Getting Called Fag By Strangers

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    Apr 24, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    So I was really pissed off and upset today because while in school (supposed to be a 'tertiary education' type of place) there's these two guys sitting down as I walk into the cafe and I hear them say loud enough for me to hear "look at that fag." I turn around and look at them with a confused/angry look and they kind of gave me a dirty look then I just continued on my way.

    Normally I don't get annoyed when total strangers make comments about me, let alone insults, but I dunno why this particularly pissed me off. I've had one guy in secondary school call me on an almost daily basis "fag"/"faggot" to my face and I didn't really take that on, because I guess it was to my face. He wasn't even trying to insult my sexuality, he just really hated me for no reason whatsoever.

    Anyway, I'm sure some of you guys have dealt with it and you better guys (the out ones) must have an even harder time than those whose sexuality is still kept a secret since the idiots throwing the insult actually know it'll hurt... so how do you guys deal with it and any stories that stand out?
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    Apr 24, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    Happened to me in university too. But it was in a cowardly way, where they shouted it across the hall, and I can only be 80% sure they were talking about me.

    I didn't feel confidently enough to say anything back because of that uncertainty, and that I was in the closet at the time and was trying to avoid situations where people would associate me with gay. But it felt awful, these guys were the friends of my best friend, who came to visit her. It was one of those moments where it feels like the colour drains from your face and all the fun of the situation leaves. I didn't know how to react and felt really small.

    Damn humans.
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    Apr 24, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    First off, I feel for you being treated poorly based on such a personal topic.

    While this has not happened to me, it would piss me the fuck off.

    I mean who the fuck are they to judge you (or anyone) based on sexuality.

    If it were to happen to me, in my environment, I would confront them. Not knowing your situation, I recommend you ingnore them or approach it with caution.

    Got luck and keep us posted...
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    Apr 24, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Could it be that they may have said, "Look at that, Fag!" instead of "Look at that fag!"

    You learn to shrug it off or kick their ass. One of the two. I have tended toward the "shrug it off" during my life because I don't feel like having a manslaughter conviction on my record.
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    Apr 24, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    Hm I was wondering how to handle such a situation too. When I was walkin my dog with a friend the other day, I passed some punk singing with his guitar about "a gay donating a dollar to him" as I walked past. Lol..but I also know how it is to be 14 not giving a ----. I also been in situations where I faintly hear people talkin smack...but then I go back to that mindset that I had at 14. icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 24, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    I always make a dramatic display and look around and go "Yes? Hello?"

  • swimbikerun

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    Apr 24, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    A long as he's hot and a good top, I'm cool with it.
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    Apr 24, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Oddly found out that being called a faggot or an out of towner is a normal way to curse people out in my current area. So, logically these idiots slandering strangers believe anyone can be a stranger or someone from out of town. So what else can be so normal as to not give a fuck the next time I get hated on?

    My own logical for this is: "If everything is fucked up; all things being the same; everything is alright, since nothing is out of the ordinary."

    My first reaction to those comments is a psychological mind raping, logic deconstructing, bitch owning delivered calmly and assertively, so the blade of my words sinks in deep til they either run off or apologize. Haven't had to do it since high school, but sure is grotesquely gratify.icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 24, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    5 simple words for a reaction:

    "Takes 1 to Know 1"

    gets them every time
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 24, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    One day I was doing lawn work in front of my house and these 3 teenagers walked by and one said "You're a fag".

    I responded, "Funny, that's what your dad like me to call him when he's sucking my dick."

    The two other kids laughed and said "Burn!"
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Apr 24, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    It's not important what people call you, it's more important what you answer to.
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    Two summers ago in San Antonio, TX, I was walking on the sidewalk of a main road cooling down from my jog. From behind I heard a car speed up with loud music. A bunch of young guys (either high school or college age) shouted "fag!" and threw an empty soda can at me as they drove past. Fortunately the can totally missed me, lol. But I have to admit that made me feel a little crappy. It was the first time I ever experienced any kind of anti-gay backlash.
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    You'd think most of the "name" calling would be gone past 10th grade maturity... pretty pathetic you experience it at a university.
  • brazilian_tt

    Posts: 41

    Apr 24, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    Had it happen to me once, years ago, holding hands with my ex in public. From a car.. the guy shouted it and drove off. Haven't met one with the balls to say it to my face yet.

    pocketnico saidTwo summers ago in San Antonio, TX, I was walking on the sidewalk of a main road cooling down from my jog. From behind I heard a car speed up with loud music. A bunch of young guys (either high school or college age) shouted "fag!" and threw an empty soda can at me as they drove past. Fortunately the can totally missed me, lol. But I have to admit that made me feel a little crappy. It was the first time I ever experienced any kind of anti-gay backlash.


