dating much younger...20 yrs younger

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    Apr 18, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    i have been dating a guy who is 26 and im 47....we both healthy fit and younger looking than our ages...lol...we are very compatible on many levels but have some stupid arguements ....we think alike in so many ways when it comes to gay life...morals..integrity...humor...fun...communication..intimacy..passion...friends and family....he is not out to his family yet......

    he isnt concerned about the age difference as much as me and we have developed very strong feeling for each other....our time is limited to about 16hr per week due our working schedules......

    just asking for others opinions or experiences with this type of situation before major heart break and disappointment occurs

    thanks
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    Apr 18, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    it reads like you've made a connection. Enjoy it for it's duration which might be a lifetime, a few weeks or days. keep the communication open and listen to the language of your relationship.
    Picking someone to share your life with is a huge compliment, Embrace it.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:03 PM GMT
    you measured compatibility superficially...
    how about try measuring it in means of...

    maturity level, and phase in life...
    if one is more mature than the other or one is at a different phase in life than the other, then it really isnt compatible.

    *ref: alike - synonymous to compatible
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 18, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    Like any relationship, if it feels right just roll with it.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    The real test is if you can live together or even want to. Contrary to conventional wisdom nothing lasts forever so I just take it it one day at a time.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 18, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    ythings saidyou measured compatibility superficially...
    how about try measuring it in means of...

    maturity level, and phase in life...
    if one is more mature than the other or one is at a different phase in life than the other, then it really isnt compatible.

    *ref: alike - synonymous to compatible



    I disagree. Obviously, by nature a 20 year age gap is going to mean different maturity levels and different phases in life, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are not compatible. They just have to find the right balance that works for them. I know many couples who have been together a long time with large age gaps. It can work, but only if both parties are willing and/or able to communicate openly and commit to it working. Granted, that sort of age gap is probably not ideal, but when the good chemistry finds you with the right person, sometimes you have to just throw caution to the wind and see where it takes you.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    ythings saidyou measured compatibility superficially...
    how about try measuring it in means of...

    maturity level, and phase in life...
    if one is more mature than the other or one is at a different phase in life than the other, then it really isnt compatible.

    *ref: alike - synonymous to compatible



    I disagree. Obviously, by nature a 20 year age gap is going to mean different maturity levels and different phases in life, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are not compatible. They just have to find the right balance that works for them. I know many couples who have been together a long time with large age gaps. It can work, but only if both parties are willing and/or able to communicate openly and commit to it working. Granted, that sort of age gap is probably not ideal, but when the good chemistry finds you with the right person, sometimes you have to just throw caution to the wind and see where it takes you.
    I completely agree with this statement. I also know that one of my relatives married significantly younger in a straight relationship and they can make it work out, so why can't the OP?
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:29 PM GMT
    Yeah, I think looking for maturity is just a code word for the gay tendancy to be narcisstic and want to date oneself. It seems that anyone that does not behave like oneself is immature or retarded. I don't have much in common with my youngin but why should I. In the long run I wonder if it matters since hopefully both partners are changing learning growing becoming someone different.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    kdok111 saidi have been dating a guy who is 26 and im 47....we both healthy fit and younger looking than our ages...lol...we are very compatible on many levels but have some stupid arguements ....we think alike in so many ways when it comes to gay life...morals..integrity...humor...fun...communication..intimacy..passion...friends and family....he is not out to his family yet......

    he isnt concerned about the age difference as much as me and we have developed very strong feeling for each other....our time is limited to about 16hr per week due our working schedules......

    just asking for others opinions or experiences with this type of situation before major heart break and disappointment occurs

    thanks


    You lucky dog.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    I've been dating someone almost 30 years older for a year now. And it's been working very nicely, so good luck to you.
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    Apr 18, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    My current bf is 12 yrs younger than me. We get along just fine. My previous bf was over 20 yrs younger and we ended it only because of an issue he had but it had nothing to do with us not being able to be in a relationship together. It can work if you're willing to make it work. Like any relationship, they take constant work, open communications and love.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Apr 18, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    My body is 47 years old and my BF's body is 28 years old. The disparate chronology hasn't been a problem. We treat each other as equals. We each listen to the other person a lot. We try not to give unsolicited advice to each other. We're both learning and loving life.

    To answer the question about 20 years from now, when BF is my age and I am approaching 70, yeah, if we're still together at that point, he's still going to be okay with the age disparity. Really you don't know who's going to be taking care of whom way in the future.

    The arguing in your relationship might be worth exploring. What are you arguing about? As the one who might have more life experience, why do you argue with him? It takes two to argue. Can you find better ways to communicate?

  • BillNYC1

    Posts: 6

    Apr 18, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    I agree with the general drift of most comments (no reason it can't work). Dont have anything to add except that I tend to be attracted to guys 15-30 yrs younger than myself. Obviously this is not for the majority, but there's no use denying it can be a valid emotional/erotic choice for certain guys, younger for older and vice-versa. I think if there is a predisposition for an inter-generational match, the couple is more likely to work through the inevitable differences in other areas.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 18, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    Age is just a number. The only relevant question is whether you're happy with each other. Everything else is immaterial.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    It seems like you guys are compatible. If you love each other, damn what we think...
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 19, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    Enjoy it and see how things progress - don't "overthink" it.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Apr 19, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    i dated a guy who was 20yrs older and we were each others first true love. there's no reason why it can't work. we're not together anymore but its not because of the age difference
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    Apr 19, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    I've dated 25 years older than me, no problem at all ( I prefer and choose it that way).
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    Apr 19, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidHere is another way to look at it:
    30 - 50
    40 - 60
    45 - 65
    50 - 70

    Would you date someone 70 years old?
    how rich is he?
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    Apr 19, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    I dated a guy 17 years younger, but the situation was somewhat atypical. He was my first bf; he was 27; I was 44. We clicked because he was the "old soul" and I was the frisky one, all caught up in the excitement of my first gay relationship. We ended it because he wanted to get married and I couldn't see myself marrying the first man I'd ever dated. In hindsight, leaving him was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but I know he's better off; I loved him, but I wasn't *in love* with him.
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    Apr 19, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidLike any relationship, if it feels right just roll with it.
    This*