Bisexuality!!

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    Apr 18, 2012 8:08 PM GMT
    After a while on RealJock, I have found the RJ community to include a lot of great guys: hot, straightforward, good people (well, maybe also an asshole here and there...) . But I have also been struck by how judgmental so many guys are about bisexuality. I know that there seem to be many here who don't believe in bisexuality, maintaining that most men who claim to be bisexual are either confused, lying to themselves and others, or are victims of social prejudices. But I know from my own personal experience and that of many guys I have met over the years, that there are alot of us who are genuinely bisexual: deeply sexually attracted to both men and women.

    I know that from a very young age, I had strong sexual impulses in both directions. I had major crushes as a kid on teachers, older kids, sports figures of both sexes. I can remember being 11 and feeling the rush of blood to my crotch when my favorite muscular camp counselor would change his bathing suit---and I could spend hours staring at his blond pits (I still have a thing for blond pits!). But I also spent countless hours trying to buy Playboy and Penthouse and trying to actually see real live breasts!. By 13, I was jerking off to pics of both men and women and totally obsessed with making out with girls. At 15, I had the joy of sex and love with a great girl---looking at and touching her body gave me a kind of physical and emotional pleasure that made everything else unimportant. It wasn't till my early 20's that I was able to experience that kind of sexual and emotional intimacy with a guy.

    I know that I experience sex with men and women differently---I have some feelings and practices with that are very different with men and women. Over the years, I have experienced my sexuality in some continually changing ways, and I hope that I continue to learn more about myself and enjoy ALL the possibilities.

    I think that the RJ community includes a very wide diversity of thoughts about bisexuality. Let's air other opinions and experiences.
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    Apr 18, 2012 9:07 PM GMT

    "But I know from my own personal experience and that of many guys I have met over the years, that there are alot of us who are genuinely bisexual: deeply sexually attracted to both men and women."


    ...and my and Bill's opinion is.....of course there are!

    -Doug

    PS I think, along with others that the only conundrum with SOME BIs is that they claim gay, then claim straight, then gay which gets the Religious Righteous in an enormous froth declaring, "See? Gay IS a choice and you can be straight if you want to, you sinner you."

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    Apr 18, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    Again?
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    Apr 18, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    There's so much unapologetic discrimination, assumption, suspicion toward bi's that its easier to claim one or the other depending on the context. Kind of like being in the closet. Might not be the brave thing to do, but sometimes I just get tired of defending myself or having to get into pointless conversations about bisexuality, when it should just be taken for granted as a perfectly normal sexuality.
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    Apr 18, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    Are you sure that the judgmental comments are coming from many different sources instead of just a few extra vocal members?
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    Apr 18, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Stuttershock saidAre you sure that the judgmental comments are coming from many different sources instead of just a few extra vocal members?


    This.

    Do not let the loudest 2% convince you that the silent majority shares their stupidity. This applies to just about every aspect of life.
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    Apr 18, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    Nivek saidThere's so much unapologetic discrimination, assumption, suspicion toward bi's that its easier to claim one or the other depending on the context. Kind of like being in the closet. Might not be the brave thing to do, but sometimes I just get tired of defending myself or having to get into pointless conversations about bisexuality, when it should just be taken for granted as a perfectly normal sexuality.



    Very nicely explained, Nivek. Thanks.

    warmly,

    -Doug

  • Apr 18, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    I am new to this site but am very familiar with the argument.
    For me as well, I have a deep undeniable feeling towards both sexes. I can walk through a store or be out on a jog and think that girl is hot, look at her tits and be truly aroused. On the same note I see a hot guy jogging without a shirt and I have trouble not making it obvious I'm getting hard.
    I have been this way as long as I can remember and like you can remember different times when one gender or the other has completly wowed me. I honestly have come to appreciate it. My biggest issue with bisexuality is the constant struggle of relationships. In that sense it is actually harder because we can not always be satisfied by one person, one gender, all the time.
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    Good post man.

    I've finally been able to admit that I am, to a degree, bisexual; if you were to go with the Kinsey Scale, I would be between four and five. There are numerous men and the occasional woman who I find sexually attractive and, if the moment was right, would be interested in finding out what it would be like to be with a woman. Although I would prefer a man to be present because men are still the predominant locus of my sexual/emotional/physical attraction.

    As for gay men being judgmental about bisexuals and bisexuality, there is one guy on here in particular who fits that description to a T. I'm sure that he will rear his head in here at some point and start judging and condemning bisexuals and bisexuality while trumpeting his own supposed "pure" homosexuality.

