Do guys date anymore??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2007 4:06 PM GMT
    My (second) 5-year relationship ended last October. I've gone through the mourning process, and I feel ready to put myself out there again. However, it seems no one is really into dating's either the immediate hook-up, the first date that never calls back, or the back-and-forth online that never goes anywhere. Last night I mustered up the courage to ask someone I've been eying on a date, and his response was "I'm not into dating anyone...I haven't dated anyone since I moved here."(OK, I admit I'm not the smoothest guy when it comes to making the first move...)I've got a new condo, possibly new job, and my Golden Retriever is due to have puppies this fall. I'd like my love life to begin anew too...

    What are other experiences out there? Has the Internet killed gay dating? Or is it me? :-)
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 03, 2007 9:12 PM GMT
    From where I stand it shouldnt be you, becuase your pretty hot.

    Its just that the Internet made Hooking up a lot easier. But it also incrased the rate of ONS and bad experiences with different guys. I have to say that I am sick too from dating. But I dont want to be alone anymore and the net is my only way to find someone.(It was it in Austria and here in Guatemala even more)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 03, 2007 9:15 PM GMT
    I do agree with you...the internet has killed dating per say
    It's so dam easy to just let your fingers do the walking when you get the urge that dating seems almost old fashioned
    ...but there's a lot to be said for going out with someone you're interested in more than a quickie with
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2007 9:22 PM GMT
    I don't know if guys date anymore. They're not dating me, that's for sure.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 03, 2007 10:12 PM GMT
    A better question is if there are still first dates that dont end in sex. I mean, its sometimes almost like you fight through the evening so that the Sex can begin. Thats stupid.

    And to the guy who posted above me, welcome to the club man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 1:31 AM GMT
    Wow, and here I thought I was alone. I cant do the iDating thing. I dont know how people do that.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 04, 2007 3:51 AM GMT
    There certainly are those of us who date without removing our clothing at the end of it. We may not be the majority, but we aren't quite extinct yet either. I actually had a date last night which was miniature golf and dinner, followed by (bizarrely) watching some TV. We ended with a handshake and a hug without groping. I'm hoping to see him again. ;)
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Aug 04, 2007 4:43 AM GMT
    i have had nothing, but disappointments, when it comes to even meeting guys. let me ask you if alcohol on a first date should be a no no. cause tonight i met a nightmare that could have made me sworn off dating all together. i think i am going back to ugly women. boo hoo hooh.

    regionally for you fellas, are there enough gay men in your community to even pick from?

    when you meet folks do they just want to suck your dick behind a dumpster? (well at least at a truck stop, or dorm shower, or on some nature trail in the woods.)

    what ever happened to dinner, conversation, nice lighting, great conversation, nerves, kissing, and laughter? followed by a moanful orgasm, of course.

    i am just saying by us acting like this, we are just going to push ourselves further into the god damn closet.

    someone who can talk, laugh, hold their drink, and shave their balls, please fucking hit me up.

    good luck trying to snag one gentlemen, keep your heads up!
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 04, 2007 4:54 AM GMT
    a date?? u mean something other than 'oh here is the gate code' ?!?!?!?! i hardly ever date. i hardly ever get asked out. the last guy who had the balls to come up to me and ask me out was 2 YEARS ago. just out of the clear blue come up and say hello. the ones i meet online i must say that i would actually have dinner with are always disappointments. sometimes i think it is better to just settle for the 'honeymoon' and for go the thoughts of the 'marriage' =(
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 6:04 AM GMT
    Latin: I'm in the same boat as you. I've had plenty of first dates, and they were great, but then they just fizzled out. One guy even after I unfortunately canceled on him (I called him that same day in the morning because a meeting I had switched times and ran late), took it very personally, wondering "how could I take him seriously." Weirdness, man....

    I know there are guys out there that are interested in dating, like I am, but I just can't seem to find them. Do they all hang out at a particular place? And how come I don't know of this place?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:01 AM GMT
    The few first dates I've had were great first dates...dinner, good conversation, a nice bottle of wine. They didn't end in sex, and the sexual energy is what made the prospect of a second date so tantalizing. It is disappointing when it didn't materialize.

