I have like no friends

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Apr 27, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    Okay.
    I have one really good friend but even he has other friends and we only see each other once a month despite talking on the phone several times a week.

    When I got with my boyfriend I pretty much just was with him.

    A lot of my high school friends are about 2 hrs away so I rarely see them.
    And people who I have had fleeting friendships with in the past 2 years have all disapated. Another moved 2000km away.

    I don't know what to do. I'm 24 and it's giving me anxiety!
    I'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.

    I've put a profile up on grindr but it's not amounted to much yet.

    Any suggestions!?
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    Find yourself some faghags.
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Loco11 saidI'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.

    I'd much rather be alone, than befriending every queer in the city. Suggestions? Go out and do something. And I mean in REAL LIFE, not some virtual shit that gets you nowhere.
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:26 PM GMT
    Truppensturm said
    Loco11 saidI'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.

    I'd much rather be alone, than befriending every queer in the city. Suggestions? Go out and do something. And I mean in REAL LIFE, not some virtual shit that gets you nowhere.


    +1
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    dudewithabeard said
    Truppensturm said
    Loco11 saidI'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.

    I'd much rather be alone, than befriending every queer in the city. Suggestions? Go out and do something. And I mean in REAL LIFE, not some virtual shit that gets you nowhere.


    +1


    +2

    Identify an interest and then start participating in related activities, you'll meet people.

    Back in the stone ages my bf and I seemed to have only straight friends, so we joined a newly-formed gay couples' group (to be fair, committed gay couples were a lot less visible back then). We are friends with some of those guys to this day, and other friends are guys we met through members of this group.
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Apr 27, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    Hmmm.

    All the gay guys that I've ever gotten 'close' to have either ended by becoming ex-boyfriends or fuck buddies for a brief period.

    Meeting people is HARD. I've no doubt if actually given the opportunity people would like me.
    Just feel like i'm wasting my youth atm.

    Seriously considering moving to Toronto in 2013 if this doesn't change haha
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    Apr 27, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Do you have interests? Hobbies? Can you join a film club, camping club, hiking club, biking club, Paleo diet group, or anything else that fits who you are and you can find like-minded people? Can you join the local Greenpeace group and do volunteer work? Volunteer for local film festivals which will automatically get you invited to the parties? Audition for a role in community theatre? I'm sure there is a centre that needs volunteers helping immigrants learn English and get acclimated, where you could meet people from other countries. Dude you live in Melbourne, not a bum-f#@k little town. There should be something there for you.

    I know that some cities are really clique-ish -- that its really hard to break into any social group. I don't know if that is the case where you live. If it is, then a move might be a good idea if other options fail.

    Also, you may be like a lot of guys on RJ who have better luck finding lasting friendships with straights.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Apr 27, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like you're not looking for just any old friend. You should further qualify just what type of friend you are looking for for clarity purposes.

    Truth is, friends come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and sexual orientations. Don't limit your prospects and maybe your search for friends will be more lucrative. Also, as you said- you are 24... Learn to keep it in your pants when you do find a friend.
  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Apr 27, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Loco11 said[/cite]Okay.
    When I got with my boyfriend I pretty much just was with him.
    quote]

    Maybe this is the issue. I have a friend that always complains that he doesn't have alot of his old friends. Of course, he allienates all of his friends when he gets into a relationship and when the relationship ends, expects them all to be waiting for him. Friendships are just as important as any relationship in that you always have to put a lot of time into them. I moved three hours away from my great friends but still make time to go see them at least every couple months.
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Sounds fun!
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    patmos9990 said
    Maybe this is the issue. I have a friend that always complains that he doesn't have alot of his old friends. Of course, he allienates all of his friends when he gets into a relationship and when the relationship ends, expects them all to be waiting for him. Friendships are just as important as any relationship in that you always have to put a lot of time into them. I moved three hours away from my great friends but still make time to go see them at least every couple months.

    This^^

    A friendship is also kind of a relationship with a person and hence takes time and effort to keep it going. I too have come across couples who mostly do things together and not much time else with others. And that's fine as the bf comes first. But if you want others to spend time with you then you must make the effort to spend time with them as well.

