It feels so bad, to meet people...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    And people here i refer to gay guys. It feels so bad that i keep bumping into jerks. And they tend to hurt me in so many different ways.

    Local guys are terrible, it always starts in a cafe, then go to their homes afterwards, have some fun and they will just ignore my texts and calls later on. Same thing happens when i refuse to go back to their homes. There are even closeted freaks who would not go on a date with me in public and insisted on asking me to go to their houses.

    Tourists are as bad but i cant blame them much, they tend to look for NSA fun so i can understand they try to cut loose all contacts with me when they're back home with their bf's

    Local white guys are the worst! They think they're premium having tons of asian guys messaging them everyday and tend to act like biggest douche-canoes ever. And i can't even explain how stupid i feel for having been too nice to them and thought i might have met the nicest ones ever.

    Is it always like this in the gay world or there is something wrong with me being nice that i keep being treated like shit? Is it better to be a dick and everyone tends to choose to be one so that they don't have to be the one who is hurt?
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    I don't understand this. It perhaps requires some 'people knowledge', but mostly you can already tell which guys are trustworthy and honest about their intentions by just looking at them or if you aren't completely sure by talking to them. You are clearly meeting the wrong people, but that's partly also your own fault.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    Well don't expect much if you drink a coffee then go fool around I mean it might be long term but chances are not that great. When you say no and they get butt hurt,then obviously they are not what you are looking for.

    Tourists lol yeah idk why you think something can happen, it might, but it will probably take a lot of tourist and you already sound fed up.



    Is it always like this in the gay world or there is something wrong with me being nice that i keep being treated like shit?

    AND as an active member of "life bending me over and screwing me with no vaseline" I will give you the advice that my parents keep reinforcing, it happens for a reason and something amazing will happen to you soon. I keep hoping for the lottery but a great guy would be just as good and just as rare im sure icon_razz.gif

    chin up, it will be worth it all im sure.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    I'm sorry. If the community where you are isn't working out, if you were in the US I'd say, move to a different place - but that probably won't work in Vietnam, since you're already in one of the biggest cities.

    People who go off on you for refusing to hook up right away are not worth your time. Maybe you could spend some energy trying to figure out how you can let these guys worry you less. If you don't hook up with guys who you know won't be available to you long-term, and you can keep your cool around guys who try to manipulate you in to the here and now, maybe you'll stay grounded enough to wait for a guy who is worth your time.

    Hugs.
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    Apr 27, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    tyklong saidAnd people here i refer to gay guys. It feels so bad that i keep bumping into jerks. And they tend to hurt me in so many different ways.

    Local guys are terrible, it always starts in a cafe, then go to their homes afterwards, have some fun and they will just ignore my texts and calls later on. Same thing happens when i refuse to go back to their homes. There are even closeted freaks who would not go on a date with me in public and insisted on asking me to go to their houses.

    Tourists are as bad but i cant blame them much, they tend to look for NSA fun so i can understand they try to cut loose all contacts with me when they're back home with their bf's

    Local white guys are the worst! They think they're premium having tons of asian guys messaging them everyday and tend to act like biggest douche-canoes ever. And i can't even explain how stupid i feel for having been too nice to them and thought i might have met the nicest ones ever.

    Is it always like this in the gay world or there is something wrong with me being nice that i keep being treated like shit? Is it better to be a dick and everyone tends to choose to be one so that they don't have to be the one who is hurt?


    The scenarios you describe sound exactly like what they are- hook ups. It's not even clear from what you say here that the guys were being deceitful in their intentions. Most guys could have figured out before ever leaving his house that it was just going to be a hook up. If you're looking for something more, find new ways to meet guys and end the conversation when it becomes clear that the guy just wants a hook up.

  • Apr 27, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    Well if you think other gay people are so bad, then be alone. Nobody forces you to interact with people. If you choose to, then be ready that they are nasty.

    Of course white guys are going to treat Asian like craps because they are in demand. It is simple human nature. Again, no one asks you to talk to white guy. I am sure some old fat overweight nerdy white guy in a wheelchair will be quite nice to talk to, but then you won't talk to them because they are not attractive enough for you, right?

    Basically, don't complain. Most people are nasty and disappointing by nature. Grow up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    It sounds that you are meeting people in the wrong venue, because what you're describing are guys that apparently only want hookups.

    Nothing wrong with that, but that's not what you seem to be looking for. Try meeting people some other way. I can't pretend to know what your options are in Vietnam...
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    Apr 27, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    It's interesting how both young and old have issues with meeting other people.

    Middle aged men like myself sometimes think about being too old to go out and have fun and that no one looks at them or finds them attractive.

    The young sometimes have issues with trying to see the same guy two times in a row whom they like, finding that they don't want to limit themselves to just one person.

    You will meet quality people if you become involved in the things that matter to you. Join an organization and if you are friendly and have good intentions, you will find friends.

    People will disappoint you at all stages of life. I'm considering ridding myself of someone whom, I've discovered, is about as rotten to the core as you can get.

    You're not alone!

