Only Being Valued For The Physical

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    May 01, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    Ok, so obviously there are a lot of men on this site with amazing bodies. You gentlemen obviously work very hard for what you've got and that's commendable.

    Do you ever feel though that it's a hindrance when it comes to attracting the 'right' kind of bloke.

    Have some men you've dated been so fixated on how buff you are that they've paid little to no attention to who you are as a person ? If so, how did being primarily valued for that one quality make you feel ?
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    May 01, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    it's a valid complaint

    but sometimes, it's safer to only let people value you for superficial things

    that way the inevitable rejection feels like a product of an overall consumer culture, and nothing personal.
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    May 01, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidHave some men you've dated been so fixated on how buff you are that they've paid little to no attention to who you are as a person ?
    lol.. that's yet to happen to me as I aint that buff.. So i'll get back to you in ... oh .. about 10 years!! icon_confused.gif
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    May 01, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    whateveryo saidHave some men you've dated been so fixated on how buff you are that they've paid little to no attention to who you are as a person ?
    lol.. that's yet to happen to me as I aint that buff.. So i'll get back to you in ... oh .. about 10 years!! icon_confused.gif


    What ?! You'd deff fall into the buff category in my book. Look at your chest ! lol.
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    May 01, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    whateveryo said
    TellMeMoar said
    whateveryo saidHave some men you've dated been so fixated on how buff you are that they've paid little to no attention to who you are as a person ?
    lol.. that's yet to happen to me as I aint that buff.. So i'll get back to you in ... oh .. about 10 years!! icon_confused.gif


    What ?! You'd deff fall into the buff category in my book. Look at your chest ! lol.
    ooo.. thx .. icon_redface.gif I've always been a skinny guy so I guess I always see myself as skinny..
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    May 01, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    Nope.

    Not that I'm that buff, though haha
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    May 01, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidOk, so obviously there are a lot of men on this site with amazing bodies. You gentlemen obviously work very hard for what you've got and that's commendable.

    Do you ever feel though that it's a hindrance when it comes to attracting the 'right' kind of bloke.

    Have some men you've dated been so fixated on how buff you are that they've paid little to no attention to who you are as a person ? If so, how did being primarily valued for that one quality make you feel ?
    I wouldn't consider myself buff by the RJ standard, but I think attracting the right kind of person is not so easy no matter what your body type.
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    May 01, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidOnly Being Valued For The Physical
    Works for me! borat.gif
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    May 01, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    A hot guy who is a douche? Becomes less hot.

    A hot guy who is a nice guy? Becomes more hot.

    Simple as that guys, simple as that.
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    May 01, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    I am DEFINITELY not in the buff category, but I have noticed the problem because I get a lot of compliments for the fact I look so young. Like I could be all "But I have to talk to you about something serious!" But he's feeling me up and then he starts making out with me. It's like not only doesn't he listen, but he KNOWS that getting physical with me will successfully distract me from what I need to discuss. It's incredibly manipulative. Like, I'm glad to know I'm attractive enough to get a guy's potential attention, but at the same time, I wanna be able to really talk to people about serious things.

    That problem isn't even limited to guys though. Even people in general, women and stuff, they kinda condescend and act all like "Isn't he cute doing what he does? Working his desk job, going to college and doing his thing?"
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    May 01, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    Chainers saidA hot guy who is a douche? Becomes less hot.

    A hot guy who is a nice guy? Becomes more hot.

    Simple as that guys, simple as that.


    It's more complicated...

    Do I find him nice because he's hot? Do I find him hot because he's nice?

    It happens both ways and it gets even more complicated since people are not black or white in terms of hotness and niceness.
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    May 01, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Scotticus saidI am DEFINITELY not in the buff category, but I have noticed the problem because I get a lot of compliments for the fact I look so young. Like I could be all "But I have to talk to you about something serious!" But he's feeling me up and then he starts making out with me. It's like not only doesn't he listen, but he KNOWS that getting physical with me will successfully distract me from what I need to discuss. It's incredibly manipulative. Like, I'm glad to know I'm attractive enough to get a guy's potential attention, but at the same time, I wanna be able to really talk to people about serious things.

