Nervous moving to a new city...alone

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    May 04, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    I am scheduled to move to a new city in a few weeks, and I am becoming nervous. I am moving alone...have money saved up, young, nothing holding my down. Everyone I tell that I'm moving(pretty far from where I live now) they react surprised and always question, "who are you going with, who do you know out there?" Thing is I don't know anyone where I am moving to. With the date coming up fast, I am getting nervous I am going to make the journey and get more depressed and lonely, with no family and in a place I've never been to.

    I do have a friend who would make the move with me, but I feel like I need to do it alone. I am moving to break out of my shell and live the gay life. I feel like it would be hard for me to do that if he came with me since he has a slight homophobic attitude. I am a bit nervous to hit up the gay bars alone..but also so excitedicon_lol.gif I've been set on moving to a new place for years now..last year at this time I almost moved out west but I settled to go off to college instate during the summer as a compromise to get out of my hometown, but I found myself in a worst situation than before. So I decided I am deff going to make the move to out of state to a city that attracts my interests, and later go back to college. I am getting so nervous about making the move and not knowing anyone after everyone I tell, they have a concerned look in their face. Very tiring having to tell everyone my plans and whatnoticon_rolleyes.gif

    I was just wondering if anyone else has ever moved alone to a new city and whether it was a good or bad experience. How did you meet people? Did you miss your family and friends instantly? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading and sharingicon_wink.gif
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    May 04, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    I move to new cities alone all the time with my job. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it's fun. Usually, the bigger the city, the more fun it is. Meeting people is easy if you put yourself out there. Otherwise, there's always RJ. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 04, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    I did this about a year and a half ago. It takes me a while to really get to know people, so I still haven't made a close-knit set of friends yet, but I have made some good acquaintances that I think will turn into friendships.

    But getting away is really one of the big catalysts that has changed my entire life for the better, so while you're nervous, try to focus on all the opportunities that are out there and how you are going to give it your all and be an enormous success. Best of luck!
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    May 04, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    I did this seven years ago. I was a little bit lonely for about a week or so and then I started meeting people and making friends. Best thing I ever did for myself. I did end up moving back to where I came from and am glad I did that too. Now I am itching to move again. Not sure where, but preferably somewhere nice warm and toasty.
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    May 04, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    Oh man, I'm in the same boat as you. In August I'm moving to Chicago for college. I'm moving alone and everything I will have to start meeting new people and gaining new friends. But on the other side....I can experience some gay life since I will be independent and etc. The problem is (just like you) I am nervous about going to a gay club/bar by myself. icon_eek.gif
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    May 04, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    All the best to you... And just as a general rule, don't be worried about moving far away, the further you move away the easier it is to make friends, what with tales of a foreign land and all.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    May 04, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    Interesting... congrats on taking the initiative. Of course my first question is.... did you select this city because of job potential? Do you have a job when you arrive? Have you done your "due diligence" about apartments or houses?
    I would like to hear more about your advance efforts... that would certainly help make this adventure a successful one!

    Tell us more!
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    May 04, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    I moved quite a bit when I was younger. Was always a good experience and I enjoyed meeting new people and making new friends along the way. Good Luck with doing it.
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    May 05, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    Shoot. I'd love to move somewhere alone. Moving with family is too dramatic. Moving with friends is too exhausting and unmanageable. I'd rather move alone, stake a claim of my own, and make a name for myself.
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    May 05, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    hey man I have been through just about everything you listed. Ive actually done it twice in the last year.

    The thing is- yea, it is nerve-wracking. it is lonely. AT FIRST. then things get better quickly. you will surprise yourself and you will not regret it.

    message me and we can talk more
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    May 05, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    Enjoy! There will be wonders!
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    May 05, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    One good thing to remember that always keeps my stress down from new moves: "No matter where you go, there you are." -Susan Sugarbaker, Designing Women
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    May 05, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    I moved from Ontario,Canada to Australia about 4 years ago by myself for a job, never having set foot in the country.
    Moving far away has been the best growth experience of my life. There are ups and downs to moving to new places.
    These are the phases I went through:
    1) Lust and infatuation - you get out an explore because it's all new and different, meeting new people every chance I got
    2) Frustration - things aren't done the same as back home (i.e. "the normal way")
    3) Acceptance - you don't like how things are done, but accept that's the way it is.
    4) Love - you get into the groove of the local life, finding out the things that locals enjoy.

    It can take a while to get established and build a network of friends. A lot of my friends here are also other people that have moved to Melbourne, so we have the common interest of exploring the city, and checking out new things!
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    May 05, 2012 1:16 PM GMT
    You'll be fine. In 2009 I decided that I wanted to live in France for a while so in January of 2010 I quit my job, packed my bags and went. I didn't know anyone there, didn't know the city, and barely knew the language. I'll be totally honest, at first it was tough. I missed my family and friends and the language/culture barrier made it even harder. After about 3 months I was ready to come home but I decided to tough it out. A 9 month stat turned into 2 years and it was probably the greatest time of my life. And it just so happens that two friends that I met there convinced me to make my next move, to NYC. Another city that I am not familiar with, lol. But I know that I can do it.

