Coming out at 27 I feel like so much of the fun years in life I let pass me by. Any Advice?

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    May 02, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    I was in the closet until I turned 27 this year and I feel like so much of the good years have passed me by as far as dating goes. When I think about all the lost time I could have been dating someone and finding out who I was and what I liked it makes me sad b/c I realize how short life is and how fast time goes.

    Anyone else have any advice who came out late in life?

    I don't know. I feel like for my generation coming out at that age is way too old and I am a late bloomer with it all. It sucks b/c now I see my brother who is straight who lived it up in his teens and twenties and now is married and has a kid and I feel like life has passed me by.

    Is it normal for me to feel this way? Anyone else going through or have gone through the same experience?


    I have an awesome life otherwise with friends and my job but my personal life I feel so behind in life. Before I came out I concentrated on my mothers long battle with dementia which developed into Alzheimer's and her eventual death at a very young age. She had dementia since I was 5. So I was the gay kid growing up with his mom loosing it. I have perservered though and I am still here today. I am better and stronger today for surviving it all and it made me mentally and spiritually more strong. When I came out to my brother he cried for me saying how muuch stronger I am then him for day to day dealing with all I dealt with on my own and it still not breaking me. He said he could have never done it.


    I really can't stand that society is so ignorant when it comes to sexuality. Gay people should be able to do all the same things straight ppl can do (like going to prom, get married, have kids, hell go on public dates without persecution).

    I guess I just feel so alone. Like I said seeing my brother, friends and cousins having it all together in their personal lives while I am just starting hurts to see.

    How can I move past this internal angst I am having? Anyone else been there and can lend me a hand?



  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    May 02, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    I'm 48 and I still have just as much fun as I did when I was 21. With age you will learn that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the past, but you sure as hell can have a good time in the future! As far as dating is concerned, I think I get hit on by hotter guys now than I ever did in my 20's.
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    May 02, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidWe used to say, years ago, that men came out either at 25, 35, or 45. Nowadays they come out in high school or college, which is great.

    But as things were years ago, at 27 you're still one of the young ones. Plenty of time to date, to learn about yourself emotionally and sexually, and find someone compatible. Nowadays even in the straight world people aren't marrying until their 30s. You have plenty of time, so relax.


    Yeah I see a lot of gay guys here in their early twenties and I am so glad to see how far we have come that its now easier to come out earlier in life.

    Thanks for the advice.

    I feel like a dork making this thread but it was something I needed to get off my chest and didn't know where else to voice it.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 02, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    Try to imagine that you are 64.

    Feel better now?
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    May 02, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidI'm 48 and I still have just as much fun as I did when I was 21. With age you will learn that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the past, but you sure as hell can have a good time in the future! As far as dating is concerned, I think I get hit on by hotter guys now than I ever did in my 20's.


    Thanks for the encouragement. icon_smile.gif
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    May 02, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    I don't have any tips...

    I'm there in the same boat, just 12 years later than you....

    I "think" we have to continue enjoying the life we've created for ourselves and not force things in Our personal lives. Ive invested Lot's of my life professionally and raising my nephews so I can't just throw that away, it's who I am as much as being gay is...I'm not out searching...I'm just more prepared and accepting of opportunities that may present themselves,I guess.
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    May 02, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    Please. 30 is the new 20. Live your life, don't die counting your loses. There is always tomorrow. Do what you think you missed and tell us the triumphs and fails of your stories!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 02, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    I was turning 32 when I made the change and accepted who I am. By the end of the year I was involved with my bf.... while it would be easy to feel that I "let those years go by", I was very busy with them anyway. I'm happy now so who cares... being balanced is what its all about. Take the time now to really get in touch with who you are and the important things in life.
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    May 02, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    LJay saidTry to imagine that you are 64.

    Feel better now?


    I don't think I could have waited that long. I am a good actor but I am not meryl streep.
    ough.
    I am sorry if my thread touched a nerve. I know there are many guys who came out much later in life.

    Thanks for trying to make me feel better th
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    May 02, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    Tribal_Phoenix saidI don't have any tips...

    I'm there in the same boat, just 12 years later than you....

    I "think" we have to continue enjoying the life we've created for ourselves and not force things in Our personal lives. Ive invested Lot's of my life professionally and raising my nephews so I can't just throw that away, it's who I am as much as being gay is...I'm not out searching...I'm just more prepared and accepting of opportunities that may present themselves,I guess.


    I guess we just play it by ear. Yeah I concentrated for years on taking care of my mom and grams and going to school. Now both are gone and I had to finally concentrate on me. I thinks its why I finally had the courage to come out. Nothing I had to hide behind anymore.
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    May 02, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    YeshoshuaB5917 saidPlease. 30 is the new 20. Live your life, don't die counting your loses. There is always tomorrow. Do what you think you missed and tell us the triumphs and fails of your stories!


    Thanks! Awesome quote btw. I will be sure to keep you guys updated. icon_smile.gif
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    May 02, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    If you compare yourself with others, you'll always come up short. Don't worry too much about other people, and instead focus on the good that's going on in your life. Everyone develops differently and on the grand scale of things it really doesn't matter much.

    Be happy!
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    May 02, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    Your past is water under the bridge. Focus on the future.
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    May 02, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    Go out and do something fun. Blow a locker room of jocks, fist a midget, 69 a hermaphrodite, snowboard at 4 in the morning while under the influence of LSD. GO DO IT. Then do it all again tomorrow.

    Anyway don't despair. You're at a life choice intersection, have a second of self reflection and introspection,and if you don't like the path of your selection make corrections to your perception and take steps in the right direction to find your acceptance.

    Yeah I'm just typing nonsense.


