Wives of your straight guy friends!

  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 26, 2012 11:43 AM GMT
    So one of my best friends is straight and I was over helping him out the other day remodel their kitchen and just having some male bonding time. We sat down and just talked about stuff and he made a point of telling me that his wife thinks I am trying to "convert" him.

    At first I laughed it off as some sort of joke but he seemed serious and I just couldn't believe it. I asked him if she really said that and he said yes. Keep in mind I have never met her personally yet (yes I was at his house...she wasn't there and here I am remodeling their kitchen) so she doesn't really know me really well.

    The whole thing has kind of annoyed me. I don't enjoy being thought of someone actively trying to convert anyone. To me that's not how it works, they either have gay feelings or they don't. Or they could be bi. But because now the thought is planted in my head I don't feel comfortable texting my bud without worrying that...oh no heaven forbid his wife thinks I'm converting him.

    So here's my question, anyone else had issues with the wives of their straight friends trying to end the friendship. I have a very much bromance kind of relationship with this guy that I enjoy for what it is and his company and don't want it to end. Should I say something to her, or should I let it slide. Also why do you think he even mentioned it to me?
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    Hahaha, I know your situation. However I find that most of my straight friends' wives try convert me... lol
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:54 AM GMT
    i don't think he should mentioned it to u , if i were in his shoes i would tell my wife no gayness doesn't work that way "converting ", its soo obvious, and i would even make something up just to shut her up i would say we agreed when he told me that hes gay that we dont like each other that way ... so i think ur friend did a mistake .

    solution in my opinion : make ur friend tell his wife that u guys agreed to be only friends cuz ur friend isn't your type . i would do that lol
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    Could be that he's worried about whether there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of making sure without asking directly. Could be that he hopes there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of broaching the subject without asking directly. In either event it might not be about the wife at all. I would not say anything directly to her unless he asks you too.
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:56 AM GMT
    Allesanders saidHahaha, I know your situation. However I find that most of my straight friends' wives try convert me... lol


    hahahahaha , seems like wives of straight friends would be satisfied without dealing with "the converting " .lol
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    Apr 26, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    showme saidCould be that he's worried about whether there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of making sure without asking directly. Could be that he hopes there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of broaching the subject without asking directly. In either event it might not be about the wife at all. I would not say anything directly to her unless he asks you too.


    hmmm that explains my point , why didnt he deal with it personally its not super hard to explain to his wife that u r just a friend otherwise she would be homophobic if she kept saying what she said . hmmm "showme" has a good point ....
  • tgrissom0312

    Posts: 91

    Apr 26, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    I had this happen to me. Except I know his wife. Turns out one night while he and I would playing volleyball (we play on 2 separate leagues) she and one of her friends sat around discussing me and my intentions with her husband.

    My buddy told me about this and we just laughed. I was kind of pissed that his wife would think that. I mean come on, seriously, he isn't even that cute! lol

    Turns out that even though she doesn't make much time for her husband, she's just gets jealous and insecure when other people do.

    I say its more of your friend's wife being insecure. Probably not personal especially since she's never met you.
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    tgrissom0312 saidTurns out that even though she doesn't make much time for her husband, she's just gets jealous and insecure when other people do.

    I say its more of your friend's wife being insecure. Probably not personal especially since she's never met you.
    Have seen this happen -- with men and women, gay and straight -- that a reason is invented to be suspicious no matter who the spouse spends a lot of time with.
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:29 PM GMT
    I met a new couple recently who I liked a lot, cousins of an old friend of mine, who live in my area, who I could not be friends with. I got along with them too well. I liked the wife very much. She's had a tough life and she's managed to come through it all pretty well. I had a great time with their kid even, a smart pretexting grade schooler who was a good conversationalist. The problem was that whenever I spoke with the husband, I could feel myself falling for him and I think there were some mutual feelings by how he paid such direct attention to me. We just connected immediately.

    So I purposely kept my distance from him the entire evening--allowing him to enjoy his time with his cousin who was visiting me--and gave the wife & their kid my full attention instead. There was no way that this guy and me could become friends without her getting jealous. The chemistry was too intense.

    But generally I hug and kiss my str8 good friends in front of their wives as none of them are my type, there's no sexual chemistry and so nothing for the wives to pick up on.

    Bromance is a vibe that the wife could be picking up on. Now the question: what's worse, opening up a can of worms, asking the guy if you should talk to his wife, or letting a can of worms fester? Either way could blow up in your face. Good luck with that.
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:32 PM GMT
    *boggle* Straight guys should not be allowed near interior decorating and kitchen design. This woman needs to get a clue.