  • Apr 27, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    darius30 saidIt's interesting how both young and old have issues with meeting other people.

    Middle aged men like myself sometimes think about being too old to go out and have fun and that no one looks at them or finds them attractive.

    The young sometimes have issues with trying to see the same guy two times in a row whom they like, finding that they don't want to limit themselves to just one person.

    You will meet quality people if you become involved in the things that matter to you. Join an organization and if you are friendly and have good intentions, you will find friends.

    People will disappoint you at all stages of life. I'm considering ridding myself of someone whom, I've discovered, is about as rotten to the core as you can get.

    You're not alone!


    Exactly, by the time you gain the insight, youth has passed you by then you really need to rely on luck to meet (settle for) the right person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidI'm a little surprised. I've always heard that Vietnamese were nice people.
    Now if he came from a country directly to the west of you, you'd have to expect that he's a Laos.


    Groannnnn
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    Apr 27, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    Thank u all for the advices and sharing. Indeed i was not looking for romances at all. I started meeting people just last december so i was a lil bit inexperienced, and it all started with hookups. Yes it was fun at first but it felt empty after a while since i prefer being relational than a fuck bag. So i stopped.

    And i decided to get more knowledge of people instead of spending time in bed with them. So i talked and no i never got to know what they were thinking, that what made them suddenly became silent and disappeared.

    After 2 hookups with local guys with scenario mentioned above, i got to talk to a few other guys who seemed smarter, but when i refused to go back to their homes, they always said sth like i was thinking bad about them and they felt insulted.

    I also got to make friends with several expats who just arrived and i showed them around, got them to all the best parts of the city that i knew of. And they seemed all well educated, nice and polite, so i would never be able to tell that they only wanted sex or they actually appreciated my time spent for them, if they enjoyed the talk or they were looking forward to the hot section.

    I always want to believe gays are not always shallow, i keep saying that to my straight friends as well. But yet, i havent met that many decent ones at all, or decent ones are at somewhere else in this world.
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    That sounds rough.

    I suppose the best advice I can give is to not try and force anything. Wait around until you find a nice guy. Also try to take things slower. Maybe meeting people within social groups before going on dates with them will help you know if they're an arsehole or not.

    If you could possibly find someone you share a mutual friend with then it may be easier, since they can give you a good synopsis of their character.
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    You are a complete idiot. God bless you.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Apr 27, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    You have the power in your life to completely change this.... don't hang out with guys with whom you expect this to happen... hang with a different crowd.. maybe even a straight one for awhile and always, always, see life as "a glass half full" than empty. Just a little suggestion

    icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
    tyklong saidThank u all for the advices and sharing. Indeed i was not looking for romances at all. I started meeting people just last december so i was a lil bit inexperienced, and it all started with hookups. Yes it was fun at first but it felt empty after a while since i prefer being relational than a fuck bag. So i stopped.

    And i decided to get more knowledge of people instead of spending time in bed with them. So i talked and no i never got to know what they were thinking, that what made them suddenly became silent and disappeared.

    After 2 hookups with local guys with scenario mentioned above, i got to talk to a few other guys who seemed smarter, but when i refused to go back to their homes, they always said sth like i was thinking bad about them and they felt insulted.

    I also got to make friends with several expats who just arrived and i showed them around, got them to all the best parts of the city that i knew of. And they seemed all well educated, nice and polite, so i would never be able to tell that they only wanted sex or they actually appreciated my time spent for them, if they enjoyed the talk or they were looking forward to the hot section.

    I always want to believe gays are not always shallow, i keep saying that to my straight friends as well. But yet, i havent met that many decent ones at all, or decent ones are at somewhere else in this world.


    With this, I have to say that you're too focused on what went wrong, from your perspective, as opposed to looking for how to change your interactions with guys so that you meet people that share the same wants/needs/outlook.

    Yes, you probably need to vent, but that isn't going to fix anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    intensity69 said

    With this, I have to say that you're too focused on what went wrong, from your perspective, as opposed to looking for how to change your interactions with guys so that you meet people that share the same wants/needs/outlook.

    Yes, you probably need to vent, but that isn't going to fix anything.


    Yes changing the way of meeting new people is interesting. Indeed meeting guys on grindr, or manhunt, or services like that would not return some good result. Some of my friends found partners through gay bars or gay organization, or even through introductions of friends. I think i gotta try those new things.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Apr 28, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    darius30 saidIt's interesting how both young and old have issues with meeting other people.

    Middle aged men like myself sometimes think about being too old to go out and have fun and that no one looks at them or finds them attractive.

    The young sometimes have issues with trying to see the same guy two times in a row whom they like, finding that they don't want to limit themselves to just one person.

    You will meet quality people if you become involved in the things that matter to you. Join an organization and if you are friendly and have good intentions, you will find friends.

    People will disappoint you at all stages of life. I'm considering ridding myself of someone whom, I've discovered, is about as rotten to the core as you can get.

    You're not alone!


    +1

    (and thanks to the OP for giving me a new phrase to steal, "douche canoe")