The crushing standards of society

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    Apr 22, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
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    Apr 23, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    Many fat-to-fit guys will see themselves as fat for many years afterwards, so there is nothing unusual about how you feel.

    Do you get some positive feedback from people who've known you when you were fat, like family or friends? How do people react to you, you meet for the first time? Do you get laid?

    Start looking for confirmation of your new status as fit, like setting and meeting fitness goals, fitting into smaller clothes-sizes, etc.

    You can use all these little successes to build up self-confidence.
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    Apr 23, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    The biggest battle is in your head. It's going to take some time for you to adjust to the new skin you're in.

    I understand. I look in the mirror and still see the obese person, too... but it is getting better for me and will for you, too. Try to focus on all the things you've accomplished. Make yourself some before and after pictures where you can physically see how much you've changed. That has made the biggest difference for me.
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    Apr 23, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    Are you following one of RJ's workout plans? They are great and may give you the guidance to rip your body. With the exercise descriptions and vids, it's like having a personal trainer.
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    As others have already said in this thread, it takes a while for your psychology to fit your new reality. As a former fat guy, can tell you that it isn't instantaneous.

    You're already making the right moves. Weight training will add muscle mass, which will also increase your base metabolism. Keeping up some cardio while doing that will be enormously helpful.

    Give yourself time. You're starting early, as you're still in your early 20's. If you keep it up you'll surpass most guys as your proceed further into your 20's, when the guys who've "had it easy" will get side-swiped by changes in their metabolisms and lifestyle choices. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 23, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    you live in my city!! come out and i will teach you how to not to give a shit what anyone thinks

    its an artform and you will learn from the master muahaha
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    Apr 23, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    LawBringerSR2 said
    I guess the point is everyday for as long as I can remember I look at my body in a mirror and wish it was something better. On most days I sigh and wonder if it's something I'll be able to achieve or if it's really what all of my Psychology books say it is: An unrealistic standard set by mass media and society. Even if it is, it doesn't stop me from wanting it...from wanting to be desired and considered attractive. Damn, I want to turn heads when I enter a room. Hell, it wouldn't be bad to have someone fawn over me for a change.

    Take it from me, a former fat guy: that's just something fatties tell themselves to make it feel better.

    Unless you were seriously, seriously obese (like morbidly obese and barely ambulatory), a bangin body is not an "unrealistic standard". It's just a long, hard, difficult road. I used to weigh a hundred pounds of fat more than I do right now. Some of the sexiest, most popular guys on RJ used to be as fat as I was or fatter, and their bodies show some of the damage from that (in ways that only us former fat guys can see), but they're beautiful, sexy men who get tons of attention.

    But you look fine and you won't have nearly the trouble I or some other have had. The main battle is psychological. Even when you get the bangin body you want, there will be a long time there where you're never quite sure if you've made it. And that'll be really difficult.
  • metta

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    Apr 23, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    To the OP you look great and sexy! I hope that you overcome these feelings and find a way to feel emotionally healthy as well.
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    Apr 23, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    I visited your profile. I think your body looks fine to me and you should be proud of what you have accomplished. If you want to take it to the next level (whatever that is for you) you may want to consider working with a personal trainer.

    As far as self image goes, there isn't a person on this planet that wouldn't change something about themselves. You are not alone.

    And for the record, you are attractive.
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    Apr 23, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    (Ugh! Did you ever have a really long, thought-out post and then accidentally hit the wrong button and lose it all? I try to remember what I wrote.)

    I understand where you're coming from. I don't think there's a great answer.

    I was never one of the pretty people. Growing up, I was always the small kid. In my twenties, I started gaining weight, and by the time I got into my thirties, I was very fat. I've lost the weight, but I've always had a hard time gaining muscle, for various reasons. I don't know that I can ever become like the so-called perfect people. I certainly can't become taller, and my face.....well, let's just leave that alone for now...nyuck! nyuck! nyuck!

