I have a serious question guys & I need input from my gay brothers, a helpful critique.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2012 8:47 AM GMT
    Don't be mean, just be honest but I am having problems meeting guys. I have been going to the gym forever and have a decent body. I'm not a supermodel but usually go for a cute guy. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, usually just a decent good looking guy. But when I am at the clubs, at the gym or wherever I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. Then I feel like complete shit when I leave because guys do not ever approach me. If they do they are completely not my type. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, older guys (over 40) or druggies.

    Is it too much to ask to find an attractive, or decent looking guy to approach me, start a conversation and show me a little interest. I mean I try to do everything perfect & I have a lot going for myself. I'm a veteran, I'm in good shape (workout everyday almost), eat health, college grad, I mean what more do guys want? I'm not a supermodel and I'm attracted to the A&F type, All-American boys or at least bro-ish, straight acting or even just a white guy thats normal and not mentally incapable.

    But I am not approached then leave feeling lonely as hell and don't understand what the hell is going on. Usually I am seeing the white boys with other white boys. Hardly ever do I get what I want. I am not a whore and don't want to be so ?? I need help. Why don't they like me? Am I ugly? Am I unapproachable or what the hell is wrong with me? Any info would really help!! Thanks in advance. Oh and I'm not looking for a hookup, not into bi guys because I'm not competing with a girl. Basically just want a good looking, gay white male. Too much to ask?? I don't know. You tell me... Thanks guys.
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    May 05, 2012 10:54 AM GMT
    At the bar or wherever.... smile and compliment the person on their hair, eyes jeans whatever.... and usually that starts the conversation... then go from there. You probably have to approach things differently as you've already said you hold back too much. So what if you're rejected it's all part of the game. Certain guys are looking for certain guys.... you may be the one.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    May 05, 2012 11:02 AM GMT
    Why do you expect other guys--who are just like you!--to do the approaching? You can't bring yourself to say hello and make the first move, but you expect other guys to do it? Cowboy up, dude!
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    May 05, 2012 11:06 AM GMT
    GayBtm83 saidDon't be mean, just be honest but I am having problems meeting guys. I have been going to the gym forever and have a decent body. I'm not a supermodel but usually go for a cute guy. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, usually just a decent good looking guy. But when I am at the clubs, at the gym or wherever I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. Then I feel like complete shit when I leave because guys do not ever approach me. If they do they are completely not my type. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, older guys (over 40) or druggies.

    Is it too much to ask to find an attractive, or decent looking guy to approach me, start a conversation and show me a little interest. I mean I try to do everything perfect & I have a lot going for myself. I'm a veteran, I'm in good shape (workout everyday almost), eat health, college grad, I mean what more do guys want? I'm not a supermodel and I'm attracted to the A&F type, All-American boys or at least bro-ish, straight acting or even just a white guy thats normal and not mentally incapable.

    But I am not approached then leave feeling lonely as hell and don't understand what the hell is going on. Usually I am seeing the white boys with other white boys. Hardly ever do I get what I want. I am not a whore and don't want to be so ?? I need help. Why don't they like me? Am I ugly? Am I unapproachable or what the hell is wrong with me? Any info would really help!! Thanks in advance. Oh and I'm not looking for a hookup, not into bi guys because I'm not competing with a girl. Basically just want a good looking, gay white male. Too much to ask?? I don't know. You tell me... Thanks guys.


    Answer honestly eh?
    I'm not going to address your personality, and all the other psycho-babble bullshit. I'm going to address the physical. And when it comes to meeting someone, the first thing people make a judgement on is the physical. (it may not be the most important for all, but it is the first opinion/judgement that's made by everyone. (Unless they are physically blind.))
    That being said....................

    OK...no, your face isn't ugly. Not handsome icon_cool.gif, but certainly not ugly. So you would probably have to rely on your body. Which you don't show in your profile. But your profile stats tell it all:
    Height: 5' 7''
    Weight: 190 lbs
    Waist: 36 inches icon_eek.gificon_rolleyes.gif
    Chest:
    Arms: 14 inches

    Come on....5'7" and 190 would be great if it were muscular pounds. But a 36" waist and only 14" A on a 5'7" 190 guy who is not musc says one thing....FAT! Which is not attractive. icon_mad.gif
    Lose the excess fat, and your prospects will change. You will not only look better, you will feel better about yourself and that will come through to other people.
    Good luck!

