Why Can't I be Happy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    I am not one for pity parties, but I just speak the truth. I just don't get it.

    I am so nice and kind to others. I treat people the way i wanted be treated reguardless if they do the same. I give to the poor, pray for the sick and needy and work for a non profit organization.

    I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and I am still a virgin, and I believe in love and marriage and the whole 9.

    Yet I cannot find a constant shine of light of glimmer of hope.
    Whenever something seems to go good it turns around and goes bad.
    It has been heartache over and over and over.

    I can't just leave Alabama, I feel stuck.
    My dad is sick and I just would not feel right leaving when it has always been me and him and my mom died so early and he has always been sick so I have been his crutch my whole life, yet he loves me but doesnt believe in the gayness and thinks I can change ( we are really religious) so that is a struggle, but I cannot bring a guy home or get out to see one because I am to afraid of what he will think or bring danger to him and our home (bad neighborhood.

    I just don;t know what to do, either way I feel bad and sad and helpless.
    This reality almost made me want to kill myself last week. I just felt like at the end that would just bring more pain to the few who do care, so even staying alive I feel im doing for other people.

    It it wasnt the family issues, it was the surgeries, the bullying, the racism, the mom dying, the brother dying, the dad being diabetic, his eyes, kidneys, heart and foot issues. and the homelessness when he got so sick he couldnt pay the bills. it was me with the sickle cell anemia, the working to support us, me having the stop college to get a job, The self esteem issues,

    I had to handle it all by myself ever since I was a little boy, and I just. Im

    I just want to live for myself.
    I don;t want to be rich, or be with a hott guy.
    I just want to know that I will be okay, and it seems so far away.

    Someone please give me some clarity.
    I know i made it through all of it, but at the same time I dont feel stronger. I feel weaker. I feel like everything else that happens now affects me that much more. Thank God, I am still sane and still a good hearted guy, because others I know who go through similar things become evil and bitter and nasty to others. I want joy, for others and myself.

    Its like the harder I try to smile and stay postive the more bad things happen to me. I truly feel I am a good person. Why can't I find joy?

    I swear im not trying to whine. I just ...

    is there someone out there who can truly tell me it will get better?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidWhy Can't I be Happy
    Because you won't let yourself be happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    How can I..everyday im worried if my dad is going to die.

    I worry about stuff I cant control, which doesnt help, but I cant help it either that I worry.

    I am not going to give up, I just can't ...it would suck to end here, but I just want a little bit of I guess a sign to help me keep going, and just suck up the crap along the way as part of the journey

    just a little sign.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 26, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidHow can I..everyday im worried if my dad is going to die.

    I worry about stuff I cant control, which doesnt help, but I cant help it either.


    Our lives are dictated by things we cannot control. The gas tank under your house could explode at any moment, you could get hit by a car crossing the street, you could get fired from your job, you could win the lottery, you could find your husband tomorrow, you could find your true calling next week, you could get stabbed to death by some wacko in the park.

    What's the use of worrying about these things? I'm sorry your father is sick, but worrying about it every day is not helping you, or him. Everyone will die, so you have to make the most of the moments you have.

    If your emotions aren't serving you, it's time to revamp the way you make yourself feel. Only YOU can change your behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    Happiness, peace, and harmony are never brought in from outside sources. They are instead always generated right within you from your self-awareness bringing about your outlook, thoughts, and actions. ---Ratanjit S. Sondhe

    anniversaries.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    JamieJfromtheA saidHow can I..everyday im worried if my dad is going to die.

    I worry about stuff I cant control, which doesnt help, but I cant help it either.


    Our lives are dictated by things we cannot control. The gas tank under your house could explode at any moment, you could get hit by a car crossing the street, you could get fired from your job, you could win the lottery, you could find your husband tomorrow, you could find your true calling next week, you could get stabbed to death by some wacko in the park.

    What's the use of worrying about these things? I'm sorry your father is sick, but worrying about it every day is not helping you, or him. Everyone will die, so you have to make the most of the moments you have.

    If your emotions aren't serving you, it's time to revamp the way you make yourself feel. Only YOU can change your behavior.


    You are so right, but i dont even know how I got to this point. I use to always never care and take things in stride

    but now its like everything bothers me and sticks to me. Seeing so many people sick and dying and everything just really changed me. It's more that worry..it's fear and doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI am not one for pity parties, but I just speak the truth. I just don't get it.

