Straight Problems...


  • May 06, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    Okay, so here's my background. I have always considered myself straight, and had lived that way for 20 years. I was also a virgin, but I still thought I knew what I liked. I'm in college, and about 3 weeks ago I made a new friend next door to me. He ended up saying he was gay, and I didn't really care (I told him I was straight). I would hang out with him after school, and used to stay up talking to him until five in the morning every night.

    Finally after five days of spending over probably 24 hours talking to him, I decided to lay on his bed and continue to talk to him until I fell asleep. In the morning after more talk in bed, he started resting his his hand closer and closer to my junk until he was on top of it...

    I was both nervous and excited, because I'd never felt that from anyone else. He told me of how when he'd met me, he thought I was extremely attractive. I told him that no matter what happened, we could only be FWBs (that was the straight in me). He agreed and then we did a whole bunch of fun stuff (minus kissing and anal (we both agreed we didn't like anal)). So, this fun carried on for about the next week. One day, he asked me to kiss him (therefore giving my first kiss to him). I previously believed in "true love," so had held it off for that very special person. He said that I should give it to him; it should go to someone who cared deeply about me. As he said, "Why would you give it to some random college ho when you could give it to someone who cares about you?" I hesitated, but finally agreed and I learned how to make out that night.

    Then for about two weeks, I would get head from this guy on a daily basis. I gave back a few times, because I didn't see it as fair that he had to do all the work. He was my first man, and I was his first man. We talked about all the adventures we'd have during summer break, and all the romantic love we would make. Then, something happened...

    I caught a common cold because of all the late nights I was spending with him. I was literally out of the game for a weekend, and he ends up talking to some guy that is openly gay. At first I was not worried, but then he started telling me about how he believed in monogamy. I'm still not even sure if they're dating, but I've basically been cut out of his life. His text messages now consist of one word (or nothing at all), and he's always "busy" now.

    I asked him what happened, and he said he wants to have someone he can openly call his partner (when we first started, I made him swear secrecy to what we were doing). So here's my problem, I can't afford to be openly "gay" because 1st: I'm not, and 2nd: I would have huge family controversies. He wants that open relationship, but I was providing all the benefits without any of the obligations.

    So, what should I do if I think I "love" him now? I miss the guy, and I thought we made a pretty strong connection. Maybe it's not love, maybe it's that I'm missing all the fun we were having. He now spends all his free time with this other dude, and I have no idea what to say! I do feel pretty "used" now, and what I really want to say to him for making me feel that way is "fuck you buddy."

    I'm holding back because he says that we're still "friends," but that the "with benefits" is now gone until his relationship is over (which he hopes doesn't happen). If he was my friend, would he start avoiding me and telling me he always has "plans" now? I'm just not sure what to do, and I think this would be the best group of people to come to.

    If you made it through all this, I congratulate you. I'll 1-up you or try any way to show my gratitude.

    Thanks,
    A confused dude
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    May 06, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Good for your friend. Be happy for him, he's your friend.
    Until you get your orientation in order, and understand what love is, don't expect a semblance of stability in your love or sex life.
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    May 06, 2012 2:52 AM GMT
    You need to figure out yourself, you seem very confused and until you can come out to yourself you shouldn't be dating/'having fun' with guys you might end up regretting it if you're truly straight.

    And that guy probably had loads of BFs or sex mates before you, he sounds really experienced.

    Goodluck man, hope that you can figure yourself out someday.
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    May 06, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    Keep trying guys and gals until you find out what you like. You just might be one of those people who like both. It's all good. Enjoy!

  • May 06, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC saidGood for your friend. Be happy for him, he's your friend.
    Until you get your orientation in order, and understand what love is, don't expect a semblance of stability in your love or sex life.


    Thanks man! Once I wrote it all out and didn't think in terms of 100% emotion, it made more sense to me. I'll probably just make myself a journal on MS word and approach all of my problems that way from now on. Only when I started writing did I see what I looked like from another person's POV. Thanks for reading.

