What keeps you going?

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    May 05, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    It's probably just the time of the month where I go into an existential funk. I dunno why I think about stuff like this so much, but it really gets to me, and makes me want to isolate myself and lay in bed all day. I've been analyzing my motivations and trying to crop out the undesirable ones this year, and I've grown up a lot. But I still feel stuck in many of the same patterns that I've been in for awhile. Sorry if all this is rambling.

    What I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for? What do they (you) truly get excited about in life? Is it weekend partying that makes life worthwhile? A romance with another dude that gives your life meaning? Is it working on your body and becoming the sexiest man you can become? Is it being well-known, popular, and loved by everyone? Is it religion or a belief in a higher power that gives your life meaning? Is it finding satisfaction out of your career and/or how much money you make? Is it the clothes, car, technology, home decor, gadgets, whatever else material stuff you can acquire? Is it the experiences you have, like traveling to different places/vacationing? Is it raising a kid? Is it becoming an activist to try to fix the messed up world you find yourself in? Is it finding comfort in the taste of food? Is it altering your perception with booze and/or drugs?

    I think I ask this because... everything seems wrong to me. I can't put my finger on something to focus on, to put my hopes in, to get excited about without a good measure of doubt or disapproval or guilt.

    For the longest time my source of hope, trust, security, excitement, meaning, etc, was in the religious belief system I was raised in. I no longer agree with it, and am pissed that I have been as brainwashed as I've been. This might be the natural result of dismissing an entire belief system... drawing a big blank when it comes to filling the hole I just created in myself.

    If you want to tell me to get medicated for my obvious depressive episodes, I already am. I merely want to hear other guys' thoughts on this.
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    May 05, 2012 2:04 AM GMT
    Self-exploration

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    May 05, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
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    May 05, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Emesis54 saidIt's probably just the time of the month where I go into an existential funk. I dunno why I think about stuff like this so much, but it really gets to me, and makes me want to isolate myself and lay in bed all day. I've been analyzing my motivations and trying to crop out the undesirable ones this year, and I've grown up a lot. But I still feel stuck in many of the same patterns that I've been in for awhile. Sorry if all this is rambling.

    What I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for? What do they (you) truly get excited about in life? Is it weekend partying that makes life worthwhile? YES A romance with another dude that gives your life meaning? YES Is it working on your body and becoming the sexiest man you can become? YES Is it being well-known, popular, and loved by everyone? YES Is it religion or a belief in a higher power that gives your life meaning? YES Is it finding satisfaction out of your career and/or how much money you make? YES Is it the clothes, car, technology, home decor, gadgets, whatever else material stuff you can acquire? YES Is it the experiences you have, like traveling to different places/vacationing? YES Is it raising a kid? FUCK NO Is it becoming an activist to try to fix the messed up world you find yourself in? YES Is it finding comfort in the taste of food? YES Is it altering your perception with booze and/or drugs? YES

    I think I ask this because... everything seems wrong to me. I can't put my finger on something to focus on, to put my hopes in, to get excited about without a good measure of doubt or disapproval or guilt.

    For the longest time my source of hope, trust, security, excitement, meaning, etc, was in the religious belief system I was raised in. I no longer agree with it, and am pissed that I have been as brainwashed as I've been. This might be the natural result of dismissing an entire belief system... drawing a big blank when it comes to filling the hole I just created in myself. BINGO

    If you want to tell me to get medicated for my obvious depressive episodes, I already am. I merely want to hear other guys' thoughts on this.
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    May 05, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    Emesis54 saidWhat I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for?
    I'm living my childhood dream.
    If it ever comes to and end, I will end my life...not out of depression, but out of exhaustion. It took half my life to achieve my childhood dream, and there's not enough time to replace it with anything even remotely as satisfying.
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    May 05, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    Hey Emesis54,

    Everyone is different, but I know for me it's not just one thing, but a multitude of things, after all as humans we're complex individuals, which your questions shows.
    For me there's always lots to get down about, as things in life will try to knock you off track, and sometimes they do, whether it was your "brainwashing" from religion, a job loss, or losing a loved one. But experiences, good or bad happen to everyone, it's how we react and deal with them that make us who we are. That's my feeling anyways. And none of us is going to get it right 100% of the time, and it would be exhausting trying to.

