How to make friends/dating in Western gay life

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Ciao,

    I have not come out yet, I felt scared to join a forum.I have not been in any relationship, gay life for me is just a sex date or something like that until one day I felt to love a guy but failed to be in love. The I just make up my mind to get out of the middle of nowhere, I wanna have friends/bf in the life I belong to.

    But I find difficult to make friends!!!

    I feel that most people just wanna get laid with me but doing something else. I reflected on it and can understand somehow icon_rolleyes.gif Some friends in my country said to me that there is no LOVE in gay life, but I don't want to believe it, coz I still find many happy couples out there though not sure if they last long...

    Allora,

    Now I am an Asian just moved to a Western country (Italy), I just wanna know more about the dating/making friends cultures here so I can get along the people.
    Something like:
    - How to meet people (for ex. Italy where I'm living)? Is it better to find friends in a bar or a forum like Romeo/ RJ and blah blah...?
    - Just want to know about the culture in bar/disco in western! (for ex. is it weird to go to a gay bar alone and make friend there)
    - Money for a date: better to be always shared?

    Just a few to name, but kindly advise me anything you reckon it should be noted here...

    Grazie mille.
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    Apr 30, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    It is hard to make good friends, I have very few myself. I think some people are just naturally better at it, and have qualities that draw people to them. It seems we don't have that, but if you try hard enough, surely you will find some gay friends. Try talking to more guys online or going out more to clubs. You never know when friendship will find you !
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    Apr 30, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    "to have friends you must first be one"

    and it can be hard to extend any compassion in the real world where it can be very predatory, but it can be worthwhile

    friendship is a type of love and it will find you, but you have to be open to it
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    Apr 30, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    You should never have more than 5 great friends. If you do, something is wrong. The rest, whatever. Work on those five great friends. Love them, trust them, honor them, forgive them, do them favors, all that friend stuff. All the other "friends" will flow in and flow out...trust in the four or five.
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    May 01, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    Thank you guys replied here and personally replied to me.
    But do you think it's hard to have gay friends because you may tend to get laid with him. Otherwise, you might feel kind of wasting time, especially when making friend online... I did feel it before, but now I change my mind. How about you?
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    May 01, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    naivenewbie saidIt is hard to make good friends, I have very few myself. I think some people are just naturally better at it, and have qualities that draw people to them. It seems we don't have that, but if you try hard enough, surely you will find some gay friends. Try talking to more guys online or going out more to clubs. You never know when friendship will find you !


    It seems that we are the same age, same kind of notebook, and ...the same problem? lol.
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    May 01, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidYou should never have more than 5 great friends. If you do, something is wrong. .


    I agree with it.
    I have close friends but not in gay life. but sometimes it's kinda difficult to share gay stuff with them...
  • JonPk

    Posts: 132

    May 01, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    buona giornata. si può sicuramente trovare l'amore nelle relazioni gay. i tuoi amici sono stupidi.
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    May 02, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    I wont advice you to find friends in a bar/club.. I worked there and I only came across hypocrites. I don't know about gaybars (never been there) but straight clubs is a big no no, don't get me wrong there are also really good people there.. But most of the time the good ones aren't looking for friends..

    My best friend had nobody in her life left except for me and few of her sisters..
    She eventually chose an education because she hated her job and wanted a change.. Little did she know she made some good friends there, ofcourse also enemy's but you know how girls are icon_biggrin.gif

    So maybe find something interesting, like joining an activity club like idk, a gym or some specific sport...
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    May 02, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidYou should never have more than 5 great friends. If you do, something is wrong. The rest, whatever. Work on those five great friends. Love them, trust them, honor them, forgive them, do them favors, all that friend stuff. All the other "friends" will flow in and flow out...trust in the four or five.


    LOL, true that. Hell, even 4 or 5 is a bit much. I always just had a trusted 1 or 2 friends.

    OP, just work on getting acquaintances first. Don't be too quick to have people as friends because most people aren't reciprocal. If you keep your distance and have them as acquaintances, then you won't feel bad when you have to say NO to a 'friend' calls you at 12 am in the morning asking to drive them 20 miles off your destination because HIS friend had an issue while you're at a bar having a discussion with a friend who YOU had to pick up earlier that night.

    true story...this last Sunday icon_rolleyes.gif

    HawkEyez saidI wont advice you to find friends in a bar/club.. I worked there and I only came across hypocrites. I don't know about gaybars (never been there) but straight clubs is a big no no, don't get me wrong there are also really good people there.. But most of the time the good ones aren't looking for friends..


    I won't say you're completely wrong, but at the same time I don't totally agree.

    Going to a bar to just hang and meet people is the better ways IMO. Stuff like Meetup.com attract people who tend to have a smorgasbord of personalities and differences which don't quite mesh. College is great but most people have their own lives and just want to study and graduate.

    You may meet a lot of flakes and fakes in bars, but I haven't found any other venue to be much better off. Especially where you can walk in alone and not necessarily leave alone. I'll tell you one thing...I've met more dates and friends in bars than I ever do being online.

    I also been at the gym going on 4 years, never met anyone there either. And frankly, don't go there looking for it anymore either.
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    May 02, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    JonPk saidbuona giornata. si può sicuramente trovare l'amore nelle relazioni gay. i tuoi amici sono stupidi.

    No they are not stupid, just they have not found the right one, and are not optimistic about it...
  • jtz03932

    Posts: 200

    May 09, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    you're asian?
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    May 09, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    chefigo saidHow to make friends/dating in Western gay life
    Be yourself.