. As soon as I got to the age of 13, through most of my time in high school, I've been verbally (if not physically) attacked. (You guys probably know where this is going, I guess.)

    Not because I'm gay, since no one back in high school ever found out, and god, am I happy no one knew. It would've been even worse. It's more like I've been bullied because I was the kind of guy who never spoke up.

    Back then. I was the kid who wanted to be nice to everyone, so I mostly never talked back or fought back when I got bullied. Even as this happened, as a naive teenager, I asked myself: ''Why don't they leave me alone? Why the hell would they want to waste their free time doing this to me? If they don't like me, they should just spend their time with people they do like.''

    Never got the answer to that one. But what I knew is that the shit hit the fan pretty bad after I got to the age of 15. I started overeating because I was always feeling sad, so I got fat to morbidly obese levels. I couldn't trust anyone anymore. My so-called friends always disappeared when I got in trouble, since they didn't want to become a ''reject'' themselves for siding with me. I had nightmares all the time, I was tired all the time, I started failing most of the classes even though my grades used to be very satisfying. It's probably because I couldn't stay concentrated anymore, since I was always paranoid about people talking shit about me, even in class. Cause I did happen a lot, in class as well. I became depressed and even suicidal sometimes. I didn't care about life.

    When I became 17 years old I dropped out because I couldn't take any more of this. I'm 24 now. It's been more than 6 years since then. I was in pretty bad shape, but over time, I was able to change a lot, though I keep struggling with self-esteem and confidence problems I got because of high school to this day. It's as if at some point, I started believing I was the piece of trash they made me out to be, and that image sticked with me since then.

    Now, of course, I know no one's going to bully me anymore, obviously (Except for myself). I'm in a relationship with the greatest guy ever since 3 years ago, and all my family and friends know about my sexual orientation. They're all fine with it. I'm very glad that they are. This story isn't about my sexual orientation though, mostly.

    I still see myself as a worthless piece of trash. Even though I talked to psychologists and therapists for years. I still hate myself even though I've accomplished so much. Less than I used to, of course. I lost more than 120 pounds, I recently started working out 4 times a week (after I conquered my fear of being around so many people in the gym, especially hot guys who I keep comparing myself to), my life is overall much, MUCH better. But I never feel proud of the things I accomplish!

    I keep comparing myself to all the guys I see, all the time. In my mind, it's like they're ALL way better looking than me. It's not just their physical appearance I envy, it's their self-esteem. I can't bring myself to take off my shirt in summer, for example, because I hate my body and I'm always worried about what people think of me. So I wish I at least looked average. (Even though my partner/boyfriend keeps telling me I'm very good looking and sexy, something stops me from truly believing that he means what he says, and that's because of my low self-esteem.)

    Also I'm too afraid of what people will say/think about me when I TRY to be brave and walk while holding my BF's hand in mine. (Even though no one ever said anything bad to me, except for one little insignificant time)

    Hell, I live in Québec, Canada. Near Montreal. A very gay-friendly place, and I'm still too scared of being called gay slurs to do it regardless. We love each other a lot, and I try to do it, but when I do walk with his hand in mine, I get ON EDGE. I get really tense, embarassed, and I keep glancing everywhere to see if there's people around. If I see someone near, it's like a reflex... My hand just leaves his and goes directly to my pants' pockets or something. I can't help it, and It burns me up inside every time. Not to mention him. And I still have trouble when I have to talk to a complete stranger.

    I KNOW that this fear is not rational, and the negative image I have of myself, as well as my low self-esteem are far from the truth. They are what my psychologist called ''distortions''. I just don't feel good at all about myself. and it's getting in the way in almost all the aspects of my life, it even indirectly affects my BF's life and I'm trying REALLY hard to finally get over it and leave the past behind, but... Not quite there yet.

    I'm trying really hard to improve myself, try new experiences, but I'm still addicted to food. Whenever I feel sad (or good) I want to eat junk food to ''feel good''. I'm doing my best to try and stop that, though. But it's not easy at all.

    This is it I guess, Sorry for the huge wall of text. I had to get this off my chest. I'd like some advice. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do to get over this. If some of you guys want to talk to me about it, I'd appreciate it a lot if you did.

