What do you consider bisexual?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 1:25 PM GMT
    I have noticed a number of men on here have been married to women and have children. I myself have done both also. My bf says because I have been with women (only 2 in my life) that I must be bisexual. I strongly disagree. I am not sexually attracted to women but did what I thought I had to do to fit into "society" and please everyone else at the time. Men have always held my attraction and passion. I think being bisexual means you are "attracted" to both, not necessarily because you have been with both sexes. What do you think?
  • MikemikeMike

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    Aug 04, 2007 3:02 PM GMT
    I am sexually attracted to both!! Never had a problem in bed getting the job done!!!!
  • MikemikeMike

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    Aug 04, 2007 3:05 PM GMT
    Your b/f is wrong. Do u have dream sex with woman??
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    Aug 04, 2007 4:24 PM GMT

    Bisexual: An individual who engages in both heterosexual and homosexual sexual relations. Bisexual can also refer to the corresponding lifestyle.

    Hence, I disagree with the last (rational) poster...meaning MikemikeMike of course.

    It you had a hard on, fucked and came with a woman, you can at least "engage" in heterosexual relations. I, for example, can't.

    However, on the Kinsey scale, you are well past the middle towards gay. But, strictly speaking, if you can get a hard on, and have sex with women, whether you prefer to do so with men or not, you are to some extent bisexual, according to the above definition.
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    Aug 04, 2007 5:16 PM GMT
    I would have to disagree with FastProf on this one. I think it has more to do with your interests and urges. I know of some gay men who have had sex with women, but that was because they decided to have children together and didn't want to go through the expensive medical procedures. Also, there are a number of guys here who know they are gay, but they've yet to have sex with a man. I don't think that makes them any less gay.
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    Aug 04, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    Also, this is the same message that the exgay movement pushes. Just don't have sex with men, and you won't be gay anymore. As we know, that doesn't work, because you're still the same person inside, despite your actions.

    I think you're bi if you're attracted to both, whether it's even down the middle or more on one side or the other.
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    Aug 04, 2007 5:34 PM GMT
    matt45710: "...I think you're bi if you're attracted to both, whether it's even down the middle or more on one side or the other..."

    Actually, then, we agree. If he had a hard on, had sex, he was "attracted". I interpret the other part of his post as indicating that he is "...more on the gay side..." than the other, in your above observation.

    John
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:02 PM GMT
    It's like broccoli and pizza--sure, I can eat broccoli. If there's nothing else, ok, pass the broccoli. But I really want pizza. I crave pizza. I want pizza for every meal.

    If someone said, "You can never have anymore broccoli," I'd go, "OK. That's cool." But threaten my pizza, and you've got a fight on your hands.

    In my ex-gay years, I tried to pretend to love broccoli, and that if I surrounded myself with men who loved broccoli, I'd magically become like them. But it didn't work. I just didn't get why there was all this excitement about broccoli when there was so much pizza to be had.

    The only time I really like broccoli is when it's covered with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. With a crust underneath it. And when it's surrounded by Italian Sausage.

    I can see where this allegory is headed, so I better stop.

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    Aug 04, 2007 7:09 PM GMT
    I have never had sex with a woman. I am 40 years old and I do find women attractive. If the opportunity presents itself, I could do it, and would. Women are human, after all, and as human beings there is nothing to stop me from enjoying them in both physical and mental ways.

    Am I a bisexual? No!

    Why?

    The answer is simple, the full manifestation of my emotional self, in fantasies, in my expressions of love, in my desire to be loved revolves around other men.

    It is there, I think, where true bisexuals exist, in that emotional place where men and women become irrelevant as genders and are only relevant as people.

    I could do it with a woman, but I could never really fall in love with a woman.

    Not a bisexual.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:26 PM GMT
    That's where it lies, I think...in whether you're emotionally attracted to a woman as well. I have a friend who is bisexual, and has had very passionate emotional relationships with both men and women, and I think that's where bisexuality is actually bisexuality.

    I myself have sex with women from time to time, but only when I'm drunk, lol....mine comes not from attraction though, cause I'm only attracted to men...but more from the fact that when you're drunk, friction is friction, lol. That, and some girls refuse to believe you're gay sometimes...they latch onto you at parties, and damn it, you can't get them off.....
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:27 PM GMT
    Iskios...I am not trying to be a pain, because we are entitled to our own definitions, I guess. But the Kinsey scale has to do with sexuality, and less so with emotional connections, although I realize those are important too...and maybe chief.

    But, the word is biSEXUAL. In my book, if you can function with a woman you are bisexual. If you PREFER men over women, you are way down the Kinsey scale to gay...of course.

    I realize that you are defining bisexual as someone who is 50% attracted physically and emotionally to women and men alike. But the term bisexual (I took that definition in my post above from a psychiatric dictionary) has to do with sexual performance alone.

    I realize some psychiatrists may disagree with the definition, but at least that definition is objective.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    I can function sexually with a woman if I close my eyes and fantasize about guys while I'm doing it. But, that hardly makes me bisexual. Thankfully, I don't have to fantasize about pizza in order to eat broccoli.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:45 PM GMT
    Just a sidebar: There is a national organization for bisexuals. They have a newsletter - the title is "Anything That Moves".

    J.
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    Aug 04, 2007 7:55 PM GMT
    PSBigJoey: LMAO

    paradox: I did mean, of course, having sex with your eyes open and not fantasizing about men.

    :-)
  • jockboy01

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    Aug 04, 2007 8:01 PM GMT
    fastprof...

    Your last post was exactly where I was going. I don't think simply having sex with both sexes makes you bi at all. There are lots of gay guys who've had sex with women. It wasn't because they were attracted to them, but rather because of societal pressure (generally).

