"Husband" and "Wife" in gay relationship. I think its cool, how 'bout you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    I've been reading in these forums that many dislike the idea or concept of having the typical "husband" and wife" roles in a gay relationship. I understand that everyone is different and not every relationship out there is the same, either homosexual or heterosexual relationships. But I just wanted to comment a little bit about my relationship.

    I've been in a wonderful relationship for 4 years, and been living with my partner for the pst 2 years now. My partner is an awesome man and I'm very happy to be with him. Anyways, I could say that in my case, we "DO" have those typical roles in our relationship. We never planned it or even talked about it, it just happend, maybe because of our circumstances. I'm a 24 yr old college student and hes a 36 proffesional. I know, huge age difference, but hey, like I said, not all relationships are the same. It started out as a purely casual thing, but as time went by, we started spending more time together, doing different activites together, and so we developed a nice relationship that has endured for 4 years now. Since we decided to live together he has been supporting me, not only financially but emotionally as well. He told me since the beginning that since he makes a nice living there is no need for me to work and that he wants me to finish my college. So for the past 2 years hes been the one who works his butt of and me the one who goes to school, comes home, do my homework, do the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking (although hes a much better cook than me). Of course he doesnt make me do it, but I know hes tired after wotk so I inderstand I need to help out as well, at least with these types of chores. And for your information, in the bedroom I am the bottom. So if we apply the typical labels to the roles we have in our relationship, I guess we can say hes the "husband" and I'm the "wife." But as you can see, the circumstances just played out like that, we never planned it oy anything.

    Now I'm pretty sure we are not the only gay couple in this situation. I understand the labels of husband and wife might be unliked by some, but I see no problem with having these roles in a relationship, especially if the couple is happy like that. Right? What do you guys think?
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Apr 19, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    LOL did you watch Modern Family tonight?
  • TufLuck

    Posts: 30

    Apr 19, 2012 10:49 AM GMT
    I'm not sure what your question is. Are you looking for complete strangers to agree with your relationship setup and tell you it's ok or to be living with a guy who 'takes care of you?' or do you internally have issues with the setup of your relationship and you're looking for an excuse from others to deal with them?

    In the end any man or women whose in love, in a relationship with a partner in love with them, wouldn't give a rats ass about labels or what anyone else thinks about how they choose to live their lives together.

    If you're relationship works for the both of you, have at it, and screw anyone else who thinks or has an opinion otherwise. You'll find typically that those people are usually single and maybe a little jaded/jealous of what you've got.

    Speaking from experience, be careful living with someone who foots 100% of the bill for everything because as easy and it's all provided free of charge it all can just as easily be taken away on a whim. You should be working while finishing school and saving money for a rainy day just in case things don't work out and you need to move and find a place of your own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:16 AM GMT
    chronic2000 saidNow I'm pretty sure we are not the only gay couple in this situation. I understand the labels of husband and wife might be unliked by some, but I see no problem with having these roles in a relationship, especially if the couple is happy like that. Right? What do you guys think?

    All I read you guys doing is a situational division of labor. Which can actually be good for a relationship, a mutual reliance situation where each does his part. And which bears no relationship to husband and wife roles.

    Hell, when I lived single I did all the roles, as I suppose most guys here have done at some point, or do today. Does that mean we're hermaphrodites, half-man, half-woman, because we cook for ourselves and wash our clothes, then go out and do yard work and change the oil on the car? Well of course not.

    My partner & I are both husbands, and so we call ourselves. There's nothing wifey about him or me. Even though he does the cooking, out of choice and his talent (gawd help us if I ever tried), while I do more of the other household chores. But I'm also the fix-it, and car-keeper-upper, while he's been voted our condo association President, and a damn tough one, who makes everyone jump to his leadership.