    Tristan
  • muscletruk

    Posts: 109

    May 05, 2012 11:12 AM GMT
    if your not looking for hookups stay away from the bars!!
    I'm sure you will find it gets worse as you age, so right now you have to start the approaching. I know it takes a lot I went through this when I was younger after the fresh meat thing wears off you have to do your part.
    also even though it tough remember the more guys you talk to in what ever capacity the better your chances of finding him.
    you have to be confident in yourself.
    I remember one time at tea i saw what to me was this super hot guy, and he was with another good looking guy. it took me a while but I worked up the courage to go over and start a conversation. after a short time it kinda died so I moved on. the next day he stopped me in the street and started chatting and we spent some time together. I was blown away!! so keep trying you never know
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    May 05, 2012 11:18 AM GMT
    Ok - I'm gonna put the same message out as I always seem to do in this thread topic!

    First of all, RELAX! Take your time. Dating and relationships will happen over time, its the type of thing that everything has to be in the right place for them to happen.

    Secondly, why not try something different other than the bars and concentrate on making friends first? For example, how about seeing if there are any LGBT sports clubs in your area? In Britain we have outdoorlads.com, in Birmingham there is a gay football (soccer to you lot), gay rugby, gay water polo and just about a gay everything else group! Time to google.....and making friends first will increase your social circle, therefore maybe meeting Mr Right...

    Another thing is that it may be worth speaking to an LGBT society or Gay Men's welfare society. Is there one in your area? HGL And Terrence Higgins Trust can work on a 1:1 basis with men that have sex with men over any issues relating to their sexual orientation in Birmingham and outside in the Midlands. They even put on courses on how to build more confidence while talking to people, chatting people up and how to raise self esteem.

    Basically you have to get out there and try to make the most of what is around you. Increase your social circle. Also think about reading some books on this subject: they can be quite general guides but they can help!

    Good luck! Dates and relationships can be found!
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    May 05, 2012 11:21 AM GMT
    speedobuddy saidOK... where to start...

    You are not entitled to love from a 22 year old sexy muscled smooth white tanned A&F model. No one is. Particularly if you expect to hit the clubs and have them come on to you without doing anything.

    From your posting it sounds to me like your problem is your attitude. First of all, I think you need to re-think what it is you're looking for. Do you want the love and company of an intelligent, loving, fun man? If the answer is yes, stop looking for that in a model. Not that they are incapable, but my guess is that most of the guys you are attracted to are not looking for what you're looking for, and if they are, it's not likely with someone like you... yeah go ahead and read into that. But it's the truth. You need to expand your horizons and your threshold of what you find attractive. From your profile you would not be into me, which is fine, but you would not be into anything but a very small percentile of the gay community.

    Think about the QUALITIES of a man you would be happy to spend your time with. Then when you're out, be friendly, smile and talk to EVERYONE, white, yellow, brown, and black boys. Talk to tall men. Short men. Skinny guys. Plump guys. I'm not saying go and fuck guys you're not attracted to. What I'm saying is don't discriminate with your time or friendship. You just might be surprised at what happens. You might just learn that you can be attracted to more than what you think you like, once you get to KNOW people. Some of the sexiest guys are ugly inside once you get to know them more. And some of the plainest guys are BEAUTIFUL if you take the time get to know them.