    I know for me, just getting my favorite cup of coffee in the morning on my way to work keeps me going through a tough day at work :-). Looking forward to a nice restaurant with friends, the anticipation of a date with a great guy, relaxing with the glass of wine on the couch after a day of work watching a favorite tv show.
    Just walking outdoors and trying to appreciate the things around me.
    Looking forward to playing a regular sport with friends, and practicing for a tournament is hugely rewarding, and enjoyable. And if monontany of day to day gets you down, doing weekend getaways is a nice way to recharage whether with a friend or on your own, or a big vacation.

    Spirituality seems like a big part of who you are. Have you tried looking into a gay-friendly church in your area? I know there is the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) which has christian congregations around the world and is run by gays and lesbians.


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    May 05, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidFirst of all, anyone who looks that good in a blue checked shirt was no business getting depressed, like ever.


    I second this, you are a looker. Keep your head up!

    As for me, first I would say that my love for meeting and exploring new people and personalities keeps me going. Adding new quality relations in my life has always made life more interesting and exciting.

    I also believe my love for the outdoors keeps me going and awe struck with life . I am constantly changing my hiking, biking and running routes to explore new places and am picking up new hobbies all the time.

    Put yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up or try something new.
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    May 05, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    I think you answered your own question.

    You need something to keep you going, you need to find that definitive purpose in your life that will keep you blind in our society... as terrible as that sounds.

    For most straight people that thing is "children" ...

    I'm exactly where you are right now... I haven't found my purpose yet. icon_neutral.gif
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    May 05, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    "What I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for? What do they (you) truly get excited about in life?"

    For many people, love. Even better, being in love.
    I think there are a lot of reasons that gay people live for, just like anyone else!
    Sometimes friends, sometimes family, sometimes career, sometimes artistic
    adventure, sometimes research discovery, sometimes sexual self discovery, sometimes anything. icon_wink.gif

    I live enjoying all of the above, and seeing it in others.



    warmly,

    -Doug




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    May 05, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    daviddoublebay said
    3. Revenge. No matter what some (meaning many) people in this world have done to me in the past (You truly would have difficulty in believing) .... I WILL NOT let them win. I refuse to do so. I believe that the best revenge is succeeding and living well. Whether those people ever know or not is most probably not what is important to me. Rather, I WILL KNOW... and that will do just fine.



    Yes.....

    Revenge...I know that concept very well...

    By the way, how do ya like my fishnets?

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQGhLNi8K-YeH2RApYfvii
    What fishnets? I didn't even notice them. That dress is fabulous!
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    May 05, 2012 4:31 AM GMT
    PolaroidSwinger saidMythOfSisyphus.jpg


    I just read a Wikipedia summary of the book... seems right up my alley. Life is def like that to me.

    JPtheBITCH saidFirst of all, anyone who looks that good in a blue checked shirt was no business getting depressed, like ever.

    Second, what keeps me going? My childlike sense of wonder at how insane most people actually act these days. I wake up each morning, eager to hear the latest outrage.


    First, thanks!
    Second, lol. Sometimes that entertains me, too... but mostly irks the shit out of me. In those times I'd rather live in a box than have to deal with these people.

    daviddoublebay saidInteresting question icon_exclaim.gif

    1. Vision. I have an extremely detailed vision of my future. To attain that future, it's necessary that I complete a series of tasks. Those tasks include everything from the immediate, to intermediate and then long term. Whenever I become frustrated with the little things, such as shopping, eating, lawn, house, etc.... I picture the vision of where I will be. That helps me to then place things in their perspective, such as... I have to shop and eat to live so that I can complete the larger tasks to end up where I want to be.

    2. Knowledge. For me, reading science, technology, law and numerous other subjects MANY times inspires me. Not only about what the future will bring, but provides inspiration and *new approaches* in both business and life that many, many, many times have opened opportunities for me or otherwise provided me with a unique approach or tool to help me achieve my long-term vision (and even onwards to future generations of the family I would like to have).

    3. Revenge. No matter what some (meaning many) people in this world have done to me in the past (You truly would have difficulty in believing) .... I WILL NOT let them win. I refuse to do so. I believe that the best revenge is succeeding and living well. Whether those people ever know or not is most probably not what is important to me. Rather, I WILL KNOW... and that will do just fine.



    You seem to have a good outlook and focus. I have noticed that I've felt empowered as I've acquired new knowledge post-high school... mostly knowledge that helps me understand why things are the way they are, which helps me cope with all the BS present in the world.
    I like your idea of revenge being you living well and succeeding.

    canuckinmelb said
    Spirituality seems like a big part of who you are. Have you tried looking into a gay-friendly church in your area? I know there is the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) which has christian congregations around the world and is run by gays and lesbians.




