Dating someone of a different social class?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    So, here is the deal. Have any of you ever dated someone of a different social class? (Lower, Middle, Upper)?

    I'm usually attracted to people below my social class (because they seem more like a real person than someone in my class), but I feel like that my status will make the other person feel insecure and etc. Also, I'm insecure about showing off and I'm scared that that this difference can deeply affect a relationship.

    Can you guys share some stories or advice? Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    Social class be damned; it's about how you feel about each other. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

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    May 07, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    While I'm all for the "money doesn't matter" mentality, I've found differences in financial standing can cause some issues. It's more about how you deal with them though....

    Chances are if you're pointing class difference out.... It's going to be an issue.
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    May 07, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    i tend to think it doesn't matter and have dated lots of different guys. i tend to think of myself as right in the middle. ok, upper-middle.

    but my mom is a different bird. she seems to think that some of my boyfriends and i didn't work out because of this class issue. either they were too constrained by resources to be able to experience the same things in life, or they weren't well educated (e.g. university) which she feels is another aspect of wealth.

    i think its bullshit. people have the ability to think and dream and be whoever they want to be. you should be looking at the quality of their character and the compatibility of their thoughts, rather than their income bracket. i guess i wonder why do you think a poorer person is "more like a real person" than someone in your social class? this is an interesting thing to say.

    i agree with Martin7: if you're conscious of your social class differences, then its probably going to be an issue for the two of you, somewhere down the line. you're going to feel like you're paying for everything, or you're going to feel that you have to downplay your wealth, or you're going to choose things to do (tickets to a show, a game, purchases, dinners out, etc) that are not going to put the other person in an awkward position or put you in the position of always reaching for the check.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    Wealth isn't an issue for me (unless they are obscenely wealthy) but in terms of education it's important to me to date someone who's actually had one.

    Generally that means that most of the guys I date are from a Middle Class background but it isn't always the case. Also the more educated a person, generally the more liberal/open minded they are which is very important to me in terms of attractiveness.

    I think class is much more of an issue in the U.S than it is in the U.K. It's kind of a dirty word to use nowadays in this country since we are supposed to be living in a classless society.

    In any event someones 'class' is the last thing on my mind when I'm seeing a guy. I'm no Becky Sharp icon_cool.gif

    55937442.jpg
  • Kobe_Whisky

    Posts: 192

    May 07, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidFor some reason I've been attracting people of a higher social class than I am. Makes me feel very awkward, because I can't do the same things they do.


    A+

    totally agree
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    It's only an issue if you make it one. And if it's part of your identity, you probably will. There's a big difference between having a trait and it being your identity. People who want to share intimacy will find things to relate on, and if they do not, it can't be pinned on external factors.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    May 07, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    Have we reverted back to the middle ages?
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    May 07, 2012 1:19 PM GMT
    i think some guys say they don't care but they ask you right away where you went to college. why? are we really going to talk about littariture and history.
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    May 07, 2012 1:23 PM GMT
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    May 07, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    Short term does not matter, long term, damn close to impossible. Even when I was just starting out I was dating a guy who was an academic and he could not afford to travel. It got awkward fast, because if he want to come with me, I would feel obligated to pay, or he could not come. It was unsaid, but it was factual. The little things like dinners were easy, but when we started to talk about moving in together, his lifestyle of cheaper apartments and thrift store shopping did not mesh with mine. It would have only become worse and we ended soon enough after.

    I think you can date, but not for long. The bigger the difference in finances, the larger the problems, unless one will just pay for everything and the other is a whore. Then I guess it would work out, but then you would be dating a whore.
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    May 07, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    j170 saidi think some guys say they don't care but they ask you right away where you went to college. why? are we really going to talk about littariture and history.


    playing contrarian: perhaps, they assume everyone went to college and they want to get other indicators from your choice of school.

    personally, i never ask people what they do, i just ask them how they spend their days. it's open ended enough that people can answer it however they like. people bloom (or rot) wherever they may be planted by accident of birth, it doesn't tell you much about their interior life.
  • WhoDey

    Posts: 561

    May 07, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    j170 saidi think some guys say they don't care but they ask you right away where you went to college. why? are we really going to talk about littariture and history.


    Some people just want to know where others have lived, or maybe talk about their school's sports teams.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    If you really like someone, social status should be the last thing on your mind. That's really rude to refuse to date someone based on whether they're higher or lower than you in class.
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    May 07, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    I know social class isn't always about money, but money plays a big part. Read a book called "Stop Acting Rich" by Thomas Stanley, Ph.D, and maybe his older books too, "The Millionaire Next Door" and "The Millionaire Mind."

