Used by a sexually confused guy?

  • Tcrew89

    Posts: 7

    Apr 28, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    This is a LONG story!!!

    So I signed up for an online dating site a couple of months ago but never check it. Something just told me I should about a week ago. This really cute guy messaged me, I'm not paying for a subscription to the site so I could only send him one message and not read his so I sent him my number.

    He texts me about two days later and we start getting to know each other. he tells me that he's divorced, has kids and has never been with a guy before but has always wanted to. (He's bi) so we make plans to meet up Saturday night for drinks just to get to know each other. He even said things like we should go camping during the summer and different outings. Before we quit talking Thursday night, he asks for some private pics and kindly tell him i don't keep pictures like that on my phone. Which was fine with him. Really nice guy.

    Friday comes around, and I end up going home early from work. Thinking since I have time and bored out of my mind I text him asking if he still wanted those pics so we exchange and talk a little after. i tell him what happened today and that i might cancel. Which is again fine with him and he hopes I get better.

    Saturday comes around and I'm barely hanging on. I finally text him around 8 PM seeing how his day went. He told me he had to go home (6 hours away) because his dad had a heart attack. We exchange hope everythings okay texts and I end up passing out.

    Monday comes around and we decide that morning I'll come to his house to hang out and get to know each other. I get there around 1 pm and hes outside fixing something on his truck. We talk for about an hour, everything is going very well. He makes some drinks and reassures me that he doesn't drink like this. He makes himself about 3 in the time frame I'm there. We decide to go riding around some back trails and just talk about life and everything else. We get his truck stuck and we spend the next hour and a half running to the nearest store looking for help. He tells me over and over that he'll never forget this day and that its something we'll tell our grand kids about. He even calls it a date. He ends up calling his neighbor and she gets her friend to help us.

    He invites me back to his house to watch a movie and I accept. I had one of the best days in my life and figured that something special was going to happen with him. Now hes been drinking all day but isn't hammered or anything. He goes upstairs about three times and the last two times he tells me hes ready to try something but is nervous. He ends up later just striping down and we mess around. He kept asking me when I was leaving when I could come back so we make plans for Wednesday night. I text him that morning and tell him I'll be there later he texts back and tells me that He doesnt think he wants to continue with things because hes getting back together with his ex. I was pretty crushed. Mainly because we fooled around Monday night and we both felt something. But i didn't believe him about his ex so i let it go for a while.

    My best friend told me that she would make a fake profile on the site we met and she would talk to him. Turns out he was lying about the ex, because he was scared I figured. Thats all my friend had to do, but she started badgering
    him about the whole situation and made it way worse. He won't talk to me now and I won't speak to her.

    I sent him a long text saying sorry telling him he can call me when hes ready. I'm scared for him because hes scared and doesn't know what to do with his feelings. I want to help him understand so I can understand what happened. I pretty much know hes not going to call me. But what should I do?
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    Apr 28, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    Do nothing, It's over, I think it's better for you to let it go and move on. You were his experiment, sorry for being blunt but I dont think you could feel any worst than you already are.

    Same thing happened to me, twice. I'm sorry you have to go through this *there there*
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    Apr 28, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    Sounds complicated. I try my best to keep friends out of my relationships, because I tend to over think, or complicate things further. icon_confused.gif

    I would leave it at that, if anything wait for him to message you / initiate conversation.
  • Tcrew89

    Posts: 7

    Apr 28, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    tomcat89 saidSounds complicated. I try my best to keep friends out of my relationships, because I tend to over think, or complicate things further. icon_confused.gif

    I would leave it at that, if anything wait for him to message you / initiate conversation.


    That's my problem as well. I'm fine with being an experiment, but be honest with me. Acting on those feelings is confusing as hell.
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    Apr 28, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    Tcrew89 said
    tomcat89 saidSounds complicated. I try my best to keep friends out of my relationships, because I tend to over think, or complicate things further. icon_confused.gif

    I would leave it at that, if anything wait for him to message you / initiate conversation.