    I think part of it is psychological. The experiences we have growing up help shape us into who who are as adults. If we aren't popular or desirable to our peers when we're younger, we carry those feelings into our later lives. Even if you completely transform yourself physically, you can't just erase all of those feelings that are so deeply ingrained in your psyche. It probably takes longer to transform your mind than to transform your body.

    I think part of it is also reality. We put beautiful, talented, and otherwise exceptional people on a pedestal for a reason. They excite and inspire us. Unfortunately, they also cause us to compare ourselves to them, and we probably aren't going to measure up. Those people have some quality that sets them apart from most people, and that's why we admire them.

    RJ has more than its fair share of great looking guys. Frankly, it's very intimidating being around here sometimes. I try to draw inspiration from the guys who have done such an amazing job reshaping their bodies, but I'll admit that it gets depressing sometimes being around so many guys who look so good. Fortunately, I've also had the privilege of talking to some of these handsome guys, and in turns out, they're really nice too. (There goes my theory that it's OK to hate beautiful people because their all assholes. LOL!)

    I think the most important thing is to try not to compare yourself to other people. I know. That's impossible. Here on RJ, at the gym, at a bar, wherever....we tend to size up those around us and judge ourselves based on how we rate compare to them. What does that really do for us other than make us feel badly? It's also important to take time to look back on where you were before you started getting into shape. You need to realize how far you've come. Some people are athletically or aesthetically gifted. If you have to put in extra effort to stay in shape, then you should feel EXTRA proud of what you've accomplished.

    Finally, you're young. You will have good experiences with good men that will change how you view yourself. At least, that's what happened for me. We're not supposed to worry so much about what other people think of us, but that's easier said than done. When you're ignored or dismissed, it's very hard not to assume that there is something wrong with you that makes you unwanted. In my last relationship, I completely forgot about that for the first time. I was finally with a great guy, and it never even occurred to me to question it. That will happen for you one day too IF you learn to let go of those feelings of insecurity.

    And because it works for so many different problems:

    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

    EDIT: Wow! This turned into a long post. I guess you hit a little close to home for me, huh? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 23, 2012 11:31 AM GMT
    I think you look very sexy the most unatractive thing is someone with a low selfesteam maybe that's way all the assholes look so darn sexy.
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    Apr 30, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    Law, I feel this exact thing. I know exactly what you feel, I know the sighs, the cringing looks when you look in the mirror. I was 245 all through highschool and dropped down to 145lbs then worked out and got up to 181. Currently I feel long periods of sadness. I always seem to attract the hottest guys but I cannot keep them because my body isn't like their's. I am not apart of the "club" the hot club, where only hot muscle boys are accepted. I feel in my head that I am "not allowed" to associate with these guys. They are hot and well IM like not. I feel that Facebook and other social media has depicted me as someone who is stable, strong, and secure with himself. I am far from those things.So I got rid of Facebook, and other social media. Real Jock is pretty much all I have left. I have never had a boyfriend, and the longest relationship I guess you could say I had was 2 weeks. After 4 months of dating he told me he didn't like me "like that". I dated another guy who when I got naked he placed the blankets and pillows between us. Ive slept with guys before asking if they would like to hang again only greeted with the same response, "Umm no thanks". The most recent guy I dated, he was into me for about 4 months, he told me he couldn't believe that I had never been with someone ( in a relationship ). He told me he felt so lucky to be with me and dating. He left me for the guy across the street, who when I show people his picture they actually cringe. That has really hurt me, and so many of those times where people do not accept me for myself. I honestly understand when I see myself in the mirror, I wouldn't touch me with a 20 foot pole. I get what they mean, I get why they don't talk to me, especially when I hear, "yuck man, no thanks" or "Are you serious? Look at me and look at you.". I loved the response of this one guy who begged to go out on a date with me, he met me and said.... Oh wow I thought u were buff, I didn't know you were so overweight. My heart sank into my stomach.....

    I have to say, I have thought about suicide, and it makes me cry, that those thoughts would actually cross my mind. Ive always thought how could someone do it, how could they just end their lives....