    If you don't understand any of this... then you're shallow and I can't help you, no one can, and you may just live your whole life feeling unhappy, lonely and like you can't get that A&F model that you deserve.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2012 11:35 AM GMT
    I had the same problem. Now, you just can't keep me quiet
    You have a great face, actually - I personally wouldn't mind the 'extra' weight, but unless you're in an environment where guys could have a first glimpse of your personality, any extra weight or slightest imperfection could count against you. Your dream date doesn't exist because he's so unattainable anyway.
    In also going with the previous replies, your problem (not unlike for many) could be introversion. People usually steer clear of this, as it could likely be confused/accommodated by arrogance.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 05, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    My suggestion is ... you need to be more assertive with what you want in life.
    If you see a guy who you kind of want to know, take the initiative. Whats worse,
    knowing you had the guts and took a risk (even if rejected) or do the "safe" thing
    and sit back and let the world pass you by (and then write about it on a forum).

    Grab the world by the tail and make it happen!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 05, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    Physics - energy attracts energy. Your own doubt and resolve are readable to everyone in that bar. Confidence is attractive and appealing. Lack of it is equally as unapealing and off-putting.
    You want to be approached - be approachable, be determined to take the risk and say hello.
    Complaining about this is like sitting around a out moaning about how nobody will start a fire.... Pick up the fucking sticks and start to rub. Truly.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    May 05, 2012 12:27 PM GMT
    "I basically just want a goodlooking gay white male."

    You also use the word "type", or a variant of it, a number of times.
    "People" do not fall for "types" (how do you "do" that??), and "types" don't fall for "you." That specific guy right there falls for you, and you fall for that specific guy right there. That's why we call it "falling" for someone.... you can't control it.

    You're out there shopping for a car, and wondering why you're not finding a guy.

    Relax, don't try too hard......it always happens when you least expect it or plan for it.

    Good luck.

  • u54imc9

    Posts: 22

    May 05, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    Ok first of all your problem is "I want a white guy" mentality. White guys, specifically the Abercrmobie type you are seeking are not going to be attracted to you. Sorry to be so blunt but you have to realise that ASAP. Gorgeous white guys only seek out other gorgeous people. You must lower your standards because honestly you are not very handsome. At 5'7'' you should not weigh 190pds especially since you go to the gym alot.

    It make me cringe every time I hear minorties whinning about them wanting a white boy. Dude just keep it to yourself and stop making yourself out to be a racist. You don't have to advertise it to anyone, just realise it in your head.
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    May 05, 2012 1:32 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidPhysics - energy attracts energy. Your own doubt and resolve are readable to everyone in that bar. Confidence is attractive and appealing. Lack of it is equally as unapealing and off-putting.
    You want to be approached - be approachable, be determined to take the risk and say hello.
    Complaining about this is like sitting around a out moaning about how nobody will start a fire.... Pick up the fucking sticks and start to rub. Truly.

    This exactly.
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    May 05, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    u54imc9 saidOk first of all your problem is "I want a white guy" mentality. White guys, specifically the Abercrmobie type you are seeking are not going to be attracted to you. Sorry to be so blunt but you have to realise that ASAP. Gorgeous white guys only seek out other gorgeous people. You must lower your standards because honestly you are not very handsome. At 5'7'' you should not weigh 190pds especially since you go to the gym alot.

    It make me cringe every time I hear minorties whinning about them wanting a white boy. Dude just keep it to yourself and stop making yourself out to be a racist. You don't have to advertise it to anyone, just realise it in your head.


    What is this rage against people who admit that they're turned on by white guys? Guys like what they like, deal with it.

    As to an A&F model being out of the OP's league, wouldn't it have been more helpful to say he should try to lose weight to compete in that space?
  • Jsteve75

    Posts: 8

    May 05, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    Step out of your comfort zone and approach what you want... at the very least you will meet some new people.
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    May 05, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Dude, you're not a girl... don't wait for guys to approach you. Hot girls can do that at a bar because they are the hot girls and every guy in the room is looking at them. Gay guys? Everyone else in the room is also a gay guy.

    In my entire life I think I've been approached at the bar maybe 4 times, and I know I'm not bad to look at. You just have to go for what you want.

