Dating and Technology

  • nolejock01

    Posts: 39

    Apr 22, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    I've never been able to really date someone seriously if I meet them through the internet/grindr. It seems that I can only really get feelings if I meet someone naturally... which is extremely rare for me. Tallahassee is a gay desert, so I can't see anything changing until I graduate. I know I'm young, but I'm getting really discouraged having never been in a relationship before. Does anyone else have this issue? Any thoughts?
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    Apr 23, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    You don't need an iPhone app or wifi to pass out in the gym showers. That's how I met my boyfriend. No harm trying, eh?
  • jammer11

    Posts: 18

    Apr 23, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    I agree its really hard especially in the midwest desert of icebergs. ITs definitely harder to fall in love with someone over the phone. The whole iPhone grinder situation is my ethical dilemma, but hey you never know if you don'e try.
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    A lot of people live places where it's hard to meet other guys. Technology is only a tool that helps you find people that you wouldn't ordinarily meet in your daily life. You still have to interact in person with someone to develop true feelings, but you can start by meeting online, talking on the phone, etc. That's the way I look at it.
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    This is how I usually get dates...

    tumblr_lm3a5lAhhc1qdgrhvo1_500.jpg
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Really? A guy that looks like you has trouble finding a guy? I'm freakin doomed then..
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:30 AM GMT
    Just look at these online services as a way to "get in the door". Nothing meaningful will happen until *after* you start meeting/dating.

    Selection of the service is somewhat important... some are definitely for hookups only.
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidReally? A guy that looks like you has trouble finding a guy? I'm freakin doomed then..


    If both of you guys are having problems finding a guy then I should just give up now.

    I can relate also having never been in a relationship yet- and now I'm 26. icon_redface.gif Online dating isn't for everyone and sometime it's just better to get to know someone face to face, I've realized sometimes it's better to use traditional methods of dating (through friends,out and about, gaybars etc... ) than become dependent on apps or online dating.

    That said I've met some great guys online that have turned intp good friends and have never really had a bad first date from an online dating site (I must be lucky or something). Online dating, IMO at least, should be just along with offline methods for the maximum benefit.

  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    Apr 23, 2012 1:53 AM GMT
    I understand how you feel. I feel like the internet/grindr short circuits alot of the initial getting to know you portion of meeting someone. We tend to share things more readily online because its "not a real person," its just our phone we're talking to.

    Of course its much harder to meet people in person it seems now too. It wasn't THAT long ago when I came out but I find that things have changed quite a bit. People don't go on "dates" anymore. I find it seems like you can't get a straight answer out of a guy anymore. I tend to be more direct when I ask someone out and I get an answer like "Sure I'd love to" then they're busy, didn't get my text, etc.

    Sucks but I guess thats just now it is. The problem with being gay is that we have less to choose from therefore the good ones are fewer and further between.

    Good luck man.
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    Apr 23, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    yes I can relate, and I believe most guys everywhere can relate to how you feel as well. Just gotta live your life go after your dreams and the right person will fall into your arms once you stop looking icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 23, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidReally? A guy that looks like you has trouble finding a guy? I'm freakin doomed then..


    then you don't know how hot you really are!
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    Apr 23, 2012 10:35 AM GMT
    I'm confused. Presumably you are actually meeting the guys you talk to on the internet/grindr in real life. So what's the difference from if you met them in a bar or a club or the gym or a supermarket? It seems like you have issues regarding meeting guys online. That's just the way of the world nowadays and if you're embarrassed by it then you need to work on that, or be prepared to lie about how you met.
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    Apr 23, 2012 11:19 AM GMT
    nolejock01 saidI've never been able to really date someone seriously if I meet them through the internet/grindr. It seems that I can only really get feelings if I meet someone naturally... which is extremely rare for me. Tallahassee is a gay desert, so I can't see anything changing until I graduate. I know I'm young, but I'm getting really discouraged having never been in a relationship before. Does anyone else have this issue? Any thoughts?


    Honestly, you wouldnt want a guy off of a4a or grindr. They're just looking for sex, and would probably cheat on u for the next guy with a sexy pic of his torso.
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    Apr 23, 2012 11:52 AM GMT
    I don't understand the distaste associated with internet dating or apps like grindr.
    It seems some people are more interested in chasing a romantic story of 'how i met the one', and are needlessly turning their back on some of the biggest resources available.

    You have to ask yourself, are you the one person using Grindr that is only looking for something real?
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    Apr 23, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    There's hope for you, buddy. It's all about attitude. To be honest, there is really no rush for you to get into a relationship.
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    Apr 23, 2012 12:09 PM GMT
    welcome to the gay world
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    The OP's profile shows his location as West Palm Beach. That's also a gay desert. He should move 30 miles south.
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    I already came to the same conclusion as you. I've been single the whole time since I came out. It's too easy to hookup, and I'm not heartless enough to stick with one person I don't really really like for the sake of it.

    If you do use online, don't talk too much online--just agree to meet and go from there and avoid too much texting. Texting should be used only for setting dates and times rather than describing yourself and how you feel about things, which help another person get to know you if they see you talk about them. If you talk about it too much before hand, you don't have much to talk about in person and then it's already doomed.

    Most of the world hasn't figured this out yet, which is why no one is getting together.

    Online is great for hooking up. That's about it. People have seriously lost people skills in the past 10years, especially my generation.
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:25 AM GMT
    Everyone is always looking in a different idealized direction.. the problem is they're never looking for a person that exists icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 12:02 PM GMT
    I think the truth is, there are just not that many great guys out there, no matter where you look, Grindr, bars, libraries or museums or gyms. I mean, there are nice guys and good guys, but when you are looking for undamaged, healthy, fun, smart, employed, engaged and people who have dealt with their baggage in a healthy way, you don't and probably won't find too many.
    That probably was true long before the internet, but it is more pronounced as you can cruise pictures and profiles without ever speaking a word and then weed out a prospect without ever speaking. We make decisions now without a single conversation, which may or may not be a god thing.
    I am not sure where a single man who has his life together and is in search of a man of quality would even begin to search for his equal.
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    Apr 27, 2012 12:28 PM GMT
    just because Grindr is populated by douchebags, doesn't mean you have to be one too. you are allowed to have a personality online, you can conduct yourself with good manners, you can write a decent profile, etc. you might not attract the guys looking for a quick hook-up, but thats probably not what you're looking for. often times the medium has a way of steering the message (e.g. one line hook-up headline, everyone's using shirtless body pics, voting up/down/blocking) and it becomes a catalog of soft-core porn, which encourages bad behaviour. but you dont have to conform. you can be clever and think about the image you're trying to convey to someone who is looking at you for the first time against a backdrop of superficiality.