    I've tried out that church, we have one in the area. I don't think any church is going to be satisfying the way I feel. I don't trust anyone/anything who asserts that a higher being has answers and must be obeyed. I just don't. Even gay-friendly deities and congregations are difficult for me to stomach.

    UtahCapita said

    As for me, first I would say that my love for meeting and exploring new people and personalities keeps me going. Adding new quality relations in my life has always made life more interesting and exciting.

    I also believe my love for the outdoors keeps me going and awe struck with life . I am constantly changing my hiking, biking and running routes to explore new places and am picking up new hobbies all the time.

    Put yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up or try something new.



    Those are two good aspects of life, I'll admit that.

    Roku saidI think you answered your own question.

    You need something to keep you going, you need to find that definitive purpose in your life that will keep you blind in our society... as terrible as that sounds.

    For most straight people that thing is "children" ...

    I'm exactly where you are right now... I haven't found my purpose yet. icon_neutral.gif


    It's sad that we have to find ways to be blind to the society, to what's going around us (if that's what you were getting at).

    Hope you find some sort of purpose soon man.


    meninlove said "What I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for? What do they (you) truly get excited about in life?"

    For many people, love. Even better, being in love.
    I think there are a lot of reasons that gay people live for, just like anyone else!
    Sometimes friends, sometimes family, sometimes career, sometimes artistic
    adventure, sometimes research discovery, sometimes sexual self discovery, sometimes anything. icon_wink.gif

    I live enjoying all of the above, and seeing it in others.



    warmly,

    -Doug






    Love isn't something I count on, or really believe in. So it scares me for so many people's driving motivations and beliefs to be centered around "love."
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    May 05, 2012 4:38 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    paulflexes said
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQGhLNi8K-YeH2RApYfvii
    What fishnets? I didn't even notice them. That dress is fabulous!

    Thanks, I always look my best in black.
    eso_es_racista.gif

    Oops, wrong gif. icon_razz.gif
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    May 05, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    paulflexes said
    Emesis54 saidWhat I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for?
    I'm living my childhood dream.
    If it ever comes to and end, I will end my life...not out of depression, but out of exhaustion. It took half my life to achieve my childhood dream, and there's not enough time to replace it with anything even remotely as satisfying.


    That's amazing ... because I'm sure people think my life is boring (at least compared to what it use to be like) but I feel like I am exactly where I have always wanted to be and part of me never wants it to ever end ... when I die, maybe this will be my heaven for me -- without the job part icon_smile.gif


    To both of you.... you guys are lucky to feel that way!
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    May 05, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Emesis54 said
    Roku saidI think you answered your own question.

    You need something to keep you going, you need to find that definitive purpose in your life that will keep you blind in our society... as terrible as that sounds.

    For most straight people that thing is "children" ...

    I'm exactly where you are right now... I haven't found my purpose yet. icon_neutral.gif


    It's sad that we have to find ways to be blind to the society, to what's going around us (if that's what you were getting at).

    Hope you find some sort of purpose soon man.




    That's exactly what I meant.

    And I hope I do too.

    MuchMoreThanMuscle said

    Oh and to answer sincerely.

    I meditate a lot and it's important for me to be in a learning environment. I focus on the things that I love to do (my hobbies) and look forward to that.

    I think a lot of gay men don't know how to embrace pursuing things like hobbies. Nowadays it's better and you can find things like groups for sports, hobbies, etc. But for the most part so many gay men don't know much else to do with their free time other than do drugs and go to bars and have lots of sex.

    The sex part isn't bad but I'm not one for drugs and bars.


    Oh that's what I'm suppose to be doing... no wonder I been so bored.
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    May 05, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Emesis54 said
    meninlove said "What I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for? What do they (you) truly get excited about in life?"

    For many people, love. Even better, being in love.
    I think there are a lot of reasons that gay people live for, just like anyone else!
    Sometimes friends, sometimes family, sometimes career, sometimes artistic
    adventure, sometimes research discovery, sometimes sexual self discovery, sometimes anything. icon_wink.gif

    I live enjoying all of the above, and seeing it in others.



    warmly,

    -Doug






    Love isn't something I count on, or really believe in. So it scares me for so many people's driving motivations and beliefs to be centered around "love."
    [/quote]


    ..and many aren't. That's why I mentioned artistic adventure, career, etc. icon_wink.gif
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    May 05, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    daviddoublebay saidInteresting question icon_exclaim.gif

    1. Vision. I have an extremely detailed vision of my future. To attain that future, it's necessary that I complete a series of tasks. Those tasks include everything from the immediate, to intermediate and then long term. Whenever I become frustrated with the little things, such as shopping, eating, lawn, house, etc.... I picture the vision of where I will be. That helps me to then place things in their perspective, such as... I have to shop and eat to live so that I can complete the larger tasks to end up where I want to be.