    Thanks a lot to everyone who read this. Like everyone, I just want to live my life and have as much fun with it as I can. Thanks for reading my story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    Hey man icon_biggrin.gif Truth is it's going to take a lot of time and effort to un-learn the unhealthy, self-loathing perception you have of yourself. It helps that you're motivated enough to get yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do because of your self-esteem, so kudos for getting yourself to the gym in spite of your insecurity to be in such a setting. Keep it up.

    Something that's helped me that might help you has been to every day remind myself of all the great qualities (physical and intellectual) I possess and to never linger on my shortcomings for more than a few minutes. If I do think about my shortcomings, I start to ask myself what I can do about it to change them; if there's nothing I can do, I move on. Of course, there are "those days," but if you've got someone who can help you through it, don't be afraid to let them help.

    I wish you the very best and hope you can uncover the man you so deeply desire to bring to the forefront.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Apr 15, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    Try this, if you haven't before. Google: 'Self-Esteem – the key to productivity' – PDF)

    Essence Imagery. The fifth technique uses a method to contact the unconscious and bring it under conscious control. Following are the instructions.

    Please shut your eyes. Think of three things you like most about yourself. (Pause 10 seconds.) Now rank these three traits from the most important, number one, to the lesser important, numbers two and three. (Pause 10 seconds.) Now imagine yourself having traits one and two, but not three. Feel what that would be like, and get a picture of that situation. (Pause 10 seconds.) Now imagine yourself with trait one, but not two or three. (Pause 10 seconds.) Now imagine your have none of these traits. Notice how you feel. What pictures come into your head? (Pause 10 seconds.) Now please open your eyes, noticing your feelings as you open your eyes. (Pause 10 seconds.) What is it that is left after you have eliminated all three traits?

    Participants have a variety of reactions from elation and freedom to fear and desolation. It is valuable to assume that what remains is your essence. You are not your traits. By reaching your essence in a tangible form, it is possible to alter it consciously. Participants may now go back to the picture of their essence and work with it. They are encouraged to strengthen it, if they wish, by talking to it, touching it, feeding it, seeing other people there to help them strengthen it, or whatever else they wish. In other words, they have an opportunity to reshape their own self-concept in the directions they wish. This is the deepest level of work with self esteem.

  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 15, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    You have to leave the source of your anxiety. I did it, You can too.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Apr 16, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    I can only speak from experience of my own efforts to sort out my low-self esteem, and found these to be the main milestones of progress (to provide context to the inner essence exercise I shared above):

    1. Understand the source of your low self-esteem (which you've begun to tackle - bullying at school, by the sounds of it).

    2. Challenge the irrational beliefs that these early experiences instilled in you about yourself. Ask yourself - What if there was actually nothing wrong with you? What would life be like?

    3. Do the inner essence exercise mentioned above.

    4. Learn more about yourself by using the Myers-Briggs personality type; strengths tests; your own reflections on what you're good at. Often, those vulnerable to being bullied and being affected badly by it are those with the most naturally sensitive personalities. In some cases, this may be a sign of giftedness. Google it lol.

    5. Let go of your past, reframe it and start afresh using your new knowledge. What if your childhood was 'ideal'? You can use your imagination to construct that childhood and reframe history in a more positive light. It might sound crazy, but try it.

    6. Think about working through a 12-steps program for emotional recovery - e.g. Emotions Anonymous. They use the principles originally devised for addicts to address a whole range of emotional issues.

    It took me 4 years of intense work to root out my issues - lots of reading, lots of writing, reflection, and a lot of meetings with a counsellor and other workers. But the main leaps I figured out on my own through reflection. There were a lot of 'red herrings' along the way - what I thought were the final solutions were actually not, or not the whole story. But things started clicking into place with increasing frequency.

    So - I encourage you to work really hard and not give up. The most important thing is that you're willing to face your problems - many people are not, or just don't recognize that they have a problem. Finally, it's definitely worth it! So stick in there icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    All I can say is that you're a really brave guy. Keep pushing, man.

    You've accomplished a lot - your mind just needs to feel the strength your heart possesses.

  • Flamesoul

    Posts: 120

    Apr 16, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    Thanks a lot, guys. I'm happy to see that people still support me. Thanks for your advice. I will try those things you said, I swear I won't give up. I'll do everything it takes to get there. I was worried that some trolls would diss me and say stuff about me on this site, but I guess that's just the internet. I'm happy it didn't happen though!

