5 yeas since I came out, and I don't feel any better...

  • paspossible16

    Posts: 5

    Apr 21, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    I am 24 years old, and am out to all my friends and all my family. Still, I have never felt proud about being gay, nor have I wanted to start a relationship since I do not feel comfortable being gay or around gay people. it's a problem.

    any advice?
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    u hate urself alot ,that its blinding you from enjoying life , thats all i can say...
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    Try not jacking off for 40 days and 40 nights and see if your desire to be more social changes significantly.

    Change requires behavioral modification. Find someone who seems well adjusted , loved and respected and again for 40 days copy their behavior in every respect . It's a hugely powerful "meditation" .
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    Many young guys come out and expect to have the world, or at least the closest gay bar throw them a little party. It isn't that easy. No one is happy alone. I don't mean a relationship. I mean a community.

    What have you done? gone to a gay church or synagogue? gone into a gay and lesbian community center and looked for either a program or to volunteer? (and don't tell me you aren't INTO that..only means you are more in the closet than you think you are.

    I'm being a bit rough, but there is a lot more to being gay than coming out. Do something! political social cultural athletic you choose

    Taylor_Lautner.jpg

    Totally gratuitous but got your attention??
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    paspossible16 saidI am 24 years old, and am out to all my friends and all my family. Still, I have never felt proud about being gay, nor have I wanted to start a relationship since I do not feel comfortable being gay or around gay people. it's a problem.

    any advice?

    Care to share what you discomfort is? Might help in getting advice.
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    We only promised it'd get better. Actual better feelings not guaranteed. Void where prohibited. One per household.
  • paspossible16

    Posts: 5

    Apr 21, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    I think it is just that it is too easy for me to not tell people I am gay. I am not stereotypically gay, so I end up blending in- I am hoping to get a full time elementary teaching job in the next year... not a career I know how to handle being gay.

    I grew up wanting all these things, and I have them... but only cuz I let being gay take a backseat.... but now I am alone.
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidMany young guys come out and expect to have the world, or at least the closest gay bar throw them a little party.



    On my first visit to a gay bar as a very young man, they all bought me a bunch of very strong drinks and said they're throwing a party for you in the back room. You mean that party wasn't really thrown just for me?
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    Apr 21, 2012 11:53 PM GMT
    paspossible16 saidI am 24 years old, and am out to all my friends and all my family. Still, I have never felt proud about being gay, nor have I wanted to start a relationship since I do not feel comfortable being gay or around gay people. it's a problem.

    any advice?


    I think I have the perfect advice!!!

    Glad you came to RJ today, created an account and asked this question because believe it or not I was once like you -- until I realized one very important thing that turned everything around overnight!!! And that one thing is.....

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
  • paspossible16

    Posts: 5

    Apr 21, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Cash said

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif[/quote]

    It's not that... I just don't feel i fit in with gay guys. I have never been able to really make gay friends.
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    You just need to be able to accept yourself first. You're lucky, being able to be out and everyone else OK with you being gay... except yourself. Maybe you should just try finding some gay guys who aren't 'out and proud' but more like they're out but aren't all loud and in your face about it. A simple down to earth kinda guy and just be friendly with him, I think you need more gay friends.
  • paspossible16

    Posts: 5

    Apr 22, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    MarkRoger saidYou just need to be able to accept yourself first. You're lucky, being able to be out and everyone else OK with you being gay... except yourself. Maybe you should just try finding some gay guys who aren't 'out and proud' but more like they're out but aren't all loud and in your face about it. A simple down to earth kinda guy and just be friendly with him, I think you need more gay friends.



    I don't know where to start; how to find gay friends.

    I appreciate all the advice!
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    paspossible16 said[quote][cite]Cash said

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    It's not that... I just don't feel i fit in with gay guys. I have never been able to really make gay friends. [/quote]

    Do you feel like you fit in ANYwhere? With ANYbody?
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    It gets better! LOL
  • paspossible16

    Posts: 5

    Apr 22, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    Cash said
    paspossible16 said[quote][cite]Cash said

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    It's not that... I just don't feel i fit in with gay guys. I have never been able to really make gay friends.


    Do you feel like you fit in ANYwhere? With ANYbody?[/quote]


    YES. I have great friends, and a loving family.
    I'm just not sure where being gay fits in....
    if that makes sense.
  • Havenjock80

    Posts: 428

    Apr 22, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    Life is more then being gay... dont get consumed with what your trying to define yourself as. You are unique, you just like man too... there is more to you then that... I encourage people to enjoy gay str8 bisexual transgender counterparts and see the beauty of life man.. dont get caught up in looking for some gay ass adonis who is insecure himself focus enjoying what life has to offer you.
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:22 AM GMT
    paspossible16 said
    Cash said
    paspossible16 said[quote][cite]Cash said

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    It's not that... I just don't feel i fit in with gay guys. I have never been able to really make gay friends.


