I think my dad forgot that I'm gay...

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    Apr 27, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    This has been on my mind for several weeks now, ever since I flew home from school for spring break.

    About a year ago I came out to my dad, April 15th, I remember the exact day cause it was one of the happiest/scariest days of my life.
    Heres the link to explain the story http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1497825/

    Anyways, when I went home for spring break my dad and I were talking, just hanging out and he asked if I was seeing anyone and then asked what HER name was......My heart skipped a few beats.

    I thought he was joking so I just laughed. He just looked at me and then looked away then changed the conversation.

    Im so confused at this point, then and now, did my dad forget that I'm gay, or was he just saying those things a year ago to comfort me???
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    He didn't forget. He's just conflicted, hoping against hope. Parents sometimes take a while go come around, even loving parents who have an initially good reaction.

    I would be gentle, but don't let him get away with it. He needs to know that this isn't a phase that will go away.
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    Maybe he thinks you're a lesbian! icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidMaybe he thinks you're a lesbian! icon_eek.gif


    haha!! maybe!
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    It's denial. Maybe he hopes that you won't muster the courage to come out all over again, and it can be like old times again. Next time he does it, reply with a gentle reminder like. "No, not seeing anybody now, but still looking for the right guy."

    This reminds me of a story. A gay friend of mine went out to a restaurant with his father sometime after the son came out. Anyway, father and son are sitting there and this gorgeous woman walks in and sits down at the table next to them. The father is divorced, and father/son exchange knowing glances like only a father and son can....as in "just your type, huh dad?"

    Then a few minutes later, her date appears and sits at the table. The guy is a real hunk, muscles bulging, handsome and fashionably dressed. Again, the father and son exchange knowing glances...as in "just your type, huh son?" They both smile.

    His father was not initially supportive of his son's gayness. But, this was one of those spur of the moment things that will just happen over time. You'll get there with your dad some day.
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    Apr 27, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidIt's denial. Maybe he hopes that you won't muster the courage to come out all over again, and it can be like old times again. Next time he does it, reply with a gentle reminder like. "No, not seeing anybody now, but still looking for the right guy."

    This reminds me of a story. A gay friend of mine went out to a restaurant with his father sometime after the son came out. Anyway, father and son are sitting there and this gorgeous woman walks in and sits down at the table next to them. The father is divorced, and father/son exchange knowing glances like only a father and son can....as in "just your type, huh dad?"

    Then a few minutes later, her date appears and sits at the table. The guy is a real hunk, muscles bulging, handsome and fashionably dressed. Again, the father and son exchange knowing glances...as in "just your type, huh son?" They both smile.

    You'll get there with your dad some day, but not now.

    Wonderful story!icon_biggrin.gif
  • nolejock01

    Posts: 39

    Apr 27, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    People forget I'm gay all the time... I know I came out recently, but it's so funny to me. My fraternity brothers are the worst at it when they're drunk lol
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    Could be that he just misused a pronoun.

    Or maybe he didn't forget so much as he had a brainfart and then got embarrassed. I had one just yesterday buying tiles. I'd selected a 2x1 for my first time. As I'm not used to doubling the square footage of each tile in the package, thinking a tile is square--when these were not--for a moment, I couldn't do the simple math to make sense of the price of a box.

    So maybe he's just used to thinking of people as squares which might not reflect upon you at all, nor upon his feelings about you being gay, nor on your relationship with your dad.

    PS I just found an entire wiki on it (God I love wiki)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_fart
    A brain fart (may be jocularly derived from "brain infarction")[1] is slang for a special kind of abnormal brain activity which results in human error while performing a repetitive task... the result of the brain attempting to save effort on a task by entering a more restful state'
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    Apr 27, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said[...]
    This reminds me of a story. A gay friend of mine went out to a restaurant with his father sometime after the son came out. Anyway, father and son are sitting there and this gorgeous woman walks in and sits down at the table next to them. The father is divorced, and father/son exchange knowing glances like only a father and son can....as in "just your type, huh dad?"

    Then a few minutes later, her date appears and sits at the table. The guy is a real hunk, muscles bulging, handsome and fashionably dressed. Again, the father and son exchange knowing glances...as in "just your type, huh son?" They both smile.