    You're right, I am a very sensitive person and everyone who knows me, knows that too lol.

    Emotions Anonymous. Hey why not. I'm already in Overeaters Anonymous to try and sortout this bad eating habit. Having problems with the spirituality aspect, though.

    Well, I'll keep on fighting! Going to the gym again tomorrow. I'm hoping that getting stronger (and sexier) because of the work outs will make my self esteem go up a bit over time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16415

    Apr 16, 2012 12:52 PM GMT
    Thanks for taking the time to share some of your experience. I'd like to hear what you are doing now. Did you ever finish school through testing or seek additional education? What about work? I'll have some additional comments, but tell us more about how you are living your life on a day to day basis now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    Learn to use a gun. Carry it. But not all the time.

    Also learn a martial art. Practice regularly.

    There is a certain quiet dignity that comes from being able to kick the ass of every mother fucker in the room.
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    It seems you have plenty of courage.

    You've survived the worst.

    Keep being courageous.

    Best wishes.

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    Apr 16, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    Really enjoyed your story and seeing how much progress you've made. I love that you do not give up. Have struggled with some of the same issues in my past. Each person is different. What works for one person might not work for you, but I sure encourage you to try.

    For me, the following have helped:

    (1) Find a way to deal with negative thoughts at the time they appear to you. One way to learn this is to apply some Buddhist meditation techniques. (If you have never learned Buddhist meditation, it is worth learning, even if you do not practice it every day.) As destructive thoughts appear, become mindful of them, and breath them out, feel them leaving with your breath. Identify the game you are playing with yourself, call it out, and force it out of your body with your breath.

    (2) Another technique is from cognitive behavioural psychology. First identify the the emotion or theme that is causing you distress, and identify its opposite. Come up with a vision and an incantation that you can use to destroy the destructive thought, as it appears to you. For example, when I was struggling years ago with my own homophobia, I envisioned the word "HOMOPHOBIA" as a concrete sculpture; and myself holding a powerful machine gun that was destroying the sculpture as pieces flew everywhere -- like Rambo. While I was destroying HOMOPHOBIA I said to my self with full conviction "I am fully human!"

    (3) A career can really help with self esteem if you have one that you like and are good at.

    (4) I picked up a copy of the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius years ago. This guy ruled a vast ancient empire, but was totally unlike other powerful people who are consumed by their own fragile egos. What struck me about him was that he was completely unfazed by the praise and ridicule of others. Whereas people today long for praise, admiration and respect -- and react badly to ridicule, ambivalence, and condescension -- Marcus did not react at all. He was beyond all of that. He held close to himself a core set of noble beliefs that identified him as a person, and he acted on those beliefs accordingly every moment of every day. He was completely at peace with himself and dedicated to whatever his mission was at the moment. I just started a new book about him and similar thinkers called "A Guide to the Good Life" by Irvine. In my own life I have been coming to an understanding of my own beliefs. This can take a surprisingly long time to do, as generally we are not aware of our own beliefs and values, we do not examine or critique them, and we do not admit to our own hypocrisies. As I come to a greater understanding of my core self and core virtues and core missions, the opinions of other mean less to me.

    Just a few suggestions.

    Bonne chance mon ami
  • ciizer

    Posts: 107

    Apr 16, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    hey Flamesoul,

    first of all, congratulations for writing this. it takes great courage to post something like that on here, eventhough i feel exactly how you feel, i dare not post something like this because i am also very conscious and mindful about what others would think of me. with that, thanks for sharing this.

    i can really relate myself to your situation, i went through the same things you did, except less bullying as i got fat enough to have everyone else avoid me in high school. currently, i am away from home and friends, studying abroad in a country which i will always be perceived as an outsider. I am all by myself for over 2 years now, and I can honestly tell u that you are very blessed with your family and boyfriend's support- try to be content with it, same thing, imagine how you would be without them? if you ever resort to suicide, think about how it will affect your family.

    i still have multiple personalities when i am alone, and it is killing me inside, but thanks to you, and all your correspondents, i know i am not alone even at age 23, and that there is much more to life.

    take care and i hope things will work out well for you.
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    Change usually occurs in one of the following ways:

    1) Something so cataclysmic happens that a person makes an abrupt change


    2) Over time a person realizes that a certain way of doing things usually results in the same outcome and small or gradual changes begins to be made. The person looks back and realizes that over time they've made progressive change. This may be an ongoing process.

