How open are you?

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jul 18, 2008 8:41 PM GMT
    People hide who they are for different reasons, most Gays do it because they are afraid they wont be accepted or treated differently if People knew, but does that really matter?

    When I finally came out, I learned that old friends can react pretty bad on such news, because it brings up the question of "Why is he telling me this now?".

    So now I am at a point where I usually don't wait to long to say how things are. Of course I let it slip in some conversation to take the edge off and treat if it would be the most normal thing there is. If somebody has a problem with me, just because of that, then he doesn't need to talk to me at all.

    So, my question to the RJ community would be on how you deal with the whole Gay/Friend situation. Do you tell people or do you just shut up and hope they wont find out?

    Edit: Damn, I just found a very similar thread that is actual. So I have to adjust the question. Is it worth building friendships that may crumble the moment the straights find out the truth?
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    Jul 18, 2008 9:48 PM GMT
    Yay! I broke your forum question cherry!!

    It's always worth building a friendship, even if it could crumble. The hope is that the other person will accept you as you are and be a friend no matter what, if they wont accept you then there is no need to worry about it crumbling. Who wants a friendship if you have to be somebody else?

    I make a point of assuming acceptance. So far, it's worked out. I only make a point of my sexuality if I am asked a question that assumes I am straight - like, do you have a girlfriend?

    I don't see the problem with you doing the same.
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    Jul 18, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    Agree with looknrnd.

    Plus it opens the eyes of straights that just because we're gay doesn't make us much different from other people.

    Even homophobes, once they get to like you for who you are and find out you're gay, they'll question their own misconceptions about gays.

    No, even though I'm not out, I won't let being gay become a hindrance in starting friendships with straight people. It's not like you bare everything about yourself the first time you meet a prospective friend.

    All my friends have been selected (or NOT selected heh) because they were there in a particular moment or two of my life, because we share some interests, because they have interesting personalities, because they have really great qualities as a person, because they just grew on me like fungi icon_lol.gif, etc.

    They did not become my friends because they were GLBT-sympathetic.
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    Jul 18, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    Not sure if I really ever come out per se.

    I don't go Hi I'm Pattison a fag!

    Or by the way, One is a homosexual.

    One does not date girls.

    One is all the way out!

    But I don't come out, ever. I have no need to make an issue of my sexuality, non of my str8 mates make an issue of their sexuality! Nor do they make an issue of mine.

    All bar one of my mates down here are str8, and no-one really gives a shit. If it's because One is not obsessed with the gay community, and just a regular guy, living a regular life, doing everyday things, living in the real world, has anything to do with it?

    No I'm not in your face about One sexuality.

    But thats what being a fag is all about,. being a pure homosexual, but a regular guy. Most people think I'm at least bi, and may be shocked that I've never done it with a women.



  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 18, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    I'm like the CIA...
    everything is on a need to know basis
    if I just meet you.... you don't need to know I sleep with men UNLESS... you're hot icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 18, 2008 11:26 PM GMT
    I personally hide nothing. If they have a problem with me being gay, then why would I want to be their friend in the first place??

    Like Looknrnd, I assume acceptance. If they can't accept me for who I am, then that's on them, not me.
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    Jul 18, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    I don't hide anything. I don't tell everything.

    I tell people who I feel should know. The rest, I don't bother telling - but I don't care what they know or what they think they know. I just behave like myself.

    The fact is, I have absolutely no need or desire to talk about sex or sexuality with about 99% of the people I meet, just as I have no need or desire to talk about the fact that I've been paddling whitewater since I was 12. You may say that my sexuality is a much bigger part of who I am... but I've been paddling longer than I've been dating guys, I've probably dreamt about it more often in my sleep at night, and many years I've spent more days on the water than I've had dates.
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    Jul 18, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    The only time that I wouldn't be open is in a situation that I could come to harm (as opposed to being fearful.) Other than that I'm open. At work, in town, or with family. I don't walk around blurting it out. But if anyone says anything that presumes I'm straight, I immediately correct them in the most nonchalant way.

    "So you're divorced. Do you get along with your ex-wife?"

    "The relationship I have with my ex-husband is civil at best."

    I've been friendly with people who turned out to be homophobic upon the discovery that I was gay. I don't need these people in my life. There are plenty of good people out there who deserve my friendship. As for the homophobic, I think that simply being a good example of a good person is better than a weapon much of the time.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:00 AM GMT
    I really like the two comments just above me - they speak volumes for how I feel. I'm open to those I care about and I don't broadcast my personal life to clients and others who have no interest or concern. In venture capital and real estate investments, sex does not come up and so I go with a need to know basis.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:00 AM GMT
    GQjock saidI'm like the CIA...
    everything is on a need to know basis
    if I just meet you.... you don't need to know I sleep with men UNLESS... you're hot icon_cool.gif


    EXACTLY icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:09 AM GMT
    I'm not openly "gay". I'm honestly "gay". If someone asks, I will tell them. If not, then why bother?
  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Jul 19, 2008 12:13 AM GMT
    I don't hide it, but I don't broadcast it either. I'm definitely on the masculine side, so rarely get asked, which is a mixed blessing. I've had friends tell me someone that liked me wouldn't approach me because they were sure I was straight, then again, I don't get targeted for harassment.