    I find it particularly frustrating because my ex and I did the "nesting" thing for the last two years we were together, and I have very few gay friends in SF. So being introduced to other guys isn't really an option. It's turned out most of my friendships are with straight guys, who, generally, aren't the best sources for meeting other single gay men...LOL

    ChicGymGeek, I'm wondering the same as you...did someone take all available gay men who want to date and put them somewhere? Is there a secret handshake, like the Stonecutters? (Simpsons reference...)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:00 AM GMT
    My spouse and I met online and we talked for a while online before we actually met. Once we met, we dated for at least three weeks before we had intimate relations. We're still together, almost 10 years later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:07 AM GMT
    mini golf, dinner and some tv would be a really hot date. why cant more guys be like that lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 1:10 PM GMT
    I like to date...dinners, movies, getting to know each other...the good stuff. I've been lucky to find similar minded guys.

    I'm also a monogomous-LTR-minded guy (I was "married" for 7+ years), so I'm not really into hook-ups/one night stands.

  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 04, 2007 1:39 PM GMT
    It seem that the only place I can meet gay men is places where we will ended having sex anyway. I meet this nice guy at the club , we like each other then I follow him to his hotel, of course we ended up having sex. The other fellow I meet, this good looking navy fellow on his vacation. Now he follow me home and we also ended up having sex.

    In order to date first before sex , I need to meet gay men at non sexual oriented places. But that not that many isnt it! Even if I meet guy online I also probably will end up having sex.

    Those romantic day of dating, candle light dinner , riding car under the cerry moon are a little bit not realistic nowaday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 3:08 PM GMT
    I prefer hanging out and meeting someone as opposed to a hook-up and an awkward goodbye.
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    Aug 04, 2007 5:38 PM GMT
    I just had a date last night. Dinner, and then we went for a walk, sat in his back yard and had ice tea, and then we hugged and I went home. It was quite nice. This is actually the second time we met.

    I'm definitely more the dating type of guy, and although I went through a decently short slutty stage after my break up, I'm back to the type of things I would do before. I would agree with zakariahzol that it's best to meet in places that people wouldn't expect to get a hookup. And, you're also clear that you're not looking for a hookup.

    There's actually a guy that I've been talking to online, and it's a site where there's a lot of hooking up going on, but we're definitely in the getting to know you mode, but I have no idea what position he likes or how big his equipment is. Sometimes, you've just got to send a clear message about what you're interested in, and that includes actually taking the risk and approaching someone yourself. (I'm guilty of hanging back too, but I'm learning that I really can't do that.)
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Aug 04, 2007 6:34 PM GMT
    When reading my reply, please keep in mind I live in LA, which does have a sizeable gay population.

    I do date a lot (of the non-sexual variety). Usually just coffee, but sometimes lunch, dinner, movies, or a walk. I haven't done much of the proto-typical, "pick you up at 7 for dinner and a movie" but its still dating nonetheless.

    There are a lot of guys out here who are just into that, but it does require weeding through guys who aren't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:06 PM GMT
    Hi LMSF. If I may be so bold, simply banish the word "dating" from your vocabulary. Then do all the things you want to do to get to know a great guy and find other ways to describe the experience.

    These days, "dating" is a word used to make it more convenient for others to understand your relationship or status, especially straight people. Problem is, "dating" is one of those old words formed by generations of connotation, mostly with stress and anxiety. It's the uptight '50s teenagers folding their hands and sipping malt-shop sodas. It's the job-interview vibe of those serial dating lunch events. It's the straight-defined expectation of one person feeding the other and buying them things without knowing them that well, much like a lobbyist pumping cash into a campaign. It's those awful TV shows where a couple meets and goes on a date, and you see all those mean-spirited thought bubbles pop up above their heads. It's the guy in the old silent movie bringing the damsel some flowers, only to have her coyly turn away.

    I'll bet lots of guys hear the d-word, but inside hear "What? You want to spend time with me to find out if we should spend the rest of our lives together? I cannot handle that pressure right now! Later dude I'm off to the bar for a quickie I won't remember." As gay men, our judgement of each other paralyzes us all.

    Has there never been an easier, more disarming phrase than "hang out"? So long as the two guys communicate honestly, there's no need to scare anyone with the loaded d-word. The guy I make a hot breakfast for every morning forever will not be able to recall us ever "dating", but all that hanging out sure will have helped us to fall in love!

    Best of luck.


    First time posting here guys. All you hotheads take it easy on me will ya?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:44 PM GMT
    I date all the time, often not ending in sex. I tend to meet my guys through people I know, and at places that I go to alot, bookstores, coffee shops, markets. I hate the phrase hanging out, it sounds like what it is just sitting around waiting for enough time to pass so that you can fuck. Um no thank you. I'll take a date any day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:58 PM GMT

    And I don't think the internet has killed it. I've met all of my BFs except one on the Internet. Frankly, I find it the only way to meet guys who aren't big drinkers or into the club scenes. And I like having the ability to screen people first.