    So that stereotypical gender roles aren't any part of us, not until one of us gives birth, anyway. No, we're both husbands, and the term "wife" should be non applicable when it comes to gay couples. I dislike when straights try to use it with us, and it's worse to hear it coming from fellow gays.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:16 AM GMT
    Do what feels right for YOU. Some people may judge your relationship in a negative light, but it sounds like you're actually happy with it. If you feel that he's a genuine, good guy, why are you so worried about how strangers label your relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:18 AM GMT
    I smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    Who really cares?!?! Sounds like you're seeking validation from strangers for your relationship. If it works for you, great!
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:33 AM GMT
    Xelorate saidI smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif

    Well, RJ has been seeing a big influx recently of brand new members whose first post is about gay relationship problems. And some of them present issues kinda like ignorant straights would imagine about us. This "who's the wife" one is rather typical. We don't really worry about that, do we? Only straights think there's a conflict or confusion over the "wife" role, or that there even IS a wife role.

    Hence there's some suspicion that this site has been earmarked by US right-wing groups for infiltration & disruption. In all my 4 years here I've never seen this happening so often. And frankly, I do find the writing style very similar in many of these first-time posts. But then this is a US election cycle, and once again gays are being targeted to energize the Republican base.

    I'll answer them if their posts seem to have some universal interest to the group, regardless of any ulterior motive, but I'll ignore the others.

    Yeah, you have to wonder why someone would make their first post on a gay jock physical fitness site something like this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    If it works for you fine, but your notions of what makes a 'wife' or 'husband' are super antiquated, even for a straight relationship.
    Personally if someone tried to apply the label of 'husband and wife' onto any of my relationships my eyes would roll so far back that I would probably see my brain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    Stuttershock saidIf it works for you fine, but your notions of what a 'wife' and 'husband' are super antiquated, even for a straight relationship.
    Personally if someone tried to apply the label of 'husband and wife' onto any of my relationships my eyes would roll so far that I would probably see my brain.

    And therefore my suspicion that this is a straight troll, ignorantly working on outdated gay stereotypes. Only Christian fundamentalists and Republicans still believe these obsolete models of gay behavior.
  • pure_motion

    Posts: 156

    Apr 19, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Xelorate saidI smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif

    Well, RJ has been seeing a big influx recently of brand new members whose first post is about gay relationship problems. And some of them present issues kinda like ignorant straights would imagine about us. This "who's the wife" one is rather typical. We don't really worry about that, do we? Only straights think there's a conflict or confusion over the "wife" role, or that there even IS a wife role.

    Hence there's some suspicion that this site has been earmarked by US right-wing groups for infiltration & disruption. In all my 4 years here I've never seen this happening so often. And frankly, I do find the writing style very similar in many of these first-time posts. But then this is a US election cycle, and once again gays are being targeted to energize the Republican base.

    I'll answer them if their posts seem to have some universal interest to the group, regardless of any ulterior motive, but I'll ignore the others.

    Yeah, you have to wonder why someone would make their first post on a gay jock physical fitness site something like this.


    ....You are certifiably insane.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    I find the "husband and wife" roles..disturbing...

    First off, I hate that women have been forced into these stupid roles such as homemaker and caretaker, etc...Who says a woman or wife has to cook, clean, care for the man, and all that crap?

    I'm so glad times are changing and more women and becoming independent and men are doing equal "work" for the family and relationship. Last time I heard, there are now over 5 million stay at home dads. A few years ago this would have been impossible and a joke.

    I especially hate the idea that gays are always trying to have a "straight" relationship, so to speak. Why can't we make our own rules, and stop living in this straight fantasy world? I think its okay to have someone help you out financially...if you're doing the same for them of course. I would never be a "housewife" or whatever; he better do just as much work in the house as me. And I would work just like he works and bring home the bacon as well.

    There's nothing like two hard-working, independent, and equal men making a life together. And if it doesn't work out, you can take your stuff, take your money, and move on with your life.

