time for relation by nickjoe

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2007 12:41 AM GMT
    at what age do you guys ,think ,we,as gay,bisexual,men,are more ready ,willing ,and capable to have a real relation?
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    Feb 28, 2007 1:56 AM GMT
    Well to be honest I I dont think age is all that inportant...It really depends on how seriously you take the relation. I had my first real lover at 18 and he was 40....we were together for 15 years...and most likely would still be together if he had not died due to a trucking accident....I miss him.
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    Feb 28, 2007 10:06 PM GMT
    I certainly don't believe it has anything to do with age. When it happens, it happens! You'll just find yourself clicking with someone; you think about him, you value his opinions, and, next you know, you're years down the road and still together
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    Feb 28, 2007 11:22 PM GMT
    lets be a bit more realistic here,,,pls ,,
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Feb 28, 2007 11:37 PM GMT
    Hmm,

    You don't think this is realistic?

    Diiferent guys mature at different speeds and I don't think age is that much of a factor for building a serious relationship; but having said that, it is UNrealistic to suggest that guys in college or the military are ready for a close, committed relationship so my feeling is that whatever age you are when you are at least stable in your career choice and where you want to live is the earliest age for being ready to become serious lovers.
    I had my first at 22 when I just comming out... it felt serious for the 1st year but then I wanted out after going through some major life changing decisions.

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    Mar 01, 2007 2:02 AM GMT
    ok nick you asked the question, we gave you our thoughts.......obviously if our comments are not realistic enough for your maybe your not matured enough yet for any relations
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    Mar 01, 2007 4:42 AM GMT
    I agree, to paraphrase an old cliche, you cannot predict where lightning will strike!
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    Mar 01, 2007 5:00 AM GMT
    thanku ww that is so very true. I like that saying.
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    Mar 01, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    Can i re-interpret your question to be "at what stage" are we ready?

    I would suggest it is when we understand how and are willing to compromise. It is no different from any other successful relationship. I won't deny electricity to get things started, but it's the willingness to work through power outages that will let you know if you're ready.

    $.02
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    Mar 01, 2007 6:00 PM GMT
    Age isn't the question. Maturity is. A lot of guys think they know what they want, when they don't even know what it is they really need. I don't think people know themselves that well to begin with.

    In my experience, the make or break comes down to morals and self sacrifice. What are your basic beliefs? If you could get away with anything and no one would know, would you do it? Or did you make up your mind to do what you said you would do when you commited?

    I think a lot of people preach a divide between God and gays so 'gays' don't feel they are included or required to have a moral foundation....and they act accordingly. They make up the rules as they go and leave a path of broken hearts along the way while they try to figure out what it is they want. I think (just my opinion) that a person is ready for a relationship when they are ready to put their partner before themself.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 01, 2007 7:35 PM GMT
    Hi

    I think 'self-sacrifice'is a little too strong a term for what is required to make a good relationship.

    I think compromise is a better word and means tha same in this context. A relationship shouldn't be about one person giving up their self for someone else, it should be about putting someone elses feelings and desires before your own...sometimes. And getting that back from your partner.

    I agree though it is basically about maturity and being ready to accept someone else (faults and all) into your life. You can be ready at 16 or not even ready at 60.

    If you're ready for a relationship then I say go for it. If not, then don't fret about it, there's no set of rules that set a timescale.

    Loz
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    Mar 01, 2007 7:47 PM GMT
    A "real" relationship starts and ends with a big weiner ..... Period. Speaking of weiner, where are all of the weiners? .... I'm not talking appetizer-size weiners, I'm talking second-helping size weiners. Yes, sir, I'll have more pa-lease.
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    Mar 01, 2007 7:55 PM GMT
    ...and another approach. I love psuedo science so here goes:

    I did a sample (first 100) of the ages for the U.S. guys who identify as both single and who also have dating/relationship checked in their profiles. (total of 4542 guys, so this was about 2.2%).

    The sample range of guys was from 18-67 yrs old, with the average age netting out to be 29.4. This might lead us to consider that the average age of a single (not bi or gay)guy who is at least open to a relationship is just before turning 30! Hmmmm.

    This really has no meaning, of course, as regards the question about 'capability' to have a relationship, but you could imagine that openness to a relationship might imply more of a maturity toward something "real". It's all really bunk though, so if you desire to expose me as a quack statistician, well...go ahead.

