Opposite Attract...and Repel...simultaneously it seems

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    Apr 28, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    This is going to be long..sorry for that....

    I met a guy I had talked to on the net for a long time. We really hit if off. I had the one vice he hated: lots of sex and he had three I hated: cigarettes, lots of beer and pot. But in spite of ourselves we fell in love.
    Things were ok at first. I agreed to be mongamous and he said he would start scaling back on his vices with the goal of quitting two of them and decreasing the beer intake . But then he didn't, and started making excuses. And in 3 and half months we had had sex only two times and he spent a great deal of the last five week pushing me away every time I tried to be affectionate. If that wasn't bad enough I lost my job in an underhanded corporate move I can't talk about since attorneys are involved. I never got any support even though he knew what had happened and why. And then one day last week, I was feeling lonely, horny, angry and unwanted I did what I promised him I would never do, Instead of breaking up with him or at least sitting him down and saying this is what's wrong we have to fix this or break up, I cheated on him twice in an afternoon and then lied about it. He found out 36 hours later.

    So we tried to work things out over the last week and I was totally transparent about anyplace I went or anyone I spoke to. The final nails for me were a dinner i am having tonight with two people I have known for over six years and at one time dined with ona weekly basis. One of them got involved in meth (this is Tennessee after all) and then wound up being arrested two weeks ago for DUI and in the process of the arrest told the officer he was at a local (know rep) hotel, crsuing for guys in their 30's-40's for sex. He was pressured into regisning his teaching job and my other friend and I were going out to help cheer him up and hope he will get his life back on track. We fought over this dinner because he dind't want me associating with a known drug user and whore who had been in the newpapers, as he took a hit from his pot pipe and ignored his own past DUI. Ultimately he realized I wasn't going to back down and I was going to be there for someone who needed help, support and guidance it was going to be over then because I was violating his trust issues. I'm not sure how much one can really do at 7:30 at night in a Logan's, but oh well.

    Then today, there was Real Jock. I received an email from a 40someting competitive bodybuilder with a multi-degree background in health and training like I have and who has a busniess similar to what I want to start already up and running where he lives over 1,000 miles away. I was up front about the conversation and even showed him the texts on my phone that took place before and after our phone conversation, which we had becasue I was starting to clean and marinade chicken breasts and coundln't text. Somewhere in one of the late texts the guy made a very light flirt about wanting to get to know me in the gym and personal level (if one can call that a flirt) and he want ballistic and called me a liar and told me I had to tell the guy never to speak to me again. I pointed out I did not flirt with him and I cannot control others actions I can only tell them to stop or we will not be able to speak and he would hear none of it. It even said in my profile I had a boyfriend (I've since removed the line). I also pointed out he was over 1,000 miles away and we would likely never meet and even offered to show hm all our emails on here over the last few hours since we started talking. He knew about RJ and bodybuilding.com (which has stuff for gay guys, too) and, though not a gym person himself knew i posted to forum posts on lifting and stuff frequently as he had watched me do it a few times. He wanted me off anything with gay guys on it til I had restored his trust in me. I had deleted my manhunt account and he deleted his after the cheating incident but this site is not a hook up site and I wasn't gong to give up contact with other gay athletes, least of all one that would be a great business and bodybuilding guide and supporter.

    I know a lot of this makes him sound like a selfish asshole but he did have some very sweet qualities too. And there are moments in all this that I will treasure. Over the last week I came to terms with the fact things could go wither way: forward together or forward separately. And it seems, it is the latter. For those who bothered to read this long, non-spell checked entry. Thanks. I just needed to get this off my chest.
  • BuddhaLing

    Posts: 107

    Apr 29, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Move on! Life is too short . . .
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    Apr 29, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    You're 41 - time to grow up.
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    Apr 29, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    DUDE. my goodness. I feel for you but it's time to get real, the weed and drinking "vices" are more than just vices. My weekly donut binge is a "vice", what you're dealing with is severe and self-harming life-choices. Cut the chord till both of u agree to couples counseling and/or he agrees to go to AA/NA.

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    Apr 29, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    IzzyMuscle saidDUDE. my goodness. I feel for you but it's time to get real, the weed and drinking "vices" are more than just vices. My weekly donut binge is a "vice", what you're dealing with is severe and self-harming life-choices. Cut the chord till both of u agree to couples counseling and/or he agrees to go to AA/NA.


    Thanx man. Th cord as cut today. Permenantly. As one of my friends said "you can make changes to and fix your own life but you cannot do it to others; only they can save themselves." I am moving on with mine for sure.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Apr 29, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    I applaud you for your courage to try to salvage what was there and then move forward when it couldn't be fixed. As much as we want to change our habits for other people, I think we can ultimately only do it for ourselves and he wasn't ready for that yet.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 29, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    If you two are truly compatible, he'd be willing to let you fuck around with others and you'd be able to overlook his vices.

    Move on, he's not your one.
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    Apr 29, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidOkay, you cheated on him twice and HE'S the douchebag?

    Oooooookay.


    Oh you know, like the guy likes to smoke pot and drink and stuff, so a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.