    I know a lot of divorced women who regret being housewives, as they are left with nothing.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    Art_Deco said
    Xelorate saidI smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif

    Well, RJ has been seeing a big influx recently of brand new members whose first post is about gay relationship problems. And some of them present issues kinda like ignorant straights would imagine about us. This "who's the wife" one is rather typical. We don't really worry about that, do we? Only straights think there's a conflict or confusion over the "wife" role, or that there even IS a wife role.

    Hence there's some suspicion that this site has been earmarked by US right-wing groups for infiltration & disruption. In all my 4 years here I've never seen this happening so often. And frankly, I do find the writing style very similar in many of these first-time posts. But then this is a US election cycle, and once again gays are being targeted to energize the Republican base.

    I'll answer them if their posts seem to have some universal interest to the group, regardless of any ulterior motive, but I'll ignore the others.

    Yeah, you have to wonder why someone would make their first post on a gay jock physical fitness site something like this.


    ....You are certifiably insane.


    I've been on and off this site since 2009 and noticed similar things. Our worst trolls were the religious and conservative trolls, baiting guys into flamewars.

    in my day, it was prank phone calls. Today, it's internet trolling. The OP is just a sad example of people with too much time and not enough maturity. It may be some homophobes asking insulting questions based on stereotypes just to "fuck with the fags."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    Apparently you've hopped on the crazy-train as well...

    All of this nonsense about right-wing conspiracies and "gangs" out to get Art_Deco....it's just insanity, and feeding into his delusional isn't healthy.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 19, 2012 12:48 PM GMT
    You know, it probably isn't what I'd want to have with my partner, but I'm certainly not going to be judgmental or throw stones. I think iif it works for you, thats whats really important. It sounds there is a give and take in the relationship, just be aware of the potential pitfalls.... it would be unfortunate if it ends and you carry around resentment (but that can happen from about any relationship), so in the
    end, who cares what we think....do what you enjoy and it works, more power.

    icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    7Famark saidApparently you've hopped on the crazy-train as well...

    All of this nonsense about right-wing conspiracies and "gangs" out to get Art_Deco....it's just insanity, and feeding into his delusional isn't healthy.


    The only time I even know Art_Deco exists is when someone quotes some lunatic thing he wrote and comments ".... what?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    7Famark saidApparently you've hopped on the crazy-train as well...

    All of this nonsense about right-wing conspiracies and "gangs" out to get Art_Deco....it's just insanity, and feeding into his delusional isn't healthy.


    No. Not on the crazy train.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 1:34 PM GMT
    I've been here, on and off, since 2009. Lots good times. Lotsa drama.

    Back then, there were religious and political threads started by some pretty surreal "characters," that went on for days...10, 20 pages long. Typed carnage! You can call it crazy if you wish, but I have seen it with my own eyes. Many of our long-term members have seen it too.

    You know as well as I do, 7Famark, there are trolls on the net, and some may be trolling RJ with "fake" accounts, asking bullshit questions just to fuck with us...for whatever reasons. A sad possibility is some of these troll accounts could be started by members of RJ...just for fun. icon_eek.gif It's plausible.

    The only reason I care so much about something so trifling is:

    I like the idea of community and working together. I think RJ is a good community, less the occasional scrap on issues. Gay people have enough to contend with, coming from outside our community. Homophobia, bashings, bullying, suicides, from ignorant and cruel freaks. I hate to see that crap come in here. It does.

    Do you see where I'm coming from?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    n8698u saidI've been here, on and off, since 2009. Lots good times. Lotsa drama.

    Back then, there were religious and political threads started by some pretty surreal "characters," that went on for days...10, 20 pages long. Typed carnage! You can call it crazy if you wish, but I have seen it with my own eyes. Many of our long-term members have seen it too.

    You know as well as I do, 7Famark, there are trolls on the net, and some may be trolling RJ with "fake" accounts, asking bullshit questions just to fuck with us...for whatever reasons. A sad possibility is some of these troll accounts could be started by members of RJ...just for fun. icon_eek.gif It's plausible.