    Only thing that really gives me away is when I see a hot guy walk by and I check him out icon_twisted.gif

    When asked I tell the truth. If they don't like it, that's their problem, I'm proud of who I am.
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    Jul 19, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    As I've been involved in Gay journalism and activism, I tend to be pretty open. I figure I'd rather let someone know upfront (if I want to be friends) than wait and blindside them later. I don't like to encourage assumption, and so I get it out in the open and overwith. That way, if they don't like Gays, I can stop wasting time and move on. Life's too short for me to hide. I wouldn't want them in my life if they couldn't handle it. A lot of times, in social settings, someone will ask if I've got a wife or girlfriend. I usually tell them that I had a boyfriend for 21 years, and a girlfriend for 30 at the same time, but now I'm alone. That breaks the ice pretty quick, and sometimes gives them conversational whiplash. I have to admit, I do enjoy the variety of reactions, and I'm pretty militant about being Gay. Also, my girlfriend likes Gay guys, so there it is!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 6:20 AM GMT
    I am not out.
    A few close friends know.
    I work a blue collar job. And it's a very homophobic atmosphere.
    I am not open to my family but I'm not an idiot and either are they so I suspect they have some sort of a clue but they may be in denial.
    Speaking of denial - I have to admit that I have denied being attracted to men in certain situations.
    It may not be right but I had my reasons - mostly being either because I thought I was gonna be jumped by some dudes OR rejected by the people I love.
    *BUT* I have to tell you that I want to tell a few more people. I want to tell my brother. I know he will love me no matter what and we will still be close but I think it will take him a while to get used to the idea.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Jul 19, 2008 10:26 AM GMT
    For potential friends, I tell them right away, because I don't want to get close to someone who could possibly run later. At work, I'm out but I don't broadcast it either. If someone says something about finding me a girlfriend or wife, then I fess up. I'm strictly professional and most people seem shocked that I'm gay which I think it's great. I want them to see me, not my sexuality.
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    Jul 19, 2008 10:45 AM GMT
    On a social basis, nope. I don't want them to feel cheated by witholding information...even if it's pretty much apparent. I want them to know what and who they'll be dealing with upon initial contact.
    "Hi, I'm ZiM --don't believe everything you hear or read about me on facebook-- but yes, it's true that I'm a legend, I'm gay and my mobile number is..." (This line works all the time!)
    And I've never had any problems whatsoever --those who are uncomfortable with the notion --and the option to befriend me-- avoid any further socializing and it's not an issue with me. It's all about reading and carrying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 11:41 AM GMT
    Open Open!!!!!! Last night I was at the cafe in town and with my friend Carina a Danish girl and 4 Turkish Babes yeh when I say babes you know what I mean all pretty sexy sat with us and chatted and one asked me where is your wife? So I showed her my b/f's piccy on my Mobile and she was not shocked just said oh nice how old and when I said 22 she said young? My answer was yes I like 'em that way and we all got on real nice!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 11:53 AM GMT
    I applaud you TD, I mean even offline -especially offline, we don't wanna be wastin' time now, do we? Miss you. x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:06 PM GMT
    Thanks Zim me too I an glad you are back on the Train again?

    Trouble is it never stops anywhere?
    xx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:12 PM GMT
    There were so many Gays in town last night! The town was heaving with tourists but like a good boy I went home before I turned in to a Kebab!!

    Why am I so faithful?

    He is away?
    "It must be love love" as the song goes?
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:17 PM GMT
    TurkishDelight saidThanks Zim me too I an glad you are back on the Train again?
    Trouble is it never stops anywhere?
    xx

    Well, I'm a boat person and the Dubai Metro is still under construction --yeah, the troubles I wanna attract seem to be avoiding me while the troubles I'm avoiding seem to follow me...so I just went sailing a la Bo Derek to clear my mind off of things and away from it all...
    aa-01.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:29 PM GMT
    Her is a Big Marina and a Jetty for the Bi tourist Ships and 2 weeks ago the "WORLD" ship was in? Also the Turkish navy came back to see me 3 weeks ago Oh how I love the sea!!!!!!!!
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:32 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI really like the two comments just above me - they speak volumes for how I feel. I'm open to those I care about and I don't broadcast my personal life to clients and others who have no interest or concern. In venture capital and real estate investments, sex does not come up and so I go with a need to know basis.


    How true. I spend my day talking about revenue streams and non-piracy agreements. Sexuality is so far from the conversation that even if I were to bring it up, and even if the other person were totally okay about it all, they would shake their heads and wonder what on earth MADE me bring it up.

    The only workplace issue here is my co-workers, who know and couldn't care less.
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    Jul 19, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThe only workplace issue here is my co-workers, who know and couldn't care less.

    How true. Nobody really cares unless there's an expressed interest. Besides, I go to the office to work, not to make friends.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 19, 2008 2:57 PM GMT
    I don't feel the need to be shouting anything from the rooftops when it comes to being gay. If it comes up, I'm open and honest, but generally I just let it come out naturally whenever that time comes.