Forgive but what about forget?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2008 12:06 PM GMT
    My bf has done things in the past that has caused me to doubt his mongamy for our relationship for example sending guys pics of himself while outta town, being on manhunt...etc. We have worked through those problems but its still so hard to fully trust him sometimes...how can I get past this?

    He is a very loving and sincere guy. I really believes he loves me. The examples I gave he says he was just trying to find friends...nothing else.

    I am willing to forgive him for what I know and maybe for what happened that I dont know about, but...I cant get past the forget part and it causes me to doubt his honesty now.

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    Jul 18, 2008 1:02 PM GMT
    these things take time, ALOT of time, eventually though, you will stop the doubting and just accept what has happened in the past and as long as it stays that way, you will eventually move on.
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    Jul 18, 2008 1:05 PM GMT
    To be honest I could think of better ways to meet friends then manhunt. MySpace, Facebook, RJ and AfterElton have all provided me with opportunities to meet new gay men.

    I agree there is a big difference between forgive and forget. If your bf really loves and respects you and you both agree to be monogamous then I would hope he could find friends through other means. Otherwise he is putting an unnecessary strain on your relationship.
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    Jul 18, 2008 3:02 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidOtherwise he is putting an unnecessary strain on your relationship.

    I agree - there are better ways. ManHunt... for friends? Not saying it hasn't happened, but... it is called MAN HUNT, not MAN BUDDIES.
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    Jul 18, 2008 3:13 PM GMT
    I totally agree with all of you about the manhunt thing. Believe me we have been round and round about it and he says he wont do it anymore. I told him of other sites, so we'll see...but I am trying to get past it. I can forgive but havin a real hard time with the forgetting part.
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    Jul 18, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    Its hard. Especially with the friends on Manhunt comment. What kind of pictures was he sending out to these people. Was he naked? If he was sending guys pic's of himself when he was out of town. I would think that he was trying to pick them up. It would be different if he started talking to these guys before hand. But it just seems like he just wanted a hookup in the city he was in. ....That is just my theory though. It could be harmless.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 18, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
    Yeah, if I was in a monogamous relationship then I would feel like absolutely no good could come from my bf cruising Manhunt.

    I actually know a couple (well, former couple) in Los Angeles who had this problem. The one heard that the other had a profile on Manhunt, so the one bf signed up with a fake profile, using fake pics of a guy he knew his boyfriend would be attracted to, and started flirting with him online. Sure enough, one thing led to another, and faster than you could say "cheating boyfriend" a hookup was arranged at a local coffee shop. When the boyfriend showed up -- Wala -- hello boyfriend! Wasn't pretty.
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    Jul 18, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    Doubt, forgiving and trust are three totally different things.

    You can doubt someone and still forgive and trust them.

    You can trust someone but still doubt and forgive them.

    You can forgive someone but still have doubts about trusting them.

    It's when you have all these three things together that causes your mind to constantly wonder and eventally it eats away at you so much it's all you think about.

    The old adage is that "Time heals all wounds." You must be willing to give it time and stop obsessing over the doubt, forgiving and trusting him if you truly believe he is a "very loving and sincere guy."

    If you can't, end it now because all you will do is push him into doing what it is you think he may have done in the past.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 19, 2008 10:07 AM GMT
    It sounds to me like you Haven't forgiven him yet
    ... and that doesn't mean you should

    The thing is... what are you trying to forgive him for in the first place
    For being on Manhunt?
    Sending out dirty pictures?
    My man... I think you're clouding the picture here
    Your bf was likely fooling around and you just are glimpsing the tip-o-the-iceberg

    Here's a way to get over this hump (sorry) icon_wink.gif
    Say to said bf
    OK... I'll believe you that this was all mistaken for fun
    and that you'll not do this anymore
    but from this day on
    if I ever see this behavior again I want you to know that it's over

    and it has to be true for you and for him
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    Jul 19, 2008 11:17 AM GMT
    Well I hope he is NOT sending rude pictures? Because that is not on? Ask him why he wants to send pictures to guys anyway in the first place and also Manhunt is a Meat Rack site as I see it?

    No if I was living with my b/f I would not allow that and it would be a serious problem!