Jealousy- A slightly different perspective.

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    Apr 16, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    I think its fair enough to say that many of us have at one point or another dealt with feelings of jealousy or paranoia.

    I had an interesting experience in which my ex (whom had been burnt in the past) was constantly testing me and getting jealous over the craziest little things. Eventually It all got to be too much and we broke it off.

    For the record, I am a faithful guy- I flew 700 miles every week to see him and spent 5 out of 7 days with him. I never saw friends (because he would get jealous) he always knew where I was. I never cheated or even talked to anyone.


    After we broke up a few mutual acquaintances approached me to tell me that he was shady and told me of questionable behavior that occurred while we were dating. They said to steer clear he was no good.

    Recently hes been trying to rekindle some sort of friendship.. but the idea is kinda weird to me... he maintains that he "didn't trust me" while we were dating and doesn't really recall his crazy behaviors... I feel like he's almost projecting his own behaviors onto me....making me the enemy when he is his own worst enemy....recalling events from the past in a completely different way than occurred in reality..

    This is a new one for me.. ive never dealt with someone like this... Are you guys familiar with this behavior? Is it a maturity thing? Should I just run away screaming or should I try to get him therapy? ... I need some perspective from the peanut gallery...


    Ready go!
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    Aww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    Oh? what would you do?
  • BmwKid92

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    Apr 16, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    i laugh at anyone trying to do long distance relationship...

    how'd you like paying 300$ every week? and then deal with his behavior... fool
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    Jealousy = Possessiveness = Controlling = Unresolved mental issues.
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    k1ng said i laugh at anyone trying to do long distance relationship...

    how'd you like paying 300$ every week? and then deal with his behavior... fool


    I had free flight privileges =)

    some things are worth going the distance for- you are kinda young... you might not get that yet..
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    Apr 16, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    Oh? what would you do?


    I'm naturally a hermit and a loner, so spend about 90% of my time by myself already. It's the perfect match for someone who wants to keep me all to themselves since I already don't socially interact with anyone else.
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    Oh? what would you do?


    I'm naturally a hermit and a loner, so spend about 90% of my time by myself already. It's the perfect match for someone who wants to keep me all to themselves since I already don't socially interact with anyone else.



    Im the same way.. I value my alone time.. the crazy part... he would get jealous of the fact i was alone at home....
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidJealousy = Possessiveness = Controlling = Unresolved mental issues.


    Im leaning towards your opinion
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante said
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    Oh? what would you do?


    I'm naturally a hermit and a loner, so spend about 90% of my time by myself already. It's the perfect match for someone who wants to keep me all to themselves since I already don't socially interact with anyone else.



    Im the same way.. I value my alone time.. the crazy part... he would get jealous of the fact i was alone at home....


    Maybe it's just a twisted fantasy I have because I've never experienced jealousy or possessiveness from someone else towards me. They've just been, aloof and indifferent.
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    catchy_screen_name said... he would get jealous of the fact i was alone at home....
    Wow. That kinda makes you look a little bit stupid for putting up with it for so long...especially buying plane tickets every week to put up with it.

    I woulda cut him off the first week.
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    the things we do for love?
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    catchy_screen_name saidthe things we do for love?
    I can empathize with that statement.
    I've been quite stupid myself a few times over "love" (aka: infatuation).
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    OMG!!! That shit sounds just like my ex... Just last night he asked abou getting back then right afterwards added "but i want you to change gyms" i hung up...
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    The bottom line is that it really doesn't matter "why" he did what he did, you were his boyfriend, not his mother. And it's not your responsibility to fix him.
    A certain amount of jealousy is normal but when it negatively affects a relationship is when it becomes toxic.

    I dated a guy who was super possessive and painfully jealous, even of my family. He also got very possessive when I spent too much time alone, like you, I was totally 110% faithful. A lot of his insecurity came from when he had found out that his husband of 12 years had been cheating from day one.

    Are the misfortunes of others a shame, "Yes". Does it give anyone license to mistreat others? "Absolutely Not".

    It takes more than "Love" to make a relationship work. Relationships ARE work so choose your team carefully. And if you're going to set yourself up for anything, set yourself up for success with someone you can depend on.

    Trying to take my own advice...
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    Apr 16, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    HEY!!! What are you doing posting on here???!!! I thought I said NO communication with the outside world! icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 16, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidJealousy = Possessiveness = Controlling = Unresolved mental issues.
    This*^
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    Apr 16, 2012 10:44 PM GMT
    k1ng said i laugh at anyone trying to do long distance relationship...

    how'd you like paying 300$ every week? and then deal with his behavior... fool


    ...and I pity anyone who won't even give it a chance. While the times it won't work out are greater than the times it will - it doesn't mean it isn't worth it.

    As for the OP... he obviously has issues that sound like they are bigger than anything you can help him with. Run away screaming.
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    Apr 17, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    My first ever serious living together relationship was like that. He was always accusing me of sleeping around. He hated my relationship with my sister and her partner who were so accepting and friendly towards him.
    Turns out he used to follow me home from work and had done so for months to check up on me. He would then go and do a beat and meet me home afterwards, I dunno do you americans call them beats or cottaging? Anyway there was a problem at work and managers were being followed home by the cops after a major incident, basically for our own protection. The cops thought his behaviour was strange and they pulled him over and took him to the station. He was such a mess that he gave the cops all his notes on my movements for the past few months told them all kinds of crap lol.
    I only found this out after we broke up (badly) when our head of security handed me a file.
    He still hates me some 20 years on. I moved away a long time ago and have bumped into him a couple of times in my time back home. He is nuts and over my years away has done some pretty nasty things to friends of mine plus his ex friends that sided with me when we broke up.
    One thing I did learn is when your boyfriend accuses you of sleeping around and you arent, HE IS!
    Last little episode was at a new bar opening when he strated yelling at my date for stealing me away from him, um like that was 20 years ago.
    Nutter
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    Apr 17, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    Not to over-dramatize things but that wasn't jealousy, that was abusive behavior. Don't go the friendship route with him, be thankful it is over.

    He is a control-freak. Being jealous every time you interacted with someone, being jealous when you were alone, being jealous about every little thing? I don't think so, he was just mad that he couldn't control you 24/7, that you had a life that he had no control over. Did he blame you for being jealous, for being in a bad mood?

    He seems to be a lighter case, since he didn't get violent with you, or threaten suicide in case you left him or some such shit.
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    Apr 17, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante said
    catchy_screen_name said
    Ariodante saidAww I wish someone was aggressively possessive with me...I'd be so good at it!


    Oh? what would you do?


    I'm naturally a hermit and a loner, so spend about 90% of my time by myself already. It's the perfect match for someone who wants to keep me all to themselves since I already don't socially interact with anyone else.



    Im the same way.. I value my alone time.. the crazy part... he would get jealous of the fact i was alone at home....


    Maybe it's just a twisted fantasy I have because I've never experienced jealousy or possessiveness from someone else towards me. They've just been, aloof and indifferent.


    You've been spending too much time on RJ. I think you had better delete your account.
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    Apr 17, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    I think a guy who flirt (or cheat) with others and lie to his partner about it can imagine everybody does the same.

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    Apr 17, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    Sounds like a psycho. Run like you're being pursued by Satan.
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    Apr 17, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    turbobilly said
    You've been spending too much time on RJ. I think you had better delete your account.


    Your decisive and commanding tone is making me all hot and bothered icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 17, 2012 10:52 AM GMT
    In situations like that the people who are so jealous and controlling like he was is more likely to cheat. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was projecting his behaviors onto you.