It could happen to you

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    May 08, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    This video brought me to tears. I have a hard time believing that this is still an issue for people out there. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yet they must be able to see that they are causing pain for individuals like us!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM&feature=player_embedded
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    May 08, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    ManishVegas saidThis video brought me to tears. I have a hard time believing that this is still an issue for people out there. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yet they must be able to see that they are causing pain for individuals like us!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM&feature=player_embedded

    That was very depressing!! icon_cry.gif
    I seriously cannot amass that much sorrow and grief!
    I wish him the best of luck!
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    May 08, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    icon_cry.gif This shouldn't ever happen!
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    May 08, 2012 4:00 AM GMT
    that was incredibly saddening.icon_sad.gif however it did promote a great message.
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    May 08, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    So sad. I'm glad I got to watch it. I feel bad for what Tom had to go through and I'm curious as to what his parents might have said to him to create such sorrow and confusion in his mind. Is it better they lost a son then to have him walking around holding another mans hand?
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    May 08, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    icon_cry.gif That is sad.
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    May 08, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    ManishVegas saidThis video brought me to tears. I have a hard time believing that this is still an issue for people out there. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yet they must be able to see that they are causing pain for individuals like us!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM&feature=player_embedded


    Made me cry, never having closure would kill me but I would have went to the funeral and if someone started something I would have kicked their ass. I hate idiots, I hate violence and don't condone it but if someone attacks me I can't help but show them a thing or two. Life is a fight and there is no reason why gays shouldn't be able to get married. We're all human, we all love the same. Prop 8 will be defeated eventually, its unconstitutional to tell gay men & women they can't marry each other.
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    May 08, 2012 4:49 AM GMT
    pretty sad to watch, but its inspiring at the same time!
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    May 08, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    It's a sad situation, however the video was excessively over the top melodramatic. Also I don't feel it properly emphasized the actual important message,

    GET YOUR LEGAL SHIT IN ORDER.

    Eternal promises of love and fidelity are all well and good, but if you're not married in one of the legal states where it is legal to do so make sure your affairs are expressly taken care of where you give legal rights to your partner, otherwise bigot mother bitch comes along and you have no legal protection.
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    May 08, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    I'm widowed twice, both of 10 years. One of the suckiest parts of burying a gay partner is not being treated as the widow, not even by my own otherwise accepting family. Nobody ever brought me a covered dish to make sure that I was eating while I was mourning (though I do overeat in my depressions but God damn it that's not the point).

    Besides all the legal stuff, all the stuff they try to steal, including our dignity, even when they know us and love us and tell us they accept us, they still do not treat us as fully human. It is disgusting.

    I knew a gay couple in south Florida, nice people, the older, wealthier guy was about 20 years older. They were together for 30 or 40 years. Years before the older partner died, he adopted his lover as his child to assure that he would receive his estate upon death. He died in his 80s, his surviving lover was in his 60s. The wealthy guy's family contested everything and had the lover kicked out of his own house. The estate was frozen, the guy didn't get a thing. In his 60s, he had to start working, he had nothing and he was mourning the loss of the only lover he'd known for all those years.

    That's what the str8 world does to us. They take everything, even our dignity when dealing with death. They hate us that much.
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    May 08, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    theantijock saidI'm widowed twice, both of 10 years. One of the suckiest parts of burying a gay partner is not being treated as the widow, not even by my own otherwise accepting family. Nobody ever brought me a covered dish to make sure that I was eating while I was mourning (though I do overeat in my depressions but God damn it that's not the point).

    Besides all the legal stuff, all the stuff they try to steal, including our dignity, even when they know us and love us and tell us they accept us, they still do not treat us as fully human. It is disgusting.

    I knew a gay couple in south Florida, nice people, the older, wealthier guy was about 20 years older. They were together for 30 or 40 years. Years before the older partner died, he adopted his lover as his child to assure that he would receive his estate upon death. He died in his 80s, his surviving lover was in his 60s. The wealthy guy's family contested everything and had the lover kicked out of his own house. The estate was frozen, the guy didn't get a thing. In his 60s, he had to start working, he had nothing and he was mourning the loss of the only lover he'd known for all those years.

    That's what the str8 world does to us. They take everything, even our dignity when dealing with death. They hate us that much.


