Hot friend killing my confidence!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 8:51 AM GMT
    I am a pretty good looking guy, and have my shit together if I don't mind saying so myself - however, my best friend (also gay) who I often go out on the town with, is a very handsome and built guy and gets tons of attention at the bars.
    It's kinda killing my confidence - when we go out he ends up talking to tons of hotties and getting numbers left, right and center, and I often feel like I am in the way!
    At first I thought I would meet lots of hot guys through him, but it doesn't seem to be working that way. We don't go out often, but when we do it's obviously fun to have someone to go with - not sure what to do - any suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 8:55 AM GMT
    Join in the conversation?
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Jul 19, 2008 9:16 AM GMT
    FABLE IS CORRECT.

    Guys love it when others show interest in their lives, jobs, and just overall when someone pays attention to them. It often makes them feel important and boosts their egos. Join in, and if someone you believe is hot, and is talking less than the others, show some interest in them while your bud is busy getting numbers.

    As you said you were both hot, sincere interest will tip the balance. towards you, good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 9:27 AM GMT
    Dump him and get some ugly friends. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 9:47 AM GMT
    matt99 saidAt first I thought I would meet lots of hot guys through him, but it doesn't seem to be working that way.

    Looks like the basis of your friendship is already doomed at the beginning, by the sound of your agenda alone.
    redheadguy saidDump him and get some ugly friends. icon_biggrin.gif

    Oh you bitch. I am so taking that advice. LOL!!!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 19, 2008 9:51 AM GMT
    Wow.... Didn't you learn ANYTHING from Mean Girls?

    Rule number one:

    **You don't associate in public with anyone better looking than you are

    but seriously... you have to realize that when you ARE with him
    He's gonna get the attention
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 10:05 AM GMT
    strike out on your own and build back your confidence
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 11:51 AM GMT
    GQjock saidWow.... Didn't you learn ANYTHING from Mean Girls?

    Rule number one:

    **You don't associate in public with anyone better looking than you are

    but seriously... you have to realize that when you ARE with him
    He's gonna get the attention

    Damn right... can't escape beauty.
    It will always be like that so you either get used to it, or dumb your friend. You're the one who decides if it's worth leaving him for that ;)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 19, 2008 1:03 PM GMT
    Well Matt, I suggest several things:

    1. Remember that you are a distinctly different guy than the other dude you mention, with different strengths and weaknesses. If this bothers you, I suggest a different course of action, forget the friend and make efforts to meet men in other ways (or in a bar, if you wish, without the friend).

    2. So what if he gets phone numbers.. how does he treat others? What is he (or you) really like in the treatment of others, personality, etc. I bet you'll end up in a relationship and he might still be out there getting numbers in a bar.

    3. Remember you are handsome, have your shit together and deserve to be happy. Don't let some minor (and it is) like numbers (or attention) from hotties (and were they really?) bother you. He may just have a different personality than you (really that may be it).
    DON'T let these activities affect your self esteem!

    You deserve to be happy

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 19, 2008 2:36 PM GMT
    Point out that you get left out of the action and ask him to make more of an effort to include you. And I dont mean this as if HE is leaving you out, but point out how he just naturally garners all the attention and ask him to make some effort to direct some attention your way. It doesnt hurt to be honest, if he is your friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    Rule number 2 for going out.
    Always make sure you are hotter than anyone you go out with.
  • 2theTEE

    Posts: 637

    Jul 21, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    Show more skin.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    Chloroform and Ducttape...best way to get a guy IMO. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2008 5:40 PM GMT
    IF he's THAT good of a friend, then understand your differences/weakness' and strengths and man up and deal with it. If you're "using" him to get some attention for yourself, then cut it off and get new friends that actually mean something to you!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 22, 2008 12:13 AM GMT
    72guy...
    That sounds good on paper but it doesn't work out there in the real world
    This guy doesn't have any control over what other people say and do
    and to make him responsible for someone else's pride?

    You just have to realize the way of the world
    when you're with him....expect that he'll get a lionshare of the attention
    Don't try to compete with him...just be his friend
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2008 12:36 AM GMT
    GQjock said72guy...
    That sounds good on paper but it doesn't work out there in the real world
    This guy doesn't have any control over what other people say and do
    and to make him responsible for someone else's pride?

    You just have to realize the way of the world
    when you're with him....expect that he'll get a lionshare of the attention
    Don't try to compete with him...just be his friend


    That's what I meant....

    If matt99 views his "friend" as a true friend then he should not attempt to compete. However if matt99 is "using" his friend for attention and it's backfiring well then move on.... It's not fair to either one of them.
  • treader

    Posts: 238

    Jul 22, 2008 1:10 AM GMT
    I had a similar friend. Incredibly muscular and a real flirt. Just watching how people looked and interacted with him was eye opening. I could have written thesis on it! LOL! The one thing that got me down that you didn't mention is people talking to you for the sole purpose of trying to get to your friend! People would come up to me and ask 'So who is your friend?' 'What is is he into?' 'What's his type?'. I would just replied. 'Ask him yourself. He's a friendly guy.'. One time, we both headed to the washroom together and people were literally handing their phone numbers on the way and while he was peeing. What the hell?

    I never forgot the time that I went to a party and suddenly people started talking about my friend and they didn't realize that I was knew him. (My friend wasn't at this party.) They talked on and on about him : 'I think that he seeing...' 'I heard that he into...' etc. They were totally wrong but I didn't say anything. I was kinda embarrassed and was just too stunned to believe what they were doing.

    I realized just as GQjock said that he is going to get all of the attention. When I went out with him, I just went out to have fun. I enjoyed the performance.

    Sadly, our friendship trailed off when he got a steady boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    Don't sweat it. You might find that some of them gravitate your way. Your friend can only handle so many.
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Jul 22, 2008 1:27 AM GMT
    You can join in the conversation or wander off and find other guys to mingle with. Try going to the bars alone or with other friends. Look into any gay sports teams, churches or social/political activist organizations in your area. Plenty of guys are involved in the gay community who aren't interested in going out to bars very often.