    What I can tell you with certainty, though, is that if you're in Austin, and you haven't made an effort to chat with AllAmericanTX, you need to have your head examined...What a catch!!!
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    Mar 01, 2007 11:17 PM GMT
    Though most of the advice on this topic is valid (valid yet boring), I still recommend several daily doses of weiner. Daily doses of weiner keeps the 7-year relationship itch away *scratch*
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    Mar 02, 2007 1:10 AM GMT
    oh good lord boxer...........oh never mine its not even worth touching.....
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    Mar 02, 2007 12:20 PM GMT
    i remember, very cleary, my teen yrs, the way, i thought and how i view life,,,,then i turn to my 20`s,,, and my way, of seeing things, was so different from my teen yrs , like, a different person;its call growing & maturing,,well, now i am in my 30`s,,and the view is so much clear,then again, i look back at when i was 25,,,,and i can honestly say,,I am a totally different person,,hopefully, better, wiser,and more,loving&compasionate,,,,,,now, my point is this ,,,if, and the key word here is ( if) i would go, into a relation,,i would be looking for someone at least ,in a level as close to mine ,mentally ,or better yet, a bit ahead,,,,,so when i asked the question at what time are ready for a relation? to ans my own question ,,, SOON I HOPE<<< ;)
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    Mar 02, 2007 2:15 PM GMT
    It's long been my observation that only single people want to be married. :)

    Honestly, I don't think there's a particular age or level of maturity required to enter a relationship. Like most anything else, we learn about something by experiencing and experimenting with it.
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    Mar 02, 2007 2:43 PM GMT
    Seriously, I think a persons ability to have a HEALTHY relationship is based upon that individuals life experiences. Lets face it, most people get into relationships (subconsciously) to avoid dealing with their own issues. If you're in a relationship, you can focus on the relationship or the other persons issues while your own issues tend to be fleeting thoughts. I believe this issue is much more common than people know or are willing to admit. If you feel as though you or a person you're dating isn't ready for a relationship, don't ignore that feeling ..... It's your intuition trying to communicate with you.

    So, back to my original thought ..... Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners, Weiners.
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    Mar 02, 2007 5:06 PM GMT
    Interesting point, Boxer. Approaching a date as the beginning of a relationship is a severe dose of tunnel vision and a little creepy. It's just a date! If it leads somewhere, it will happen, don't be a freak about it or you'll be scaring guys off...
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    Mar 02, 2007 6:58 PM GMT
    I think for me the point came where I was willing to commit and then keep committing every day. Part of that, and I think this is one difficult aspect, involves letting go of some of what I want and giving it up for things he wants. I guess I'm learning to be less self-centered in my life. Another interesting thing I've had to learn is the ability to laugh at my own idiosyncrasies. It's humbling at times...

    So yeah, put me in the maturity side and that hits us all at different ages.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 02, 2007 9:02 PM GMT
    Here is another observation over the years,
    With myself and most sucessuful relationships, they started without either person conciously looking for one.
    My last was with a guy I drove home from volleyball.
    We ended up doing it on the floor (he had just moved in and had no furniture) we had no plans or ideas of a "relationship" but we simply kept seeing eachother until one day (on 9-11 when I was in NYC) he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend NOW) We spent 3 happy years together until other cicumstances prevailed.
    Summary? you never know where or when lightning will strike. :)
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    Mar 02, 2007 9:15 PM GMT
    You forgot to mention, Tall, as with your relationship, it all starts with a weiner .... weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 02, 2007 9:38 PM GMT
    To Boxshorts,

    NO, it started with a look in the eyes, mutual respect and attraction.... the "weiner" was a small part of a much larger thing!


  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    Mar 02, 2007 10:08 PM GMT
    First, to Flash: Thank you man for such a nice compliment. you made my week.

    Second: I was speaking from experience when I said I thought self-sacrifice is a good marker when you know you are ready for a relationship. Compromise is sacrifice. It's not getting what you want all the time. When you enter into a relationship, you have a direct affect on someone else, not just yourself. So yeah, there is an element of sacrifce.

    Regardless, I'm enjoying smart people engaged in good dialogue. This is the best internet chat to date for me. Thanks guys for the 'back and forth'. Not only cute men, but smart - I dig!
  • iiheartwaves

    Posts: 82

    Mar 19, 2007 3:54 AM GMT
    When it comes to relationships, weiner is the farthest thing from my mind. does that make me crazy. haha.