  • May 06, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    MarkRoger saidYou need to figure out yourself, you seem very confused and until you can come out to yourself you shouldn't be dating/'having fun' with guys you might end up regretting it if you're truly straight.

    And that guy probably had loads of BFs or sex mates before you, he sounds really experienced.

    Goodluck man, hope that you can figure yourself out someday.


    Yeah it all happened pretty quickly which is why I'm somewhat confused. Maybe it was just the new "feelings" I fell in love with. He said he came out like a year ago, so I think he might just be a natural icon_wink.gif

    I'll have to give girls a try before I make my final verdict. Did you do the same thing before you finally made the call?

  • May 06, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidKeep trying guys and gals until you find out what you like. You just might be one of those people who like both. It's all good. Enjoy!


    Do you know anyone who is bi? That could definitely be my "classification," but if I was to publicly announce that then I might still be in for a lot of flak. You probably are familiar with all the stupid people who think there's only one or the other..
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    May 06, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    StraightProblems said
    GAMRican saidKeep trying guys and gals until you find out what you like. You just might be one of those people who like both. It's all good. Enjoy!


    Do you know anyone who is bi? That could definitely be my "classification," but if I was to publicly announce that then I might still be in for a lot of flak. You probably are familiar with all the stupid people who think there's only one or the other..


    Sexual behavior, sexual identity, and sexual preference are three distinct dimensions which can be independent in every individual.

    It is my observation that men and women who claim a sexual identity of "bisexual" seem to be ostracized and shunned by others. I do know people who are self-identify as "bisexual" and I fully support their choice of sexual identity. I do not judge them. I do not attempt to tell them that they're "gay" or "lesbian" or whatever. I accept them for who they choose to be.

    Be prepared for those who do not understand. Be prepared for those who will not accept and will attempt to tell you who and what you are. Politely smile, and be confident in who and what you are. Be not afraid to change your sexual identity as you learn more about yourself. Be not afraid to engage in sexual behavior that you may desire and which is fulfilling. Be not afraid to choose or change your sexual preference at any time in your life.

    Be true to yourself always.

    And, when you encounter "haters", put them behind you and live forward and proud.
  • Brick_n_Lace

    Posts: 185

    May 06, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    well how can you get mad at him because the terms you set for the relationship no longer meet his emotional, mental and sexual needs? Either you are willing to step up to the plate or you need to let him find his own happiness...

  • May 06, 2012 4:38 AM GMT
    GAMRican said

    It is my observation that men and women who claim a sexual identity of "bisexual" seem to be ostracized and shunned by others. I do know people who are self-identify as "bisexual" and I fully support their choice of sexual identity. I do not judge them. I do not attempt to tell them that they're "gay" or "lesbian" or whatever. I accept them for who they choose to be.

    Be prepared for those who do not understand. Be prepared for those who will not accept and will attempt to tell you who and what you are. Politely smile, and be confident in who and what you are. Be not afraid to change your sexual identity as you learn more about yourself. Be not afraid to engage in sexual behavior that you may desire and which is fulfilling. Be not afraid to choose or change your sexual preference at any time in your life.

    Be true to yourself always.

    And, when you encounter "haters", put them behind you and live forward and proud.


    Makes sense. I'll just say I'm "straight" to avoid any of that BS. Maybe I'm a 60/40 guy. Hey, being straight doesn't mean you have to be the whole 100%. I think a reason I have never been attracted to any other male is that this guy was the first person to tell me he was gay. I could never imagine having sex with ANY of my straight friends, but maybe that's just because the circumstances I met them under. Maybe I'll bump into one of you guys on the forum one of these days. BTW I feel like I should upload an image, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. People tell me I look like David Gandy..could I just use a photo of him? lol

  • May 06, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    Brick_n_Lace saidwell how can you get mad at him because the terms you set for the relationship no longer meet his emotional, mental and sexual needs? Either you are willing to step up to the plate or you need to let him find his own happiness...


    I definitely see where you are coming from. He wants stability in a relationship, and that's something I'm not ready to provide. I don't feel like being tied down yet. Maybe if I give it a few more years I'll be ready to step up to the plate. Thanks for your input.