    (no, I didn't get that memo. don't ask me to pick paint colors either.)
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    djzilla saidSo one of my best friends is straight and I was over helping him out the other day remodel their kitchen and just having some male bonding time. We sat down and just talked about stuff and he made a point of telling me that his wife thinks I am trying to "convert" him.

    At first I laughed it off as some sort of joke but he seemed serious and I just couldn't believe it. I asked him if she really said that and he said yes. Keep in mind I have never met her personally yet (yes I was at his house...she wasn't there and here I am remodeling their kitchen) so she doesn't really know me really well.

    The whole thing has kind of annoyed me. I don't enjoy being thought of someone actively trying to convert anyone. To me that's not how it works, they either have gay feelings or they don't. Or they could be bi. But because now the thought is planted in my head I don't feel comfortable texting my bud without worrying that...oh no heaven forbid his wife thinks I'm converting him.

    So here's my question, anyone else had issues with the wives of their straight friends trying to end the friendship. I have a very much bromance kind of relationship with this guy that I enjoy for what it is and his company and don't want it to end. Should I say something to her, or should I let it slide. Also why do you think he even mentioned it to me?


    The real issue here is are you conscious of your intentions? If so, and they are sheerly friendship and camaraderie--then it doesn't matter since her 'suspicion' will never come true. If you have sexual/erotic feelings towards him--then she may have a point.
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    tgrissom0312 saidI say its more of your friend's wife being insecure. Probably not personal especially since she's never met you.


    This.

    My straight buddy and I hang out basically all the time... we work out together, go out places, hit the bars, etc etc. His crazy insecure girlfriend has mentioned several times about how she thinks something might be going on. At first I laughed and told my best gay friend and we both laughed... the straight friend is buff, but I'm seriously, seriously not attracted to him. But now when he and the girl fight she brings it up lol.

    She's just insecure.
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    Apr 26, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    Straight people spontaneously go homo in the VERY strong queer field I exude.
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    Apr 26, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    Never had that problem, at their age they're pretty secure and they all think I'm fabulous. Plus you haven't seen their husbands.
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    showme saidCould be that he's worried about whether there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of making sure without asking directly. Could be that he hopes there is a sexual component to the relationship and this is his way of broaching the subject without asking directly. In either event it might not be about the wife at all. I would not say anything directly to her unless he asks you too.


    ^ This.
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    djzilla said " converting "

    So here's my question, anyone else had issues with the wives of their straight friends trying to end the friendship. I have a very much bromance kind of relationship with this guy that I enjoy for what it is and his company and don't want it to end. Should I say something to her, or should I let it slide. Also why do you think he even mentioned it to me?


    Well let others think whatever they want ,in this fucking world of polygamy , no one is a monogamous (its hard to find one) ..men doubt their wives ,wives doubt their husbands
    & where we live 90% of our gay culture is about fuck & move on !
    so in this fuck & fuck thing we are losing the basic essence of LOVE

    if many gays would stop the hook-up culture their would be a better chance of coping up with HIV & many other std's & shit associated with gays as a stereotype

    Well let her think whatever she thinks ,u can't change it ..trust your own-self more !
    if u arent playing around with him ! this shouldn't bother u ...coz that's what the world talks ---- u cant stop everyone
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    you just gonna convert him, if him doesn't know what he wants... and if she has problems with that is because is isn't giving pleasure to him, and she knows it... thats it's crazy... So we can't have straight friends? i have so many and they all know about me and their wifes knows too and thatere's no problems at all... the problem is in her head,....
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Apr 26, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    I did have a very similar problem--a friend's wife was very insecure about his sexuality, and as it turned out he had some issues there himself (i.e. she was seeing something that I wasn't). But lots of people are just insecure so she just needs to get over it. If she thinks he's "convertible" then she really needs to take a look at their relationship--it has fuck-all to do with you. Personally I have more straight friends than gay friends and this has not been an issue for most people.
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    Apr 26, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    zenbody saidyou just gonna convert him, if him doesn't know what he wants... and if she has problems with that is because is isn't giving pleasure to him, and she knows it... thats it's crazy... So we can't have straight friends? i have so many and they all know about me and their wifes knows too and thatere's no problems at all... the problem is in her head,....