    Don't live with regret, just work towards finding solace with the choices you've made and don't be afraid to go after what your heart desires.

    Aladdin was poor with only a monkey, then he found the Genie and had a magic carpet and the monkey became an elephant. I'm not going anywhere with this, I just like Disney songs, they are extremely well written.
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    May 02, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI was turning 32 when I made the change and accepted who I am. By the end of the year I was involved with my bf.... while it would be easy to feel that I "let those years go by", I was very busy with them anyway. I'm happy now so who cares... being balanced is what its all about. Take the time now to really get in touch with who you are and the important things in life.


    Thanks for the advice. It feels better that I am not feeling like the only one. Life is about balance. I am now finally getting an opportunity to put those pieces together. Thanks for the encouragement. Means a lot bro!
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    May 02, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    I'm 31 and most 20 year olds couldn't hope to keep up with me. I'm not old. You're not old. Your life hasn't been wasted up to this point. You have friends, life experience, and you probably have a better idea than you think you do about what you want.
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    May 02, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    I feel just like you, and I'm 21 and going to college. I'm hoping to come out around 25 when hopefully I should be able to maintain myself if things get really ugly when I come out.

    Honestly, I feel like I missed a lot of life because I don't really go out with friends or even get that close to them because I want to share this part of my life with people but it just won't be accepted. And I wish I could go out and date publicly but again, I'd probably go to jail or get attacked or killed for that here...

    At least I found this site, here makes me smile a lot and gives me hope icon_biggrin.gif

    Just be glad you're out and can now live! Enjoy it!
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    May 02, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    What is it you think you've missed out on? I didn't really come out until I was 25. I mean, I wish I'd come out in high school - I lived in Washington so there was zero reason not to - but still, I don't think I missed a whole lot. Looking back, my life wouldn't have been dramatically different if I'd been openly gay because I was focused on things like education.

    If you think about it a little harder, I believe you'll realize that the things you "missed" are still entirely possible if you want them. And don't compare your life to straights... 50% of straight people who get married shouldn't even be getting married. They treat marriage as the brass ring, when the real prize isn't the wedding: it's looking back on your wedding 50 years later with the person you love.
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    May 02, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    HungGarSig saidIf you compare yourself with others, you'll always come up short. Don't worry too much about other people, and instead focus on the good that's going on in your life. Everyone develops differently and on the grand scale of things it really doesn't matter much.

    Be happy!


    Thanks bro! I have a nasty habit of looking at my brothers life and feeling the need to be where he is as since we grew up together. I need to break that.
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    May 02, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    intensity69 saidYour past is water under the bridge. Focus on the future.


    Will do. I take your advice strongly seeing as you and your bf's comitted relationship on here inspires me. Thanks. icon_smile.gif
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    May 02, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    jack228 saidGo out and do something fun. Blow a locker room of jocks, fist a midget, 69 a hermaphrodite, snowboard at 4 in the morning while under the influence of LSD. GO DO IT. Then do it all again tomorrow.

    Anyway don't despair. You're at a life choice intersection, have a second of self reflection and introspection,and if you don't like the path of your selection make corrections to your perception and take steps in the right direction to find your acceptance.

    Yeah I'm just typing nonsense.


    Don't live with regret, just work towards finding solace with the choices you've made and don't be afraid to go after what your heart desires.

    Aladdin was poor with only a monkey, then he found the Genie and had a magic carpet and the monkey became an elephant. I'm not going anywhere with this, I just like Disney songs, they are extremely well written.


    LMFAO! So where are these fisting hermaphrodite midgets on LSD you speak of? j/k

    Thanks for making me feel better though.
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    May 02, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    I feel the same way as you. I'm 28 and haven't come out, but I am dating an awesome guy. He's in his early 30's which made me realize that you can still have fun when you get older.

    You can't really look back. It won't do you any good at this point. All you can do is move ahead and try to live the life you want.
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    May 02, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    I came out at 28 and I too felt like i missed out on so much. And you know what i did....but I cant get it back so i am enjoying every possible moment going forward and I am loving life.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    May 02, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    You had to grow up really quickly and deal with a lot of stuff people your age haven't had to deal with, such as being a caretaker, dealing with the death of a family member, etc. I don't blame you for not coming out earlier, but I am glad that you are at the place you are right now.

    On the plus side, you've (hopefully) passed the period in life where you make a lot of really stupid decisions. Now that you're older, wiser, and more experienced, the choices you make will be more productive and less counterproductive towards your well-being.

    Not everything you missed out on is worth it either. While being young and immature tends to be looked favorably upon in our society, there's also the potential for fucking up really badly from making bad choices. Killing someone due to reckless driving. Developing an addiction problem without realizing it. Contracting an STD due to not knowing yourself and how to have safe sex etc. You can save yourself from the bad experiences, and simply focus on having the good ones in the future.
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    May 02, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    MarkRoger saidI feel just like you, and I'm 21 and going to college. I'm hoping to come out around 25 when hopefully I should be able to maintain myself if things get really ugly when I come out.

    Honestly, I feel like I missed a lot of life because I don't really go out with friends or even get that close to them because I want to share this part of my life with people but it just won't be accepted. And I wish I could go out and date publicly but again, I'd probably go to jail or get attacked or killed for that here...

    At least I found this site, here makes me smile a lot and gives me hope icon_biggrin.gif

    Just be glad you're out and can now live! Enjoy it!


    Thanks man. Glad I am not alone in feeling this way. Good luck to you. Only you know what is best for you when u want to come out. That said looking back I wish I did it sooner. It was not as bad as I dreamed in my head it would be and now I am free to be me. A heavy burden has been lifted from me. I kind of feel like I was just born. Corny I know.