What to call him?!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 1:01 AM GMT
    Maybe it's just me. But, it seems that the gay community struggles for a term that defines their monogamous, committed relationships. There is partner or partnered which to me as businessman garners a rather cold image (although, there is "business" that is transacted ...clears throat). Partner also conjures up an image of Tonto with the Lone Ranger. Yes, they were buddies and had shooters strapped to their waist (close), but still not an emotionally satisfying conveyance of the commitment and love of a gay couple who are married, joined together in civil union, or who are monogamously committed ...and, who share a desire for the depth of their commitment and love to be known and acknowledged by others.

    The use of my husband can be confusing outside the gay community.

    Do any of you ever use the term spouse when speaking about your significant other or when introducing him to family or friends?

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    Jul 17, 2008 1:13 AM GMT
    I use boyfriend. It says "this is the person I am in a relationship with and fuck" while not being confusing with gender. It also highlights that I am not married, and that I can't get married in my blue, blue but red senate state (See you in hell Joe Bruno).
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    Jul 17, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    How about the term life partner?
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    Jul 17, 2008 2:17 AM GMT
    I don't think "husband" has to be exclusive the heterosexuals. I don't think there should be that much confusion over it anyway; husband implies a male partner, so if a guy introduced another as a husband, it'd be pretty obvious what was happening there.

    But I feel I'd probably use any terms interchangeably. Husband, partner, boyfriend, etc... It's all the same, I guess.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jul 17, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    Depends on the situation. If I know using partner or spouse will let me clear someones head without having "the" talk with the person who doesn't need to know.. then I use that. Also he has an unusual name "Ayan" thereby allowing me to use that without assigning a gender. If I want someone to know, or I am introducing him in person it is usually boyfriend, as MunchingZombie said above.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 17, 2008 2:33 AM GMT
    Well I think "partner" makes sense to me... I'm more comfortable with "boyfriend" now than what I used to.. the term "spouse" or certainly "husband" brings about an eyeroll from me still. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just not there with it.
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    Jul 17, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    I don't like husband either. I have used boyfriend in the past or partner. IF partner sounds too business like it is because it is in your head that way. I hear straight couples use that word all the time. You can, as a matter of fact, just say "this is ______ we are a couple." But why not just introduce him with his name?

    If people want to know more they can ask or you can just hold his hand when you introduce him. If people want a title, just pick one you like. If it is your family and friends, I would hope they already know you are with him.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 17, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    Boyfriend is the catchall phrase

    But if I did actually go through a marriage ceremony
    say in Massachusetts damn str8 I'd call him my husband
    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    I use the term partner most of the time. If at some point we do get married, then husband is great.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Jul 17, 2008 4:02 AM GMT
    Spooge catcher.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Jul 17, 2008 4:05 AM GMT
    I call him "Squarejaw."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 4:05 AM GMT
    Squarejaw saidSpooge catcher.

    Why does that sounds soooooooooooo sexy when Squarejaw says it? ... icon_redface.gif ... icon_eek.gif ... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 4:13 AM GMT
    My Guy.
    My B/F.
    Mi uver arf!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 4:26 AM GMT
    My dirty little sex poodle ?

    Nahhh,that sounds just wrong. Nevermind.

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 4:27 AM GMT
    i know it's "dated," but i like the term "lover"
  • davidnta

    Posts: 86

    Jul 17, 2008 4:59 AM GMT
    I use the term partner because it represents for me someone who is equal in my life. When I think of husband and wife, it conjures an image of hegemonic culture in that one person owns the other. It also feels separated whereas one word that both people can use. Yes you can use husband for both, but I'm thinking about the bigger picture that includes straight people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI use boyfriend. It says "this is the person I am in a relationship with and fuck" while not being confusing with gender. It also highlights that I am not married, and that I can't get married in my blue, blue but red senate state (See you in hell Joe Bruno).


    In California...suddenly my friends are using foreign words like husband, fiance, engaged, etc. It's interesting how the right to marry changes the entire conversation about people's relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    My little cum dumptser.

    Though past BFs have been called, Lover-Muffin-Pooky-Butt, Snuggy-Wuggy-Sugar-Butt and Fart-Boy.
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    Jul 17, 2008 5:28 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidHow about....?

    "Meet my bitch, (insert first name here).."




    Ding ding ding! We have a winner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 5:33 AM GMT
    I have to agree with "dancerjack" from above, LOVER is the best term!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 3:10 PM GMT
    Simply, the BF!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jul 17, 2008 3:14 PM GMT
    "My Future EX Boyfriend"???? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    I'd prefer Husband, I guess. It implies a bit of impishness, a going-against the grain rebelliousness, and a deep connection that goes beyond mere boyfriends (which sounds like something you have in high school).

    Then again, all of them are ok. However there is a difference in quality to me.

    Boyfriend - to me sounds less serious than Life Partner

    Husband - sounds more serious than a boyfriend and spoken in comfortable circles (like among friends)

    Partner - sounds like a boyfriend but spoken in polite circles.

    Life Partner - sounds very PC... and seems to bow down to the heteronorm that wives and husbands are terms for straight people only. Much like marriage and civil unions. There is no difference except that there is a difference. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Spouse - sounds very legal. LOL And awkward since it usually refers to the wives in our culture (Esposa is more often used than Esposo).

    Lover - sounds more focused on the sexual/sensual side.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 3:25 PM GMT
    Personally, I always liked referring to my significant other as my "love shack baby".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    Life partner, because if something happened to him I would probably not date again.

    We passed the "boyfriend" stage many years ago. After 1 year we stopped using that term and started saying partner.