why would you date someone 10-20yrs older/younger than you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 12:27 PM GMT
    why would you date someone 10-20yrs older/younger than you?

    here's the situation: i'm 43, muscley/athletic, stable, youthful, recently single (long story) and back in the dating scene (which is weird).

    lately i've been getting a lot of attention from younger guys (e.g. 24-32) and in many ways this is a dream come true, because frankly i don't consider myself that good looking and definitely didn't get this much attention when i was in my 20s. but whatever, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. nevertheless, i have have 2 questions:

    1) why would someone who is 10-20 years younger than me want to be with me, when the long-term prospects are a bit tilted? e.g. when i'm 50, he'll be 30-40. awkward?!

    2) is there a cultural difference between people of different generations? i'm of the Generation X ("whatever"). the guys I'm talking about are of the Generation Y ("yo.").

    i'd like to hear from anyone who has experience in either camp, as the younger guy who likes older guys, or as the older guy who is dating younger guys.
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    May 07, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    Why wouldn't you?
    As long as it's legal I don't think that age should be a problem.
    In most cases the age of a person doesn't concur with the mental age anyway
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    May 07, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    if you're both attracted to each other and you both connect on a mental level then why not. its like any other relationship. age is relative and shouldn't be something that a person is judged on. i really don't understand why it can be such a deal breaker for some people. i dated a guy 20 years older than i was and it was the best relationship i've ever had
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    May 07, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    A connection is a connection. It has little to nothing to do with age. Not for me anyway. Didn't you get the memo that 40 is the new 30? Ha. icon_smile.gif

    I think you should possibly ask yourself why you would deny yourself a chance to be happy with someone just because they are younger than you?

    And for reference, most long-term couples i know have a 7-12 year age difference. My mother is 9 years older than my step-father and they have been together for 16 years, two of my best friends have been together for 8 years (their commitment ceremony a few years ago was beautiful) and they have a 9 year difference.

    It's all about your mind set. But to put it simple, you'll never know if you don't give it a go.
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    May 07, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    Oh and to your questions:
    1) cause you're hot and porbably continue to be hot

    2) I'd say that depends on the person and whether they share some interests or not
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    May 07, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    Just as with any guy, you just have to find one who's interests match yours, someone who has the drive and passion for the things you do. If things like that match up, then the age difference doesn't make a difference.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    May 07, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    I see it this way. Date whomever you want to date. Age only matters in this sense--the older the guy is, the more likely it is that he will be OK with settling down for the long haul (all other things being equal). The problem is that "all other things" usually not equal, but still a 33 year old is much more likely to be OK with having you be the last guy he pairs up with than a 23 year old will be.

    Of course, all this assumes that you are looking to settle down for the long haul, if not, it makes no difference at all how old they are (So long as it's legal and both of you are into it.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    because they're nice...? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    10 yes. 20 would really depend. People are attracted to people. What else can you say. Clearly you are hot and thats what they first see. I would just roll with it. Everyone is different. You can meet a mature 30 year old and really immature 45 year old. Different flavors.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    May 07, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    Oh no not again ? this has been done and dusted a million posts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    I would date someone older than me, but i dunno if I would do a lot younger. I think older guys are sexy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    BodrumBoy saidOh no not again ? this has been done and dusted a million posts?


    We could ask "would you date someone who makes far less than you, who is 20 years younger and of another race who is a total bottom"

    Go!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    Granted, I haven't seen your face, but you seem like an attractive guy. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    A lot of guys are just attracted to other guys. despite age. I think that finding people with certain qualifiers has become less a part of the current dating process.

    Why be suspicious? If you like it, go with it.
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    May 07, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    My bf is 10 years younger than myself, not a problem. He's mature, employed, smart and attractive. We have common interests and get along just fine. I dated two guys that were about 20 years younger than myself. The issues there were where we were in our life experiences and careers. I'm close to the sunset of my career (yay) and they, on the other hand, are watching the sun rise. I found this hard to balance in the long term. One lived a distance away which compounded my concerns. Both are mature, very good looking and personable. Both remain friends but for the long term relationship, it would be more of a challenge. Not impossible, but more of a challenge.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 07, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    I think its all an individual choice. "Dating" guys younger or older isn't an issue, at least it wouldn't be for me. I think you need to get serious about expectations if your "dating" relationship gets serious.... but then again if it gets serious, I would think there would be some connection. I just don't think there is a "across the board" yes or no here.
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    May 07, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    Hey, my partner is 12 years younger than me and we've been together for 4.5 years and no problems whatsoever.
    Just enjoy the moment and if the guy is 10 / 15 or 20 yrs younger or older but the chemistry is right, just enjoy it icon_smile.gif
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    May 07, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    I think the reason of why younger guys date elder men is that because they are looking for someone to protect them , cuz they think elder men bring safety to their heart . they like to feel cared and protected ........

    thats my opinionicon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 07, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    soapkills saidI think the reason of why younger guys date elder men is that because they are looking for someone to protect them , cuz they think elder men bring safety to their heart . they like to feel cared and protected ........

    thats my opinionicon_rolleyes.gif


    Not always true. I don't date guys my age because most of them have yet to figure out what it is that they want out of life. I don't see myself as the average 25 year old. I work two full time jobs because I want to, I'm also going to school full time to get ahead in life. I personally feel that a 25 year old wouldn't be able to keep up with me. Not making that as a broad statement about all guys my age, but from the ones I've met, they don't get the overdrive hectic life I lead. Guys established in long-term developed careers seem to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2012 3:29 PM GMT
    My dating rule number 1
    "guy should be at least a year older to me ,strictly not into younger guys"
    coz my mental level is of an adult so like adults !
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    May 07, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    I really like guys older than me. 10/20 years is not a very big gap. As long as the guy is up to date, we can communicate in a good way. In fact, I find you very attractive, too.icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 07, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    10 years is probably my limit. After that, the generational gap starts to be noticeable.
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    May 07, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    kingmo saidhere's the situation: i'm 43, muscley/athletic, stable, youthful, recently single (long story) and back in the dating scene (which is weird).

    lately i've been getting a lot of attention from younger guys (e.g. 24-32) and in many ways this is a dream come true, because frankly i don't consider myself that good looking and definitely didn't get this much attention when i was in my 20s.
    I'm in a similar situation as you and have been wondering the same. Still trying to wrap my head around it... I think it is bridging the whole mental compatibility issue..
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 07, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    10 years older than me, I would consider....20 years older than me?? probably not icon_confused.gif

    I would be friends with them, however don't think i'd wanna date someone who's 2 decades older than me. . . we'd have nothing in common as far as growing up with the same music, TV shows, etc
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    May 07, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    In my 40s I got hit on a lot by guys in their 20s. Into my 50s it happened less but still some. Now mid 50s, hardly at all (and I knew then that this was coming later).

    The big difference is that in my 40s, I'd have to make up some excuse so that I wouldn't hurt their feelings. In my 50s all I have to do is tell them my age and they turn and run, all quite validating my earlier decisions.
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    May 07, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    I can date guy 10-15 older than me... the other side could be awkward icon_lol.gif