Dating someone for a bit and you found out they had a fetish that didn't turn you on.

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    May 02, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    You've been dating someone for a bit (say at least a month, 2-3 x a week). During an unguarded moment (or was it truely "unguarded" ?) he tells you he is "sorta into xyz" For whatever reason you aren't. (I am thinking of a more hardcore fetish, not "oh I like guys in tightie whities"). Would that be a deal breaker for you?
    Now let's rule out anything illegal. EX: "hey, you know... I kinda like 10 year old boys..." icon_eek.gif
    I guess the question is whether---if you weren't willing to try to like this fetish--you'd always be thinking that you wouldn't satisfy him.
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    May 02, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    So tell us.. what was his fetish? icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 02, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Well, there's an interplay between being GGG and engaging in something that you're turned off by.

    If you're truly turned-off by it, to the extent that you aren't willing to try it, then perhaps this isn't the relationship for you. Because yes, this could end up being a barrier.

    If you're otherwise very into him, then be direct. Offer him the choice: you without practicing the fetish with him, or to end it.
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    May 02, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    Could be a deal breaker (in my best Dan Savage voice), depending on a million circumstances. If the fetish is crucial to sexual satisfaction, and one side of the equation is nonplussed and unwilling to compromise, doh!
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    May 02, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Interesting question: how encompassing is the definition of fetish? (Leaving aside legal issues). What's in, what's out?
    Sorry... I meant leaving out clearly illegal issues - not talking about them and pretending they are not illegal! lol
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    May 02, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Guys can and will make a deal breaker out of absolutely anything. Whatever is a deal breaker for you is a deal breaker. It's kind of like asking a forum if it's ok that you don't like olives.
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    May 02, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    novo saidCould be a deal breaker (in my best Dan Savage voice), depending on a million circumstances. If the fetish is crucial to sexual satisfaction, and one side of the equation is nonplussed and unwilling to compromise, doh!
    +infinity

    That's why I detail my fetish in my profile. It keeps me from getting laid as often as I'd like, but it makes each lay more enjoyable because we're both into the same thing.
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    May 02, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    There would always be the voice in the back of my head saying that I am not capable of completely satisfying him sexually and I would think he'd be out there trying to find his fix for his fetish.

    I'd tell him to find someone else.
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    May 02, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    I'm into golden showers but my ex wasn't. He only did it one time and laughed the whole time.....umm...awkward and I was mortified. So if your not into say so, doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. I once was chatting with this guy online and he liked to eat poop , total deal breaker for me!!!
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    May 02, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    LAGuy1979 saidThere would always be the voice in the back of my head saying that I am not capable of completely satisfying him sexually and I would think he'd be out there trying to find his fix for his fetish.
    And you'd be right.

    LAGuy1979 saidI'd tell him to find someone else.
    He'll thank you for that later.
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    May 02, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    fhaynie81 saidI'm into golden showers but my ex wasn't. He only did it one time and laughed the whole time.....umm...awkward and I was mortified. So if your not into say so, doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. I once was chatting with this guy online and he liked to eat poop , total deal breaker for me!!!
    One of the first people I talked to online was into blood (cutting) and poop. His screenname was "bloodshitcum." Even though that was more than 10 years ago, I'll never forget that. icon_lol.gif
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 02, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Probably a furry...

    Throw the suit on and bark like a dog... But makes sure you post that shit on RJ for us all to see icon_smile.gif

    Like everyone else said... If it's not your thing, cut the string... though I kind of feel like he probably should have said something sooner... I guess it depends on how you met, etc etc.

