Can I talk to someone please?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2012 8:37 PM GMT
    I need some advice and I dont know where else to turn lol
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    You can talk to me.


    Disclaimer: I am not a counselor or anything near it but I give decent advice lol
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Shoot. People are listening.
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:07 PM GMT

    Ready!
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    MIL- you know some of the details--

    basically my SigFig is a soldier and hes sent over yonder in places I shant name... and I just I havent heard anything in awhile (MIL same as before really) and im scared something's happened... i dont want to lose him... I grew up in shit shape so like i tend to cling and being emotional and being affection starving and im just panicking and worried and lonely and losing my head in a spectacularly sparkling manner *rages and tosses something at a wall*

    P.S. Anyone who can figure out my bit of humour here gets one free cuddle icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    Well one way or another there isn't anything that you can actually do about it right now, in terms of action. What you're looking for is reassurance and that you can do. You can always feel better. The easiest way to get to a better-feeling place about it all is to climb up a ladder of slightly better feeling thoughts until you reach the place where you are reassured. You can start with thoughts like "I don't know anything for sure yet" and then go to "no news isn't necessarily bad news". Just think slightly better feeling thoughts, thoughts that bring you a bit of relief at a time and if you go at it for just a little bit you can soothe your insecurities and relax. I'm sure nothing is wrong and all is well. This here is the part where you have faith that he'll come back to you safe and sound. I'm not saying you can jump there all at once. Think of it more like climbing a ladder to the feeling of security.
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:17 PM GMT

    As you've already heard from us two old coots, lol, let's see what others' perspectives come up with. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug

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    Apr 26, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    As you've already heard from us two old coots, lol, let's see what others' perspectives come up with. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug



    Yes yes, Old Coots... but valued old coots icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    Well, I am sending well wishes and hopeful thoughts for his safe return.
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    I have little to add other than a nice virtual hug.
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    Apr 26, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    I really liked what Okami wrote and think it's great advice. Your situation also reminded me of the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:

    God, give us grace to accept with serenity
    the things that cannot be changed,
    Courage to change the things
    which should be changed,
    and the Wisdom to distinguish
    the one from the other.

    Or you could go the 8th-century Indian Buddhist scholar Shantideva of Nalanda University who expressed a similar sentiment:

    If there’s a remedy when trouble strikes,
    What reason is there for dejection?
    And if there is no help for it,
    What use is there in being glum?
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Apr 26, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    They also serve who sit and wait.

    He knows you care and that is very important to him.

    Take a little time--a specific time--every day to send good thoughts. He'll get them.

    And in the meantime, do something for others. It is the best remedy for worry that there ever was.

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    Apr 26, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    I'm not trying to be dismissive of the situation but isn't that kind of normal for a military person who's deployed to be unable to communicate with those back home for extended periods of time?
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    Apr 26, 2012 10:24 PM GMT
    Being a military "wife" isn't easy. there are alot of unknowns, or more like, not-knowings, that you have to deal with. Patience and strength is all you can rely on during those moments because, as others have said, it's out of your control.

    I am interested in the "losing my head in a spectacularly sparkling manner". For some reason, all I thought of what Twilight.

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    Apr 26, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    ECnAZ saidBeing a military "wife" isn't easy. there are alot of unknowns, or more like, not-knowings, that you have to deal with. Patience and strength is all you can rely on during those moments because, as others have said, it's out of your control.

    I am interested in the "losing my head in a spectacularly sparkling manner". For some reason, all I thought of what Twilight.



    it was meant to be lulzy icon_razz.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 26, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    To distract yourself, rent Dear John and drool over Channing Tatum. He's kinda where your boy is now, in the movie, although you won't leave him for some old guy with cancer.
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    Apr 27, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    there is movie what is it called the notebook?

    anywho she sees someones else because she thought he will never come back ....

    turns out he did...

    hope this helps,

    but seriously, you can't control the situation but wait, i hope the best.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 27, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    For whatever reason, or for no apparent reason, there can be LONG stretches of time between hearing from a loved one who is in the military.

    And, the military thrives on secrecy. So, there's no one you can contact to find out where your man is, or how he is.

    Eating yourself up, worrying, isn't going to do anything but make yourself miserable.

    Adopt a POSITIVE attitude.
    Tell yourself, over and over, everyday, that he's alright. Don't say that he WILL be alright. Say that he IS alright. It will help to give you peace instead of constant worry.





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    Apr 27, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    onaquest saidWell, I am sending well wishes and hopeful thoughts for his safe return.
    I'll sit meditation style and send some of my strength in hope to/for you too!icon_wink.gif Keep your chin up. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    Whatever the humour was it wasn't funny.
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    SigFig... Maths humor icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    Your significant figure?
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidSigFig... Maths humor icon_razz.gif


    I googled it and still didn't get it. But I hate math. icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    I'm not allowed to give advice anymore icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:14 AM GMT
    Well this is advice from someone down range as well, there will be times when power can go out for days and there isn't any way to communicate. There's times when missions will come up as a surprise and you have 10min to grab gear and go. So from my own experience just be patient I'm pretty sure he's. I've been through several explosions and nothing too major has happened yet. So just keep cool and collected. If you started to make him stressed out while down range it could make things very strenuous for your relationship. Keep positive thoughts kiddo


    Brian