    2. Knowledge. For me, reading science, technology, law and numerous other subjects MANY times inspires me. Not only about what the future will bring, but provides inspiration and *new approaches* in both business and life that many, many, many times have opened opportunities for me or otherwise provided me with a unique approach or tool to help me achieve my long-term vision (and even onwards to future generations of the family I would like to have).

    3. Revenge. No matter what some (meaning many) people in this world have done to me in the past (You truly would have difficulty in believing) .... I WILL NOT let them win. I refuse to do so. I believe that the best revenge is succeeding and living well. Whether those people ever know or not is most probably not what is important to me. Rather, I WILL KNOW... and that will do just fine.



    +101,346,320,000.15!!!!! This pretty much sums me up. I have a detailed list of what I want to accomplish in life. Some of it is open for discussion, but it is mostly firm. A few years ago I wanted to move to DC, go to school, and work in non-profit. Since then, I have nearly accomplished those goals so I need to find new ones. Now, I would love to move to Miami, get my own place, and work in PR/Marketing. Those are in my plans for the next few years, and by golly, I will get them.

    I have learnt that I will never be 100% satisfied with my life and where I am, but thats ok. As long as I'm CONTENT with what I have that is all I need. There should always be something new and exciting that leaves me to want to expand my world a little more. I'm sure in a few years another city or job will be in my radar. Life is all about taking chances, that whats I live for. And it would be AWESOME to have a man to be by my side in this journey. If not, then I guess that is something else to keep looking for....
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    May 05, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    Emesis54 said
    AMoonHawk said
    paulflexes said
    Emesis54 saidWhat I mean to ask is... what do gay men live for?
    I'm living my childhood dream.
    If it ever comes to and end, I will end my life...not out of depression, but out of exhaustion. It took half my life to achieve my childhood dream, and there's not enough time to replace it with anything even remotely as satisfying.


    That's amazing ... because I'm sure people think my life is boring (at least compared to what it use to be like) but I feel like I am exactly where I have always wanted to be and part of me never wants it to ever end ... when I die, maybe this will be my heaven for me -- without the job part icon_smile.gif


    To both of you.... you guys are lucky to feel that way!
    After being raised in the sticks of Arkansas (VERY rural - nearest 'city' over 100 miles away), I count my lucky stars every day. There are 3.28453948567 of them.
  • araphael

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    May 05, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    To answer your question: what keeps me going? keeping hope that our society has not totally destroyed the little kid that is within all of us, or was at one time in our lives, that loves life and being nice to others too. I still, probably naively, think that we humans even in our jacked up reality are capable of just being little kids again some times and being nice to each other when common human decency demands such behavior. But, like Martin L.K., and Jesus, I may just be one of the very few real "dreamers" still left in the world in our world and reality that still see the potential of what all of us human beings, regardless of who you are or where you come from, possibly being a hopeful and positive person while we live our own one individual life span on this earth. But don't misunderstand me, I realize that I am in a minority and that most people carry so much pain that they feel all others must share in it. And I have carried my share of pain and grief, which is why I say I understand the haters in this world. I just choose not to be one of them for Jesus (the wise philosopher that he was, and I am not a Christian, but I do respect the thoughts of Jesus. I just wish more Christians lived their lives like they believe what the man told them they should do in their lives, lol) said that the eventual end of the haters among men is "destruction." Forgive me for my ignorant child-like dreams of what all of us humans could be. By the way, if you are a natural hater of people, please don't try to kill my hopefulness in our human possibility with your response to my post here. I don't even know you. lol
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    May 05, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    araphael saidTo answer your question: what keeps me going? keeping hope that our society has not totally destroyed the little kid that is within all of us, or was at one time in our lives, that loves life and being nice to others too. I still, probably naively, think that we humans even in our jacked up reality are capable of just being little kids again some times and being nice to each other when common human decency demands such behavior. But, like Martin L.K., and Jesus, I may just be one of the very few real "dreamers" still left in the world in our world and reality that still see the potential of what all of us human beings, regardless of who you are or where you come from, possibly being a hopeful and positive person while we live our own one individual life span on this earth. But don't misunderstand me, I realize that I am in a minority and that most people carry so much pain that they feel all others must share in it. And I have carried my share of pain and grief, which is why I say I understand the haters in this world. I just choose not to be one of them for Jesus (the wise philosopher that he was, and I am not a Christian, but I do respect the thoughts of Jesus. I just wish more Christians lived their lives like they believe what the man told them they should do in their lives, lol) said that the eventual end of the haters among men is "destruction." Forgive me for my ignorant child-like dreams of what all of us humans could be. By the way, if you are a natural hater of people, please don't try to kill my hopefulness in our human possibility with your response to my post here. I don't even know you. lol