    You my man seem to be #2.

    You're aware and instead of embracing and defending you're aware of that which you no longer want.

    You've taken major steps - losing over 120 pounds is major. You go to the gym, that's another big step.

    You mention that four letter word 'FEAR'. FEAR does not validate anything in one's life or contribute to happiness. I'm speaking from experience. It is created in our minds as there isn't anyone putting it in front of us. You seem to have come to a point of exasperation, basically you're done. So be done!

    Don't project your mindset onto others. Please - the hot guy at the gym is probably more worried if he's losing hair.

    Everyone's journey is different but there are similarities so I'll share the following with you:

    When I was growing up I was teased about my physical stature - I had a big head and a skinny body. Basically I looked like a walking Lollipop. Mind you I wasn't one to allow myself to be walked on but it definitely had a negative impact on me for many years, even into my early 20s. Over time the constant worry and complex wore me out. One day I got tired of carrying around this baggage that had been given me by people who were no longer around and I thought 'hmm, these people have moved on with their lives, I'll be damned if I keep carrying this baggage they don't even know they've given me.' Figurative baggage was tossed in the trash and I started doing things that would build me up. I started working out and besides the physical benefits, it proved to also be a big self esteem boost.

    Guess what? I still have a big head, but it's okay. My body has caught up to it and I look good tooicon_lol.gif. But more so what helped me was taking steps over time and you my friend are on the right path. You'll be fine.

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    Apr 16, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    LoveYourHairHopeYouWin saidLearn to use a gun. Carry it. But not all the time.

    Also learn a martial art. Practice regularly.

    There is a certain quiet dignity that comes from being able to kick the ass of every mother fucker in the room.

    Yeah, carrying a gun is THE answer to low-self esteem, just ask any of those kids that went into high school and mowed down half of their classmates before popping one in their own head, or better yet, turn on the news and watch Anders Breivik's trial in Norway, he carried a gun and solved all his problems in spectacular fashion!!!

    There are better ways bud, martial arts is one, as is learning to rise above it all rather than stopping down to another douche bags level. I have friends in the special forces (some of whom were bullied at school) and you would never know these guys do what they do, even in a bar brawl situation...they walk away and never brag, violence is a last resort and not the answer my friend! I was bullied a lot at school, I hit the gym, worked out my anger, focused on my career and you know what, those douches at school are still douches in life. Surround youreself with postive people, family and friends and dont be afraid of challenging yourself, small stuff at first and then big....go to it and don't let them get you down!!!
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    LoveYourHairHopeYouWin saidLearn to use a gun. Carry it. But not all the time.

    Also learn a martial art. Practice regularly.

    There is a certain quiet dignity that comes from being able to kick the ass of every mother fucker in the room.

    Can't be a real man behind a gun.

    Worse advice ever!icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Flamesoul

    Posts: 120

    Apr 16, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    Yeah, worse advice ever indeed. Besides we can't get guns here in Quebec. Well, legally. That, and I wouldn't want to have one.

    Martial Arts would be a good idea, but there's a lot of stuff I can't afford at the moment. And now the real shame time: I don't have a job. In fact, I never got one, and I'M 24! (Aside from volunteering) Well my scholarity level is...I've finished high school.

    About jobs, my self-esteem helped me out a lot, again.

    I was too afraid of not being hired. Also, in my mind it was like. ''I'm too useless, I'm too weak, I'm too fat, I'm too clumsy and, in the first place, I'm too depressed. There are tons of better people than me for the job. They'd take one look at me and would choose anyone else.''

    I'm still feeling too powerless. As if there was no point trying.

    Oh and about trying to figure what other people are thinking about, I know I shouldn't do this. It just kind of happens by itself.

    About the bullies becoming douchebags... Really, that's still better than what I am. I mean at least they got self-confidence. ARROGANCE maybe, but... And they have jobs too.

    I don't want to whine but changing my way of thinking, the way I see myself and other people, is going to take a lot of work. I'm willing to do this, but getting a job? I never feel ready. I keep talking about this with a psychologist.