    That's my problem as well. I'm fine with being an experiment, but be honest with me. Acting on those feelings is confusing as hell.


    It sure is confusing! I've been in situations quite similar to yours, it definitely can make trusting others a bit harder in the future.

    My advice is to leave it as it is. If he's not able to be truthful, and fully convey what he wants and then ignores you; its not worth your time. icon_biggrin.gif
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Apr 28, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    That reminds me of the time I tricked with a guy who mostly just wanted to cuddle. Poor thing was straight! Girls are too much trouble.
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    Apr 29, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    1. Forget the fool. There are gazillions of guys like him in any pond

    2. Forgive your bff. She knew what she was doing, and she had your best interest in mind
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 29, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    You should have had the balls to handle the situation yourself...Bringing in your friend caused more confusion...Live and learn...
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    Apr 29, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    Move on and next time don't involve a third party. Be direct and handle things yourself.
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    Apr 29, 2012 5:49 AM GMT
    If you think someone is coming up with an excuse to end it, just move on. There's no need to play detective. Find someone else who's more worthy of your time.
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    Apr 29, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    its confusing for you, because its WAY more confusing for him. he's feeling very conflicted over messing around with another guy. yes, it was you, and you were probably very nice, but it probably has nothing to do with you. its probably that he's feeling messed up inside, dirty, whatever. it sank in after you guys messed around, sometime between Mon and Wed, and it was too much for him to handle. it was easier for him to just stop talking to you and forget the whole thing happened. it was too much for him.

    my advice: let it go. move on. you're way ahead of him in terms of being comfortable with your sexuality, and you can't make him hurry up, and you can't do it for him. he's going to have to go through a lot more ups/downs figuring out his sexuality before he's ready to have a serious relationship with anyone else, including you.

    you said your piece. you left the door open with an invitation. he has the right to choose to walk through the open door, or close the door and look for another path. in any case, its time for you to move on.

    p.s. orchestrating a sting operation set-up with your friend was pretty weird. i'd be freaked out too, if i were him. why would you do that when you can set up multiple profiles yourself?
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    Apr 29, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    call your friend and apologize for being a dick then delete that confused guys number.
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    Apr 29, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidThat reminds me of the time I tricked with a guy who mostly just wanted to cuddle. Poor thing was straight! Girls are too much trouble.


    A guy who wants to cuddle with other guys, and you say he's straight. Really? Are you sure it wasn't just the type of contact he was put off by?
  • Tcrew89

    Posts: 7

    Apr 29, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]p.s. orchestrating a sting operation set-up with your friend was pretty weird. i'd be freaked out too, if i were him. why would you do that when you can set up multiple profiles yourself?
    [/quote]

    Because she had a bad idea and I went with it. Mainly she was just supposed to see if he was really going back with his ex. That's all my friend had to do but because she's my friend she defended me. We're cool now, I was just mad at him for not being honest.

    If he would have been straight with me from the beginning it would have been different and it would have been easier.
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    Apr 29, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    BkBkBk saidcall your friend and apologize for being a dick then delete that confused guys number.


    This
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    Apr 29, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    Tcrew89 said
    tomcat89 saidSounds complicated. I try my best to keep friends out of my relationships, because I tend to over think, or complicate things further. icon_confused.gif

    I would leave it at that, if anything wait for him to message you / initiate conversation.


    That's my problem as well. I'm fine with being an experiment, but be honest with me. Acting on those feelings is confusing as hell.


    You got the answers.
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    Apr 29, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    doesnt-matter-had-sex.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Many lessons learned, that's life. Next time you'll react differently from the get go. Good luck.
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    Apr 29, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    Tcrew89 saidIf he would have been straight with me from the beginning it would have been different and it would have been easier.


    Yes, yes it would have, there would have been no issue. Sorry, couldn't resist.