Physical conflicts and gay relationships

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    Apr 25, 2012 6:09 PM GMT
    Although actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.
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    Apr 25, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    Without going too much in detail, I have been in relationships where our verbal fights have gotten too close to physical. Just my 2 cents, I say any relationship that teeters on the verge of getting physical is time to leave. It is easy to excuse one physical altercation as just a one time thing or "guys being guys" but after the second, and third, then it really becomes unhealthy.

    Please, evaluate what you want in a relationship and if this guy who threatened you is worth the heartache. Don't invest time and energy in the relationship only to have him keep repeating his offenses and become more abusive. Believe me, I know from experience that once a person becomes violent, it becomes very hard for him to stop....

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    Apr 25, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    Truppensturm saidAlthough actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.
    You need to do more studying hetero relationships.. Aint no difference between the two when it comes to physical violence.icon_wink.gif

    Actually its more!

    If that happens in any relationship i have.. its over permanently within seconds.. NO second chances. zip point nada!
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    Apr 25, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    Last time I was in a physical fight with a bf, it was because he was off his anxiety/bipolar meds. It was actually funny, too...he kept throwing punches, and I was catching his fists each time, gently pushing them away. He finally gave up after about 5 minutes and stormed out for a while till he cooled off. icon_lol.gif
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 25, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    It's only okay to hit your boyfriend when he's naked, blindfolded, and hand-cuffed to a chair. icon_exclaim.gif
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    Apr 26, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Truppensturm saidAlthough actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.
    If that happens in any relationship i have.. its over permanently within seconds.. NO second chances. zip point nada!

    That's a bit radical, no?

    Just punch back icon_razz.gif

    Sometimes talking just doesn't cut it anymore.
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    Apr 26, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    A long time ago, I met some guys who had some serious scars from knife fighting with each other. icon_eek.gif

    er... I didn't get too close.
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    Apr 26, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidA long time ago, I met some guys who had some serious scars from knife fighting with each other. icon_eek.gif

    er... I didn't get too close.

    lol that's pretty epic
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    Apr 26, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Yeah I've thrown things and hit them but never in the face or anywhere overly harmful plus I can't really do any real damage anyway since I'm so weedy LOL. It's a rarity thankfully.

    I've never actually had a bf hit me/get overly physical, probably because they 'would' actually do some real damage. I have been restrained a few times though.

    In any event it's not a good look and I've been disappointed in myself when I've resorted to such actions. No need for it.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Apr 26, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    Yup, physically fought my last BF when we got in one of our worst fights ever. Needless to say, the relationship ended after that icon_lol.gif

    Long story short.... We had been verbally fighting for a about a week straight before the actual fight took place. . ..after all this pent up anger, etc...and him mockingly say "hit me!! hIt me!!!" I punched him right square in the face as hard as I could. I remember becoming so enraged by him... he had just quit his job like 2 weeks before then... voluntarily quit a good paying job and expected me to take over while he finds another job he likes better...

    anyway, after I punched him in the face I kinda lost it....and continued punching him in the face while he was on the ground. I dont know what came over me, I was so angry tho, I couldn't stop.
    Thankfully, he squirmed away....and picked up this beer mug and threw it at me... hit me in the arm and bruised my shit all up, but wasn't as bad as his stupid face looked..... after he threw the beer mug at me, he ran out of the apartment and pulled the main fire alarm in the building...causing everyone in the building to be evacuated....and the fire trucks to come.... Soon as I heard the fire alarm go off, I knew I had 3 ro 4 mins before the cops and fire trucks got there so I bounced up outta there....walked to my friends house and spent the night there. .....

    next day, I found a new place to live and moved out 2 days later. We broke it off. Best thing that ever happened to me. The 2 and a half year relationship was Over.
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    Apr 26, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    Truppensturm said
    TropicalMark saidIf that happens in any relationship i have.. its over permanently within seconds.. NO second chances. zip point nada!

    That's a bit radical, no?
    Just punch back icon_razz.gif
    Sometimes talking just doesn't cut it anymore.


    I don't think that's a bit radical. If you love someone or someone loves you, you shouldn't be hurting that person physically or mentally. If talking doesn't cut it anymore, I think you need to look into the relationship to see if it's time to move on.

    Once he throw the first punch, the relationship is over. You can do whatever you want, punch back or anything else.
  • vacyclist

    Posts: 162

    Apr 26, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    I've never been in a physical conflict with anyone as an adult...words, reason and negotiation have always served me well. My bf & I certainly run into differences in opinion from time to time, but these never even rise to the level of what I would call an argument. After all, we are two mature human beings who love each other.