    I have all straight friends not a single gay !
    if she thinks let that gal think !
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    Apr 26, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    Had a similar situation of a friend's gf. She was of course the incredibly jealous type. She told him that we're not aloud to hang out alone. He laughed at her and told her she's ignorant and he's not gay. Needless to say they broke up we're still really close and he's still not gay. haha
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    Apr 26, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Do your friend a favor and tell his wife that if she keeps her man satisfied in the bedroom she should have no worries concerning his straying (straight or gay). Don't be surprised if your friend suddenly reports to you his wife's renewed interest in sex.

    Or you can play a terrible practical joke and tell her its all you can do do keep his hands off YOU!

    Or, how much time do you spend with this straight friend that his wife is beginning to wonder about your motives? Could she be onto something you aren't willing to admit to yourself? Gay men crushing on their straight friend is not uncommon.

    Just some observations. It's obvious I don't know you, your friend, his wife or the dynamics of the relationships. Fuck, I'm just stabbing in the dark here, and admittedly having a bit of fun doing it.
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    Apr 26, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    Makes you wonder what he's been saying about you to her. maybe he talks about you alot for some reason..wink wink.

    But seriously, part of me thinks it's the wife just being insecure. At the same time, maybe he does talk about you alot so it makes her wonder.

    At the same time, maybe he's curious, and was trying to feel you out and see your response.
  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 27, 2012 10:55 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    Thanks for the great responses...here's a bit of an update. They just got back from a week long cruise which he said was good. Things were a little odd with us because he's set up a couple of times for us to hang out before and immediately after their cruise and he canceled on me both times without much if any notice. So I was really kind of pissed at him. When I asked why he said some things come up that he can't control. He basically alluded to the fact that his wife scheduled him to do a bunch without discussing with him so he got busy.

    I got to talk to him a little bit last night and resolved some stuff. He kept telling me to call him or text him and when I told him I didn't feel comfortable doing either. He first asked why then was like "oh that....don't worry about that!"

    I am a really bad judge of signs from guys. My gay best friend has had more experience with guys that are "straight" who end up either hooking up with him or coming out gay. He said there is something there and that he might be questioning his sexuality because he has met my straight friend before and both he and some of my girlfriends think there is a bit of potential there. Something I really don't want to think about cause I think it could throw off the dynamic of our friendship.

    I know you probably thinking so do I have feelings for him more than just friendship. I would be lying if I said no but I resolved not to act on those feelings it is he that seems to keep pushing it toward that.

    Do I think he talks to his wife about me? Yes I know he does, a lot...not sure. So you are probably right she does sound insecure because they are having a rocky marriage. They've only been together a year and in counseling already.

    So my straight guy friend has a lot on his plate right now. I also know he has a friendship with a girl other than his wife at work that he feels something for other than friendship. When I tried to discuss his relationship with his wife he said things are ok but he keeps saying he misses the "deeper love" which I am not sure what that means.

    Either way it's a rocky and complex situation which I should probably get out of if I didn't care about the guy so much I should have from the get go. He's extremely important to me (not for potential physical stuff) but because he pushes me and challenges me to improve myself and motivates me to do so. I've changed a lot because of our friendship in ways that I like so I don't want to loose a person who has become so much a part of my day to day existence.

    Sorry for the cryptic long winded reply. I don't get the dynamic we have sometime. And I'm probably just confused about my feelings as he is of his.
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    How well do you know his wife? Maybe she just needs some reassurance that you can't convert people. (Okay you can but she doesn't need to know that).



    It really depends on the person. I know someone who is highly jealous and she doesn't let her boyfriend have any friends that are girls. But she doesn't mind at all when I go behind him and grab his hips and thrust into him. They are both secure in their sexuality...and know I'm just joking (sort of). icon_razz.gif

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    Apr 27, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    YOU GUYS ARE ALL F******.

    First of all your looking at this from your perspective which is totally off on the female perspective.

    When a guy dates a girl. The gf wants to know all of his friends and even hang out with them a little. When said girl marries said guy the wedding is a farewell party for all his male friends. It will never be the same.... usually the wife chases all male friends away so she can do the controlling thing without the competition. It may seem bizarre, but check out your dads and any straight friends you have. I'd say 80% of relationships are this way... hence the massive number of marriage breakups.

    YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Please be a good friend to this guy, he needs your support and he needs male friends. And... yes, he may eventually or is bi and he may be holding back. He's in a tough situation. You're a good guy and i think you have a friend for life......