    His father was not initially supportive of his son's gayness. But, this was one of those spur of the moment things that will just happen over time. You'll get there with your dad some day.


    Priceless!
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:00 PM GMT
    Why is someone as cute as you not seeing someone special? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:17 PM GMT
    Yeah I'm hoping that he just forgot or slipped his mind... I know he still loves me but if I do bring someone home to meet him someday I don't want it to be weird. Think I should bring it up to him the next time we talk!
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    My dad always asks me do you ever think you will switch back to women. He also asks if he will get grandkids. I usually say no women are outta the question and he could get grandkids. However, one time I was annoyed and just asked him if he will ever switch to guys and he got all embarassed and said no. People are also prdisposed to thinking man and woman so it takes time to break old habits and he probably isnt that comfortable with saying your boyfriend to a man yet because you have been at school and not around. Plus its different when you actually have a bf and they get to meet them as opposed to saying I am gay and never having a partner around.

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    Apr 27, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    nolejock01 saidPeople forget I'm gay all the time... I know I came out recently, but it's so funny to me. My fraternity brothers are the worst at it when they're drunk lol
    All frat guys are gay when they're drunk. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    Rudy_Cant_Fail saidYeah I'm hoping that he just forgot or slipped his mind... I know he still loves me but if I do bring someone home to meet him someday I don't want it to be weird. Think I should bring it up to him the next time we talk!


    Whatever/whomever, it's usually weird anyway. Look forward to enjoying that unique landmark day!
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    showme saidHe didn't forget. He's just conflicted, hoping against hope. Parents sometimes take a while go come around, even loving parents who have an initially good reaction.

    I agree. He's likely pinning his hopes on the "phase theory" of homosexuality. A year later, maybe you've snapped out of it, that little incident last April just a passing aberration he was willing to ignore as serious, and to humor you.

    Now comes the hard part, for you and for him. When does he accept that this is permanent, and how does he handle it? And how do you help him to get through a father's common disappointments: his sense of personal failure & guilt, the hit to his own ego & pride, the unlikelihood of grandchildren from you, the personal risk to yourself he may fear you're being put into.

    You're not the only one who may need support right now - I suspect your Dad does, too. Make sure you give him all the help you can.
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    my dad did this too, he cracked a joke in front of family friends that i was flirting with one the family friend's daughter who was around my age... awkward.


    especially since, she too knows im gay and she has a bf that her family is also aware of.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Apr 27, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    ....this is horrible.

    first-world-problems-ii.jpg

    You're not single!
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    Apr 27, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidMaybe he thinks you're a lesbian! icon_eek.gif



    LOL Good one !!


    Hey O.P. I think your story is kinda cute in a way. Maybe he just slipped up. My first BF I brought home I'm pretty sure my Mom introduced him as Marks girlfrrr... uh, I mean boyfrrrie.... uh, I don't know what the hell they call each other but he's a sweet boy. When he's sitting at your wedding watching you marry a hotter guy then your sisters or aunts have got he'll get it icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    Rudy_Cant_Fail saidYeah I'm hoping that he just forgot or slipped his mind... I know he still loves me but if I do bring someone home to meet him someday I don't want it to be weird. Think I should bring it up to him the next time we talk!


    Gotta have ALOT of patience dude. This is helluva difficult situation for dad.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:33 PM GMT
    Sounds like my Dad who's in extreme denial. We go out and he's still is like "you should talk to that girl over there." I just laugh it off but he's dead serious.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:37 PM GMT
    reason for me not telling my parents. I can not put up with their drama.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    "Whats her name?"

    "Johnny"
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    Final_Fantasy said"Whats her name?"

    "Johnny"

    "you mean Jenny?"

    "No. I meant Johnny"

    "Is she European? That sounds like an European thing for a girl to have a guys name"

    " icon_rolleyes.gif "
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    I forgot you were gay too icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    Don't underestimate the power of old habits. It may be nothing, a mere mental slip. I'd only start reading something into it were it to continue.

    Either that, or he's clinging to the hope that you're at least a top. icon_lol.gif