    Just know that you will probably hit some rough patches and get homesick, but that's normal. Get out, make some friends, and it will be a great experience.
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    May 11, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Awesome replies guys, makes me feel much better about making the move! I apologize for responding a bit late, its been a hectic week finishing up finals and papers.

    It's great to hear the positive experiences you all had living in an unfamiliar new place. Now that I am done with school, I am so ready to move but my main dilemma is finding housing. Every person I have contacted about an apartment has been hesitant since I don't live there yet. I am thinking that the best option is to rent a hotel room by the week or something, and then I can check out places in person. Heck, I am also considering of just winging it and sleep in my car for a few days, why not! I also consider renting out a room in a house, but I am hesitant being I would be sharing a house with people I've never met. I've also been in contact with a few other people who are moving to the same city that are looking to get an apartment together but again, living with people I've never met before.

    I've researched the city quite a bit and it looks very promising. Everything fits my interests. The city I'm moving to offers tons of jobs, many corporate headquarters are established there, but I plan on working at a restaurant while I get on my feet, and enjoy the summer. I also plan on going to college out there as soon as I establish residency, which is an awesome university and the setting would be perfect for the major I plan on studying!

    How did you guys meet people to do activities with and such? Meetup looks promising, but at the same time it seems kinda weird just showing up a location to do an activity. Has anyone else done this? My main hope of making friends is wherever I end up being employed at. I was toying with the idea of trying to get a job at a gay bar though not sure what I could do there(I wont be the shirtless bartender, lol). Speaking of gay bars, is it weird/scary to go to one alone? I wont be looking for a hookup, more to meet people.

    I have absolutely nothing holding me back. I no longer have a job where I am now, and I am finally done with classes. Feels so good. I was scarred about moving a week ago, but now I feel like I'm ready to pack my car up and leave TODAY! I've been spending "quality" time with those who are closest in my life, and its sad that I wont have them when I move. But at the same time, I feel so alone where I am now which made me decide I need something different in my life. It seems so deviant to move alone, everyone I tell my plans to, I get an unsure response. Like, I understand my family is concerned and my friends will miss me, but dang its exhausting telling them I'm moving so far away, alone. I know however, that this is for the best in order for me to start living a satisfying life. Again, thanks guys for sharing your experiences and advice, I'm sure things will turn out for the better! icon_cool.gif
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    May 11, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    I did this when I was your age. I ended up coming back home though. I had never even lived without my parents and moving to an entirely new state was just way too much for me. If you're like me, the only advice I can give you is to do what you feel. You're probably going to feel afraid and insecure and lonely for a while. I didn't eat for a week when I did this lol. The city that I had moved to just wasn't for me, which is part of the reason I came back home. I plan on doing it again in a year, but this time I have a lot more life experience than I did when I was 21 and I know a hell of a lot more. I also know a lot of people where I plan on going, which helps a lot. Know that you have options and you're not "stuck", no matter the decision you make. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a single thing. Let your heart lead you,
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    May 12, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    I've done it twice. Both times it was easier than I thought. Have fun!
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    May 12, 2012 3:25 AM GMT
    I did it in 2005 when I moved to Sacramento. I had a serious panick attack when all of my stuff was packed, and the realization hit me (I moved from Baltimore). I almost cancelled the move but am glad I did it. I had a hard time making friends, but that's my nature anyway becuase I can be pretty introverted. But it was a great experience.

    I did it again, somewhat, last year when I moved to my current city. It's 40 miles away from my friends in this state, but it's been good so far.

    Now that I think about it, i guess I did it 3 times when I first moved to Baltimore in 1999. I was lucky to be able to make friends very easily with people at work so it wasn't a difficult transition at all.

    Best of luck!
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    May 12, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    1971 - moved from the family farm near a tiny little Indiana town to a medium-sized city for college
    1976 - moved to a Philadelphia suburb for my first job
    1976 - transferred to a Los Angeles suburb for work, same company
    1980 - cross-cultural training deep in inner-city Los Angeles, for work with same company
    1981 - transferred to a large city in France, for work with same company
    1985 - moved back to the US, to the middle of Manhattan, new job
    1987 - moved to a small city in the San Francisco Bay area, new job
    1988 - moved into the city, on Funston Street in the Inner Sunset, same job
    1989 - moved back to small city, same job
    1990 - moved to Orlando, never to move again... except when I bought my house in 1994; new job, new friends, etc.

    However, since 2000 I have done a lot of I.T. contract work and travel all the time. In 2009 I was home in Orlando six weekends out of the whole year.

    Tonight I write from Jackson MS, after two weeks in Miami and two weeks in New York City, to be followed by two months in another city TBD/TBA probably on the West Coast.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 12, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    To answer your question: yes. Why did I do it? Because my childhood hero was a man named Jim Beckwourth. I know you've probably never heard of him. He was a mountain man. Enough said.