    Stanley spent 40+ years researching wealthy people in America. His research shows that the happiest millionaires don't live a high consumption lifestyle. They're more likely to drive a Honda over a Mercedes. They shop during sales at A&F or Banana, over Neiman's or Gucci. They're not above buying things at a thrift store.

    This is good news for you. Follow this precept, and money shouldn't be too much of an issue. Yeah, sure, if cars are your thing then drive the Mercedes. But if you blow $100 or more for dinner with a date...your date will think "I can't afford to reciprocate." and probably won't call you back, even if he likes you. However, you will attract the gold digger. Better to do things you can split 50/50. Take the extra money and invest it. The desire for pride and dignity is the same in all social groups. Be very mindful of that.

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    May 07, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidShort term does not matter, long term, damn close to impossible. Even when I was just starting out I was dating a guy who was an academic and he could not afford to travel. It got awkward fast, because if he want to come with me, I would feel obligated to pay, or he could not come. It was unsaid, but it was factual. The little things like dinners were easy, but when we started to talk about moving in together, his lifestyle of cheaper apartments and thrift store shopping did not mesh with mine. It would have only become worse and we ended soon enough after.

    I think you can date, but not for long. The bigger the difference in finances, the larger the problems, unless one will just pay for everything and the other is a whore. Then I guess it would work out, but then you would be dating a whore.


    when my parents were married my dad made more money because my mom only worked parttime but she did lots of the other work so it was definetly equal contrabution just not with dollars. but you make it sound ike that would be a whore.
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    May 07, 2012 1:54 PM GMT
    I never thought about it in terms of class. I consider most people to be middle class. I dont think I would date someone poor. I would probably have an issue wiith someone super rich. but its never really came up. I guess if it did...then I would know for sure. My guess is I would try to make it work.
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    May 07, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    WhoDey said
    j170 saidi think some guys say they don't care but they ask you right away where you went to college. why? are we really going to talk about littariture and history.


    Some people just want to know where others have lived, or maybe talk about their school's sports teams.


    maybe that's how you mean it. but i can tell from some guys face that they oviously are making an implication about it.
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    May 07, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    smartmoney saidShort term does not matter, long term, damn close to impossible. Even when I was just starting out I was dating a guy who was an academic and he could not afford to travel. It got awkward fast, because if he want to come with me, I would feel obligated to pay, or he could not come. It was unsaid, but it was factual. The little things like dinners were easy, but when we started to talk about moving in together, his lifestyle of cheaper apartments and thrift store shopping did not mesh with mine. It would have only become worse and we ended soon enough after.

    I think you can date, but not for long. The bigger the difference in finances, the larger the problems, unless one will just pay for everything and the other is a whore. Then I guess it would work out, but then you would be dating a whore.

    What about the principle that some couples I know adhere to: the expenses are shared on a pro rata basis depending on the disparity of their incomes.


    Yes, that would be good. If they have an LTR...since the home is technically an investment, the wealthy one can buy a nice home for them to live in, but they keep their day to day life more 50/50.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    I don't believe having a higher social/financial status means you have a bigger brain or heart. Frankly, love someone for who they are because money comes and goes but it's what on the inside that stays forever. Just my 2 cents.
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    May 07, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Revolution!!!

    Proletariat, join in arms to tear down class differences, so that people may date without any socioeconomically based insecurities !!!
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    May 07, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    I wouldn't always equate it to a 'social class' when one party makes more money than the other. A difference in financial resources can create issues in a relationship if you get hung up about finding yourself responsible for more costs. If that's the case then you need to decide if you love the guy enough to pick up the tab for the things you like to do that he can't always afford. The other guy will probably feel uncomfortable trying to keep up financially and if you're extravagant then it will probably draw some animosity.

    Socially however, having or making more money does not place one party necessarily into a different class. My partner makes less than I do financially but socially I feel like we're very much in the same class.
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    May 07, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    .
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    May 07, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    i'd differentiate on the meaning of "class"

    i think "class is how you treat people"

    people fall all over the map. money is not class. income is not wealth.

    i can't date a rude conspicuous consumer, because i find it vulgar. flashy turns me off. i don't care if it impresses other people.

    how people behave is what you are left with, because superficial things can be blown away by the storms of life.

    you have to have commonality, but that can be measured in lots of ways, many that don't lend themselves to the quantification that we as men are prone to.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    May 07, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    I don't think I have ever categorized anyone specifically in terms of "social class". Obviously, people have different income levels and/or monetary worth, whatever, but have never really thought of it in terms of a "social class".