Friends and money: how do you guys manage the two?

  • heymikey

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    Have you guys lost friends because of money? Do you guys think guys with different financial situations can have lasting friendships?

    Here's the thing: I have been good friends with this guy for less than 4 months. Despite the short amount of time, we have hung out with each other quite frequently, helped each other out along the way, shared stuff about our past that we would never tell anyone, etc. We're basically best buds. I trust him and he trusts me, but I am starting to have doubts. 

    The thing is, he owes me about $1100. I'm not rich by any means, but he needed the money so I was happy to help. It started out mostly as small amounts (mostly $100 at a time) that grew bigger. I trust him that he would pay up eventually, but now I just feel like I am being used. He asked me last week if he could have $20 because he was broke, but I found out later, he wasn't and had the cash. He actually told me once as a joke that I am his personal ATM (I don't know how to feel about that). He seems broke all the time, but at one time, he had no problems spending $200 on alcohol all to himself. He would ask me sometimes for gas money, but he has no problems driving to the next town over (about 30 min outside the city) just to see a guy he just met online for sex. He would buy guys that he likes several drinks at the club (although I don't remember him buying me at least one drink before). 

    Even though we're good friends, we're just different. I went to university and now have a career job though by no means rich, while he doesn't know yet what he wants to do with his life and has been jumping from job to job.  He had a tough life and I am willing to help him out. But I need the money back and don't want to risk destroying the friendship. I just don't like it when he gets mad at me for asking him to pay him back (with no firm deadline btw). He also gets angry that I keep tabs on how much money he owes. He thinks that being true friends is letting things like this slide. He makes me feel like it's my fault for wanting something back that belonged to me.  After all, I do earn more money than he does. But the thing is, I'm starting to feel used. 

    Anyone else have been in this situation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    Don't lend money you can't afford to lose.

    You are never getting paid back from him, he is using you. If he has money for booze and sex why can't he pay you back? Even if he gave you $10.00 here $20.00 there.

    DON'T GIVE HIM ANOTHER DIME!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    Don't lend money. Just don't. Take this advice from an older guy, DON'T LEND MONEY!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
    Unless you own a bank, don't lend money.

    Instead, donate it. That was you can file it on your taxes and send him a 1099.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Apr 27, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    I have to agree with the above posts.

    It shows your honourable side that you`re friends and you want to help him, but he`s repeatedly asking for money, saying he`s broke, yet has no trouble finding it if he really needs it! It looks like he`s exploiting your friendship. If he had asked you once and paid back promptly, that`d be different.

    My best advice is to stop giving him money, and say friends and money don`t mix, especially at these amounts. They nearly always don`t.

    Sadly, you have probably lost the money you`ve given him so far.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Apr 27, 2012 6:42 PM GMT
    Uhhhh stop just handing ur money away and letting this dickhead rob you. . .

    Take him to small claims court, get ur money back. He's using you. Don't be such a pushover. I know you're being nice, but it's time to not be so nice anymore. You've been taken advantage of.

  • Apr 27, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    I haven't been in this situation because I haven't and never will loan money to friends. As others have said, tell this guy to get a loan from a bank.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Apr 27, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    I dont get why people just hand their money out...

    I understand if it's an immediate family member needing a few hundred bucks, but a "friend" you've had for 4 months?? just handing ur money to him?

    damn, wish I had u as a "friend".....so I could hit u up for dinner and drinks money icon_lol.gif

    but seriously dude. Stop giving ur money away.....to anyone.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Apr 27, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    you can still be friends, but stop giving him money. Just see where the friendship goes from there. (if you're not friends anymore after that then he genuinely was using you)
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    Apr 27, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    It is a major red flag for me and it should really make you reassess your relationship with your friend when this occur.
    heymikey said ....he gets mad at me for asking him to pay him back (with no firm deadline btw). He also gets angry that I keep tabs on how much money he owes. He thinks that being true friends is letting things like this slide. He makes me feel like it's my fault for wanting something back that belonged to me.  After all, I do earn more money than he does.

    He is asking to borrow money and getting mad when he needs to give it back. That just indicate that he does not value you as a person and the friendship you two have. Making you feel guilty and that it is your fault for wanting what is yours back is also something you need to reconsider also. True friends don't make you feel bad unless it is constructive criticism.

    On the subject of letting things slide, this should only happen when the amount is truly trivial to you or when there is a mutual reciprocation between the two of you. You buy him drinks and he buys you drink. I don't think that is the case here.
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Apr 27, 2012 7:49 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou are being used.

    When you lend someone money first, get it in writing and second get a date as to when they will pay it back. If they can't give you a time and date then tell them they should ask their parents or whoever, and your budget is very tight so can't afford to really lend any money.

    Best thing is to be right up front and say you don't loan money to friends because it make for bad relationships.

    People who borrow money usually are not your friend, they are just looking for someone to use and are pretending to be your friend.

    You can probably kiss your money goodbye. Live and learn.


    I once lent my friend $3000 because he was tight on money to pay his mortgage. I even had him signed the paper stating that he will have to pay me back on this day, if not he will have to pay interest, etc. Next thing I know, the bastard moved to another state. I went and filed a claim in court, and they told me I could do that, but I will need his current address and I have to go there to serve him. After a few try, I just gave up. Lesson learnt!!!
  • chi_rock

    Posts: 207

    Apr 27, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    Sounds like you are being used. Write off the $ or call Judge Judy.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    chi_rock saidSounds like you are being used. Write off the $ or call Judge Judy.

    If you are going to do that first ask for the money. Because the judge will first ask if you asked him for the money. Send a text and get his response in writing first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidFirst thing to do:
    Remove the word "Welcome" from your back.


    Can I keep the one on my ass
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:45 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    JPtheBITCH saidFirst thing to do:
    Remove the word "Welcome" from your back.


    Can I keep the one on my ass


    The one in bacon letters? well... you can replace it, I just ate it. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    Consider all money given before now as a gift and just politely tell him that you will no longer give him any money.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    Anytime I give my friends money (actually only one friend) I dont expect it back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    I don't lend. If I have money enough to give, I give.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    As a general rule, it's good to not lend money to friends or family. It usually ends in damaged relationships.

    If you did not get an agreement in writing - it's going to be hard to prove, even in small claims court that this was not a gift.

    Best of luck to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    Larkin saidI don't lend. If I have money enough to give, I give.


    Larkin I needz sum moneh (bats eyelashes)
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    Claystation said
    Larkin saidI don't lend. If I have money enough to give, I give.


    Larkin I needz sum moneh (bats eyelashes)


    Oh yeah? Come over wearing an eyepatch...

    ... only an eyepatch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    Larkin said

    Oh yeah? Come over wearing an eyepatch...

    ... only an eyepatch.


    Thats why I needz muneh, I no haz moneh fer eyepatch icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    you gonna finalize and make a decision: do you want or need a friend who does not repay your hospitality?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    This friendship is one-sided. You've known him for only a short while. And he's being an asshole about it. Dismiss him from your life and try not to make this mistake again.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    This friend will likely imagine himself to be the abused victim if the OP demands the money back. But he'll keep asking for more. Time to cut him loose, even at the loss of the money advanced to date. True friends are made of better stuff than this.