    I am so sorry for your losses, antijock *hugs*

    I just can't believe the world is still like this in 2012. You think things would be in order or at least close to it. However, I am hopeful for the future.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    May 08, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    The video totally depressed me. So sad. However, I'm assuming that he didn't fall off the roof -- he jumped -- and I had a hard time getting past this. What a selfish thing to do to a partner who loved him so dearly. I understand the pain of rejection from his parents, but he had a wonderful partner who loved him -- a home -- they traveled together. Was his life really THAT bad that the only answer was suicide (assuming that is what it was)??? I was sad for the situation, but angry that Tom made it even worse.
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    May 08, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said I'm assuming that he didn't fall off the roof -- he jumped --


    Actually no where in the video is there any mention of suicide, or that he jumped, or that he was depressed and teetering on the roof. It just said he fell and nothing more was said about it.
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    May 08, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidThe video totally depressed me. So sad. However, I'm assuming that he didn't fall off the roof -- he jumped -- and I had a hard time getting past this. What a selfish thing to do to a partner who loved him so dearly. I understand the pain of rejection from his parents, but he had a wonderful partner who loved him -- a home -- they traveled together. Was his life really THAT bad that the only answer was suicide (assuming that is what it was)??? I was sad for the situation, but angry that Tom made it even worse.


    I wouldn't blame him. You can, not saying you shouldn't... I just can understand why he would do it.

    I haven't cried in awhile....... and this really struck a chord in me.
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    May 08, 2012 5:36 AM GMT
    This is a very moving story - and unfortunately all too common. For nearly 30 years I counseled all my clients to prepare wills and any necessary legal documents in their residency jurisdiction to protect each other and their interests in case of accident or health issues. Enactment of civil unions and marriage equality will eventually reduce these issues but until then we need to be proactive in protecting our loved ones. When my own partner passed away from lung cancer his family respected our relationship - in fact were wonderfully supportive - but you cannot count on just goodwill. My heart goes out to Shane and others in his position, I hope his story will inspire others to fight for what we all should have.

  • CuriousJockAZ

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    May 08, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    Emesis54 said

    I wouldn't blame him. You can, not saying you shouldn't... I just can understand why he would do it.

    I haven't cried in awhile....... and this really struck a chord in me.


    It struck a chord in me as well. However, I think of all the gay guys who have been treated similarly by there family who had no loving partner to go home to for comfort -- and yet they pulled through it and survived. This guy through everything he had built with this loving partner down the drain and jumped off a roof -- so utterly selfish, and such a huge waste. I just don't see how he could do that to his partner.
  • MikemikeMike

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    May 08, 2012 5:41 AM GMT
    theantijock saidI'm widowed twice, both of 10 years. One of the suckiest parts of burying a gay partner is not being treated as the widow, not even by my own otherwise accepting family. Nobody ever brought me a covered dish to make sure that I was eating while I was mourning (though I do overeat in my depressions but God damn it that's not the point).

    Besides all the legal stuff, all the stuff they try to steal, including our dignity, even when they know us and love us and tell us they accept us, they still do not treat us as fully human. It is disgusting.

    I knew a gay couple in south Florida, nice people, the older, wealthier guy was about 20 years older. They were together for 30 or 40 years. Years before the older partner died, he adopted his lover as his child to assure that he would receive his estate upon death. He died in his 80s, his surviving lover was in his 60s. The wealthy guy's family contested everything and had the lover kicked out of his own house. The estate was frozen, the guy didn't get a thing. In his 60s, he had to start working, he had nothing and he was mourning the loss of the only lover he'd known for all those years.

    That's what the str8 world does to us. They take everything, even our dignity when dealing with death. They hate us that much.


    Now we know where all the anger comes fromicon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif
    If you were a good freind to people and not so arrogant people would have brought you food and moreicon_idea.gificon_idea.gif
    Don't blame the "straight world" He should have had a better attorney write up his final wishes and clearly state nothing goes to the rest of the family if that is what he truely wanted. Damn make his partner the executor of his will...hint hint.icon_idea.gif
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    May 08, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Emesis54 said

    I wouldn't blame him. You can, not saying you shouldn't... I just can understand why he would do it.

    I haven't cried in awhile....... and this really struck a chord in me.


    It struck a chord in me as well. However, I think of all the gay guys who have been treated similarly by there family who had no loving partner to go home to for comfort -- and yet they pulled through it and survived. This guy through everything he had built with this loving partner down the drain and jumped off a roof -- so utterly selfish, and such a huge waste. I just don't see how he could do that to his partner.


    Wait... did it ever say he jumped off the roof? I thought he just fell. One could assume he jumped but the video stated otherwise.
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    May 08, 2012 5:49 AM GMT
    I think he fell off...there's a wikipedia page about him, it says that he fell while photographing for a shoot or something.