    Do you feel like you fit in ANYwhere? With ANYbody?



    YES. I have great friends, and a loving family.
    I'm just not sure where being gay fits in....
    if that makes sense.
    [/quote]

    It fits in the same way that being Straight does.

    You go out. Go on dates. Get your heart broken. Break a few hearts of your own. Have too much to drink and fool around wih the WORST person on earth. Date someone because he is sooooooooo cute. Break up with him because you just don't "feel" it.

    You go out for a night on the town with the intention of meeting the guy of your dreams and go home by 11:30 because EVERYONE is just too gross.

    You meet the HOTTEST guy on the planet...in the grocery store...when you haven't shaved...and have a cold...and a zit on your nose...and dry mouth from the cold...and have the hiccups.

    You commiserate with your friends. You deal with their jealousy when you have a boyfriend. You text incessantly. You dream about the future. You wonder why...

    Your family accepts you.. Your friends accept you. Accept yourself.

    It already got better for them.

    Join 'em.

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    Apr 22, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    Havenjock80 saidLife is more then being gay... dont get consumed with what your trying to define yourself as. You are unique, you just like man too... there is more to you then that... I encourage people to enjoy gay str8 bisexual transgender counterparts and see the beauty of life man.. dont get caught up in looking for some gay ass adonis who is insecure himself focus enjoying what life has to offer you.



    blahblahblahblah.

    You can say there is more to life but at the heart of it -- it IS who you are. You are a MAN who loves other MEN.

    It is the reason you look at other guys, the reason you posted a pic in yer scimpy tank top, the reason you look the way you do, the reason you joined this site, the reason yer heart races when you get an e-mail or a Hotlisting or someone sends you a drink or you look at the dude in the Speedos at the beach.

    There are other things in life. MANY other things. There is art and music and career and work and homes and cars and integrity and personal truth and honesty and wonder and insight and magic and puppies and faith and money and humor.

    But when you draw your last breath - you will want the strong hand of the MAN that you have loved, who has loved you back, to squeeze yer hand and look into your eyes and say "Don't be afraid - I LOVE YOU."

    Period.
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    FitBudz101 saidYou need more important things to worry about than being gay.

    Is your wardrobe on trend, for example?


    Don't be crass. That's not even funny.

    He should concentrate on good hair and pecs before wardrobe.

    Priorities pleeeeeeeze.
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:47 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Cash said
    FitBudz101 saidYou need more important things to worry about than being gay.

    Is your wardrobe on trend, for example?


    Don't be crass. That's not even funny.

    He should concentrate on good hair and pecs before wardrobe.

    Priorities pleeeeeeeze.
    Bitch please. Looking sexy in my sweater vests is way more important than my muscles.


    I suppose that is why you prance about in NOTHING but yer sweater vests???

    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
    Give it another 5 years.
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    Sure has been an odd rise in gays who don't know how to be gay. I call straight troll with questionable interests and intentions!
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    Apr 22, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    onaquest saidGive it another 5 years.


    OMG - you are like 2 minutes away from totally OWNING RJ!!!!!!
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    Apr 22, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    Cash said
    paspossible16 said
    Cash said
    paspossible16 said[quote][cite]Cash said

    Oh, wait...yer not comfortable with Gay dudes - never mind, didn't mean to skeeve ya or nothing.

    didn't mean to bother ya...

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    It's not that... I just don't feel i fit in with gay guys. I have never been able to really make gay friends.


    Do you feel like you fit in ANYwhere? With ANYbody?



    YES. I have great friends, and a loving family.
    I'm just not sure where being gay fits in....
    if that makes sense.


    It fits in the same way that being Straight does.

    You go out. Go on dates. Get your heart broken. Break a few hearts of your own. Have too much to drink and fool around wih the WORST person on earth. Date someone because he is sooooooooo cute. Break up with him because you just don't "feel" it.

    You go out for a night on the town with the intention of meeting the guy of your dreams and go home by 11:30 because EVERYONE is just too gross.

    You meet the HOTTEST guy on the planet...in the grocery store...when you haven't shaved...and have a cold...and a zit on your nose...and dry mouth from the cold...and have the hiccups.

    You commiserate with your friends. You deal with their jealousy when you have a boyfriend. You text incessantly. You dream about the future. You wonder why...

    Your family accepts you.. Your friends accept you. Accept yourself.

    It already got better for them.

    Join 'em.

    [/quote]

    As always great advice... PS I love the name of his Town Poughkeepsie how cute pronounced Pow keepsee?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 22, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    I think it is probably about more than just being gay. You have to have a confidence in yourself, who you are... what you can do in life... for me that goes beyond "gay"...... your self worth as a person. I'd reflect on your priorities, accomplishments and goals... forget the gay consideration.
    You might be surprised what happens when you work on some of those!