How do you feel about a guys sexual past?

  • travismyname

    Posts: 2

    Apr 25, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    How do you feel about a guys past sexual activity? Would it affect how you view them now?

    I mean basically everyone's on Grindr these days but how would you feel if you found out someone you were interested in hooked up on Grindr, A4A, Manhunt, and visits the local bathhouse from time to time?

    I'm no saint and I'm not against a hookup here or there but I'm having a really hard time accepting such a nonchalant view of sex. How do you weigh in?
  • acesguy20

    Posts: 11

    Apr 25, 2012 4:31 AM GMT
    Well my boyfriend's past is basically been with his exs whom he dated for years. He is a committed person so everyone he has been with were for long periods of time except in high school he was a man whore lol but who isnt? He has messed around with one of his best friends couple years back but the past is the past you only need to look at what is going on now
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    Apr 25, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    its called the 'past' for a reason... everyone has one! icon_wink.gif
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Apr 25, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    I think it really depends on the person and what their past means to them.

    Do they feel they've moved on from that lifestyle (hooking up on Grindr or bathhouses or whatever) ? Or are they the type of person who is either going to be hooking up or dating somebody but never single and content? Were there other issues going on that caused it, or do they just thing hooking up online is perfectly OK.


  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Apr 25, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    acesguy20 saidWell my boyfriend's past is basically been with his exs whom he dated for years. He is a committed person so everyone he has been with were for long periods of time except in high school he was a man whore lol but who isnt? He has messed around with one of his best friends couple years back but the past is the past you only need to look at what is going on now


    ... me.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 25, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    Someone's sexual past is irrelevant, unless he's been gangbanged by every amateur and professional sports team within a 5K mile radius of his house and his bunghole shows the destruction from such gangbangs.
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    Apr 25, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    I don't care as long as he's honest and has no STDS to give me. I'm no saint.
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    Apr 25, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    I don't think its an unreasonable concern. I think if someone had frequented a bathhouse a lot I'd be concerned about their ability to be faithful. Maybe thats not fair, I don't know. But its how I'd feel.
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    Apr 25, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    Depends on what his past is. If it is chem fueled sex for days with multiple guys, I'd be cautious as that's an addiction . If he was in open relationships, then maybe he prefers multiple partners and that doesn't work for me in a relationship. If it's just random hookups when he is single and not otherwise, I'd be fine with that.

    There isn't any guarantee that hooking up with someone from a, say, bar is safer (in terms of STD's, personality or otherwise) than someone in a bathhouse, for example. It is mostly the same guys in all places. It isn't like guys who ONLY go to bars and NEVER to bathhouses or vice versa. So it doesn't matter to me if he met them on an App, bar/club, bathhouse, grocery store, curb..etc so long as in a relationship it is strictly exclusive.
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    Apr 25, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    It's really important to me because I don't want a guy whos fucked every tom dick and harry.

    I always ask myself why have they fucked like x amount of blokes. If it's a high number it usually means they have self esteem issues and I don't want that kind of baggage.

    For relationship material the lower the number the better but it's about context too so obviously I'd make a decision once all the evidence is in.

    In general though I have no problem with guys who have a highly sexually active past. If that's where they find pleasure and it's what they want then that's great.
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    Apr 25, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    If he's not still doing it, has moved forward, and wants a future with you, get over it. If you can't get over it, end it. It's as simple as that.

    You have no right to make him look backwards and relive his past. If you can't let sleeping dogs lie, and if you insist on wallowing in people and places he's left behind, end it and spare him and yourself the drama. Believe me, the eventual lack of trust on both ends will turn into a vicious cycle of fighting and backstabbing that you want no part of -- trust me.

    Credentials: personal experience.
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    Apr 25, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidIf he's not still doing it, has moved forward, and wants a future with you, get over it. If you can't get over it, end it. It's as simple as that. .
    Exactly!!

    I'm single and so I hook up. What am I supposed to do? live like a nun? wait for Mr.Relationship and waste away my sex life? If a relationship is in the cards, then that will be the end of hooking up me/us.
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    Apr 26, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    If a guy had been with hundreds of others but was committed to being in a monogamous relationship in the present and into the future I wouldn't care about his past. As long as he's up front and honest about it icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    uoft23 saidI don't think its an unreasonable concern. I think if someone had frequented a bathhouse a lot I'd be concerned about their ability to be faithful. Maybe thats not fair, I don't know. But its how I'd feel.


    Same here. Liked a guy once before who was open about his past hook-ups. Wondered if I could ever really trust him in a relationship and that worry actually ended the relationship. I wondered if he hooked up so easily in the past...what's to keep him from doing it in the future after we're together.


    While I understand what both you guys are saying, I think it is totally unreasonable to think that way. Saying that someone who goes to a bathhouse would not be able to be faithful would be akin to saying....

    1) Guys who go to bars are alcoholics - if he drank up so easily in the bar...what's to keep him from becoming a drunk?

    2) Guys that use credit cards are financially irresponsible - if he used his credit card instead of his debit card...what's to keep him from going financially broke?

    3) Guys that play cards have a gambling problem - if he played card so well in the past...what's to keep him from gambling?

    4) Guys that smoke pot are druggies - if he smoked pot so well in the past...what's to keep him from getting into harder drugs to get high?

    5) Guys of X race that like only like guys of Y race sexually are racist - if he sexually connectes with one race so well in the past...what's to keep him from being a racist?

    I think all those statements are ridiculous and of very narrow-minded thinking. Just as questioning someones fidelity because he goes to a bathhouse or hook ups, for the matter.

    Note: we aren't talking about those who do things in extreme e.g. guys that have sex with several others in a night in a bathhouse or elsewhere, guys that get shit-faced drunk regularly, guys that cant afford to pay their credit card bills.. etc Thats a different discussion.
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    I would like to think that it wouldn't bother me... the simple way around that dilemma is to simply not ask.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Apr 26, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Well some guys want to sleep with as many people as possible before they die (which is probably coming relatively soon). That type of guy isn't for you if that's not how you feel. Thinking about what he's done, what he might be doing when you're not around or what diseases he might have will drive you crazy. So I guess just find a guy with similar views/values.

    As long as he doesn't have any diseases, I don't think I'd spend too much time on it. Luckily I'm too arrogant to think about what he did before he met me anyway. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 26, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    I would have to say if he's DDF - and the hooking up is in fact in the past, that's his business.
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    Apr 27, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    even the pope is a whore so no point in stigmatizing anyone of their past.
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    Apr 27, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    uoft23 saidI don't think its an unreasonable concern. I think if someone had frequented a bathhouse a lot I'd be concerned about their ability to be faithful. Maybe thats not fair, I don't know. But its how I'd feel.

    Everything depends on the man. I loved bathhouses when I was single. Yet I'm the most faithful guy to his partner you'll ever meet. And when he said he didn't want me going to them anymore after we got together, I stopped.

    Is the past prologue? Sometimes, but not always. I'd be more concerned with guys who have been unfaithful in closed relationships in the past, than about guys who used a bathhouse while they were single.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    If it´s not infectious it´s not even a topic for conversation.

    Gonzo xx
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 27, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    onaquest saidI would have to say if he's DDF - and the hooking up is in fact in the past, that's his business.



    THIS
    winner winner chicken dinner.


  • Apr 27, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    If you are seeing someone semi attractive, of course they would have sex with someone else in the past...

    You are not a virgin yourself (I assume), so what are you complaining about.