    Well what else am I supposed to say. Nowadays, I'm my own worst enemy. I'm the one who judges myself and keeps insulting myself. That's what I need to stop doing...
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    Apr 16, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    Flamesoul saidThanks a lot to everyone who read this. Like everyone, I just want to live my life and have as much fun with it as I can. Thanks for reading my story.

    In the US Army I used to tell my subordinates that the first step in solving a problem was admitting that there was a genuine problem to solve, and then accurately defining it. Denial was always the first big hurdle to overcome, misidentification the second.

    You seem to have a pretty good handle on your problem, and you even describe your reaction to it as "not rational" which I take to be emotional based, rather than logical.

    That being said, does that not suggest to you that this is a curable situation, through self-awareness? Your mind's "executive function" knows what has happened, and should know what to do about it. Lots of people never get to that point of self-understanding.

    Remember that the past does not have to be your anchor than holds you back. It's what may have hurt you, but doesn't have to be what limits you. At any moment of your life you can reinvent yourself, reset yourself, toss your past into the garbage.

    You need to learn to become a victor in your life, not remain a victim. The victim mentality is always a recipe for failure. You must turn yourself from a don't-er into a doer. All the limitations you list are largely self-imposed. You do know that, right?

    Be happy that you have a BF, because many don't. How very lucky you are, and that you have Internet access and can chat with us here. You're already ahead of the curve. So exploit your advantages and build on them.

    And you lost HOW many pounds? OMG, I wish *I* could do that! Now there's a fantastic accomplishment already. So forget your past, clear the slate and begin with TODAY. I don't care if you WERE bullied. Make that irrelevant to today, and jettison this obsolete emotional baggage you're carrying.

    Hell, I got bullied at times, too, many of us did. You think I give that any thought today? You're like a millionaire who only had 5 bucks to his name 2 years ago, so he still calls himself poor today. That attitude make any sense to you? Good, cause it doesn't. icon_biggrin.gif
  • ciizer

    Posts: 107

    Apr 16, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    FlamesoulAlso, in my mind it was like. ''I'm too useless, I'm too weak, I'm too fat, I'm too clumsy and, in the first place, I'm too depressed. There are tons of better people than me for the job. They'd take one look at me and would choose anyone else.''

    dont indulge on self-pity. i have done so before and it came to a point that being depressed is my personality, identity and character, but a very stern friend told me to stop it before it really becomes my destiny. as margaret thatcher said:

    Watch your thoughts, for they become words,
    Watch your words for they become actions,
    Watch your actions for they become habits,
    Watch your habits for they become characters,
    Watch your characters for they become destiny.

    dont let your feelings take control of who you are, think positively and be determined to change for yourself! you will be happier and more motivated in life.

    good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    You are no longer being bullied by other people. You are bullying yourself.

    By continually telling yourself the negative things that you do, you keep bullying yourself into low self esteem.
    Stop being your own bully.

    Alot of what others have already said is true. But from what I read, there is one pretty quick way to start on the right road. Anytime a negative thought comes into your head, you need to recognize it, stop it, then change it.
    Just a few examples:

    - when walking with your BF, hand in hand, instead of thinking that others will say something, tell yourself that others will look at you with pride
    - when applying for a job, instead of saying you are not good enough, tell yourself that you are good enough. Or if you may not have all the experience, tell yourself that you will learn to be the best
    - when the thought of comparing yourself to others creeps in, think of the incredible things you've done so far in your diet and exercise

    This won't be easy. When someone goes 24 years of their life thinking the way you do, it's tough to break that. But, the more you practice it, the more it becomes second nature. It will make a world of difference in your outlook.

    Good luck!
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    Apr 16, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    If you could make a list of things, and the next morning you'd wake up and have them all, what would they be?

  • Flamesoul

    Posts: 120

    Apr 16, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    Thanks everyone. Yeah I know, I'm the one who's bullying myself & I'll try to look at the accomplishments that I have and feel proud about them. And when I'll think ''I still have a long way to go before I like myself''

    I'll try countering that with thoughts like ''I've already come from pretty far away, there's a lot less ground to cover than what there used to be.''

    So my thoughts become ''destiny'' eh ?

    You're telling me that if I start thinking, for example ''I'm a loser'' In the end, that's what will lead me on the way to really becoming a loser ?

