I have nobody to talk to. Can you guys please help?

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    May 08, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    Short version: I have the opportunity to leave my shitty town and household behind, but it's a bit risky. I'm wondering what to do.

    Hi RJ. I really have nobody to talk to. All of my best friends have moved away or left me behind. I have no friends, I have no family, I have nobody that will listen.

    I'm very rarely sad but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't down in the dumps lately. I live in this small, southern, close-minded town and it's getting a bit annoying for me. I'm doing well I suppose: I just got over being homeless last year and am currently living with my mom and younger brother. I was promoted to a management position at work [Wal-Mart] (more hours but not much more $$$) and almost have my A.S. Degree in Computer Information Systems (I'm going to at least get my Bachelor's). However, living at home is rough. My mom suffers from bipolar disorder and it's hard for her to maintain her job (she works at a gas station) or maintain a proper mindset. She's constantly depressed or angry and I'm sick of it. I pay all of my bills and all of hers. Every month our bank account ends in negative and we slowly are able to crawl our way out. It sucks not having food all the time but I still manage. I have internet for some of my online classes I have (usually 2 online, 2 at the college) but we've cut back on pretty much everything we've can.

    I've met a guy recently and it's been awesome. I've never done this whole relationship deal but I've been interested in it since I've realized I'm gay. The problem is (like I mention often on these forums) I am attracted to much older men. I'm talking to this guy that is 2x my age and he's great. He lives in Las Vegas and he has bought a plane ticket for me to visit at this end of this month (May 23rd-26th). I told my mom I won a free ticket out there and she believes it (she doesn't know I'm gay). I'm very excited about going but I realize how unsafe it is. Going to a big city, meeting someone 2x my age, 2x my size... it's so stupid. I'm stupid for doing it, but it's something I feel right. I was lucky enough to get one RJ members phone number so at least SOMEBODY knows where I will be if something happens to me.

    This guy hasn't been pressuring at all to me and it's been great. I know the risks and I know how people can be deceiving, but things feel right for me at the moment and it's something I'm trying to hang onto. One of my buddies just literally moved to Las Vegas a week ago and offered me to stay at his place as a roomate if I wanted. The idea sounds great but I'm leaving things behind here. I think I would be so happier in a place like Nevada (I'm not the gambling type but I love the dry, desert, atmosphere). I would be able to escape from my household and begin living life. If something does come of me and my boyfriend it may be possible to move in with him, but I haven't mentioned that to him nor will I. We haven't met in real life (just skype video chat all the time) and it's foolish of me to think that.

    What should I do RJ? I feel like I have a chance to do something here but is the payoff really worth it? Sorry for the long post I just really need someone to talk to.

    Take care,

    Josh
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    May 08, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    Wow thats a cluster of a..........
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    May 08, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    Break it down and think about it. Weigh the options, whats the worst that could happen and whats the best that could happen? Can you stay with your friend while you visit your potential BF, that way if you dont dig the guy for whatever reason you arent stuck in an awkward position at his place? Are you ready to leave your mom, considering she relies on your help with the bills? Are you ready to possibly start from scratch? Did you try to see if you could transfer to a Wal-Mart in Vegas (if then have one there)? Do you have a way to get around town (bus, bike, car, friend) that dosent rely on the BF? Think about it, if you go over there and the BF is a total dick bag (not saying he is) you would be stuck relying on him.

    Always have a plan B junior
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    May 08, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    Well it sounds like it'll end up being a long distance relationship. I'm not the best person to give advice on a situation like that but I know what you're feeling of being alone and wanting someone to fill the void left by friends leaving you. It's probably making you want to do this even more and be hasty about it but you really should think things through... you're going to fly to a completely new place to meet practically a complete stranger since you only know him through the internet.

    I think your best bet is, if you really want to meet him, fly out and stay by your friend while you check the guy out. And then after you get a vibe of him in person, then you can make a better judgment. If you really are liking him, then maybe you should pick up and move to Vegas (after securing stuff like a job etc.) if that's what'll make you happy but make sure that things are in place for your mom and everything is in order before you move.

    I've felt that way that moving out from where you are will be better for your life, and I strongly believe it. Just the fact that the guy you haven't really met in person before, is kind of iffy to me but it really is your call. Just be safe and careful.
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    May 08, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    You need to get out of your household. You obviously love your Mother, but have to understand that it's not your responsibility at 19 to provide her financial assistance. Your parents have made choices in their life that have them in their position, and you're not entitled to carry their burden. You have your life ahead of you to focus on.

    Do I think it's smart to get on a plane and go spend a weekend with a guy twice your age? No, it's not something I would do, but you're a different person and can do whatever you want in life. The fact you're asking for reassurance is what makes me concerned for you though. If it's something you really wanted, you wouldn't need to hear "go for it" from other people.

    You don't need an older guy to bail you out of your current life. Even if you have to experience some temporary debt, move to the nearest city into a place with room-mates. You can rent a room for a couple hundred a month and save until you can move onto something better.You say you work at a Wal-Mart? I'm sure there are lots of transfer opportunities so you can move with a job waiting. Your life isn't going to be glamorous at the start, but it's important that you make your own way.
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    May 08, 2012 4:49 AM GMT
    Here's how I see it.

    You have to get out. Life in your town - with your family - isn't going to give you what you want. In fact, because of your mother's reliance on you, it's dragging you down when you need to be saving to get out.

    This guy may be "the one" - or more likely, may not. What he represents, at the moment, is a dream of something better. Most likely, he will be a fun diversion, but not your future. I agree with Clay. Be careful.

    You need to sit down and figure out a realistic plan. In my opinion, not even a Plan B, but a a Plan A. If that means renting a cheap room in the next town to get away from your mom, do that. It's got to be better than having our mom drain your bank account every month.

    You are a happy, chipper guy in the face of all this. I really respect your upbeat attitude. It will serve you well.

    Hugs.

    EDIT: I guess I could have just said I agree with Staple. icon_wink.gif