    Do you think they actually knew you were gay or just looking for a random person to harass?
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    brazilian_tt saidHad it happen to me once, years ago, holding hands with my ex in public. From a car.. the guy shouted it and drove off. Haven't met one with the balls to say it to my face yet.

    pocketnico saidTwo summers ago in San Antonio, TX, I was walking on the sidewalk of a main road cooling down from my jog. From behind I heard a car speed up with loud music. A bunch of young guys (either high school or college age) shouted "fag!" and threw an empty soda can at me as they drove past. Fortunately the can totally missed me, lol. But I have to admit that made me feel a little crappy. It was the first time I ever experienced any kind of anti-gay backlash.


    Do you think they actually knew you were gay or just looking for a random person to harass?


    Uh, I think they were just looking to harass someone. I was by myself and only walking. I was wearing ordinary workout clothes (loose shorts and a plain white t-shirt), so there was nothing gay about the way I was dressed.
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Well this might sound weird or bad, but hearing other people's stories kind of mad me feel better. Hearing you guys just shrug it off really makes me think that if we just ignore it, it'll have no power over us.

    Timbales, that's a hilarious one to use but if I said that to these guys I'd probably get shot or something...

    I guess it really hit me because that was the first time I ever felt like I was 'gay bashed' even though I'm still in the closet. It kinda just hurts in a weird way...
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Tsk,...Tsk...Tsk...SwimBikeRun....We've come a hell of a long way for strangers to call us such names....but back to the OP...that was so rude...my response to that:

    6a00d835349ad569e20120a95175ce970b-500wi
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    It has only happened once with me. I was going to Wal-Mart on a lunch run with my straight coworker, and a guy in a pickup drove by and yelled "Faggots!" without stopping.

    We both laughed about it, and honestly, I realized that it made me feel powerful, in fact. Here was a typical masculine guy in his pickup and he didn't even have the courage to stop and look either of us in the eye. He just made a blanket judgement about both of us, which was only half right, and then he just kept on driving.

    It was like my very existence threatened this guy. So I almost in a weird way took it as a compliment. By hurling an insult at us, he was acknowledging that we intimidated or frightened him. I'm the type of guy that can find the positive in any bad situation, so now I use things like that to my advantage.

    It really sucks that people said that to you, but if you can use it as a way to make you stronger and realize just how scared and cowardly they are, it will set you on a path for success. If it happens again, just think of how frightened the other person must be of you. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 24, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    MarkRoger saidWell this might sound weird or bad, but hearing other people's stories kind of mad me feel better. Hearing you guys just shrug it off really makes me think that if we just ignore it, it'll have no power over us.

    Timbales, that's a hilarious one to use but if I said that to these guys I'd probably get shot or something...

    I guess it really hit me because that was the first time I ever felt like I was 'gay bashed' even though I'm still in the closet. It kinda just hurts in a weird way...


    Sorry that happened to you anyway. Situations like these suck and are totally uncalled for.

    Unfortunately I had no opportunity to defend myself when those stupid dudes drove by. It was all said and done in a matter of a few seconds. It definitely killed my mood the rest of the day. Fortunately I forgot all about it by the next day. In fact I hadn't even thought of that incident until I read this thread.
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    Apr 24, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear. I've had that happen before.
    So many retorts possible... icon_evil.gif

    "Congratulations, you've calibrated your gaydar perfectly."
    "That would be 'FABULOUS fag'. Get it right."
    "Good job. Another evil deed for the day!"
    "Homophobic much?"
    "Nice ASS. I'm sorry, I meant, NICE, ASS."

    Start singing... New York, New York...

    Anyone else? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 24, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    I've had that quite a few times from homeless people begging for change. Quite shocking .. icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 24, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    Not since high school. I started lifting weights and haven't had anyone say shit to me in decades.
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    Apr 24, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidA long as he's hot and a good top, I'm cool with it.


    This. icon_lol.gif

    It's all about context but it can be quite a hateful word. Never been called a faggot by a stranger but I have had douche guys start blowing me kisses before which makes me eye roll like no tomorrow. They are obviously repressed assholes.
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    Apr 24, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    It happen to me several times when I was in the University and later off campus.

    As I reflect it now, I was always going through a face of self accepting that I was gay. I am not sure, if people around me sense it - sort of attacking a wounded animal if that makes sense...as though I was giving a signal or something. Once I learned to accept who I was, and had self-confidence these attacks stopped. Nonetheless, I learned to throw insults as other have said, but it also got me in trouble since I should have learned some sort of self-defense class, since one time I was literally attacked and even a guy almost crack my skull with a hammer. I agree with others - my advise...there will be a time when you need to protect yourself and surmise the situation whether to deflect an attack or attack yourself. My best advise is also to learn some self-dense, take some Jitsu or Karate.
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    Apr 24, 2012 5:16 AM GMT
    when we have a mature mindset in highschool or even the first few years of university its easy to brush off the childish, immature and moronic behavior of others, even if it leaves a bad taste in our mouths. However as we age and enter the "real world" and leave the "fake" world of the primary and secondary education system behind the persistence of such behavior in others can be more upsetting. The idea that high school is hell and then you grow up is proven wrong. The "real world" is just as pessimistic, immature, rude, and moronic as the one you've left behind. I don't have an answer as to how we should deal with that yet though, I'm still trying to cope myself.