    I am so nice and kind to others. I treat people the way i wanted be treated reguardless if they do the same. I give to the poor, pray for the sick and needy and work for a non profit organization.

    I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and I am still a virgin, and I believe in love and marriage and the whole 9.

    Yet I cannot find a constant shine of light of glimmer of hope.


    paulflexes said
    JamieJfromtheA saidWhy Can't I be Happy
    Because you won't let yourself be happy.


    JamieJfromtheA saidHow can I..
    Stop expecting everyone else to make you happy just because you've done a bunch of good stuff. Everyone does good stuff from time to time. Bragging about it makes you look shallow and needy for attention.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but you really do need to know that. *hugs icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JamieJfromtheA saidI am not one for pity parties, but I just speak the truth. I just don't get it.

    I am so nice and kind to others. I treat people the way i wanted be treated reguardless if they do the same. I give to the poor, pray for the sick and needy and work for a non profit organization.

    I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and I am still a virgin, and I believe in love and marriage and the whole 9.

    Yet I cannot find a constant shine of light of glimmer of hope.


    paulflexes said
    JamieJfromtheA saidWhy Can't I be Happy
    Because you won't let yourself be happy.


    JamieJfromtheA saidHow can I..
    Stop expecting everyone else to make you happy just because you've done a bunch of good stuff. Everyone does good stuff from time to time. Bragging about it makes you look shallow and needy for attention.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but you really do need to know that. *hugs icon_biggrin.gif


    It's not bragging, what I meant by that, is that
    I do things in a sense based on religion and Karma...so why dont the good things comeback to me. It is in the goodness of my heart 2, but still...

    it is a confusion, factor. Not saying people have to do such and such, but more so asking why me, when I am going good or trying to be good. I don;t expect anything from anyone, but I do expect my actions to make life better for me and I think that is reasonable.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidCarnegie__Dale_-_How_To_Stop_Worrying_An

    Seriously. Read a (self help) book. The one above is excellent. It's not like you're the first person to ever feel this way. So don't bother reinventing the wheel...find someone who made it and copy him. Carnegie would be a great person to copy.

    I second this. A lot of my self control and self love stemmed from reading lots of self help books in high school. Noone in my family had the tools to help me, or were in another country; so I took it upon myself to learn about "What Happiness Means".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidCarnegie__Dale_-_How_To_Stop_Worrying_An

    Seriously. Read a (self help) book. The one above is excellent. It's not like you're the first person to ever feel this way. So don't bother reinventing the wheel...find someone who made it and copy him. Carnegie would be a great person to copy.
    What if I'm worried that it might not help? icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    Sorry, but you seem very needy all the time judging from your threads - LIGHTEN UP.

    And stop being so inquisitive about everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    You're too young to realize this right now, but we ALL go through hard times like this. And sometimes life hits you with a bunch of bad shit all at once. Sounds like you're in the middle of one of those times. But the fact is this.....the bad times DO pass and you are very young and have your whole life in front of you, so shut those feelings of suicide down the minute they crop up!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    dan_x saidSorry, but you seem very needy all the time judging from your threads - LIGHTEN UP.

    And stop being so inquisitive about everything.


    I probably do need alot of things and or changes, funny thing is, you would never know because I don't show my weakness to others in person. I smile 24/7 , when i cry it is behind closed doors to myself. But I may be needy but I been through alot, so that is okay by me.

    But I am inquisitive and I always will be I will never stop questioning because to me it betters one as a person to ask WHY?

    Maybe if more did question why or asked and made an effort to educate themselves. instead of just letting things happen or dealing with certain things, things would be better.

    I am always asking questions because I always want to know more and educate myself and see where others come from and how they feel. I make no apologies for that and I never will. Thats me bud.

    I dont know how you get that from my threads, because most of them don;t even pertain to me. Just are random things I wonder from time to time.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    Jamie, you say you folks are very religious, which I presume to mean Christian.

    I have an experiment for you: go to a Bible search engine (I like BibleGateway.com) and search for the word, "AFRAID." Look at Gospel references.

    You will notice that Jesus uses that ONLY in the context of, "Don't be afraid."

    If fear of your father's demise is holding you back, realize that your God will choose when your father's time has come, fully knowing where you are going to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said

    ....I do things in a sense based on religion and Karma...so why dont the good things comeback to me. It is in the goodness of my heart 2, but still...
    ....I don;t expect anything from anyone, but I do expect my actions to make life better for me and I think that is reasonable.