    That said, luck will always be a big factor when meeting people, regardless of where you meet them.

    Also, I think I've used "keeping things in perspective" in each of my last three posts, but we really need to do this. The Internet hasn't killed anything. It's just changed the game a bit.

    If you've gone back and forth with someone online and they have been unwilling to meet in person after a reasonable amount of time, it is no different from endless phone tag, which people complained about 15 years ago because the Internet wasn't then an easy scapegoat. It just means that for whatever reason, the person is too busy, or otherwise not sufficiently motivated to meet.

    Also - re: first dates that fizzle out. Regardless of sexual orientation, it simply means that someone wasn't compelled enough for a second date. Period. Let's not descend into rampant hyperbole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:25 PM GMT
    I think part of the problem is too many gay men sitting on their asses thinking, "Poor me, I'm so beautiful yet no one is interested, etc". Damn guys, we've got to learn to take some initiative! We're all so busy making eyes or playing coy that we forget that step one is just saying hello and engaging in that (dare I say it) CONVERSATION.

    I think if you do things you enjoy you'll eventually run into someone who enjoys the same thing (just riding a bike I've come across some nice availible men who had some common interests). Good luck and remember it only takes a few words to meet the one for you.
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    Aug 05, 2007 12:31 AM GMT
    Not trying to sound egotistical in anyway. The option for dating or being in a commited relationship is not a problem. -yet.

    I think one thing people miss when i see this posted in someones profile is that they forget to realize that time has passed.

    Dates are gonna be fewer and farther between the older you get bro's. lets be real. Your not gonna look the same or pull the guys you used to get when you were in your 20s. as oppsed to 40s. Alot of times I see this from guys who refuse to move there age dating meter up with there age. Expect to hear I dont date if thats the case.

    In the past you might have been getting alot propostions before one relationship and have picked up some bad habbits you dont notice
    You could have become less considerate and not even notice.

    I know thats one reason why Im rarely inclined to try to settle down with someone. Alot of people dont even notice how superficial they are. Being superficial attracts superficial guys. Two superfical guys together usually doesnt work. It might look hot but usually its not. Unless they get past the infatuation with the outside, and look at the inside at least. Because the realtionship is made soley on looks.

    Try giving someone a chance you wouldnt normaly give a chance to because of there age or look. Thats the only option you have when all others are exausted. Im not there yet but from what I hear those relationships work out the best. There not built on looks so you have more time to love the inside than the outside- Those people find out before the others do- the inside is all that really matters.

    -If you dont want to show yourself. The universe will.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 05, 2007 4:01 PM GMT
    Latin, of course they still do. You hit the nail on the head when you said you are now ready for a new beginig and a new relationship. It will come. I just read "The Secret" It talked about entertaining thoughts of what you want and making them happen. Just don't sit around saying I will be alone and misrable or it will become a self fulfilling prophesy. You don't seem like that type at all! Don't be afraid to make the first move. I did and I am happy I did- he said he would have never.

    Well put Jackal! I agree.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2007 4:43 PM GMT
    Jackal has it down. Do things you like to meet people who like to do the same things.

    Most people's idea of a date are all things I don't really like to do. Going to nice restaurants are a waste of my money. Movies are too boring; the person sitting next to me is always more interesting. The whole connotation of 'dating' isn't a good one to me. Like mr. atx, I prefer to 'hang out' with guys.

    Friend is always the first step in a deeper relationship to me. You cannot skip that phase, and dating is a term used to skip that phase. I see couples all the time that aren't friends, they are just sex pods for each other. They met in a bar, and they don't share interests except sex, money, or other frivolous things.


    To hang with me you MUST:

    Enjoy the outdoors, some of my favorite things to do all require a field of grass.

    Be relatively open as a person. Mystery is a waste of time, and a stupid mind game. If you can't communicate what you want or who you are, how will anyone ever know?

    Never be offended by anything. I say a lot of things that would get me expelled if I was in public office. I tend to hang out with similar people. If you talk like Sarah Silverman when she isn't censored, we will get along.

    Treat your body well. You don't have to be an elite athlete, or muscle queen. Just respect yourself, keep decently fit, don't eat absolute shit, and we will get along. I want someone who pushes me physically and that I can push as well.


    If you can follow those basic tenets, then I'm sure we have potential to be good friends. If we become something more, it's what happens, not something either one of us can force. So screw dating, let's hang out.