    All in all, sexuality IS NOT as clear as some people want it to be, both gay and straight. Most people tend to fall into the wide middle category between heterosexual and homosexual, sort of like a bell curve if you will.

    More power to you.
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    Us gays should not be judgemental of anyone no matter who or what they are. If you ask me, we should be the thankful ones that the world is beginning to become more of an acceptable place to us (somewhat). So who are we to judge anybody?
  • groundcombat

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    Apr 18, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    This again?!?

    Bisexuality would be a lot more credible as something that's not just a stepping stone out of the closet if everyone claiming to be bisexual didn't have a headless or no photo. Just saying...

    And anyway I don't claim there is no bisexual, but rather that everyone is kind of bisexual. Meaning they have varying levels of attractions for both sexes, even if very slight. I think the terms gay or straight simply refer to which side of the line you prefer (much) more.

    But hey that's just my speculation based on my observations. Don't let it get to ya.
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    The truth is, sexuality isn't black and white. It's very complex. There are MANY people in the world who are attracted to both sexes - it's just that the percentage varies. For example, a guy could be 5% gay and 95% straight, or 25% straight and 75% gay, or even 0% gay and 100% straight. Everyone is different.

    And I do believe that bisexuality exists. Sure, a lot of gay men use it as a defense when they're in denial, but true bisexuals are attracted to the PERSON, not their sex (m or f). I find some women very hot...but I would definitely rather be with a man. I'm just not sure I'd ever date a bi guy - I'd be worried that he'd run off with a woman, cuz I'd know there would be things I wouldn't be able to give him that a woman could.
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    Aero I disagree with this, "HOWEVER, despite being gay, you are perfectly able to have sex with a woman."

    There are many gays that find that idea about as appealing as having sex with great-grandma, myself and Bill among them.

    -Doug
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    I'm a 5/6 on the Kinsea scale? That said, i cannot see myself fall for a woman as intensely as i do for a man
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    Apr 18, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said Aero I disagree with this, "HOWEVER, despite being gay, you are perfectly able to have sex with a woman."

    There are many gays that find that idea about as appealing as having sex with great-grandma, myself and Bill among them.


    But you still have the physical ability, and everyone has a price. If an absolutely striking woman came to you with a legally binding contract saying that if you had sex with her, she'd give you her entire fortune of millions, you have genitalia. So does she. You have the ability to go for it no matter how disgusted you are by the idea.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    AeroNalex said
    meninlove said Aero I disagree with this, "HOWEVER, despite being gay, you are perfectly able to have sex with a woman."

    There are many gays that find that idea about as appealing as having sex with great-grandma, myself and Bill among them.


    But you still have the physical ability, and everyone has a price. If an absolutely striking woman came to you with a legally binding contract saying that if you had sex with her, she'd give you her entire fortune of millions, you have genitalia. So does she. You have the ability to go for it no matter how disgusted you are by the idea.


    Yeah, but there is no attraction, romantic or emotional. So you wouldn't call that person bisexual. That is sex under duress.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    AeroNalex saidYou have the ability to go for it no matter how disgusted you are by the idea.


    You're assuming that all men could perform, which is absolutely not the case. "The ability to go for it" doesn't mean anything in this context. Not all men would be able to achieve erection and successfully have intercourse.
    I don't think you mean "ability"; I think you mean "equipment". And not all men would be able to use the equipment they have in that scenario, so... Nope.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    I was at a bar with some friends a few weeks ago. I had made arrangements to meet up with a guy (first time meeting him) later that night. As I was leaving, one of my friends walks in (more like a friend of a friend... someone who I hang out with sometimes with other friends, but don't see much). She was wearing minishorts and a half shirt. She greated me with a hard hug and a huge smile. She then turns away towards the bar to get a drink. I couldn't help but check her out. I SO wanted to stay and have a few drinks and dance the night away with this chick, but I'm not a flake so I left the bar to meet this dude.

    I'm bisexual. Nobody can say otherwise. Some people will disagree, but it doesn't bother me. I know who I am and what I desire. Yes, I choose to live my life in private (dl), but that's my choice and I'm happy with it.

    I am attracted to the femininity of woman and the masculinity of men.... not the other way around.

    The point of this story... you are who you are. You shouldn't get caught up with labels. If someone gives you crap about it then just agree to disagree. There is no sense getting into a debate about it.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    birick said
    I'm bisexual. Nobody can say otherwise. Some people will disagree, but it doesn't bother me. I know who I am and what I desire. Yes, I choose to live my life in private (dl), but that's my choice and I'm happy with it.