    Personally I don't hang with couples as it can feel like you are the third wheel even though it unintentional. And IMO a lot of single people prefer to hang with other singles. But that a different discussion.

    You cant be a fair weather friend "when you are single and bored then you hang with them otherwise you are too busy for them with the bf". Just like you relationship with the bf your friendships need to be developed and cared for else they will die.
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Loco11 saidOkay.
    I have one really good friend but even he has other friends and we only see each other once a month despite talking on the phone several times a week.

    When I got with my boyfriend I pretty much just was with him.

    A lot of my high school friends are about 2 hrs away so I rarely see them.
    And people who I have had fleeting friendships with in the past 2 years have all disapated. Another moved 2000km away.

    I don't know what to do. I'm 24 and it's giving me anxiety!
    I'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.

    I've put a profile up on grindr but it's not amounted to much yet.

    Any suggestions!?
    i know what you mean. i moved up to jhb last year and haven't made any real friends up here. plenty of people that i hang out with but not on the level of friends that i used to have. plus up here people are really busy with their own lives, so you kinda have a make plans a week in advance which is really annoying. but hey, we all survive.

    good luck with it icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Don't use the word "loco" or any variation thereof in your screen-names. Might hint to some guys that you're, well somewhat insane.
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    People make friendships through common interests or circumstances (school work). Get involved in the community. Take an evening class. Find an organization to volunteer with. Join a running club, volleyball league. Join a gym and work out everyday (two benefits with this one). Invite those you volunteer with to do things outside of the organization -- "Hey, want to grab some lunch?"

    "Hey, I heard that new film, Blah Blah Blah, is really funny! Want to go see them this weekend?"

    "Hey, there's this new band playing at Such and Such Bar tonight. Want to go check them out with me?"

    Invite people over to your apt for wine and cheese, or host a movie night and serve beer, chips and popcorn (really inexpensive).

    In short -- LIVE!
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    What about work friends? Getting closer to some of them (preferably female so you don't end up sleeping with them) would be a good move. As for meeting people, maybe try social networks like twitter and facebook?
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    Depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking specifically for gay friends?
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    I think you need to ask yourself this: Do you want more friends for the sake of having more friends (ie - you feel pressured to be in some sort of "loop"). Or do you want more friends because you feel you are genuinely starved for human-human connection? I ask these questions because this sounded like a big red flag:

    Onemoresummer
    I'm sick of not being like the other gays my age that seem to be friends with every other queer in the city.


    It sounds like you feel pressured to be a social butterfly which is how I felt when I first came out in college.

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    Apr 27, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    Are you introverted, but haven't come to grips with how to manage it?
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    Quality of friendship is so much better than quantity of friends . Enjoy and cherish your friend and be thankful you have him .
    I work far from home (like 7000 miles away ..haha ) but use Skype and keep my friends feel cherished .
    Best of luck
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    Caslon18453 saidAre you introverted, but haven't come to grips with how to manage it?
    You read my mind.
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    Ill be your friend. we can go to the movies, eat at shakey's bunch a lunch. go hiking up some mountain. go to party, talk for hoursicon_biggrin.gif and have some fun icon_biggrin.gif

    I knew what you mean, making friends when you are early 20's is a bit harder than when you are put into a social setting aka school. But do not give up, just be yourself and people would want to be your friend icon_biggrin.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 27, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    Put urself out there dude.

    Grindr is an OK start. Perhaps meet up with some of the guys u are messaging back and forth with...develop the relationship.

    I meet loads of guys through grindr and have met many friends through that...among other ways like joining a club or organization that you're passionate about.
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    Caslon18453 saidAre you introverted, but haven't come to grips with how to manage it?


    ^^ This. Or at least, that's what I was alluding to, hah!
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    Do you really wanna be friends with every queer in the city? Seems to me like gay society in any given city is a competition to see who can be most like the movie Mean Girls.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 27, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    I feel ya, OP. Recently moved to a new city and am not having much success in making new friends. Still looking for work and won't be attendng school until the fall, so I feel like my avenues of meeting people are kind of slim. Done events at the local Pride Center and met some people there, but no on that I've really clicked with. Don't care what orientation my friends would be, just want to meet a couple of people who I'm drawn to and are compatible with.