    The only reason I care so much about something so trifling is:

    I like the idea of community and working together. I think RJ is a good community, less the occasional scrap on issues. Gay people have enough to contend with, coming from outside our community. Homophobia, bashings, bullying, suicides, from ignorant and cruel freaks. I hate to see that crap come in here. It does.

    Do you see where I'm coming from?


    Of course there are trolls, but the person that you are defending is the biggest troll of them all...

    He turns every thread into a right-wing conspiracy debate...

    He just recently was the cause of a thread that was intended to be a memorandum or acknowlegement of a child committing suicide into a flame war because he thought it was appropriate to attack other peoples' political beliefs and imply that they were in some regard at fault for what happened...
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Apr 19, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    I agree with Kansan,
    Enjoy it while it last.
    You guys are adults - he knows exactly the risks involved just as you do.
    Enjoy it while it last. It may be temporary and so what - make the best of it. Being in love and caring for another is a great. Or, it may last forever - there are no guarantees. Regarding labels, i say to hell with whatever anyone else thinks. This is part of the maturing process you will go through. Most of the time i want to take care / provide for my partner and sometimes i want him to do the same for me. Most of the times, i clean the house and he cooks all of the time. What is my label? I could care less..What ever it is, it works for us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    n8698u said
    7Famark said
    Art_Deco said
    Xelorate saidI smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif

    Well, RJ has been seeing a big influx recently of brand new members whose first post is about gay relationship problems. And some of them present issues kinda like ignorant straights would imagine about us. This "who's the wife" one is rather typical. We don't really worry about that, do we? Only straights think there's a conflict or confusion over the "wife" role, or that there even IS a wife role.

    Hence there's some suspicion that this site has been earmarked by US right-wing groups for infiltration & disruption. In all my 4 years here I've never seen this happening so often. And frankly, I do find the writing style very similar in many of these first-time posts. But then this is a US election cycle, and once again gays are being targeted to energize the Republican base.

    I'll answer them if their posts seem to have some universal interest to the group, regardless of any ulterior motive, but I'll ignore the others.

    Yeah, you have to wonder why someone would make their first post on a gay jock physical fitness site something like this.


    ....You are certifiably insane.


    I've been on and off this site since 2009 and noticed similar things. Our worst trolls were the religious and conservative trolls, baiting guys into flamewars.

    in my day, it was prank phone calls. Today, it's internet trolling. The OP is just a sad example of people with too much time and not enough maturity. It may be some homophobes asking insulting questions based on stereotypes just to "fuck with the fags."

    You'll note that Right Wing members here are the first to go over-the-top with vicious ad hominem attacks, when something might endanger their own positions here. I do sometimes wonder what their own motivations for being here are, rarely related to anything other than right-wing politics, certainly little dealing with gay health & fitness, as I and others post.

    I suppose I could file a report with RJ Admin, a violation of TOS/TOU, for having called me "certifiably insane." But I actually rarely file complaints, I suppose a reason these offenders take advantage of me. (BTW, I have this disagreeable person blocked, only see his disgusting personal attacks when someone else quotes him)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Oh please, you have me blocked because I tore your pathetic arguments apart in that thread where you had the audacity to call me blue-collar trash.

    You really are delusional...you ALWAYS make the first comment/attack...You were literally the second reply in the thread about the kid's suicide and nobody had even mentioned politics or anything of that nature and you decided that you wanted to make your backhanded remark, as usual.

    You put your naivete and ignorance on display, and were ripped apart by a 19 year old...and ran away speechless...how pathetic and embarrassing for you.

    Oh, and someone feel free to quote me so he can see this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    Xelorate saidI smell a TROLL!!!! icon_twisted.gificon_eek.gif
    A Troll without purpose or guidance. :-(
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    Hmmmm chronic2000, I admit to being amused that you equate being the bottom as wife-ish.
    Or that your arrangement (outside of sex), which is based on reciprocating, he earns, you reciprocate by making home life easier while he reciprocated by helping your through college, is specifically heterosexual.

    -Doug