    Agree. Bisexuality gets questioned more than it should because so many gays (like me) pretended to be bi before we admitted what we were and came out, so bisexuality got a rep for being just a cover, but it's complete crap to say that no one is bi. Bi guys exist. My two best friends are bi (one's married to a women; the other plays mostly but not exclusively with guys), so they are out there.

    One thing I wondered that might help is if bi guys learned to very obviously and plainly tolerate some gays' disparaging comments over bisexuality. Don't get angry, don't counter-attack; just politely pat them on the head and move in. Treat their arguments as the nonsense they are and don't fall into it. Better to ridicule their argument than legitimize them by engaging, maybe.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    I just dont like classifications: gay, str8, bi. It just raises the opportunity for hatred, when the classification is just a preference.

    I strongly prefer a guy, but who knows, tomorrow i may fall in love with a girl and have a dynamic marriage. I just dont like being branded-i am who i am. I just like keeping life simple.

    Ive had a few hetero men strongly attracted to me, it tears into the hetero marriage, to the point where they dont recover because the wife is thinking'is he just gay and never told me?' It breaks my heart to seethis many marriages demolished, all because the fear of a 'classification' called gay. I 'do not like' categories, we're all people, lets treat each other like we're people. I just think categories do much more damage than good.

    I just believe a person iz attracted to another, mostly from the emotional aspect. 'ever meet someone you thought ws drop dead gorgeous, and then you talked to them?' lollll. Then ya dont see them the same.....sometimes first impressions are deceptive, even shallow, literally. But in our minds, certain physical characteristics have similar personalities,....that's my take?
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    #MillionDollarPussy

    True, with a bag of Cialis and some decent gay porn (and assuming the millionairess was damn good looking - I'd hit it.

    But that is the rhetorical extreme - 9/10 I'm going for the cute guy with the hot bubble ass. While I find plenty of females sexually attractive, I'm not really drawn to them emotionally, which is a must for any realistic relationship.
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said#MillionDollarPussy

    True, with a bag of Cialis and some decent gay porn (and assuming the millionairess was damn good looking - I'd hit it.

    But that is the rhetorical extreme - 9/10 I'm going for the cute guy with the hot bubble ass. While I find plenty of females sexually attractive, I'm not really drawn to them emotionally, which is a must for any realistic relationship.


    You have realistic relationships? icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 18, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "But I know from my own personal experience and that of many guys I have met over the years, that there are alot of us who are genuinely bisexual: deeply sexually attracted to both men and women."


    ...and my and Bill's opinion is.....of course there are!

    -Doug

    PS I think, along with others that the only conundrum with SOME BIs is that they claim gay, then claim straight, then gay which gets the Religious Righteous in an enormous froth declaring, "See? Gay IS a choice and you can be straight if you want to, you sinner you."

    icon_wink.gif
    icon_eek.gif

    It's not only our half brothers and sisters the bisexuals who switchback and forth, that give the illusion that sexuality's a choice. Even out half brothers who start off as pseudo straights, take a wife, also make the choice to be a family man and breed, and receive all it's rewards. Then latter in life, they decide enough with the wife, or the wife and kids have had enough of them, they decide on a lifestyle change, and decide to start to live life as a gay man and not a straight man anymore. They are still neither straight or gay and nothing has change other then not having a wife, they take a man. Now it's only bisexuals who have this choice to swing, not the straight lads, and not us Bona Fide homosexuals.

    So you can not blame indiviguals and organisations concluding that these people made the choice to be gay, because they did make the choice to bat for the other team. But as for us Bona Fide homosexuals, you can not pray gay away, nor can you turne it off like a light switch. So is you contempt misplaced by putting all the blame, and contempt onto the religus who do see gay as a choice; when their thoughts are reinforced time and time again.

    Oh I do not hate or behold contempt towards our half brothers the bisexuals, I just do not see them as gay, in the same way I am. I see them as a bisexual, and I am not one of them, thus we are not one of the same, and should not be under the same banner; thats all. Us Bona Fide homosexuals have a right to an identity of our own, and this also removes us from the sins of the bisexuals.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Stuttershock saidAre you sure that the judgmental comments are coming from many different sources instead of just a few extra vocal members?


    Pretty much sums it up.
  • Guycicle

    Posts: 228

    Apr 19, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    Bisexuality definitely exists, and although I'm not too familiar with the Kinsey scale, I'd agree that there's a gay/bi/straight spectrum that everyone falls into. Sometimes when I'm drunk I consider myself to be 'bi-curious.'

    Whenever I hear people trying to argue that being gay is a choice I always wonder if maybe there's a larger amount of people who are bisexual and live a hetero lifestyle to better conform to society, and for them it actually is a choice.