Advice on my Mum?

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    Apr 22, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    So... Where do I begin? I'm mainly looking for help, to help my mum. As I have no clue where to start. My mum was pretty much an "Accident" However, it was too late for her to get rid of her. So once she was born, she was abandoned. She spent all her life in foster care where she was abused frequently, up until 16. Where My dad and her ran away. They got married young, had three kids. But the relationship became abusive after Mum became an alcoholic and a whole lot of other stuff, and he died of cancer one year after I was born. Leaving her with three kids she couldn't support, so we were taken away for a couple of years, however after all that time fighting, she eventually got us back. But most of the damage was already done, when my brother became a drug addict, ran away from home. Became a serious danger and was almost put in Juvy and was left with alot of social issues, especially regarding his temper. My sister ran away from home early, and I was left alone with Mum. Her alcohol addiction still remains to this day. One drop, and she can't stop... 3 times a week, maybe 4. But it get's bad. She smokes heavily, and suffers depression and pretty much everything under the sun. Any kind of stress and she can become suicidal. And She's also very sick. She can't work and so on. So I mainly want to know what I can do to help her? Is there anyway I can help her quit smoking? Or drinking? She has the maturity of a child. Everything's a novelty until she gets over it. That's why we have so many animals, she's also a hoarder... I'm the complete opposite, I've brought myself up to a respectable standard, also to the help of my sister. And whilst I left school early and can't drive and am in alot of debt. I still consider myself better off. So any advice? Things are just getting alot worse, and I'm afraid I'll loose her before I'm 25.
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    Apr 22, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    You're great for being so loyal to your mom, but you can't help her lose weight or get sober unless these are things she really wants to do.

    The fact that you're responsible and careful may be an inspiration for her, but I don't think you can preach to her or make her start any kind of program.

    Can you talk to her about why you're worried? Or would she just get defensive or maudlin?
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    Apr 22, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    Kobaltjak saidYou're great for being so loyal to your mom, but you can't help her lose weight or get sober unless these are things she really wants to do.

    The fact that you're responsible and careful may be an inspiration for her, but I don't think you can preach to her or make her start any kind of program.

    Can you talk to her about why you're worried? Or would she just get defensive or maudlin?


    Defensive :S
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    Apr 22, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    The best thing you can do for her...is to live your life the best you possibly can.

    I say this because people with your mum's issues have them because their confidence and self esteem have taken a beating from day one. To crawl out of this, they need to be able to look back over their lives and see at least one big thing they did successfully. In this case, that one big thing is you. If she can hold onto that success, it will give her hope and confidence...and it will give her strength to improve her situation in other areas.

    Beyond that, keep thanking her for giving you life. She had you. Promise her that you will always treasure her gift.
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    Apr 22, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    You're taking a lot on. Maybe a local organization might help with counseling and resources. Noticed this one in particular: http://www.frsa.org.au/site/

    Added: I agree with the comments about not completely burdening yourself with her problems and living your life the best you can, but I would discount comments about ignoring her and cutting her out of your life. You have to consider the source of comments in some cases. Some people offering advice just might be angry, bitter people themselves. In the future, you will want to look back and never doubt that you did the right thing.
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    Apr 22, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    I am going to be very stark here.. do not take offense, just dissect the statements until you understand.

    Live your life, not hers. Let her live her life and you live yours. You owe no one anything. The only one you owe is YOU.
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    Apr 22, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Discuss her funeral arrangements with her.