    I can't imagine being in a "loving" relationship where physical violence is on the table as a means to resolving differences. Who would want that?
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Truppensturm saidAlthough actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.
    You need to do more studying hetero relationships.. Aint no difference between the two when it comes to physical violence.icon_wink.gif

    Actually its more!

    If that happens in any relationship i have.. its over permanently within seconds.. NO second chances. zip point nada!

    .Agreed
    Dont know about the US but the incidence of physical abuse in Oz amongst gay partners is significantly higher than the hetros.
    Any physical fight with a partner and its over, i learnt that lesson the hard way many years ago and will never go through it again.
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    I had an ex who used wrestling as foreplay. It was consensual. icon_twisted.gif

    In response to your question, I've never been in an abusive relationship. I'm not the kind to engage in it and I wouldn't put up with it.
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidAlthough actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.


    I dunno, but I did have a friend who worked for the local District Attorney's Office and he said homicides involving gays were particularly horrific.
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    Ive had physical fights with my brothers as kids.. i do not expect to do them again as adults though... but among boys in general, fighting is normal when you're kids
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Truppensturm saidAlthough actual physical conflicts are not unheard of in heterosexual relationships (I think most of them are more directed towards abuse though), but I think they are perhaps more prevalent in gay relationships?

    Have you ever been in actual fight with your bf? Would you say you tend to resolve conflicts in a verbal or physical manner? Is it more beneficial to settle them by just punching the other guy in the face in order to get it out of your system or is better to talk things through?

    I have not that much to contribute, but would love to hear from others. My last bf threatened to kick my ass once, but it just turned out to be your typical tough guy talk.


    I dunno, but I did have a friend who worked for the local District Attorney's Office and he said homicides involving gays were particularly horrific.


    Yes, I believe they are the worst.. gays are often extreme in many ways i believe
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    Apr 27, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Violence in a relationship?! icon_eek.gif It's completely unheard of to me! It can't in any way be productive, healthy or conducive towards solving problems. I would NEVER even consider harming my partner for anything. I'm super pacifist like that.
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    Apr 27, 2012 1:32 PM GMT
    I've only had verbal fights with one boyfriend. He said some very hurtful things. I learned he had a hot tempter, and he demonstrated to me that he did not plan to work on his anger management problem. I ended the relationship soon after that.

    I've never experienced violence in a relationship. I don't think I would tolerate it. If my boyfriend were stupid enough to get violent with me, I would probably end the relationship. I can't imagine staying in a relationship with a violent person. Violence is something I will not tolerate. It's a dealbreaker--just like cigarettes or drug use.

    But that's because I was raised in a loving home where violence NEVER took place. My father NEVER hit my mother. And my mother NEVER hit my father. My parents demonstrated to me and my sisters that true love shows itself in action. So, you don't hit the one you love. You don't say hurtful things to the one you love.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 27, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    I've only had one bf and something physical (via a fight) would never be a part of the mix. Just wouldn't happen and if it did, there wouldn't be a
    relationship.
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI've only had one bf and something physical (via a fight) would never be a part of the mix. Just wouldn't happen and if it did, there wouldn't be a
    relationship.

    This
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    i'd rather put on the boxing gloves, and get it over with than have verbal fights. sometimes words hurt more than a shiner or fat lip.
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    notadumbjock saidi'd rather put on the boxing gloves, and get it over with than have verbal fights. sometimes words hurt more than a shiner or fat lip.

    I agree.
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    BlkMuscleGent saidI've only had verbal fights with one boyfriend. He said some very hurtful things. I learned he had a hot tempter, and he demonstrated to me that he did not plan to work on his anger management problem. I ended the relationship soon after that.

    I've never experienced violence in a relationship. I don't think I would tolerate it. If my boyfriend were stupid enough to get violent with me, I would probably end the relationship. I can't imagine staying in a relationship with a violent person. Violence is something I will not tolerate. It's a dealbreaker--just like cigarettes or drug use.

    But that's because I was raised in a loving home where violence NEVER took place. My father NEVER hit my mother. And my mother NEVER hit my father. My parents demonstrated to me and my sisters that true love shows itself in action. So, you don't hit the one you love. You don't say hurtful things to the one you love.

    Your screen name is apt. You are a gentleman.


    That he is.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Apr 27, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    Funny thing: I've known guys who talk about violence in their relationships as though it were a normal way of functioning. One guy broke it off with his bf after many episodes of getting physical with each other (two-sided), but cannot move on and is still caught up emotionally with his ex, even though they're officially "over".

    That's whacked. Seems like toxic relationships are also addictive ones.