    That problem isn't even limited to guys though. Even people in general, women and stuff, they kinda condescend and act all like "Isn't he cute doing what he does? Working his desk job, going to college and doing his thing?"


    I have a similar problem where I'm not taken seriously because of how young I look. It becomes especially problematic when I want to talk to older individuals about serious topics.
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    May 01, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    bachian said
    Chainers saidA hot guy who is a douche? Becomes less hot.

    A hot guy who is a nice guy? Becomes more hot.

    Simple as that guys, simple as that.


    It's more complicated...

    Do I find him nice because he's hot? Do I find him hot because he's nice?

    It happens both ways and it gets even more complicated since people are not black or white in terms of hotness and niceness.


    Generally speaking, if I find someone hot and they say things that I dont necessarily agree with (like the last guy I went on a date with, smoking hot guy, who told me that he enlisted in the army because he hates every single muslim and wants to personally put all their heads on a platter...yea became a little less hot after that...). Thats just one example, there are many things that can put me off, thinking they are the hottest shit ever, being rude to weight staff, making fun of people, etc etc. are all not hot tendencies.

    And someone who isnt very hot, by being nice and friendly, can become hot in my eyes. There is a guy at my gym, not the thinnest, not overweight, kind of stocky build, but super nice to everyone around him and yea I would let him tear into me, because he is so nice and friendly he became hot in my eyes.

    It kind of works like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    Nobody should be judged solely by looks. Everyone makes assumptions about me that aren't true. Life is more compliated than that....

    BUT!!! Men are by nature visual creatures, so it is a reality of being gay that we have to accept.
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    May 01, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    Well there's two sides to that coin, isn't there? There are others who will dismiss you for not being buff enough. I get attention sometimes because of how my chest looks or my arms, and yet had someone cancel a date on me when I admitted I don't have a sixpack. I was glad to be spared his company, at that.
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    May 01, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    Real talk....

    I attract all the wrong guys anyways.
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    May 01, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    7Famark saidReal talk....

    I attract all the wrong guys anyways.

    What kind are the wrong ones for you?


    Well, maybe "I'm attracted to all the wrong guys" would be a better way to put it
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    May 01, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    JPtheBITCH said
    7Famark saidReal talk....

    I attract all the wrong guys anyways.

    What kind are the wrong ones for you?


    Well, maybe "I'm attracted to all the wrong guys" would be a better way to put it


    We all were at your age. You will grow out of it and want a good boy soon enough!
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    May 01, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    7Famark said

    Well, maybe "I'm attracted to all the wrong guys" would be a better way to put it


    I remember that predicament well.

    Actually, I'm never sure I've shaken it. lol
  • Mikesdays2

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    May 01, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    I'd rather date a hot guy who is humble or who isnt so aware of his hotness (they exist)...unlike someone who has to check his reflection every time he passes a shiny surface.
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    May 01, 2012 8:14 PM GMT
    Get this: I used to be the fat nerd in high school. In college, I lost weight, worked out, and the time I got out, I was in tip-top shape. (For me, at least.)

    When I'd go out, I'd meet people interested in me physically, but they assumed I was dumb as straw. What puzzled me is that I became LESS attractive to them when they found out that wasn't true.
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    May 01, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    Oooh, shiny surfaces!!! icon_smile.gif

    To be honest one of the niggling feelings in the back of my head, is that I hesitate to tell people sometimes that I'm switching careers to become a personal trainer. I pride myself on my intelligence and that's one of the stereotypes about trainers, is that they're less intelligent--even people who admit that it does take a lot of specific knowledge of anatomy/kinesiology/etc to be a good trainer, might pigeon-hole a trainer as having only THAT kind of knowledge. I've just decided to prove them wrong.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 01, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    My partner and I met when we were both scrawny. He put on a little fat (~20 lbs), I put on muscle(~40 lbs). It doesn't seem to have changed our opinion of each other.
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    May 01, 2012 8:43 PM GMT
    Physical attraction is what draws you in, but there has to be something to keep you there...
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    May 01, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    I don't think I have that problem.

    XD

    Maybe later...