    His death was, of course, unbelievably sad and tragic, and it's horrible what happened afterwards. No one should ever have to go through that.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    May 08, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    Aman123 saidI think he fell off...there's a wikipedia page about him, it says that he fell while photographing for a shoot or something.

    His death was, of course, unbelievably sad and tragic, and it's horrible what happened afterwards. No one should ever have to go through that.



    Sorry I read it the wrong way. Strange that this wasn't made crystal clear in the video if, in fact, it was an accident. The melodramatic shot in the video of a rooftop as the camera cryptically moved closer to the edge seemed to almost suggest there was more to the story than just a tragic accidental fall. Regardless, very depressing that he died not ever reconciling with his parents, or them with him.
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    May 08, 2012 6:06 AM GMT
    It is very sad and very tragic.

    At the same time, I try to feel joy for Shane that he was able to experience many years of love with Tom and have so many phenomenal memories of their lives together.

    I believe his closure had to come privately. I agree with his avoiding the funeral. If he had gone, personally, I think it would have been a bit selfish of him to do so, knowing it could create major havoc, and ruin the services for Tom, and other "innocent bystanders'" ability to mourn the loss.

    And, it is correct that Tom did not commit suicide. I think the video intentionally did not provide details, otherwise the part of Shane trying to get more details about Tom's death from the hospital would not have been applicable.

    *** Does anyone else not find it either ironic or odd that Tom's last name was "Bridegroom", considering all of the circumstances? I do wonder if he legally changed his name at some point
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    May 08, 2012 6:07 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Aman123 saidI think he fell off...there's a wikipedia page about him, it says that he fell while photographing for a shoot or something.

    His death was, of course, unbelievably sad and tragic, and it's horrible what happened afterwards. No one should ever have to go through that.



    Sorry I read it the wrong way. Strange that this wasn't made crystal clear in the video if, in fact, it was an accident. The melodramatic shot in the video of a rooftop as the camera cryptically moved closer to the edge seemed to almost suggest there was more to the story than just a tragic accidental fall. Regardless, very depressing that he died not ever reconciling with his parents, or them with him.


    I read it the wrong way too...at first I thought those videos of the guy crying and saying he can't take it anymore was the one that fell. I agree they made it seem way too much like it was a suicide. I dont know why I just googled the guys name and found that it was an accidental fall

    But it is wikipedia lol...so idk for sure
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    May 08, 2012 6:07 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Sorry I read it the wrong way. Strange that this wasn't made crystal clear in the video if, in fact, it was an accident. The melodramatic shot in the video of a rooftop as the camera cryptically moved closer to the edge seemed to almost suggest there was more to the story than just a tragic accidental fall.


    My honest impression was it was deliberately edited that way, especially following the segment about his family rejecting him at Christmas. The exaggerated melodrama almost reached an exploitative degree for me.
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    May 08, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Sorry I read it the wrong way. Strange that this wasn't made crystal clear in the video if, in fact, it was an accident. The melodramatic shot in the video of a rooftop as the camera cryptically moved closer to the edge seemed to almost suggest there was more to the story than just a tragic accidental fall.


    My honest impression was it was deliberately edited that way, especially following the segment about his family rejecting him at Christmas. The exaggerated melodrama almost reached an exploitative degree for me.


    I agree
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    May 08, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    Josh1992 said
    I am so sorry for your losses, antijock *hugs*

    I just can't believe the world is still like this in 2012. You think things would be in order or at least close to it. However, I am hopeful for the future.


    Thank you Josh. That's very kind of you. Nothing to be sorry for, however, That's simply life. They were both great guys and I woudn't trade those decades even though they ended tragically. Plenty of people have that pain and more without ever having known the pleasure.

    With my first guy, only his sister acknowledged our relationship at the funeral. Even though I was good friends with his mom and helped her through the loss of her husband, she was homophobic (once said she didn't think gay people should be allowed to teach children) and could only relate to the relationship of her son and me as good friends, even while we were in bed in her home or on their boat. My family knew us as we were, of course, but his lived on a deepwater canal just off the River Denial in Delray. They didn't treat me badly and only showed me love. But there is a subtle difference which is undeniable when the full reality of a relationship is refused to be recognized. And that hurt.

    But this type of treatment will go far beyond 2012, even if our inalienable human rights are ever restored, it will be generations before they consider us as they consider themselves. Even if they don't mean to treat us badly, they simply do not know to treat us properly. Even if the fault isn't theirs individually, culturally, it will take a long time to put a proper finish on scars that are this engrained.