    But seriously... what's the fetish? It's not like we know him...
  • chgobuzz1

    Posts: 155

    May 02, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    I always believe that if you are really in a loving committed relationship then sex is sacred and each partner should do whatever sexually as part of that love for each other. Meaning if you really value each other, you will see it as part of building a good relationship. But if you both base a relationship just on sex then yes, do move on. Recently I met a guy online who seemed really right for me. He told me up front he likes feet and wants me to play with him with my feet, etc, etc. I didnt find it revolting and said that if we did find each other appealing when we meet then I would be happy to do my best with my feet to make him happy. But that didnt seem to be enough for him. He backed out of meeting me. So for him his fetish was the goal and not meeting a nice guy. His loss. Yet always be open to satisy for a guy you really care for as part of a loving relationship.
  • Art2D2x

    Posts: 148

    May 02, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    I would try and be GGG depending on how much I was into the guy. Don't knock it until you try it... of course, as long as it isn't scat, pain, piss or blood.
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    May 02, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    As the guy who has the fetishes, if I ascertained that a guy I was seeing wasn't into what I was, and had no intention of at least exploring it, then I wouldn't pursue anything more serious with him.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    May 02, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    whats GGG?

    I am out of the loop and pissed about it.
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    May 02, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    depends on the fetish. If it's weird I can tolerate it probably...if it's EW then no.
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    May 02, 2012 5:01 AM GMT
    chgobuzz1 saidI always believe that if you are really in a loving committed relationship then sex is sacred and each partner should do whatever sexually as part of that love for each other. Meaning if you really value each other, you will see it as part of building a good relationship. But if you both base a relationship just on sex then yes, do move on. Recently I met a guy online who seemed really right for me. He told me up front he likes feet and wants me to play with him with my feet, etc, etc.
    Actually, that's something guys should try with each other. It was an arousing experience marred by the thoughts of "god, I have cats. Let me wash them first....I guess grabbing the Lysol would nuke the mood..." icon_redface.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 02, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    stupid thread!! It doesn't matter what is a deal breaker for any of us it is what is a deal breaker for you. It's not like you invested so much time in this. Grow up move on.icon_idea.gif
    My work here is done-thread over.
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    May 02, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    I'm pretty open minded and find the idea of trying something outside the norm sexually a big turn on.

    I'd be willing to indulge most fetishes except for scat which I just couldn't deal with and would make me want to throw up. I think it's important to expand your horizons and even if it isn't a turn on for you what's the harm in the pleasing your partner/making their fantasies a reality ?

    A problem only arises if the only way they can orgasm is by indulging their fetish.
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    May 02, 2012 6:21 AM GMT
    I was dating a guy that had decided I have a foot fetish; he came to the conclusion because I gave him foot massages, made fun of his gross long toe nails, and when we cuddled, entwined our legs down to our toes ( I just think of cuddling as a full body experience). While I never considered it a fetish, all of his points made me wonder if I actually have one.

    He told me it kinda weirded him out that I was into feet (although I maintained that I didn't). It hurt my feelings a little but wasn't a big deal for either of us. I made an attempt to tone down giving him footrubs and cut out the foot-on-foot action. One night a few weeks later, we were going to bed and I had had a bad week. After a few minutes, he pulled me close and cuddled up next to me, from head down to the toes. Honestly, thought it was the sweetish fetish-related "it'll be okay" ever.
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    May 02, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    Yeah if I like the guy enough I'd be open minded enough to do it if it doesn't harm me in the process.
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    May 02, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    Could be a deal breaker depending on what it is. If it's something that I couldn't get into then ......
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    May 02, 2012 10:33 AM GMT
    Great cross section of replies guys. Thanks. I think the question was more hypothetical in that as a male are we more apt to maybe try something kinkier in our sex life than our str8 brethren coupling.

    I doubt very much that a str8 guy, telling his date after 2 months that he had been watching vids of (insert your own kink: caning, latex, rape role-play, face farting) and would be into it. Now this may be a generalization but I can bet if she were appalled by it she'd high tail it out of there quick !

    As a gay guy, we may be more likely to say at first "WTF, your twisted." But then thinking on our own hidden JO fantasies, we might stick around for a bit and be tempted to experiment.

    Just a thought!

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    May 02, 2012 11:35 AM GMT
    Blackbeltguy saidwhats GGG?

    I am out of the loop and pissed about it.


    Good, giving and game. It's a Dan Savage abbreviation.