Best friend asked me out

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    May 05, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    so.. my best friend asked me out. I've known him since 1st grade. He's a great guy, sweet, funny, sexy, knows me better then just about anybody, but he's my friend. I've never really thought of him in a sexual way. Don't get me wrong, I think he his extremely hot, and one of the best guys I think I've ever met, but not really sure where to go from here. when he asked, I asked him if he was kidding, after we talk for a bit, he told me he's always loved me. I told him I needed a little time to think about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks guys

  • May 05, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    I guess two things to watch for:
    1. Unsuccessful love can ruin a friendship, which is harder to come by.
    2. Even if you think you two may fall in love, you do have to let him know that the pace may be different because his feeling for you is deeper as he has a headstart. You two may meet at the same level at the end.

    Otherwise, good luck.
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    May 05, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    If you've know him that long, and you think he's hot then give it a go. Be honest and open with him about your feelings and reservations. Maybe the two of you can see if there is something there AND preserve the friendship.
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    May 05, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    At least you are lucky that he did ask you out... I dont get so lucky. icon_sad.gif
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    May 05, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    Well, what makes you think that it's not gonna work out?
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    May 05, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    If you guys are friends, you have a solid relationship already, it sounds like a great foundation to explore things further. Just let him know that you need to take it slow.
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    May 05, 2012 4:49 AM GMT
    I'm not really so supportive if it's only a one way street..
    But I do think it's best you go out with him, because if you say no that'll just be hurtful and awkward...
    So go out with him and give him a chance to show you his interest for you..
    Maybe you'll have a change of heart ;)
    If you really still feel the same way just tell him the truth without any akwardness to keep your friendship going..

    Hope it turns out okay...
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    May 05, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    That is so cute icon_biggrin.gif Maybe you didn't see him like that because you guys know each other so long but I mean I would date him to see what happens.
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    May 05, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    Either way you look at it, your 15-year friendship has been drastically changed, probably permanently.

    So, if you go on a date, and you kiss, it's going to probably be very awkward for you because you're kissing someone whom you've had no romantic/sexual feelings for. For him, it's been what he's dreamed about for 15 years. If it doesn't work, it could end a friendship.

    If you don't go on a date, if could end the friendship. That's 15 years of feelings that you're rejecting. Neither of you will look at each other the same way. You probably wouldn't innocently put your arm around your friend or give him a hug without thinking twice and making sure not to lead him on. Anytime he looks at you in the eye, your paranoia might kick in and wonder if he's feeling romance for you again.

    In many ways, his friendship with you may have been based on his love for you. So, if you reject his date invitation, then his entire reason for being your friend doesn't exist anymore, and he'll probably phase himself out of your life.

    It's a very tough position to be in and personally, I don't envy you. What might help is to have a very clear and frank discussion, and obtain a strong commitment that you will both make sure that your friendship will still go on whether you agree to go on a date with him or not.

    Best of luck.




  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    May 05, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    Why do you assume that it's a sexual thing? Surely two guys can go to a movie, go skiing together, go canoeing together, or hiking together, without its being sexual or considered a date.
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    May 05, 2012 5:41 AM GMT
    Lucky you're in love with your best friend.
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    May 05, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    It will be the best relationship you will ever have.
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    May 05, 2012 5:47 AM GMT
    Will y'all do 3-ways?
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 05, 2012 5:59 AM GMT
    mrpotatohunter saidI guess two things to watch for:
    1. Unsuccessful love can ruin a friendship, which is harder to come by.
    2. Even if you think you two may fall in love, you do have to let him know that the pace may be different because his feeling for you is deeper as he has a headstart. You two may meet at the same level at the end.

    Otherwise, good luck.