    If you think who you have sex with defines your sexuality, then people who are total closet cases and married and have sex with their wives would be str8. That clearly is not the case. Sexuality is an internal drive toward one sex or the other or both. It has nothing to do with who you sleep with. I'm gay, but I could probably function with a woman... either by thinking of guys or just focusing on the physical pleasure. It doesn't make me bi.

    So redonred, I agree, you're probably gay.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:37 PM GMT
    jockboy1, fair enough, as long as you realize that you are disagreeing with Kinsey's original classification scheme. I've quoted here:

    "...Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects, (p 639).

    While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history... An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life.... A seven-point scale comes nearer to showing the many gradations that actually exist, (pp. 639, 656)

    Kinsey, et al. (1948). Sexual Behavior in the Human Male
    ..."

    Note that Kinsey centers on sexual response. Meaning, if you have a hard on, or can have hard on (without fantasizing about males) with a woman, you are in the vast middle ground...which is biSEXUALTY.

    Sure, if you are way over on the scale, you'd want or prefer males....so bisexuals who mostly prefer males, are probably close to the pure "gay" part of the spectrum.

    Anyway, interesting discussion, but we'll never agree if we're arguing that vast middle ground of the spectrum. It's a question of how you define things. I'll stick to Kinsey.
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    Aug 04, 2007 8:46 PM GMT
    I'm mostly with the folks who refer to the Kinsey scale.

    I also believe there are plenty of gay men who have *aversions* to women, for one reason or another. When you add in the societal pressures that make so many guys "try" to be heterosexual, the societal pressure in the gay community that largely assumes all "bisexuals" are just confused, and you just get a huge big mess.

    Personally, I rather like the philosophy of one of my close friends, who is bisexual (and has been for a long time). She dates compelling *people*. She has a strong enough physical attraction to both sexes that she has had great relationships on both sides of the fence. This doesn't mean she won't end up ultimately on one side or the other, but isn't the whole point having the freedom to date whomever you are attracted to, without worrying about what other people think?

  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Aug 04, 2007 9:14 PM GMT
    I just posted this in another forum... here it is again. Just a thought.... sorta from the other side of things.

    Entry for August 02, 2007 // Bi VS Straight Curious
    Yep, I think we place too many stipulations and stereotypes on people in general. Just because you might be interested in sex and would like to make sure you are not missing out, doesn't even constitute BI in my book unless you truly enjoy it.


    I have never liked sauerkraut, but I do try it ever so often just because. Does it mean I'm going to like it this time around? Maybe, Maybe Not.


    Just because someone is looking to try something, doesn't mean they will like it. That's why we have straight curious and other terms.


    Another thought: Why is it a lot of straight men, including my brother, are unable to see the beauty in other men. Not to make this religious, but man being one of God's greatest creations, regardless of what God you do or do not believe in, straight men have been brain washed in most cultures and can not see the beauty that is before them.


    We have straight men in our society that are afraid they're GAY, because they find men attractive. I find women attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them.


    Some straight men, I'm sure, are curious and might try sex with men at different times in their lives and not prefer it. I wouldn't think of them as BI, but interested in sex and would like to make sure they're not missing out on something.


    Society as a whole needs a change in attitude.


    LANCE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:29 PM GMT
    I consider bisexual the most natural way to be, the ideal.
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:33 PM GMT
    Human sexuality is fluid and has suffered for far too long because its been forced into either "this" or "that" clasification. To boil someone's sexual urges down to genetalia denies the existence of many people and many different type of relationships.

    Sorry, but in the category of bisexuality or sexual normative deviations, gay men can be as fundamentalist as their straight counterparts.
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:34 PM GMT
    Interesting, CalTrask. I don't often say it, but I feel the same way. I think there is a certain beauty in being able to enjoy both sexes for their unique strengths.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:36 PM GMT
    A number of good responses. Nicely said, Jackal. :)
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    Aug 04, 2007 9:44 PM GMT
    Italmusclnttm -
    I recently have had some very strong attractions towards women and have acted on them. The results were platonic, but it was amazing how just being able to put my arms around one with the mutual understanding of attraction and circumstance made me feel - I got an amazing charge of energy, and a real sense of myself as a whole person.( I happen to be in a loving relationship w/ a mate (a male) who trully understands my process ). I think society is very affraid of the grey area. I am too, and I desire to face that fear. I don't think this is a matter of sex. Sex , in general is over-rated, and way too much emphasis is put on it by commercialism and society. This is about love.
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    Aug 04, 2007 10:17 PM GMT
    "...I have never liked sauerkraut, but I do try it ever so often just because. Does it mean I'm going to like it this time around? Maybe, Maybe Not...."


    See, with all due respect, this misses the point. Getting a hard on is based upon sexual attraction. You can decide to like sauerkraut, but you can't decide to have an erection.

    According to Kinsey, sexual response is the key to understanding human sexual behavior. I can no more choose to have an erection for a woman, than I can to choose to be teleport to Mars.

    Those that CAN get an erection, are bisexual.

    And I agree that these people are lucky to be able to relate in this manner.

    I also agree that at the core of many of the respnnses above appears to be a "fundementalism" that bisexual people who are along the spectrum far enough to prefer relationships with men, are gay...and are fooling themselves.

    They are bisexuals who prefer the company, emotionally and physically, of men.

    I am purely gay, don't desire erotic connections with women, never have, and can't function with them. I do make strong friendships with women.

    I allow that others can function with women, enjoy both genders for sexual pleasure.

    I allow that others mostly prefer women, and others mostly prefer men, but can function with either. They are bisexual.
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    Aug 04, 2007 10:28 PM GMT
    Lately I've been going with what is in my heart