    And that if I think positive, my life will be positive ? I know about this. My psychologist taled to me about that. It's true that if I think ''I can do it.'' Well, instead of just giving up before even trying, most of the time, I can do it. It's just that I have a real hard time believing in my own abilities.

    And to adam228: A list of things I'd REALLY want to to have. Well...

    -Money's not a part of it. Money doesn't make me truly happy. Being rich is not what I want. Though most people who say one thing can lead to another, I disagree, about being rich, at least.

    -I already got all the love I need. And I can even give it back. I'm just so happy with him (and I know I'm blessed to have him) that I don't know how to say it!

    -I'd like to say superficial stuff like: ''A really hot body''. But I know that's not gonna make me feel better about myself. I mean, I already lost so much weight, and I know I look much better than I used to.

    What I really want is:

    -I wish I could go back in the past and change some things. But who doesn't? Instead, I'd like to make peace with that part of my life, and put it away to rest... I won't ever be able to forget it completely, of course. But I CAN make it feel less painful. I don't want the past getting in the way of the present anymore.

    -I wish I could accept who I am... and who I was. I figured something not too long ago. The real problem is this: The one I can't forgive is not the bullies, It's me. For not having stood up and not having fought back. Even though I DID fightt against the damage that's been done on me in high school, and that I'm still fighting against it, trying to heal these scars... I have a hard time because I feel that a big part of it is my fault. Like getting fat, for example.

    - I wish I could stop feeling as if I had been a coward all the time. Though I know I'm not one. The easiest way to run would have been to take my life. But that's not what I ever wanted. I kept hoping for a better future and I still do, so I stayed alive.

    -And... I wish I could have a higher self-esteem and have more confidence in myself. Believing in myself. That would help me a lot. This would help me get a job, to keep going to the gym AND not comparing myself to the others., to stop being afraid of failing at everything so bad that I'd rather not even try anything new. I want to stop being afraid and nervous everytime something unusual happens. If I had more confidence in my abilities, I'd know for sure that I can handle those situations and I wouldn't be afraid of new experiences. It's so bad that I'm afraid of trying to cook stuff I never cooked before by myself!

    But you know, all of this, If I keep it up, I'll be able to accomplish it. I truly believe that, with enough time and effort, I'll be able to get there, to feel good about the person I am, to not feel shame about my past and my present.
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    Apr 17, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    You can do anything you put your mind to. Don't let your past ruin your future.

    I went from this

    to this
    (I'm the guy on the far left haha)

    Don't sell yourself short. I have crazy mental health problems too, I have bipolar disorder, and i was a depressed mess for a large portion of my life. You don't have to be a victim to the past, determine what you want, and take steps in the right direction to get it. If changing your perception of yourself is one of these things, I suggest you try new things. If you feel you're stuck in a pattern of monotony go do something to break it. Fuck yeah.
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    Wow, thanks for your honesty, seriously! It takes a real person to share those things. Awesome advise from everyone. icon_biggrin.gif Helps me too.

    I recommend getting a personal trainer that will push you way beyond what you normally would go. Working out is great, but when your trainer is breathing down your neck, saying 'faster, faster,....', you are guaranteed to be pushed way beyond ever=significantly greater benefits. No pain, no gain.

    I train in martial arts and do a lot of sparring/competition-lowers my cholesteral 90+ pnts per month, dropped my depression meds by 90% (natural ceratonin release), it breaks the 'stress cycle', literally!!! (If i am stressed thinking about stuff, then the rest of my body stresses out because of my thoughts. Then because my body is stressed out, my mind stresses out even more and can blow things out of perportion,etc ,etc,etc)-ya gotta break that cycle.

    Sparring (fighting-competing) with guys that are 25++ pounds more than me does A LOT! But I just wanna handle my cholesteral and depression in a natural way as much as possible. But if you do this, only lower your meds under the doctors supervision. Get away from the side effects as much as possible.
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    Apr 17, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    ,....one more thing. Accept yourself like you would be accepting someone else with the same problems. We tend to be our own worst enemy,....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 17, 2012 9:16 AM GMT
    ^^ That is awesome! I already knew him to be a cool guy from his forum posts, but this adds a whole new layer of awesome to the mix! (Talking about WMB's response to Jack.)