    Best advice yet
  • Avataraja

    Posts: 39

    May 05, 2012 6:10 AM GMT
    ask him what he thinks after he reads this forum. If hes really your best friend since grade 1, im sure that he knows about your profile on here! ;-) icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2012 6:20 AM GMT
    Once again, I wish I had these problems. icon_neutral.gif

    Quick thoughts: Falling in love with a friend has great risks or great rewards. You already know you get along well. But if it doesn't work out, then you could lose your friend. You have to decide whether you think you could feel anything for him and whether it's worth the risk to try to figure that out. He's already told you how he feels. The cat is out of the bag. No matter what you do, it may be hard, if not impossible, to make your relationship go back to the way it was.
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    May 05, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    From what you have written, It sounds like you are open to the idea but are also genuinely concerned about the possible consequences. That's a good way to approach this.

    I don't have any advice, but what ever you decide, I hope it all works out for the best. Best Wishes!

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    May 05, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    Go for it!!!

    I think it's so cute ;)
  • Drift

    Posts: 217

    May 05, 2012 6:46 AM GMT
    The other advice has been very thoughtful. Personally, I don't believe in equality. I think it is a beautiful thing to strive for, but with understanding that any relationship is always shifting in it's balance, and that balance is very different from equality. Your friend loves you, deeply, and i'm sure you love him as well, and so you already have a strong relationship. How you feel that love, and how you express it will always be fundamentally different. What is important, is how you find communication and oneness in that mutual love, and together find where it is that you need to be next.
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    May 05, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    wow, all the dozens of threads about crushing on a hot str8 best friend, and now 1 on rejecting a hot gay best friend. life's so not fair.
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    May 05, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    tailgater_3 saidwow, all the dozens of threads about crushing on a hot str8 best friend, and now 1 on rejecting a hot gay best friend. life's so not fair.


    It could be because they are hard to get...
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    May 05, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    That sounds like a recipe for basically the most awesome boyfriend/husband you could find... Someone you've known and loved your whole life already? Come on... It's solid gold.
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    May 06, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    yourname8000 saidCertain profile pics aside, icon_redface.gif, I've always thought you were one of the best catches on RJ....good head on your shoulders, well educated, and (from your main profile pic) a lot of fun. And you're damn cute, in a rugged lil' way. So he's got great taste (and that's a plus. icon_biggrin.gif )

    As for dating someone before there's a full "spark explosion", I personally think it's a good idea...somewhat evolved, even. In the (distant) past, I always went for the "spark". Unfortunately, in my experience, those relationships started out hot...at their absolute best actually...but they didn't progress. And a few months later, whatever caused the spark was old news and not that interesting anymore and I was sleeping with someone I had little in common with.

    Today I'm dating a great guy who I initially thought "there's potential here"....and, from my perspective, it's been like fanning an ember into a fire....growth, surprises, and each day better than the last. That suits me better, I think.

    So, if you know yourself and you see potential in him, this might work out pretty good. There's a lot of arranged marriages where folks didn't even know each other and then grew to a strong love that lasted decades. And then there's people who started out infatuated who grew bored quickly. Life isn't black and white, but if it was, I would prefer the first scenario.

    Best wishes to you! I look forward to you posting more and hope ---regardless of whether this relationship goes anywhere---that you meet the man of your dreams and live how I wish I could have when I was your age (times were different, lol.)


    I have to echo Dave's sentiment... from what I used to go for (the quick "hit" and fireworks), to what is working so well for us now. Starting slower and exploring, nurturing that little ember into a raging bonfire, has been MUCH better!

    I hope you go on a couple of dates and explore the possibilities!
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    May 06, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    Larkin saidThat sounds like a recipe for basically the most awesome boyfriend/husband you could find... Someone you've known and loved your whole life already? Come on... It's solid gold.


    +1
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    May 06, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    ry77 saidWell, what makes you think that it's not gonna work out?
    50/50 Chance possibly? Go with your gut instinct and/or intuition this one. If you don't feel it's right, than don't do it. Personally, I've never ever dated a friend I've known for longer than any person I was dating or messing around with. I like to keep my lovers and my friends separated.