    Lol, I don't want to kill your hopefulness. I want to believe in the goodness of people, too. I'm a tiiiny bit jaded though. I tend to try to break down people's arguments about life being skittles and sunshine when there are real problems in the world... but when people are realistic, acknowledge the difficulties inherent in life, and still try to maintain a positive outlook, I respect it. B/c I want to have a positive outlook myself. I just want to be able to do so with an awareness of the hardships and problems that I (and everyone else) am going to face.
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    May 05, 2012 2:28 PM GMT
    My life has been destroyed. Not by drugs, but by evil, heartless snobs - Better known as gay guys.

    I hope karma comes around. icon_mad.gif
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    May 05, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    onaquest said^^^^You seem to be going through a rough spot. Rough patches happen to everyone. I hope things get better for you soon.
    Hey, stop being nice. We're supposed to be evil and heartless. If I catch you being nice one more time, I'll revoke your gay card for conduct unbecoming of a gay dude. icon_razz.gif
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    May 05, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    Simon1973 saidMy life has been destroyed. Not by drugs, but by evil, heartless snobs - Better known as gay guys.

    I hope karma comes around. icon_mad.gif


    I can empathize! Many of the gays in Mobile are little shits. The past few months I've cut down on my social circle due to snotty attitudes and backstabbing behavior. Gays can be heartless and I think I wouldn't mind quarantining all of that type and sending them off to a mean gay island.
  • araphael

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    May 06, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    Emesis54 said
    Simon1973 saidMy life has been destroyed. Not by drugs, but by evil, heartless snobs - Better known as gay guys.

    I hope karma comes around. icon_mad.gif


    I can empathize! Many of the gays in Mobile are little shits. The past few months I've cut down on my social circle due to snotty attitudes and backstabbing behavior. Gays can be heartless and I think I wouldn't mind quarantining all of that type and sending them off to a mean gay island.


    "A mean gay island." Oh my god that's funny to me! I'm just picturing an island with all of the mean gay people on it together with each other. Would any one be left alive after a day or two? lol (oh man I'm crying from laughing right now. That was hilarious.)
  • PolaroidSwing...

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    May 06, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    araphael said
    Emesis54 said
    Simon1973 saidMy life has been destroyed. Not by drugs, but by evil, heartless snobs - Better known as gay guys.

    I hope karma comes around. icon_mad.gif


    I can empathize! Many of the gays in Mobile are little shits. The past few months I've cut down on my social circle due to snotty attitudes and backstabbing behavior. Gays can be heartless and I think I wouldn't mind quarantining all of that type and sending them off to a mean gay island.


    "A mean gay island." Oh my god that's funny to me! I'm just picturing an island with all of the mean gay people on it together with each other. Would any one be left alive after a day or two? lol (oh man I'm crying from laughing right now. That was hilarious.)


  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 06, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    PolaroidSwinger said
    araphael said
    Emesis54 said
    Simon1973 saidMy life has been destroyed. Not by drugs, but by evil, heartless snobs - Better known as gay guys.

    I hope karma comes around. icon_mad.gif


    I can empathize! Many of the gays in Mobile are little shits. The past few months I've cut down on my social circle due to snotty attitudes and backstabbing behavior. Gays can be heartless and I think I wouldn't mind quarantining all of that type and sending them off to a mean gay island.


    "A mean gay island." Oh my god that's funny to me! I'm just picturing an island with all of the mean gay people on it together with each other. Would any one be left alive after a day or two? lol (oh man I'm crying from laughing right now. That was hilarious.)




    I admit, I've never heard this song before but I love the music in this video! lol. I get images of "Shaft" in my head, baby (shut yo mouth!) haha. Thanks for sharing that man. I might have to go find and buy that song actually.