    Religion and karma are both belief systems....not facts. Magical thinking can really hurt you emotionally. There are many people who do wonderful things for others and die horrible, lonely deaths. And as we all know, there are many evil people who live the good life and die peacefully in their sleep. Whoever told you that life was fair lied to you badly! Continue to be a good person but do it with no expectations of reward, because many times the only reward you will get is knowing you're a good person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    because you make so many whiny threads.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 26, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    I think you just need to get laid (and get out of Alabama).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Anduru saidbecause you make so many whiny threads.


    How Clever icon_rolleyes.gif

    I find it funny how people think just because I post a topic it is directly correlated with me. Sorry, but unlike many , i am not that vain. Alot of my random threads are just that..random have nothing more to do with me other than the fact I thought of it. You know, kinda like all your responses tend to be.

    I am not whiny. I just like to ask
    I like to educate myself which sadly alot of others should do,but don't.
    You can never ask to many questions in my opinion. If I cannot get out and experience the world and new people then I will learn about it and ask
    Instead of many reading my topics and offering advice and judgement on the issue I proposed, you offer judgement on me, as if any of you are so perfect and great but reguardless of what you think..you still dont know me.

    I asked a question, if you don't wish to answer it then why are you here.
    To show you are cool by being as ass. Wow arent you special.


    I show you what I want you to see.
    So people don't assume stuff of my personality off of a thread or two.
    icon_biggrin.gif

    You can be rude and judge all you want and tell me Im this and that but at the end of the day you are here reading everything I post.
    icon_cool.gif

    If you don't like what I have to say you can do to me like I have done to others here including you as of now.


    "clicks Ignore His Post"icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and I am still a virgin,


    Now THERE's your problem!!!

    No, Im just kidding, it doesn't have to make one unhappy, I do know people who are extremely difficult about those things..., though I wonder really if thats any good for them... I think upholding a personal idea of purity like that might just be unhealthy, because it may indicate a problem letting go of ones inhibitions.. and being completely inhibited may not be very good for one's happiness... Some inhibitions are necessary of course, but there should be balance.. everything in moderation, including moderation
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    Anduru saidbecause you make so many whiny threads.


    How Clever icon_rolleyes.gif
    " />


    Don't worry about Anduru.. he;'s just an attention whore lol icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    but now its like everything bothers me and sticks to me. Seeing so many people sick and dying and everything just really changed me. It's more that worry..it's fear and doubt.


    O, i got depressed once because this is all I think about... now I try to find stuff to laugh about in order to offset it..

    Or you could just become a monk.... thats what the Buddha did when he saw the world's sick, dead, and suffering
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    sometimes you need medication, go tell your doctor, seriously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    themachine saidJamie, you say you folks are very religious, which I presume to mean Christian.

    I have an experiment for you: go to a Bible search engine (I like BibleGateway.com) and search for the word, "AFRAID." Look at Gospel references.

    You will notice that Jesus uses that ONLY in the context of, "Don't be afraid."



    Yup, that's what the Buddha says too: "have no fear"
  • gymrat1

    Posts: 132

    Apr 26, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    I would recommend reading "A new earth", by Eckert Tolley. I didn't read through all the threads.....but it sounds like you might also suffer from depression. If that's the case, you could benefit from an SSRI- although that never helped me.

    I've suffered from depression my whole life. Exercise is great for it....the seratonin and endorphine release make me feel so much better. Alas, I can feel your pain.

    Are you a Christian? Can you find solace in Christ? Revelations teaches us to number our days, that we may gain wisdom/understanding. Our time here on earth is very short, three score and ten or twenty years.

    I'm sure you know the serenity prayer..........try not to stress over the things you can't change.....your sexuality, your father's illness....all the hardships you've gone through.

    Having never met you, you sound like a really cool guy. Happiness has to come from within. If you're not happy w/ yourself, life will always be a struggle.

    I hope this helps a little. I will say a prayer for you tonight icon_smile.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    themachine saidJamie, you say you folks are very religious, which I presume to mean Christian.

    I have an experiment for you: go to a Bible search engine (I like BibleGateway.com) and search for the word, "AFRAID." Look at Gospel references.

    You will notice that Jesus uses that ONLY in the context of, "Don't be afraid."



    Yup, that's what the Buddha says too: "have no fear"


    I know, I know a verse off the top of my head

    God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of a sound mind.

    I just need to work on it.
    I am not going to give up though.
    Its just hard I guess.