How to act in front of a straight guy you just want as friend?

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 03, 2007 10:20 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I have a bit of a problem here. I became friends with a guy from the gym. But now I fall into my old pattern and getting a crush on him, because he is a real hottie. I know for sure that he is straight, so I dont want to creep him out till the crush is over. It never happend to me before that I had a crush on a straight guy who was my friend. So i wanted to ask some advice what I definatly shouldnt do and whats allowed under friends.(Never had that much friends and Austrians are different from Latinos)
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    Aug 04, 2007 2:41 AM GMT
    Well, I could expect a wide variety of responses to this, but here goes mine ...

    I would say, put your friend first, before yourself. Look to his best interest before your own whims. I don't think there's anything wrong with showing affection, and even a lot of affection - but what sort of ways of expressing that affection will depend on the depth of the friendship. A big mistake would be to display too much affection too quickly.

    I don't know if there are a hard set of rules with "what's ok just among friends." I guess, treat him as you would a brother rather than a lover. Does that sum it up pretty well? Remind yourself that you're not in this for a romantic relationship, but a genuine friendship.

    I liked the analogy I once heard: marriage is when two bodies unite to form one flesh, and friendship is when two souls unite to form one mind.

    I understand your situation, bro. I had a crush on a good friend of mine (without really understanding what I was going through) throughout college. I don't think it ever really let up. We were able to maintain a good friendship throughout.

    good luck bro ...
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    Aug 04, 2007 2:49 AM GMT
    How in hell are you going to hide your orientation? It won't take him very long to figure out if he doesn't suspect already.
  • jmanorlando

    Posts: 205

    Aug 04, 2007 3:11 AM GMT
    I agree you have to put the friendship first, knowing that mostly likley him knowing that you have a crush on him may freak him out and end the friendship.

    I have straight and gay friends, if he finds out or you let him know you are gay it may not be a big deal. Just don't drool over him or get wood :) don't a set.

    Ideas
    - Stay focused on lifting and general topic
    - Be a friend (don't act like someone who want to date or sleep with him)
    - Any if you tell him you are gay - make it a non issue. Kind of like a yeah so what.

    Good luck - keep the friendship, but find someone else to date.

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    Aug 04, 2007 3:20 AM GMT
    I think it depends on whether or not you can keep it in your pants, actually. Can you really ride out the "crush"?

    If you can't be around him without wondering what it would be like to get your hands on him, I suspect that a friendship is going to be a challenge.

    On the other hand, if you can face the fact that he's not going to be into you and move on, sexually, you can probably just tell the guy that you're gay, and honestly tell him that you just enjoy hanging with him -

    But it has to be honest.
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    Aug 04, 2007 3:57 AM GMT
    Hmmm....the range of responses to this thread:

    Some respond if the "crush" means maximumrisk just has the hots for the guy. Some respond as if he has a "crush", which means has fallen in love with the guy.

    Even the subject indicates confusion...it doesn't suggest a "crush" or "hots" but that maximumrisk wants to have a friendship with the guy.

    There's a reason for the confusion. Look at the subject, then look at the word "crush" then look at the word "hottie." That means (not picking on you maximumrisk) maximumrisk doesn't know really how to characterize how he feels.

    If "crush" means "hots", then I think this is a lost cause, because, to be brutally honest, maximumrisk, I don't think you want to go to ball games with this guy, or have intellectual discussions.

    If "crush" means you have fallen in love (meaning, intellectually, emotionally and physically) then there are ways for you to get around the futility of the last, which will always be unrequited.

    It will be difficult, frustrating, and ultimately, will depend on how much you trully care for the guy beyond the physical, and how much he cares back.

    Eventually, you will have to be honest with him, as in "...I really value your friendship, but you need to know that I am gay, so things are complicated for me..."
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:15 AM GMT
    just be yourself. Im pretty sure he already knows since most straight guys seem to have a nack for knowing. Just keep the converstaion friendly and out of the sexual natureness I guess?
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:31 AM GMT
    I dont think it can work out very well. You may never get over the crush and just get dissapointed in the end. Just from personal experience.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 05, 2007 2:41 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the good responses. I am not a american so I thought crush would be the best way to describe it. I just think hes sweet and has a good body. I am sure that the feeling will go away. I already told him that im gay and he seemed pretty cool with it. As you said i said it with a "so what?" mentality.

    My luck is that he is going away for a month in 2 weeks from now and he asked me to help him getting the tickets. I think I can do it to focus more on the training and stay on normal discussion basis with him. And when he comes back I should be back to normal again. At least I hope so. Thanks everyone, and I will write in here again if i got anything new about this.
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    Aug 06, 2007 4:24 PM GMT
    You're off to a good start. You know he's straight, he knows you're gay and you guys are still friends.

    Continue to be yourself but keep your lust in check. Being that he is straight, friendship is probably a more realistic outcome than something sexual.

    Also, give some serious thought to the reason you are persuing a relationship with this guy. If your ultimate goal is to have sex with him, you're setting yourself up for probable failure.

    You respected him enough to tell him you are gay. Respect yourself enough and be honest with yourself with regards to your intentions with this guy.

    Good luck.
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    Aug 06, 2007 6:05 PM GMT
    Keeping it non-sexual is smart but I've also found in these kinds of situations, you can play to the guy's vanity to diffuse any awkwardness your attraction might cause. Find me a guy on this planet that doesn't like to be told he looks good (ESP at the gym!) and I'll find you the cure for cancer! Just don't turn it into "You're so hot I'd like to ___ you."
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    Aug 06, 2007 7:04 PM GMT
    I like greyrider1000 and NNJfitandbi's responses. Just make sure you are being friends with him for the right reason.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 07, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    Well, then I could have a problem. Sure, i got into talking with him because I thought that he was hot. Now I got to know him and apriciate him as a friend. My mind slips sometimes to something dirty, but I know that this is not going to happen so I want to try to keep this friendship up.
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    Aug 07, 2007 8:44 PM GMT
    It's certainly doable. Some of my most trusted, long term friends are straight guys. I lived with the Crew team my senior year of college, and once I acclimated to viewing the guys as brothers, it led to some awesome friendships that persist to this day.

    Just keep in mind that if he senses you are attracted to him, it will make things very awkward. Picture how you'd feel if you were hanging out with a woman who gave off signs that she was looking for more than friendship... The dynamics are kinda similar I think... But if you can avoid that, you can definitely enjoy a great friendship.