Is it worth relocating for the prospect of a decent dating scene?

  • Guycicle

    Posts: 228

    Apr 16, 2012 7:38 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I come from a smaller city of around 1 million people and I like it here but the dating scene seems to be a little rough. For not being that small of a city I would think there'd be a halfway decent amount of compatible/dateable guys but from my experience that really hasn't been the case.

    Anyways, I'm considering a move to a big city with the primary motivating factor being a better shot at finding a good guy, but is that a silly reason to move somewhere? Have any of you all done it?
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    1 million people and you can't find a man to date?

    How impossibly high are your standards?

    It's not as if you live in Pigfuck Texas and have 4 guys to choose from, one of which is you and three of which are your cousins.

    If you move, you'll be fresh meat for a few weeks, after which the "wherever you go there you are" phenomenon will set in.

    Then you will start bitching about the lack of quality men, the lameness of "the scene" and you will be back where you started, having expended thousands of dollars and countless weeks of relocating to this new city.

    Have a wonderful time with all that and keep us updated on your experiences.
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    1 million people and no luck? That's hard to believe...
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 16, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    if you can't find a person in a pool of 1,000,000, the odds are that it's not a numbers game that's stopping you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 16, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    Wow, a million.. thats pretty impressive. Larger than where I live!

    I'd never consider a move unless it was a job opportunity and can expand my professional horizons... or.. if I were seriously involved with a man AND
    there were career opportunities.

    To consider moving for dating opportunities (only) wouldn't be
    a consideration......
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    Apr 16, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    If you're not meeting anyone you like, perhaps it's time for a change. Move - it'll be exciting and fun.

    One thing to keep in mind, though, is that dating in cities that are large can be a trap because everyone wants to "trade up". There might be too much choice. I found that guys in smaller cities tended to pair up more often and for longer.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Apr 16, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    Moving is easy, but from reading your profile there's some harder things to investigate. You may have better luck dating when you have more self acceptance and stop lusting over unattainable straight men. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I can't figure out how to say it more gently.
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    Apr 16, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Sure the OP comes from a city of a million, but that's not a million gay guys. A number of mid-sized cities have a less-desirable gay scene. Young people get their degrees and relocate to metropolises all the time. Chicago, LA, NYC.. And the cities that lose these young professionals end up with a shrinking pool of eligible bachelors.

    It's not unreasonable to want to be with a larger community. I wouldn't say relocate just because you want a boyfriend. But if you want a larger community, more opportunities for employment, personal growth, etc, then
    YES! Move! Catalog your interests and needs, and start your research. You'll find your place in the world!



  • Muscmasmat

    Posts: 124

    Apr 16, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Absolutely MOVE!

    You don't say what profession you are in, but if you can find a city that is appropriate for you professionally and with the characteristics you want, don't wait.

    I lived in Houston for most of my adult life. It is the fourth largest city in the US (with over 4 million population), and yet the gay scene there is DISMAL. It was great in the 70's and 80's, but as the state of Texas became more redneck, gay people moved to places where they were more accepted. Higher population does not necessarily mean better gay-dating or gay-friendly climate.

    Make some trips to some cities you think you might like, choose one, and make the move. If you make a mistake, move again. Unless you are a person that is going to be upwardly mobile in your particular company (.ie. a rising star slated for rapid advancement), this should be possible.

    Based on what you have written in your profile, you might want to check out Seattle. Lots of young people here, lots of gay people here, very gay-friendly with a large gay population, very bicycle friendly, and close to the mountains and the outdoor life.

    I speak from experience. I stayed too long in a place that I really did not like. Financially it was beneficial, but I would have probably done just as well if I had moved earlier in my career. There were very valid reasons I chose to stay, but in retrospect, this was probably a mistake.

    And BTW, you don't need to worry about lowering your standards about whom to date or the kind of guys you want to date. You just need to find a place where there are more gay guys like yourself.

    Best of luck to you.
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    Apr 16, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    1 million *0.10 being homosexual * 0.5 being women *0.5 being outside his age range for dating leaves 25000 at most, probably less since I was generous on some of those numbers. A good number probably don't want to date, a good number are probably taken, so maybe halve that number again to 12500 before you begin applying any of his own standards.

    With that said I wouldn't do it if I had a career or family or something at the place you're currently living, but if you have nothing holding you there, why not?
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Apr 16, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWow, a million.. thats pretty impressive. Larger than where I live!

    I'd never consider a move unless it was a job opportunity and can expand my professional horizons... or.. if I were seriously involved with a man AND
    there were career opportunities.

    To consider moving for dating opportunities (only) wouldn't be
    a consideration......


    HndsmKansan always has sound advice. This is no exception.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    The Detroit metro are is 4 1/2 million people and nearly every single person I know complains he can't find a date. If you look at threads here, people from much larger cities than this complain about not being able to find a date. Are you relying too much on bars and the internet? Have you ever thought about trying to find new ways to put yourself out there?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    Guycicle saidHey guys,

    I come from a smaller city of around 1 million people and I like it here but the dating scene seems to be a little rough. For not being that small of a city I would think there'd be a halfway decent amount of compatible/dateable guys but from my experience that really hasn't been the case.

    Anyways, I'm considering a move to a big city with the primary motivating factor being a better shot at finding a good guy, but is that a silly reason to move somewhere? Have any of you all done it?