    ... as to specific critique elsewhere, given your stats and single pic, I'm afraid musclefetish1 is right. Your stats don't read "athletic". And you don't look approachable. I don't look approachable at a bar because people think I"m the bouncer, so I go out of my way to smile. If that picture you have up is the look on your face at the bar, I'd assume you were bored as fuck with the whole place and everyone there.
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    May 05, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    It's just like anything else you're scared of. Just step right in and do it. Really, it's the only way. Don't worry about being perfect, don't worry if you're awkward about it. Just think beforehand about how you want to approach a guy. . . run some positive scenarios through your mind, again and again. . . practice a little. . . and then do it.
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    May 05, 2012 3:08 PM GMT
    musclefetish1 said
    GayBtm83 saidDon't be mean, just be honest but I am having problems meeting guys. I have been going to the gym forever and have a decent body. I'm not a supermodel but usually go for a cute guy. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, usually just a decent good looking guy. But when I am at the clubs, at the gym or wherever I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. Then I feel like complete shit when I leave because guys do not ever approach me. If they do they are completely not my type. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, older guys (over 40) or druggies.

    Is it too much to ask to find an attractive, or decent looking guy to approach me, start a conversation and show me a little interest. I mean I try to do everything perfect & I have a lot going for myself. I'm a veteran, I'm in good shape (workout everyday almost), eat health, college grad, I mean what more do guys want? I'm not a supermodel and I'm attracted to the A&F type, All-American boys or at least bro-ish, straight acting or even just a white guy thats normal and not mentally incapable.

    But I am not approached then leave feeling lonely as hell and don't understand what the hell is going on. Usually I am seeing the white boys with other white boys. Hardly ever do I get what I want. I am not a whore and don't want to be so ?? I need help. Why don't they like me? Am I ugly? Am I unapproachable or what the hell is wrong with me? Any info would really help!! Thanks in advance. Oh and I'm not looking for a hookup, not into bi guys because I'm not competing with a girl. Basically just want a good looking, gay white male. Too much to ask?? I don't know. You tell me... Thanks guys.


    Answer honestly eh?
    I'm not going to address your personality, and all the other psycho-babble bullshit. I'm going to address the physical. And when it comes to meeting someone, the first thing people make a judgement on is the physical. (it may not be the most important for all, but it is the first opinion/judgement that's made by everyone. (Unless they are physically blind.))
    That being said....................

    OK...no, your face isn't ugly. Not handsome icon_cool.gif, but certainly not ugly. So you would probably have to rely on your body. Which you don't show in your profile. But your profile stats tell it all:
    Height: 5' 7''
    Weight: 190 lbs
    Waist: 36 inches icon_eek.gificon_rolleyes.gif
    Chest:
    Arms: 14 inches

    Come on....5'7" and 190 would be great if it were muscular pounds. But a 36" waist and only 14" A on a 5'7" 190 guy who is not musc says one thing....FAT! Which is not attractive. icon_mad.gif
    Lose the excess fat, and your prospects will change. You will not only look better, you will feel better about yourself and that will come through to other people.
    Good luck!

    Tristan



    Wow Tristan, your assessment here stings a little. BUT it is spot on, I have to say.
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    May 05, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    I would say build up the confidence to be the approacher. I think you are attractive based on the one photo you have...Maybe im biased because i have a thing for latinos icon_biggrin.gif

    being more confident will make the guys you want, want you. Just a rule for life basically
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    May 05, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    Lots of good advice above, but the main point is you can`t sit there and wait for your perfect guy to come along and chat with you! (I made that mistake when younger!) You`re doing the right thing in going out and being seen. But now you have to take the second step, seize the initiative and talk to them, even if it`s mundane and trivial, weather, clothes, workouts, anything. Get the contact going. I`ve heard three consecutive questions or comments that require more than a 'yes or 'no' can start it up! Once there, it`s amazing how conversations can go! Also, be yourself, don`t pretend or anything. Authenticity is so attractive.

    Keep going out and being with guys and producing the talk, and one day you`ll meet someone you really like!

    You`d be surprised how many guys are doing what you are, waiting for someone to just talk to them!

