Relationship woes, need some help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2008 9:02 PM GMT
    Hi Everyone
    So, the short story is I feel miserable because I actually felt I met someone that was my "soul mate," and was the first time I ever felt real love-- but I just got my ass dumped because he wants to try it again with his b/f from years prior....

    so this might sound naive, but I feel so strongly about how real what we had was that I should just wait... and either they'll screw up and he'll come back or I'll die a lonely bitter old man. I don’t think it’s possible that I’ll ever find someone that I can feel that strongly about again.

    Anyways, I don't have many (any) gay friends to sit around an eat ice cream with (is that what you’re suppose to do?) so I appreciate any advice or thoughts from any of you.
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    Jul 16, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    Well warrior_poet63 you probably don't believe this now, but there will likely be other guys that bring out these emotions in you, albeit for different reasons.

    Don't waste too much time pining for him, it is very easy to waste precious years of your life having a crush on a guy that cannot reciprocate. I spent my university undergrad years holding a candle for one of my best friends. Unfortunately he was straight.
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Jul 16, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    Oh, sorry about the break-up. Can be heart-breaking I know. I'm going to tell you now, that in time you will get passed it and you will love again. You won't believe it where you're standing now, but in time, it will happen.

    Hope the next guy is more deserving!

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    Jul 16, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    That sucks. How long were you together? Its natural to feel sad. But do not sit and wait for him to come back to you. That would make you his second choice. Your better than that. In the words of Aaliyah, just dust yourself off and try again. There are a millions of guys out there.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 16, 2008 11:11 PM GMT
    You need to listen to some of Fiona Apple's rage songs. It sucks that he wasn't over his previous, but it happens, unfortunately.

    Fortunately, though, you're young, good looking, and will learn from the experience. You'll laugh and love again too. Hurt for now, but try not to get jaded.

    Movies like Carrie, Enough, The Burning Bed, etc. will help you through better than Chunky Monkey Ice Cream.
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:14 PM GMT
    Since you're the warrior poet, here's a piece of original poetry to answer you:

    You're all of 21,
    Go out and have some fun.
    Don't fret it right now, for you
    Aren't an old maid till 22.
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:26 PM GMT
    I think its normal for you to feel the way you do. I am in a similar situation. I try to keep myself busy so I am not thinking abt my ex. I still love him and miss him but have to just cut all ties with him for now. I have a great support group (friends, family, and co workers). Time heals a broken heart.. You are a good looking guy and your young. When the time is right you will meet someone and have those feeling again! icon_smile.gif take care
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:31 PM GMT
    warrior_poet...ya know those feelings that are making the break-up such a bitch? Those feelings are the same ones that make a relationship so worthwhile. Just chill, take time to get yourself over the man, and somethin' good'll come your way again. For as perfect as this relationship mighta seemed, the next one might be unimaginably better.
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:32 PM GMT
    sorry to hear. Been there done that. As other's said, don't wait around. There are others, that will give you the same feeling or perhaps even more.

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    Jul 16, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    wow, thank you all so much. I think inside I know what you're guys are saying is true... it's just a matter of waiting for me to feel it, I guess. Anyways, thanks for being thoughtful to a stranger. icon_smile.gif

    Kudo's on the limmerick. ;)
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:43 PM GMT
    jprichva saidSince you're the warrior poet, here's a piece of original poetry to answer you:
    You're all of 21,
    Go out and have some fun.
    Don't fret it right now, for you
    Aren't an old maid till 22.

    I agree with JP, you're young. Look around, who knows by the time you're done looking maybe this guy will realize what he gave up to try again with his old flame and that flame will go out and he'll be back looking for love!
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    Jul 16, 2008 11:52 PM GMT
    Warrior...
    This is how I see it; people come in to our lives for a certain amount of, whether it's 5 seconds or a lifetime. They come in to teach/show us something and vice versa with others. So, although you may not be able to be "with" him, look at it that he showed you that it IS possible to feel that way! And you should believe that another day will come and someone else will re-ignite those feelings again!! Take care bud and have some Soy Ice Cream tonight and ENJOY!!!
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Jul 17, 2008 12:03 AM GMT
    It maybe difficult, but you'll get through it and then you'll meet someone else and make another go at it.

    Good luck!!!!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 17, 2008 12:22 AM GMT
    Dude you are 21! You've yet to meet some incredible people in your life, people who really challenge your way of thinking and what you want out of life.

    Treasure what you had and move on. He has, hasn't he? I hope.
    I've had a seven year relationship, and a six plus year relationship in my life. While relationships important, they are secondary to your growth as an individual.
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    Jul 17, 2008 12:27 AM GMT
    am I late in experiencing/learning this... feeling? It was just like a whole different perspective of the world opened up and now its gone.

    it helps to hear people put it in perspective, that it was part of me growing individually.

    He's the first person i ever loved so I guess it feels a little hopeless like it would be my last too.

    Hopefully that will go with time.

    But I'm heading off tonight to see some friends. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow. Thanks for the help everyone.
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    Jul 17, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    a1972guy saidWarrior...
    This is how I see it; people come in to our lives for a certain amount of, whether it's 5 seconds or a lifetime. They come in to teach/show us something and vice versa with others. So, although you may not be able to be "with" him, look at it that he showed you that it IS possible to feel that way! And you should believe that another day will come and someone else will re-ignite those feelings again!!


    very well-said, and he speaks true! learn from the time that you have shared with this guy, i guarantee that you've learned and grown from your experience with him.

    let yourself feel the sadness, it is part of the process. i endured a breakup last year, and you are echoing a lot of what i was going through. i promise you it will get better.

    certainly do not wait around for him, you could very well be waiting around for nothing. the future is an illusion at this point, focus on your present/now, take care of you.

    definitely chat with us here, lots of supportive people on here. i found that talking with friends helps tremendously. there is a wealth of info from these guys in RealJock, take advantage of it (and them if they want, LOL)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
    I have to take the hard point here. Your feelings towards him were clearly stronger than his towards you. What just happened to you is something you will be thankful for later. It proves that you can love someone intensely. You fell for someone who didn't truly reciprocate that since he had never gotten over his ex.

    Take some time out from dating until you feel good again. Spend time with your friends. When the time is right and you don't expect it, you will find or be found by someone better and more worthy.
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    Jul 17, 2008 1:12 AM GMT
    Why do people quickly say and use the word "soul mate" so carelessy. Don't get me wrong. It would be nice to meet your soulmate but in order to do that they themnself have to feelt he same way about you as you do them. Clearly that didn't happen so this suppossed "soulmate" sounds more like someone youwere crushing hard on. It happens I guess.

    You are pretty young and have yet to live life and experience a few things. Go out, taste some life and all it has to offer and have your fun, man. besides it sounds like this guy wasn't all that interested you anyway so don't waste your time with someone like that.
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    Jul 18, 2008 1:30 PM GMT
    Some men like to play the game of bouncing back and forth between lovers - and your ex may be one of those. If he comes back to you and you take him back, he'll most likely leave again. I've seen it happen many times to friends and it's happened to me.

    Let yourself grieve but then you need to pick yourself up and try again. The first love is hard to get over, but someday you will look back on it and wonder why you ever felt that way about him. Over time, you may find there were signs that he wasn't what you thought he was.

    Find some things that will take your mind off of him and relationships, like volunteering - especially for a GLBT organization. You cab also meet other gay friends that way.
    _________________________________________________
    OK, on a side note, I'm really getting tired of reading a variation of "You're young and cute - you'll find someone." I've seen it on a lot of forums lately. Being young and cute doesn't guarantee someone he'll find a relationship. Every human being deserves to be loved, not just the young and cute.