Don't Know What To Expect Anymore...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    So, I just want to start by saying I know these types of questions probably show up a lot and get annoying so I'm sorry for that. But I'm really not sure what to expect so I wanted to hear from you guys myself.

    A while ago I talked to someone who's family was religious, but their parents couldn't care less when they told them they were gay. Then I just met someone last week who told their parents not too long ago, they flipped out (completely lost it) and their family isn't religious whatsoever.

    How religious is or was your household and how did your parents take it? I'm just curious to see if it really does affect how they take it because I'm starting to get nervous again. My family isn't religious and I think my parents will be fine, but after what I was told I lost some of my confidence in them and have no idea what to expect anymore. I'd appreciate it if you could just let me know what it was like for you, thanks guys.
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    Apr 29, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    Every family is different, mine never had many disparaging remarks about gays or lesbians, nor were they especially religious.
    This didn't mean I wasn't scared as hell; it was actually my mother who asked me.
    She set me on the road to freedom, even though, I told her I wasn't sure and it took 2 more years to actually come out.
    Funny: I have never inquired as to why she asked.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11777

    Apr 29, 2012 2:51 AM GMT this and your profile...Why do you feel the need to tell your family anything?...You're 19...Most of the year you're at pitt...Take this summer to "float scenarios" to your mom and dad...Example ask them...How would you handle it if one of your children was gay?...Ask it while watching Ellen or gay themed show....see how they respond...Ask more probing questions over the summer...Gauge their behavior...their comfort level...By the end of vacation ...if you feel confident...sit them down...Say...First I want to let ya know I love the both of you....I have something I want to tell ya.....I'm gay...Say...I hate lying to you about the important things that are happening to me...I want to share those happenings...I want to share them because my family is one of the most important things in my existence...If you were my son...and you told me this...I'd embrace ya and say...I don't give a damn you're gay...You're my son and I LOVE YOU...Only the best man....Steve
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Apr 29, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    Keep a lid on it until you can provide food and shelter for yourself.
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    Apr 29, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    I'm not sure if mybud's advice is the best to take. For example, your parents might see something on tv that's gay and not be phased by it or even accept it. But when it happens to their own child, they could be the complete opposite and take it very badly because, again, it's their own child! I've seen this happen many times. It's different when it happens to their own kid because they have set hopes and dreams for their kids and when one doesn't go the way they planned, it can hit them hard.

    You know your parents better than anyone else. Sometimes religion is a factor, other times it's not. It really depends on how open minded your parents are and if they TRULY have unconditional love for you. They're supposed to - but whether or not they do, that's another story.

    Do your parents care more about what others think than anything else? Are they dramatic? Do they have gay friends? Asking questions like those might give you a better idea.

    And btw, there IS a chance that your parents might already know. And if that's the case, coming out might not be as hard as you think cuz they would have prepared themselves. Again, that's for you to decipher. Everyone's situation is different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    UKpitt21 saidDon't Know What To Expect Anymore...
    Expect the unexpected.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Apr 29, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    my dad and stepmom and i didnt talk for 2.5 years when i came out to them because of their religious beliefs. we started over new for a few years then when asked by one of my sisters about marriage and children because they thought i would make a wonderful dad. when i said wheni find the right guy and if he wants kids of course i would get married. my parents went nuts and said that isnt real marriage. so that is that and now we dont and wont talk again per my choice.
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    Apr 29, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    My mum is secular.
    My dad is agnostic.
    And my grandmother is religous.

    None of them suspected I was gay, and none had a problem when I came out. They were just happy that I was happy.

    I hope you get to have a similar experience. On paper the odds seem in your favor.