    Best wishes!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11838

    May 05, 2012 4:55 PM GMT
    If you're gonna wait to be approached instead of growing nuts and making the first move...You're fucked.....Yes... you work out...Yes you consider yourself attractive but where's your depth????? Confidence and personality are the most attractive attributes in a guy..in my opinion...Personally... I wouldn't give a shit how handsome you think you are... If you can't take that short walk to come up to me and introduce yourself...You're just another guy taking up wall place at the bar....I'm out
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    May 05, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Your profile has your cock dimensions and your screen name is gay bottom. And you are shy?icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 05, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidYour profile has your cock dimensions and your screen name is gay bottom. And you are shy?icon_biggrin.gif


    Seriously though. People who do the "I can't find anyone cause no one approaches me" bit piss me off. I do all the approaching and still get shut down all the time... and you just want someone that fits your parameters to waltz on up to you and ask you out...? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 06, 2012 6:47 AM GMT
    Ok guys I said DONT BE MEAN! Lol but I don't care if you don't think I'm gorgeous. I'm an awesome person. I just don't know how to show that to someone when I can't approach someone and they're not approaching me but thank you for all the input. No I do not think I'm ugly, I'm cute and that's enough. The only reason those A&F types are so gorgeous is because they don't do anything else but work on their bodies so they grow up to be selling their asses and/or cocks for money to old men or in porn. Or they have great genes and were born with most of what they have and have never had any "things" happen to them before. I have to been hell & back & I'm stronger for it.

    Anyway...I'm attracted to white guys because I grew up in a small town and there was nothing but white guys here. I am an extremely nice person until you rub the wrong way like most people. I'm a sweetie, I'm honest and by far not a liar. I have a 36" waist but I workout daily and seriously probably in better shape than most people. The only reason it's not a 32" waist is because I had liposuction cause I used to be fatter and now I have to have a tummy tuck because of a tiny bit of lose skin. I probably have a 6 pack under neath this, well I'm sure I do. I work on my core constantly!!

    I had a trainer for 3 months and I seriously do more working out than the average guy. So don't tell me that I'm not super handsome just because the media says that you have to be white with blue eyes to be considered attractive in the gay world. That's the problem with gay people. THEY ARE SO SHALLOW!! Your looks will disappear eventually so grow some substance.

    If I liked and was attracted to any other race then I'd be dating other guys & wouldn't care about this. I can't help who I'm attracted to! So stop telling me that its' impossible because it's not! I see white A&F boys with asians, latinos, blacks, etc. You are just obviously too small minded or something. I like that type of guy but that's because of where I grew up like I said and all my boyfriends have been white.

    Sorry that I'm not attracted to black and asian guys or most latinos. Neither are MOST PEOPLE! Ok, with that said, I was trying to get feedback and you all pounced on me like bitches. Well most of you. There were a few sweet comments that I really sincerely appreciate!! If you would like to talk and get to know me, than please do. I am a college grad, veteran and a sweet guy looking for similar. :'D

    Like I said thank you for the feed back you all seem nice in you're own way and thank you for being honest but the negative, racist comments come from someone that is obviously miserable and brain washed by society. Thanks.
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    May 06, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    Mate, I think you're first issue was asking for some decent advice here, while there are some guys with valid points there are those that are plain cruel and should know better than to kick a man when he's down. On that note, you can never judge a book by it's cover, or a man at the bar whose fully clothed. I'm sure you're doing your best at the gym, keep at it, you don't have to have 2 pc bodyfat and be built to have guys run after you, nor look 'handsome' these types are dime a dozen on the scene and have the 'I love myself' attitude to compliment it... not attractive. What is is a decent personality, a smile, down to earth attitude and not like the douches on here who think they can dictate who is handsome and who is not, some of the hottest guys I met online were the ones who didn't look like supermodels on their profile yet had that 'x factor' in the flesh! My best advice is to get out and mingle, talk, smile, keep up the hard work in the gym and not to expect the world to come to you, especially the gay world where a set of pecs and abs might get you a drink but it's not going to get you the guy you want to be with long term! Good luck bud and don't listen to the crap on here, bitterness will turn you into a sour judgemental prick don't let that happen to you, true beauty can't be quantified with one glimpse of a guy! Enough said!