    Absolutely,

    You're in Salt Lake City, which presumably isn't that great for gay guys.
    If finding a guy is important to you and your not happy where you are then why not improve your chances by moving somewhere a little more progressive?

    I say go for it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    From experience I'd say that location makes a HUGE difference. Just because a city is large doesn't mean its the place for you to find a great relationship. So choose a progressive place where gays thrive, and are not hidden away.
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    Apr 16, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    You're also in a country where you have an incredible number of cities to choose from. Why wouldn't you travel? Miami, Boston, Pittsburgh, Key West, San Fan, Chicago, Portland, Denver, etc...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    Muscmasmat saidAbsolutely MOVE!

    I lived in Houston for most of my adult life. It is the fourth largest city in the US (with over 4 million population), and yet the gay scene there is DISMAL. It was great in the 70's and 80's, but as the state of Texas became more redneck, gay people moved to places where they were more accepted. Higher population does not necessarily mean better gay-dating or gay-friendly climate.

    Best of luck to you.


    Absolutely agree! been in Houston for 3 years, out for about 1 year. The gay scene here is absolutely horrible. anyone half decent looking is a total slut and will straight up ask you to fuck for a ONS at the bar. Guys relationship material are 1 in a million so yes OP you might want to move but don't come to Houston if you are looking for a better scene.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    Rune said1 million *0.10 being homosexual * 0.5 being women *0.5 being outside his age range for dating leaves 25000 at most, probably less since I was generous on some of those numbers. A good number probably don't want to date, a good number are probably taken, so maybe halve that number again to 12500 before you begin applying any of his own standards.

    With that said I wouldn't do it if I had a career or family or something at the place you're currently living, but if you have nothing holding you there, why not?


    I'm going to be a little less generous with your maths.

    City of 1,000,000 people

    x (male only) 50%
    = 500,000
    x (percentage aged 25-35 (5 aside rule) in America) 12%
    = 60,000
    x (percentage of single people) 43%
    = 25,800
    x (gay population) 2.5%
    = 645

    645 possible matches BEFORE factoring in compatibility.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    hairymusclejock said
    Muscmasmat saidAbsolutely MOVE!

    I lived in Houston for most of my adult life. It is the fourth largest city in the US (with over 4 million population), and yet the gay scene there is DISMAL. It was great in the 70's and 80's, but as the state of Texas became more redneck, gay people moved to places where they were more accepted. Higher population does not necessarily mean better gay-dating or gay-friendly climate.

    Best of luck to you.


    Absolutely agree! been in Houston for 3 years, out for about 1 year. The gay scene here is absolutely horrible. anyone half decent looking is a total slut and will straight up ask you to fuck for a ONS at the bar. Guys relationship material are 1 in a million so yes OP you might want to move but don't come to Houston if you are looking for a better scene.


    That's disappointing to hear. I'm applying to a few jobs down in Houston, and I was hoping for a gay community that's better than Seattle's. icon_neutral.gif
  • chi_rock

    Posts: 207

    Apr 16, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    Taking many things into consideration, it might make sense to relocate -- job, city atmosphere, dating prospects, family & friends, ...

    If you are not giving up a great job, why not take a chance? What's the worst thing that could happen?
  • Guycicle

    Posts: 228

    Apr 16, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your responses!

    Truth of the matter is a lot probably has to do with being a little more 'out' and self-accepting and also seeking out venues beyond the internet & bar scene.

    One thing I've noticed though is that when I'm in bigger cities I don't really have an issue with being more open and out. For example, for some reason when I'm on a date here I prefer for it not to be obvious to the general public that it's a date. I probably assume that people are less accepting than they are, or maybe it's a 'hometown' mentality deal I have going on, whereas in larger cities there's more anonymity and I don't care as much.

    I also don't want to contribute to the 'gay exodus' that happens to many smaller cities but at this point a move is probably inevitable - I'm kinda itching for a change in scenery, and as far as my professional development I'm looking into going into education or translation/interpreting for Spanish/Portuguese so that lends itself to more international city such as Chicago, NYC, or Miami.

    I might actually move to Houston to work with an organization full-time that I've been involved with the past few years. Not the 'ideal' place (especially since I'd prefer to be 'car-free') but the place did have its charm and appeal. I stayed mostly in the Montrose area which is probably the ideal neighborhood there, and I had lunch at a pretty 'gay' restaurant Burnaby's and saw lot's of good-looking (presumably) gay guys there.

    If only Chicago could tone down their winters and grow some mountains I'd be set icon_cool.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    There are entire countries with less than 1 million people. Unless the local population have been specially winnowed of gays, I doubt the dating scene is as bad as you've made it out to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    You do what you feel is necessary and will make you happier. If a move is what you think can do the trick then go for it but honestly I don't think it's about number.

    Personally, I wouldn't move just because of the dating scene. I'd move for more practical reasons. I'd say you just need to step your game up and do a little self-evaluating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    Clearly we need a gay Drake equation to answer this precisely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    If that's what you think will make you happy, then try it out. I completely feel you on the small city thing... There aren't a million people here in my town, but glancing at your city (Salt Lake) I imagine our dating pools are about the same haha.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    Larkin saidIf that's what you think will make you happy, then try it out. I completely feel you on the small city thing... There aren't a million people here in my town, but glancing at your city (Salt Lake) I imagine our dating pools are about the same haha.


    This. I am in Bozeman and I get people hitting me up from slc because the dating scene out there sucks so much.